


Back To Central City

by liquidheartbeats



Series: Back To Central City Collection (Main Multichap+ Flashbacks + Filler chapters) [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-20 04:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 89,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13709970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liquidheartbeats/pseuds/liquidheartbeats
Summary: Barry Allen and Iris West travel back home to Central City for Joe West’s 56th birthday, after spending a substantial amount of time away with their respective spouses, Patty Spivot and Scott Evans. This is what happens when old friends reunite.





	1. Trouble In Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 1-6 under revisions. Otherwise, enjoy! :)

Patty Spivot-Allen eagerly held up an orange, silk chiffon dress with ruffled sleeves up in front of Barry Allen’s face. He was sprawled out on their bed, fiddling absentmindedly with his phone. He glanced up, then back down again. It was a dress. Like all the other dresses. “Nice.”

The blonde haired woman frowned. “Okay, that goes into the ‘no’ pile.” She chucked the dress into the tall mountain of clothes to the left of her – no closer to finding the perfect outfit for their trip.

“What?” Barry asked eyebrow raised. “I said it’s nice.”

“Nice is fine for our weekly date night. Or a trip to the grocery store. But to visit Joe West, the man who raised you most of your life, I need something that’s great, or amazing. Not just ‘nice.”

“Are you trying to leave me for Joe or something?” Barry laughed.

Patty glared at him, folding her arms across her chest. “This trip is important to me. And I’d appreciate it if you’d take this seriously.”

Barry huffed, then sat up on their bed. There was obviously no getting out of this. He sat his phone on their bedside table, then motioned for Patty to stake a seat beside him. “I am taking it seriously, but you act like you’ve never met Joe. He was at our wedding.”

“Well yeah,” she said, plopping onto the bed, letting her weight fall into her husband of one year, “But I haven’t seen him since. Even though I’ve sent him invites to birthday dinners and Christmases, but he’s never come to visit us.”

“Joe’s busy. He’s still on the force, and he has a young child he’s raising with Cecile.”

“I know, but,” she said, pausing to gather her words, “The way you described him to me, his emphasis on family values, I would have imagined he’d’ want to get to know his honorary son’s wife. But at the wedding, I got the feeling he didn’t like me very much,” she added, turning away, slightly embarrassed. “I know I probably came on a little too strong, but I really wanted him to like me.”

“Nonsense,” Barry replied, looping his arm in hers. “Joe loves you.”

Patty folded her arms, pouting. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

Barry shook his head. “Joe’s a really personable guy, but he hasn’t exactly had the chance to warm up to you. We had a long distance relationship. Now, we live 600 full miles from Central City.”.

“That’s true,” Patty said, nodding, “But it’s also true that it would take us about 5 seconds to get there both ways, considering I’m married to the Fastest Man Alive.

Barry sighed, unlooping his arm from his wife’s.

“See, even mentioning going back home annoys you,” Patty pressed further. “You’re a speedster for God’s sake. I love that you moved to my hometown, and I love the life we’ve built here, but we could visit Joe once a week if you’d speed us there. I could be getting to know and building memories my kinda/sorta Father In Law, and his wife. His youngest child. But you don’t want to. I don’t get it.”

Barry swept up his bottom lip in his teeth and sighed again, before falling back towards the bed.

“I’ve never even got to have dinner with the man,” Patty huffed, looking back at her husband, who was now staring up at the ceiling. “Why must you keep me separated from your family?”

“Patty, this isn’t about you. My life in Central was filled with constant pain and loss. My mom. My dad. Friends. Being there just reminds me of all I could have had, and I just don’t want to live like that,” he added. “So I stay here. In Roman Ville. with You. Because you are my new start, my chance at happiness, devoid of my dark past.”

Patty’s face softened, but just a bit. Her husband had been through more pain than should have been fair in his 31 years. And she tried to empathize with him. No trying – she’d succeeded. Her heart ached for him, but it was becoming more and more apparent, that he didn’t want to share his pain with her.  

“I know you’ve been through a lot of tragedy, Barry, but…you know what, never mind. I'm gonna just finish packing.” They’ve had this argument at least 10 times already. There was no point.

 


	2. Home Sweet Home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to know your thoughts! :)

“I still can’t believe how big little Joseph is getting, ” Barry said, as the four-year-old waddled towards him on the couch. Barry scooped up the youngest member of the West family into a tight bear hug.“I’ve missed you so much, You remember my name don’t you?”

“Baby!”

“No! Barry!” He shook his head from side to side. “But you’re close, little man.”

“That’s why you need to bring your butt home more often” Joe West stated, tone dripping in seriousness. “You haven’t visited us not once since you got married, hell, even I run the risk of forgetting your name, Bradley. It is Bradley, right?”

Barry rolled his eyes. “Joe-”

“Dada his name is baby!” 

“You tell him, brother,” Barry laughed. “And he’s supposed to be nice to babies, right?”

“Wite!”

“If this isn’t the cutest sight I’ve ever seen,” Patty said, as she descended the stairs. She'd been silently watching Barry interact with Joe and his kid. His face shown unbridled joy. God knows how long since she’d seen him smile like that. Coming back home was exactly what he’d needed – even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“Joseph I mean,” Patty said laughing. “Not you, Barry.”

“Oh, really?” Barry asked, turning towards his wife. “I thought I was the cutest thing in the world to you?”

“You used to be, but Joseph has Joe and Cecile’s genes, he’s a stunner, right Joe?” Patty said, patting her pseudo-father in law on the shoulder, before flopping down next to him on the couch.

“Yeaaaghh!” Joe yelled out in pain, as the heel of her shoe dug into his foot.

“Oh, Joe! I’m so sorry! Patty kneeled down to tend to his foot, before inadvertently knocking over his coffee in the process.

“Oh, Not my carpet!”

“Oh my God!” Patty hurriedly grabbed a stack of napkins and attempted to blot the stain. Though Barry couldn’t see her face, he heard the familiar sniffling that meant she was trying to hold back her tears.

The speedster set the child down next to him on the couch and kneeled behind Patty, placing a loving hand on her shoulder. “Honey, it was an easy mistake. That anyone could have made. Right Joe?”

“Uh-hh-” Joe stuttered.

“Right Joe?” Barry repeated.  

“Yeah, it’s all good, Patty,” Joe said, forcing a smile. “No problem at all.”

“See, everything’s good,” Barry said he rubbed a reassuring hand up and down her back. “Why don’t you got help Cecile in the kitchen, and I’ll run to the store and get some carpet cleaner. It’ll be good as new.”

“Okay, Barry. Sorry again Joe.”

The older man forced a smile at Patty through clenched teeth, before allowing his expression to falter once her back was turned.

Barry had traveled to and from the store before Patty’s back had fully disappeared into the kitchen. Soon, the speedster was on his knees, scrubbing at the coffee stain, which was being extremely stubborn. Once he was sure that Patty was out of earshot, he turned to Joe. “You could be nicer. Laugh at her jokes when she tries. She already thinks that you don’t like her.”

“Why does she think that?”

“Because She’s smart., I tell her otherwise, but I know you don’t like her. Your poker face sucks.”

“I like Patty just fine, Barry,” Joe said, raising his hand. “I just don’t like that you let her made you move 600 miles away,” he said, his voiced dipping lower than a whisper. “

“Barry sighed, continuing to scrub the spot. “Patty didn’t make me move. I moved because I love her, Joe.”

“But, I thought-”

“No, Joe. With all due respect, I’m an adult –not the kid you raised anymore. Please respect my decision.”

Joe threw up both hands, relenting. “Fine, fine, fine, you’re right,” he said, pausing a moment. “Sorry for overstepping”

“Thank you,” Barry replied.

“Anyway, speaking of kids, I raised. I didn’t think I’d Be doing this again at this age, but honestly, it’s not that much harder. Being on the force keeps me in pretty good shape. For now, I can still run around with J2 and keep up.”

“Good for you ‘pops.”

“God help me when he becomes a teenager though. I’m gonna be in my late sixties. I-”

“Will continue to be an amazing father no matter what age you are,” Cecile interjected, as she emerged from the kitchen with a large platter of soup and Sandwiches in her hand.  Patty followed behind with a pitcher of fresh lemonade.

“Aww, kids, see this is why I love this woman. She always knows what to say. And she’s an amazing cook, too,” The older man said, heading in the direction of Cecile. “Let me help you with that.”

“Thank you, baby.” Joe took the platter from his wife’s hand and set it on the coffee table.

The scent of fresh tomato soup and grilled cheese wafted through the air, into Barry’s nostrils. All done with the stain, Barry rose from his spot on the floor and rubbed his hands together. “This spread looks amazing. You’ve outdone yourself, Cecile.” God was he hungry, but more than that, food meant that he wouldn’t have to talk about Patty with Joe anymore. Or talk about Joe with Patty. Or deal with the fact that even with all of these people together in a room that loved him, he still felt this heavy emptiness – a gaping hole that neither Patty, Joe, Cecile of Joseph could fill.

“Did you hear me, Barry?” Cecile asked.

“Hmm?” Barry jumped, realizing he’d been lost in his own thoughts.

“I said it’s often that my favorite speedster and his beautiful wife visits us. Lunch is the least I could do.”

“Oh,” he said, through nervous laughter. “It’s very much appreciated.”

“I’m so glad that you and Patty got in early yesterday, Barry,” she said turning her attention to the blonde woman “ The snow is supposed to get bad tonight. If you’d waited, you may not have made it.”

“Please, a little snow is nothing for The Flash,” Patty said, walking over to rub Barry’s shoulders.  

“That’s true, I suppose,” Cecile lamented. “I hope Iris makes it here in time, though.”

“Iris?” Barry turned to Joe. She’s coming. Here?” Like Joe, Barry had not seen Iris since his wedding a year ago. She’s attended with Scott, who’d ended up having to leave before the reception was over. Before that, four years prior, her own wedding had taken her away to Keystone away from Central City. 

For the first year or so, Barry and Iris had made sincere efforts to make time for their friendship. It was hard for Iris to get away from Scott, but Barry used to use his Flash powers to pop in on her at work. At home, when Scott was away. And though it wasn’t a perfect set up, the time they made for each other had made swallowing her leaving a lot easier. But that was then.

Over time, something – that he still couldn’t pinpoint – had changed. She never had time to hang out. Even though he knew her schedule down to the millisecond. And though it had been hard, he’d just chalked it up to the fact that she had become a married woman. He priorities had to be her new husband, and his family. So he’d tried to forget about her. Tried.

“Barry, you’re zoning out again, are you okay?” Cecile said, concerned. “Joe was talking to you.”

“Oh, I think I’m just a little tanked from the trip hip,“ he said, "I think I need some of your delicious food.

Cecile smiled. "I have heard that it does wonders.”

“I’ve heard the same,” Barry said, returning her smile. “Anyway, What were you saying Joe?”

“I said, If I’m not mistaken, Iris hasn’t been home for my birthday in two whole years. But she promised me she was coming, hell or high water.”

“Wow, Iris in the flesh.” Patty said, jovially. “I’ve been wanting to get to know her too,” she said, glancing back at Barry. “Looking through his old photo albums, I deduced that those two had quite a childhood, but getting the backstory for those pics, has proven to be quite the challenge.”

A smirk spread across Joe’s face, and before Barry could protest, the older man had risen from the couch, and walking to the bookshelf behind him. Barry’s eyes grew wide in protest.  “Not the photo album, Joe!”

Joe silenced Barry with the raise of a hand. “My house, my rules. Besides, what kind of honorary father-in-law would I be if I didn’t help your wife dig into your childhood?”

“Not a very good one,” Patty laughed, before catching the grimace on Barry’s face. “Oh, come on babe. We never do this. Please, let Joe show me the pictures. It’ll be good for our bonding.”

Barry didn’t respond, opting to chew on his bottom lip.

"Okay, baby?” She asked again, cradling his face in her hands.

He sighed and nodded in silence. He loved Patty, but damn was this woman persistent.

“Oh, goody!” She squealed. “Come on Joe! Show me the goods.”

“I’m not sure what happened to the picture, but just imagine this one,” Joe started pointing to Barry, “With a bleach blonde fade…I tell you, those rotten kids messed up all of my good towels with that bleach! ” Joe said, nearly hurling over with laughter. “I think you and Iris were grounded for two full months.”

“Three months, I believe,” Barry added, as he covertly slipped the photo evidence into his pocket. There were some things that were best left in the past. And if Patty and Joe were deadset on digging it up, he was at least going to retain his dignity. “And you made us pay you back for the towels. And the ruined blades.”

“You damn right I did,” Joe asserted.

“That’s uhh…quite a story,” Patty laughed. “You and Iris seem to have had a very special relationship.”

Barry shrugged to himself. “I mean…”

“Special is an understatement. They were best friends, thick as thieves, attached at the hip. They even had a fake wedding ceremony as kids.” Joe started, before turning to Barry. “Remember that? You even wrote vows!

“Vows, you say?” Patty asked, eyebrows raised. “So I’m your second wife?” Patty put her hands on her hips, pretending to be offended. “So, that’s why you never mention Iris, huh?”

“Pretend vows” Barry laughed nervously. “Just dumb kid stuff,” he added, fiddling with his palms, which were starting to sweat.

Patty smiled. “Well, I’d pay good money to see  my predecessor in action.”

“Good thing I have it on tape,” Joe said, laughing.

“Joe, Patty doesn’t want to see these dumb old movies.” Barry glanced at Joe. “Must you torture me this entire trip?”

“We’re all just having fun, Barry,” Patty said, patting Barry on the legs. “I-”

“Hey guys, Iris isn’t picking up the phone,” Cecile said interrupting the conversation. panic evident in her voice. “I’ve tried to call, text, email, face time.”

“Did you try Scott?” Joe asked.

“Scott, apparently stayed behind to work,“ Cecile revealed, glancing in Joe’s direction to gauge his reaction. "She is out there alone.”

Barry gulped. “What-

“The hell?” Joe asked, unable to hide the concern on his face. “What kind of man leaves his wife alone in the snow? Does he even realize how cold it is out there? ”

"I don’t know, but Scott said she left home four hours ago,” Cecile added. “That would put her right in the middle of the heaviest part of the storm.  She’s probably stuck on the side of the road.”

Joe slammed his plate onto the coffee table and motioned for Barry to stand. “Barry, suit up,” Joe insisted. “We’re going to–”

_Whoosh._

In an instant, Barry was standing in the middle of the living room in his Flash suit. The motion nearly sucked the soup out of Patty’s spoon. “No, Joe. You stay here with. I can cover more ground alone.” With that, he was out of the door before Patty could get out her, “Be..safe, Barry.”


	3. Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry goes out in search of Iris.

Barry sped through Central City, stopping only when he neared the intersection of 14th and 9th. It was the approximate area that Iris’s car should have been after four hours of driving, assuming she hadn’t made any stops along the way. When he was greeted by a completely empty street, covered in blankets of fresh snow, not a single soul in sight, he panicked.

The pulsating lightning in his veins barred his ability to feel the sting of the frigid temperatures, but if Iris was out there alone, she could. That thought alone made his body fire burn even hotter with adrenaline. 

When he covered every probable post, he ventured outward toward the city limits, continuing to run through miles and miles of empty streets. Ever so often, he came across people trapped inside of vehicles.

He knew that every life was precious. That ever life mattered. But he would be lying if he said he didn't sometimes wish he wasn’t a hero.

Even as he rescued these people, his mind was consumed by Iris. God knows how cold, how scared she was right now.

“Come on, Iris, where are you?"

The snow kept coming down harder and faster by the minute.

Everything was a swirling landscape of white and silver. Soon, it would be pitch black outside. If Barry's vision hadn’t been sharpened by his powers, he wouldn’t have been able to see more than ten feet in front of himself. So he kept running until he’d covered every stretch of road and alleyway. In circles. Doubling back to stray cars that had been abandoned, as well as cars he'd already rescued people from. 

Iris was not among them.

“God, what if. No.”

He forced himself to push the thought down into his stomach.

He wasn’t going to let himself think the worst. Iris was fine. She had to be. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something had happened to her, especially not after the way their friendship had dissolved over the years.

So he ran some more. And he kept running until he had to catch his breath, hurled over, hands on his knees.

“Iris!” He called out, into the distance. “Iris!! Are you out here!”

His voice croaked with every scream, filled with the anguish of not knowing whether he’d ever see her again. Why oh why hadn’t he fought harder for their friendship? Why didn’t he work harder to stay in touch? Why had he been so stupid?

And that’s when he saw it.

Off a quarter mile in the distance, through the thick, barreling snow, the tail of a bright red Impala. It was tucked underneath a highway overpass, hidden partially  by a pile of snow.

His feet sped, shoveling over what must have been over two foot of snow, until, finally, he was at the back of the car with an 'IRIS-WST' silence plate.

"Thank God," he said, before realizing it was cold to the touch, and not running.

Hypothermia set in, in minutes at these temps. He tried to look inside, to see her, but his view was obstructed by several inches of snow that had gathered on all of the windows.

The front and back windshields too.

“Iris, are you in there?!”

He tugged on the door’s handles. Then beat on the glass. When she didn’t respond, he pressed his ear to the snow-covered glass, trying to locate any noise, any signs of life.

“Iris!!”  No response. “Iris!” He yelled again. Nothing.

The silent prayers wishing that she was inside of the car turned to pleas to God that she wasn’t. He bit his bottom lip to quell the trembling, but that did nothing for the tears that were welling up in his eyes.

If Iris had ventured off into the cold, perhaps she’d found shelter in a warm business, or in the home of a good Samaritan.

She could actually be somewhere safe, warm – happy.

But he knew it was a long shot.

None of the patrons who’d gotten stranded in nearby businesses had seen anyone who matched her description. She hadn’t been picked up by emergency services either. There was really only one option. She was inside. But in what state?

The speedster sucked in a deep breath, then sped around to the passenger door. He pressed his eyes shut, not knowing if he could stomach the possibility of what he was about to see. 

He started to vibrate his cells so that he could phase into the car. Inside, he squinted one eye open. Then the other, finally releasing the breath from this lungs at the sight that lay to his left:  Iris, reclined in the driver’s seat, curled up under a blanket.  

The rise and fall of the blanket she was under alerted him that there was indeed life inside of her.

_How._

On her head sat a hat, overlayed with a pair of thick ear muffs, but the inside of the car was freezing. Yet, she laid there the image of serenity.

A peaceful beauty. He reached out a hand, placing it gently on the blanket that covered her.

It was warm to the touch, and that's when he realized it was hot to the touch. “It’s ELECTRIC!” He laughed, harsh and loud, as happy tears started to spill from his eyes.

Barry's outburst caused Iris to stir in her seat. First, she tossed her head, still having had not crossed the bridge from unconsciousness into consciousness. Then her eyes blinked open.

Blinking away the droopiness of her slumber, the outline of a masked man entered her line of vision, in her still hazed state.

“What the fuck!?” Wild thrashing followed her screams. She’d somehow survived a freak blizzard, in a car that had run out of gas. She was not about to be murdered by some freak dressed in red leather.

“Hey, hey, Iris! It’s me, Barry!" He ripped off his cowl. “See? See?!”

Barry’s mind had been filled with worry about whether or not she was okay, he hadn’t even thought about the proper way to wake her without scaring her half to death. He should have known she’d be startled.

“Barry?” She asked, as her eyes adjusted to the dim hint of daylight that was pouring into the car. He came into focus, and the sudden threat of danger dissipated, followed by relief and excitement. "Barry!" She beamed, throwing herself into her arms. “Where did you? HOW did you?" She stopped herself. “Phasing. Of course. What are you doing here?”

“I came to rescue you from this dangerous storm.”

“Really?”

“Of course I did,” he said, breaking the hug. “I was worried sick about you.”

She smiled softly. “You were?”

“Of course, the entire family was. What happened?”

“Well," she said, settling back to her seat. "Everything was okay for the first few hours. But then the storm turned all freakish, so I thought that parking underneath this overpass would help shield the car from some of the snow. But an overhead shield means nothing when the snow is blowing at you at a 45-degree angle.

“Why didn’t you call for help?.”

“I was going to, but my phone died. So I tried to stay put and keep warm. Then my car ran out of gas.”

“Why would you leave in a storm like this without a charged phone, and full tank?”

Iris thought about the massive argument she’d had with Scott right before she’d left for Joe’s. It had started the night prior, but the tension had carried over into the next day. There was no way she could bring Scott to Joe’s in the state they were in. Her father would have been able to sniff out their discontent, which would lead to prying, arguments, and even him shooting Scott-no joke. It was best to leave their problems at home.

“I- was in a rush,” she lied. “Wasn’t thinking.”

Barry sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Iris, you can’t ‘not think’ in these kind of situations. You could have been kidnapped. Raped. You could have frozen to death”

“I didn’t Barry,” she said, grabbing his hand. “Because of you…and this electric blanket, and the four layers of clothes I’m wearing,“ she added laughing, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, but what if the blanket hadn’t worked. It must be portable?"

She nodded.

"Do you even have extra batteries? What about your food supply? Where are your flares? Your extra drinking water? High protein snack bars, and other non-perishables? You know how bad it is out here? You could have stranded for days..Things could have gone so, so, so, so wrong. You know," he continued, "I read an article about Winter emergency preparedness…”

Iris watched Barry in awe as rattled off his list of worries. She was endeared to say the least. It had been so long since she felt like someone cared about her well being, and it was kind of nice.

When he brought out the finger wag, that only surfaced when his nerves were rattled, she couldn't help but laugh.

“What?” Barry replied. “What’s funny?”

“You’re doing that thing again where you talk 100 miles a minute, and I can barely absorb what you’re saying. I think I just had flashbacks to our teen years.”

She laughed again.

“Oh, sorry,” Barry said, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “I didn’t mean to go overboard.

“No, don’t be. I…actually missed this.,” she said, looking up into him. “It’s nice to know that, even though we’re not kids anymore, some things will never change.”

Barry let out a nervous laugh, willing the the blood in his body to not fill his cheeks. He smiled. “I guess so.”

“Umm, so,” Iris said, changing the subject. “Do you have a phone? So I can call dad? I know he must be worried sick.”

“Uh, uh, yeah,” Barry said, reaching into the pocket of his suit to find his device. “He’s gonna kill me for not calling as soon as I located you.”

* * *

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine, dad,” Iris said into Barry’s phone. “Yes, I’m grateful Barry found me…No, I’m not cold. I’m wearing a 1000 layers, and I have an electric blanket. Yes, you taught me well…No, you’re not gonna kill Scott…I told him to stay back…I’m an adult, that’s not his fault that the storm got bad…Dad, Dad, DAD!

“Hey,” Barry nudged Iris in the arm, “Lemme see.”

Happy to relieve her ears from Joe’s ranting, Iris handed the phone back over to Barry.

“We’ll be on in a little while once the snow clears up a little….I tried, but she won’t leave her car here in the snow…She got that stubbornness from you, you know…" he said, eyeing her playfully...it’s true… So I’m gonna sit with here to make sure she’s alright..yes, we’re warm… Yes, if things get worse before then, I’ll throw her over my shoulder and bring her home….okay, Bye. Oh, just tell Patty that I’ll be in soon okay…okay love you bye.”

"It’s amazing how, no matter how old I’ve gotten, that man’s level of worry has never faltered.” Iris said, shaking her head. “You know he was organizing a task force to come hunt me down if I hadn’t called soon.”

“Good thing I brought my phone then.” Barry chuckled. “To be fair,” he added, "There are worse things a father could do other than calling all of his cop buddies to make sure his only daughter survived a freak blizzard.”

“Very true,” Iris laughed. “I guess I am pretty lucky when it comes to dads…and friends too,” she said before resting her hand on Barry’s shoulder. “Thanks again for coming for me, Barr.” she said.

“Think nothing of it,” he said with a warm smile. “I am a hero, after all.”

“That you are.” Iris simpered for a moment before looking away. Awkward silence soon filled the confines of her car. Barry, too averted his gaze forward, unsure if he should address the big, pink elephant in the room.

“Sooo,” Iris crooned. “It’s been awhile, huh?”

Of course. Iris had never been one to beat around the bush. “A year. Since the wedding,” Barry replied solemnly. "Before that. More”

Iris could hear the hurt in his voice, over her decision to put distance between them. “Wow. Barry, I–”

“No, I don't want an apology, but more importantly, you don't have anything to apologize over, okay?”

“No, but you deserve an apology."

"Please."

She raised a hand.

"Really, I’m sorry that I stopped making time for you. My life with Scott just became really hectic," she offered, knowing that an apology wasn’t enough. It was partially true, but there were other factors at play as well.” Some she didn’t feel comfortable disclosing at the moment.

Barry exhaled. “That’s what happens when you grow up, get married, though right? Things change. People get busy.” he added, tone light.

He didn’t want her to know just how much he’d missed her. Or how her absence in his life had created this hole in his heart that not even his wife could fill. Why burden her with his problems? She was obviously happy with Scott. Why else would she have stopped hanging out with him? He continued, "Patty and I haven’t been married that long, but I get it. It’s time-consuming. Priorities change.”

Iris caught her tongue between her teeth, like she wanted to speak. He could see the unspoken words dancing around her eyes, begging to come out.  

“I do accept your apology, though, since you’re offering,” Barry added, nudging Iris in the arm. He hated knowing she felt guilty.

"Thank you.” she said, smiling slightly.

“Think nothing of it.”

Just then, Barry’s phone chirped, alerting him that the battery was only on 10 percent. “Do you wanna call Scott Let him know you’re alright? I have enough juice for one more call.”

Iris’s smile fell from her face at the mention of Scott, prompting her to turn forwards, away from Barry. But she had been far too slow for the speedster; he’d seen the mood change as clear as day.

"Just text him for me,” she said after a moment. “Tell him a tow truck or something picked me up. I don’t know.”

“Is there something wrong?” He asked, confused. 

“No-no! With Scott? No." She waved her hands, animatedly. “Scott and I are fine. Better than fine, actually. We’re amazing. So in love,“ she continued, emphasizing her point with her hands. “He’s just busy.”

Barry narrowed his gaze. He used to be able to read her so well, but now it was like, he couldn’t quite pinpoint what she was really thinking or feeling. All he knew is that her words didn’t match her face.

“I actually just meant in general, but that’s good to know that five years in, the spark is still there.”

“Yeah,” Iris said flatly. “Lots of sparks in our house. Anyway, enough about us. How about you and Patty? Is marriage everything that you thought it would be?”

Barry sucked his teeth.

“Patty’s…great. Being married is great. Roman Ville is great.”

He meant it...mostly Patty was a great woman. Loving, kind. A little high strung, overly analytical, and terribly clingy, but no one was perfect. Their marriage wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but they had a perfectly ordinary existence.

“That’s great,” Iris said, clasping her hands together. “Great, great, great.”

* * *

 

 “…oh wow, I’ve really missed out on a lot,” Iris said chuckling.

“Yeah, well Roman Ville is way crazier than Central City ever was. Seems like these meats grew up up aspiring to be super villain. Their costumes alone are something else. I snap pictures of them from time to time. Just for my own personal library.”

“Ooh let me see!” Iris squealed.

"Oh? Alright." Just as he attempted to open up his gallery, Patty’s face popped up on his screen, followed by the hum of her ringtone.

“Oh, It’s Patty. I gotta get this.”

* * *

“….Yeah, I think you’re right. It’s getting worse out here. It’ll be best to come on home…love you too, Patty." H managed to get out before his phone ended the conversation. He placed the now useless device on her dashboard, and turned to Iris.

The look on her face told him she knew where this conversation was headed. And she wanted no parts of it.

“This storm isn’t going to blow over anytime soon. You need to let me take you home.”

“Go, I’ll st-”

“I’m NOT leaving you here by yourself. Besides, if you stay here, you’re going to miss Joe’s birthday dinner.”

Iris sighed. Fighting Barry on this was futile. Not to mention, a little selfish. He'd risked so much to rescue her. And she didn't want to miss her father's birthday either. “Okay," she said slowly, "but you have to bring me back first thing in the morning to make sure it’s okay.“

Barry laughed. "Deal.”

* * *

Barry set Iris down on Joe's front porch, then unlocked the front door of the West home. He allowed her to enter first, then followed in behind her.

“Baby! You’re home!” Joe and Patty yelled simultaneously, as the old friends made their way into the house.

Joe lifted Iris her into his arms, squeezing her as tightly as he could. “Iris! My baby girl.”

“Oh, dad. I’m so happy to see you,” Iris said beaming, tightening her embrace. “I can’t believe my old man is 56 years old.”

At the same time, Patty ran into Barry’s arms. “Thank God you’re finally home. I was worried sick.”

“Yeah, well we’re here now.” He leaned down, and kissed her on the forehead.

Joe released Iris, setting her down on the floor, but next, it was Cecile’s turn for a hug.

"Hi, Cecile," Iris smiled, before the shorter woman pulled her into a hug.

“Your dad and I have been worried sick. That storm’s really bad, you could have…” she started before trailing off.

“I didn’t,” Iris smiled reassuringly, “Because of my hero.”

“It was nothing.”  Barry looked back at Iris, and smiled brightly, lingering on her for a moment, before shifting his gaze.

“Yes, we’re glad you’re safe, Iris,” Patty said, taking Barry’s hand in hers. “I’d hate for you to die before I got to know you…I mean, you know…not that I want you to die at all,” the blonde woman added.

“Thanks for that…Patty,” Iris said, slightly perturbed.

“Just smile and nod,” Joe said underneath his breath.

“We’re just so happy to have the entire family together. Minus Joseph. Had to put him to bed,” Cecile replied.

“Well, not the entire family,” Joe said, begrudgingly. “Not that I wanted that arrogant fool here, but I don’t appreciate Scott leaving my only daughter to fend her herself alone.”

Iris's eyes darted in his direction. “Dad, Scott had to work.”

Unmoved, Joe continued, “I know our house isn’t as fancy as your condo. We don't have luxury towels, but he could have worked here. Hell, we got Wifi."

“Yeah, but,” Iris said, attempting to stall. With every year, her father was becoming more and more outspoken about her marriage. And that was saying a lot considering he’d never been one to bite his tongue in the first place. Finally, she jarred loose, “He was on a tight deadline. And he would have felt bad if he wasn’t able to truly celebrate with us.”

“Well, that would have been a first.”

Barry looked to Iris, who whose eyes were shiny, almost glossy. Like she was about cry.

That’s the second time her mood had changed at the mention of Scott. She was definitely hiding something. He just didn’t know what. 

Joe–” he said attempting to divert attention away from the conversation. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for Cecile’s delicious meal that she's cooked up for your birthday.” He inhaled, and the scent of fried chicken with all of the fixings made their way into his senses. “It smells amazing.”

Cecile smiled at Barry, before turning to Joe. He attempted to avoid her scolding, but she pushed forwards.

"It’s your birthday, Joe. Your first born is now safe. Your honorary child is safe too. So is his wife. So is _our_ child. Do want to be thankful that this day turned out so much better than it could have and eat, or do you want to complain? Spoiler alert. It’s the former.”

Joe let out a deep breath. Cecile was little, but she was vicious. Better not to poke the bear.

“Eat.”

“Good,” Cecile said, clasping her hands together. “Now, Barry, why don’t you carry Iris’s bags upstairs, so she can get settled in her old room? Patty and I are going to put the finishing touches on dinner,” she said, grabbing the blonde woman’s hand, "and you, birthday boy, are going to sit here on this couch, reading your paper until it’s time to eat.”

“Fine by me, Joe said, propping his feet up on the coffee table. as Cecile and Patty disappeared into the kitchen.

With Joe calm, Iris breathed a sigh of relief. She loved her father, but his hatred of Scott was one of the reasons she didn’t visit more often. She would never tell him that, of course. But having the two men in her life constantly at odds was beyond stressful.

Iris rid herself of the thick coat and scarf that had been keeping her warm for the past four hours, and hung them up on the rack by the door. What remained was a casual white  wrap dress. With a soft hum, she smoothed her hands down the sides of her dress. It felt so good to just be wearing a one, single layer. 

Barry didn’t mean to stare, but he found himself entranced by the motion of her hips; the way the dress stretched and recoiled across her body, accommodating for her curves. Her body had filled out nicely since the last time he’d seen her. Iris had always been on the petite side and she still was, but she now had a more womanly figure.

One that she wore very well.

“Barr, you gonna just stand there or are you gonna get her bags like Cecile asked?”

“Um, sure,” he said in the direction of Joe, his eyes still transfixed on Iris.

“Today Barr?”

Barry tore his gaze away from Iris, and set his sights on Joe. He jumped, horrified when he’d realized that Joe had been watching him watch Iris the entire time. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, as he felt heat spread out over his cheeks. “Uhh–lemme get those bags..." he said, rushing towards the stairs, and away from Joe's judgmental stare.

* * *

 “So where would you like for me to sit your bags? Bed or floor?” Barry asked, once upstairs, painfully grateful that Iris hadn't caught him staring. 

“They’re covered in snow. Best to leave them on the floor, thanks,” Iris called out from the bathroom that sat directly across the hall, before closing the door.

With her bags in place, Barry exited the room and headed back down the stairs, but the sound of light crying stopped him in his tracks. He backed up and knocked gently on the door.

“Are you okay, Iris?” he asked just loud enough to not alert the rest of the family.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she said in a tone that signaled that she was obviously not fine.

“You don’t sound fine,” he said. “At all.”

“No really,” she said, sniffing once again. “I’m good.”

“Iris, I know you," he said with a sigh." Do you want to talk?”

Silence followed. Barry thought about knocking again, but before he could, he heard Iris unlatching the lock. She pulled the door open, and sighed. 

"What? Talk about my failed life? Sure. Every girl wants to talk about that.”

“Failed life? What are you talking about?”

Iris hopped up on the sink, and slid her back up against the mirror. Barry leaned against the door frame.

“Iris?” he asked again, even more confused.

Iris peered down at her wedding ring, and twisted it. Around and around. Just like the circles her and Scott had been going in lately but getting nowhere. 

Sighing, she looked up at Barry. Might as well get this over with. "I’m divorcing, Scott.” The words stung as they came out. But she felt the relief of finally being able to say them out loud.

"What?"

“He doesn't love me anymore.” Her voice broke on the word love, and tears that she’d only allowed to spill onto her pillows at broke through. She threw her face into her hands.

This was not supposed to be her life: divorced before 35, no job, no savings, entirely dependent on a man who treated her like a burden, rather than a wife.

Barry took a step further into the bathroom, easing the door closed behind him. His heart broke at the sight of her. He opened his arms to her, beckoning her to come forward.

She scooted to the edge of the sink and allowed her weight to fall on him. "Please don't cry," he said sweetly.

Even heavier sobs followed. Barry leaned down, resting his head on hers, as he nuzzled her hair.  

“I’m sure he still loves you. You’re probably just going through a rough patch right now.”

She shook her head from side to side. “You don’t understand. Scott never truly loved me. He loved the idea of me. He loved that I was something pretty he could show off at banquets, but he never loved me … “

“…and if I can be honest with myself,” she continued…”I’m not sure if I ever truly loved him, either. I loved the man I mistook him as. But he never actually existed. “

Iris’s eyes pleaded with him to respond with...something. Anything. But words were lost on him.

Barry had always assumed that their marriage was going well. They looked so happy on their social media accounts, and she rarely ever visited home anymore. He thought she was enjoying the life she’d built with Scott in Keystone.

Knowing she’d been unhappy all along…his head was spinning.

Barry was crushed when Iris got married five years ago.

He’d been secretly in love with her since they were kids, but he’d never been able to work up the courage to tell her. The only person who knew his secret was Joe, and he’d known it long before Barry had admitted it to him – that damn cop’s intuition.  

It was that love for Iris, the memories they’d shared together growing up, being best friends, and the pain from losing her – though not formally– to Scott which had eventually driven him out of Central City and into Patty’s arms in Romanville, Joe was convinced.

He'd never admitted that part, but Joe had been right about that too.

Iris caught her bottom lip between her teeth, as her eyes caught his.

Even underneath the outdated fluorescent light of their childhood bathroom, his green eyes sparkled with inquisitiveness. Eyes that she’d missed so very dearly; eyes that ignited something deep, and familiar inside of her: warmth, safety – longing.

Maybe she was just vulnerable, but God did he look handsome.

Time had been incredibly good to the nerd she used to protect from bullies. Of course, being The Flash, he didn’t need anything on him to be protected anymore, other than maybe his heart…and that was Patty’s job now.

‘What was that look? What was she thinking?’ He turned to her, unable to deal with this uncertain energy between them.. He had to know. “What are you saying, Iris?”

“I’m saying, I’ve wasted five of my best years on a man who doesn’t give two shits about me, who purposely derailed my journalism career because he was jealous. And I can’t do it anymore.”

“Jealous? Of your career?”

“No, of you!” She laughed, incredulously, through her tears.

“Me?”

Barry tried to think back to the few times he’d managed to stomach hanging out with Scott. He'd been a condescending jerk, sure, but he didn’t come across as insecure or jealous. Especially not of him.

“He thought that I was obsessed with The Flash," Iris explained with a roll of the eyes, “So he went out of his way to discredit and humiliate me anytime I wrote about you. He even accused me of providing false quotes for my articles. Of course, I couldn’t tell him that this great, wonderful, heroic man I was writing about wasn’t some fable I’d made up in my head…he was my best friend in the entire world.”

Barry frowned. The burden that his powers brought, extended much, much further than himself.

It made him sad that keeping his true identity a secret had contributed to the degeneration of Iris’s marriage.

He’d never liked Scott very much, but as long as Iris had seemed happy, he wanted their marriage to work out.

“I'm so sorry on. I wish you had told me. We could have worked something out, as far as letting Scott in on everything. ”

“Yeah, well what can you do,” she shrugged. “What’s done is done. Besides, telling him your secret wouldn’t have ended well for any of us. Scott has this deep-seeded hatred for The Flash. And I couldn't let know about such a vital part of the identity of the man I loved more than anyone in the entire world.”

No sooner than the last word left her lips did the world still. Barry didn't have to ask Iris if she’d misspoke; the horrified expression that was spreading across her face told him everything he needed to know. After years of pining for her in secret turns out she loved him too.

“Barry, I-” Iris knew she needed to explain herself for the bomb she’d just dropped. One that she’d promised she’d take to her grave. But she had never been one able to speak while crying – this time for a vastly different reason – and the words just wouldn’t come.

Barry used his hands to wipe the tears that were steadily spilling from her beautiful, brown eyes before tucking his finger underneath her chin.  “Iris,” he said, softly, willing her to look up at him. “You? You love. Me?”

She bit her bottom lip, nodding up at him slowly, as a new round of tears fell.

Barry stepped into her, drawn to her like a magnet. Some force, out of his control, brought her closer and closer to her, until there was no distance between them. “I-I love you too. I always have,” he said, voice breaking. “I always will.” Even in the absurdity of the moment, a goofy, adolescent grin broke out on both of his face.

Iris cradled his cheeks in her hands. “God, I-"

The kiss that followed was sloppy, impulsive.

They fumbled with each other’s mouths, and it took a minute for them to find their rhythm, but it felt right – more natural than anything in the world. Iris had no words for Barry, she had no words for herself. What could she even say?

They were both married–and not to each other. But in that moment, none of that mattered. And she didn’t want to think about the moments when it would. She just wanted to forget about the five years of pain she’d endured, not just at the hand of Scott, but the pain that she’d inflicted on herself for suppressing her feelings for Barry; for leaving Central City, and for denying herself a chance at real love.  So she deepened the kiss, pushing her tongue farther into his mouth, and readily accepting his in return.


	4. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris deal with their respective feelings after their kiss in the bathroom. Apart and together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I get more asks about this story than anything. Other than What about Us? Lol. Here's the long-suffering update that almost didn't happen. As usual, I'd love to know what you think! :)

Iris pushed Barry away from her and hopped off of the bathroom sink, but the reason he was stumbling backward wasn’t from the force of her push. Rather, because his entire existence had been knocked off kilter. Brushing his fingers over his lips, he tried to process what had just occurred– the softness of Iris’s lips, her intoxicating scent, her tear-filled admission about her failing marriage and her feelings for him.

His head was spinning in a thousand directions, emotions in conflict with his morals, his body in conflict with his heart.

Even though it had not been planned, kissing Iris was wrong. Unhappy or not, Iris was married. As for him, he wasn’t exactly unhappy with Patty. Unfulfilled, maybe, but he did love her. Even when he took their infidelity into account, regret wasn’t exactly what he was yet feeling. Guilt, yes. But if he could do it all over again, would he? Most importantly, would Iris?

“Iris. Wait.” Barry reached out to her, barely making contact with the tips of her fingers but she soon slipped away, across the hall, into her room. He followed her into the hallway and made it just outside of her door, but the sound of Joe's’ voice, ascending the stairs, stopped him in his tracks.

Taking a deep breath, he shoved down two decades worth of emotions into the pit of his stomach. “Huh?”

“Dinner’s ready; the spread looks amazing.“

“Oh yeah?” he asked, looking back between Joe and the closed door of the woman he’d loved for over two decades. “Great, I’m starved,” he added, eventually pivoting his body so he was facing him.

Joe scrunched up his face. “You alright, Barry?”

“Ye-yeah, of course. Why?“ He asked, willing his blood to not flood his cheeks. 

"You seem a little flustered. Is Iris okay?”

“I guess. I mean, I think. W-why wouldn’t she be,” he asked raking a shaky hand through his hair.

“Cause confronting your feelings is never easy.”

“Feelings?!” Barry asked voice pitched considerably higher than before. Suddenly, his arms felt weighted, and he couldn’t find a comfortable position for them. “What kind of feelings? Why would she be feeling anything at all. Especially now. Of all times?”

Joe narrowed his gaze.

“About her near-death experience from being caught out in that freak blizzard,” Joe added, a look of confusion on his face.

“Ohh yeah. Right. That,” Barry said, clapping his hands together. “M-maybe you should talk to her about that...uhh...alone!" Barry kept on, rushing past Joe before he could respond.

 

* * *

* * *

Iris stopped the microwave with only three seconds left. At 3 am, she didn’t want to wake the household, but after picking over her dinner the previous night, she was absolutely starving.

Sitting across from Barry and Patty at the dinner table after what had transpired in the bathroom had been the last way she’d wanted to spend her evening. But there was absolutely no way to get out of Joe’s birthday dinner, save for croaking. Nor did she want to miss it, after not having been home in over a year. She messed her old man, dearly.

Not to mention, Cecile and J2, who was getting so big.

Because of this, Iris had soaked in the conversation from those around her, unable to form coherent thoughts or make eye contact with the boy she grew up with, and feeling an unhealthy amount of contempt for his wife, as she made every single possible effort to forge some kind of a bond with her.

Then there was the guilt she’d felt for kissing a married man. Patty, as high strung as she was, seemed like a lovely woman, who Barry seemed to genuinely love. There were also the 1000 butterflies that had taken flight inside of her stomach. They started off faintly flapping their wings, making their presence known the moment she recognized him in her car. Over the course of her evening, they'd grown stronger, erratically journeying through her abdomen as the evening progressed.

And they hadn’t let up yet.

She hoped that this plate of leftover chicken, mac and cheese and homemade rolls would quiet them. If nothing else, it would quiet the very loud gurgling of her empty stomach. Iris rubbed her hands together in excitement, then piled a heaping helping of Mac and cheese onto her fork.

“Mmmm,” she said, savoring the 5 cheese blend. Yet, another reason she should visit more often: Cecile’s cooking.

This was a meal worthy of sitting down for. Grabbing her plate, only to be met with the sight of Barry, watching her from the entryway.

“Barr,” she said, surprised. “Still freakishly light on your feet I see.”

Barry chuckled gently. “And you still eat full meals at 3 am, apparently.”

He glided over to her with ease. Like they hadn’t just kissed less than 10 hours ago. Like they hadn’t both admitted that they, for a time at least, had been in love with each other. Unsure how to respond to his nonchalance, she picked up her plate.

“l I was just heading back to my room. So. Kitchen’s yours.”

Even in the half-lit home they grew up in, while wearing black, striped pajamas bottoms, a Grey T-shirt, and fuzzy, batman slippers, there was something weirdly brawny about Barry that made the hairs on her arm stand on end.  His once baby smooth face had faint laugh lines where his once unmarked skin had been, which only intensified in the half-lit kitchen. Still, it didn’t take away from his youthfulness. At 31, he’d aged beautifully. His legs had filled out to match his broad shoulders and back. She could also see the outline of his muscles through his thin sleep shirt, and God, that was almost too much.

“Don’t leave on my behalf,” Barry said. "I just came to get some water.” His words were chaste, but the way his eyes glided up and down her nightie-clad bod, were anything but.

Barry didn’t mean to stare, of course, but it would have taken a man with a hell of a lot more willpower than him to look away. Maybe him of a day ago, the him that had not basically cheated on his wife, could have. But after kissing Iris, after loving her for an entire lifetime, it wasn’t easy. Especially since she’d not spoken more than two words to him since.

Suddenly, Iris felt exposed, not because she didn’t welcome his eyes on her body, but because this had gone way too far already. And she didn’t know if she was emotionally healthy enough to deny his further advances. Assuming he might have even wanted to make any. Even though she'd broken the kiss, she'd also been the one to initiate things with her admission. And now he didn’t know what this meant for them. How it would affect their nearly non-existent friendship; she hadn’t the capacity to even wonder past that. What would this mean for their marriages?

She hastily pulled both sides of her robe together–anything to make her feel less seen. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, taking a seat at the table. “I just. God.” Elbows on the table, he ran hands through his hair. “We have to talk about this, Iris.”

Iris, who was then halfway out of the kitchen, took a few steps back towards the table where Barry was now seated. When their eyes met, she saw that his were filled with pain. Whether it was for him, or Patty, or herself, she didn’t know. But they pulled her in like a fisherman to a siren. Looking back over her shoulder, making sure that no one was lingering by the stairs — or, perhaps, hoping they were so she could avoid the inevitable—she took a seat at the table. When she stuff her mouth with more mac and cheese into , Barry sighed.

“So I have to do all of the emotional heavy lifting, huh?”

“Nope,” she said, breaking a chunk of chicken from the bone. “It’s just that, I already made the life-changing admission about my marriage. Your turn to speak.”

“Just your marriage, huh?” He asked, trying to gently pry more information out of her.

“Yeah,” she said, refusing to oblige his plea to address their kiss, or her deciding to run away from him. Because of the look in his eyes, and the knot in her throat, she was not ready for this right now.

Barry shook his head. “Iris. I-.”

“So. Where’s Patty?” She asked, hoping that bringing up his wife’s name would force him to leave this be for now.

Barry relented, allowing his back to hit the kitchen chair. “Asleep.”

“Wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Upstairs, Barry. Your wife,” she said, voice lower, “Is upstairs. Which means this is not the time or the place for this conversation.”

“That’s no problem. Patty sleeps like a log after we’ve,“ he said, eyes increasing in size when he realized what he was about to say. "I mean, you know.”

“O-oh,” Iris said, pushing her hair behind her ears, not all prepared for such an intimate admission. "I see.” Heat rose to her cheeks, and in that moment she was thankful that her deep brown skin would camouflage any blushing.

“No, I didn’t mean like that. I,” he said, shaking his head. Fuck, man. Finding the right words would be so much easier if she would just be frank with him. Because every single decision he made after today would be impacted by how how Iris felt, what she wanted.

Iris sighed. “But you should be able to mean it like that. That’s what husband’s do. They have sex with their wives. What they don’t do is kiss their childhood crush on a whim in the house they grew up in." She shot him a vicious look, then grabbed her plate and attempted to retreat.

A breathy laugh later, Barry crossed his arms. “I’m sorry. Are you angry with me?” 

“No. I’m not angry, Barry,” Iris said, whipping back around. “I’m just not ready for this heavy emotional shit.“

Again, she tried to walk away from him, but he rose in haste, grabbed her arm, and pulled her into him.

“What are you doing?” She was surprised by his forwardness, but loved how good his arms felt around his body.

“You dropped the biggest bomb on me,” he spit back. "And you have the nerve to be angry?”

“I know, and I’m sorry, Barry. It was a mistake. The kiss was a mistake,” she said, her eyes welling up with tears. Her life was complicated enough without the added weight of her relationship with Barry.

It had never been her intention for them to grow distant, but a small, minute part of her had been relieved. Thinking about him just made her situation with Scott seem even bleaker. And she needed to retain a shred of her blissful ignorance if she was going to get through her lonely existence in Keystone. Knowing how she got lost in a kiss with him, well, it was going to take a great deal of denial for her to get past it. And she couldn’t do that, pressed up against him, inhaling the scent of his freshly washed body, gazing into his eyes. She forced herself to look away from him, but he brought her face back to his with his forefinger.

“You’re sorry? That-that’s it?”

“What do you want me to say, she asked, voice croaking. “This situation is fucked.”

Barry fervently shook his head from side to side. He didn’t know what was causing him more pain.

His guilt from cheating on Patty, or the fact that Iris had called the one greatest moment in his life a mistake.

"Barry. Please. This is too much," she said, looking up into his eyes. "I can't deal with these feelings."

“Too much?" He asked, awestruck

"Barr."

"Too much is not knowing you were going to be here, but having literally two seconds to push down a lifetime of feelings for you. It wasn't easy, but I pulled it off, and was totally prepared to get through this week knowing that the woman I love more than anything was going to be two bedrooms down from me with her husband, the man who took everything from me. I was also prepared to pretend like I haven’t thought about you every day for the better part of four years, and that you weren’t the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life. I was prepared to do it all–even after nearly worrying myself into an early grave because I thought you were out there in that blizzard, cold and alone. But you-you told me that you loved me and you let me kiss you, and now I don’t know anything about anything anymore. So if you want to be mad at someone for making you _feel_ , be mad at yourself.”

He released her, motion abrupt, but still, he lingered on her face for a moment longer. With a calm, cool gait, he walked over to the sink and caught himself a glass of water. As he walked back across the living room, and to the staircase. She was almost hoping that he’d look back at her, but he never did. Left alone with an empty kitchen, and a full plate of food, Iris took a seat at the dinner table once more. Because there was absolutely no guarantee that she’d be able to not follow in behind Barry, push back into the bathroom, and continue their kiss from before - just one time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I'd love to know what you thought. Thanks! :)

Barry Allen stood at his childhood window, one hand perched on the wall, the other in his pocket. The freak blizzard that could have very well taken Iris’s life, just one day ago, had quieted to almost nothing, save for a few defiant snowflakes. Thick sheets of snow still blanketed everything, as far as the eye could see, but given Central City’s milder than normal climate, the snow would be gone within another day or two if the storm didn’t get started back up.  
  
Patty, who he hadn’t heard awaken, rested her head against his left arm and wrapped her own arms around his waist. “It’s amazing what can change in a few hours,” she said adoringly, peering around his lean body to get a good look at the swirling white landscape.  
  
“You can say that again."

In less than a day, everything Barry thought he knew about everything had been flipped upside down. He’d found out that Iris loved him, or had loved him, at least. Considering the kiss that followed her admission had rapidly redirected the blood flow within his body, his brain hadn’t been running at one hundred. Her exact wording had been lost on him, but he did know that there was no way in hell he’d ever forget the way her lips felt on his own or the fact that she felt something for him too-whatever that was.  
  
“Earth to Barry," Patty said, waving a hand in front of his face.  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Did you hear what I said about the snow?”  
  
“Uhh, it’s beautiful, right? Or something.”  
  
“Noo,” she said, chuckling softly. “I said it would be fun to have a snowball fight before the snow gets all mushy.”  
  
“Oh. I don’t know,” he said, dismissively. “Maybe.”  
  
Frowning, she released her grip on him, and placed a weighted hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”  
  
“I’m fine." He turned. “Why?”  
  
“I thought you loved snowball fights.”  
  
He shrugged. “They’re okay I guess.”  
  
She narrowed her gaze. “Well, we had a ton of them last Winter.“  
  
“Did we?” He asked, unable to remember.

Barry's days with Patty all bled together. From the outside looking in, he had everything that society said a man of his age should have. A beautiful wife who loved him, a steady job, and a side hustle that fed his innate desire to do good. And, still, it wasn’t it was enough. Going back to Central City, and seeing all the things that reminded him of Iris, had only enhanced those feelings of emptiness he’d been feeling for a long time.  
  
“Yeah. During our honeymoon? When we were in the Swiss Alps.”

“Oh right. How could I forget?” Barry said, a forcing a weak smile to his face, as he took a seat on his bed.  
  
“Pretty easily, apparently,” she said, arms folded. “But then again, that’s not the most memorable thing we were doing those two weeks,” She added, a seductive drawl in her voice, before taking a seat in his lap. “So I’ll give you a pass.”  
  
Before Barry knew it Patty’s mouth was pressed, hot against his neck, as she pressed her body against his. He flinched ever so slightly at her advances, knowing he wouldn’t be able to feign arousal for her the second time in less than twelve hours.

Barry withdrew from her. "We just had sex last night.”  
  
He hadn’t been completely comfortable having sex with her, right next door to Iris, but unfortunately, he hadn’t been able to ward off her advances the night before. His emotions were in a state of flux. And at the time, he couldn't figure out what was worse, denying Patty sexual contact after what he'd done, or having sex next door to Iris, after declaring his love for her.

Now that he’d had time to sleep on, he knew it was the latter.

“Didn’t know you’d imposed a sex limit on me," Patty said with a soft laugh. Again, she tried to kiss him, but he slid out of her grasp, causing her to frown. “Barry?”  
  
“I’m sorry, I'm just not in the mood. I’m sorry.”  
  
"Oh-Okay. That’s okay," she said, closing her robe, and head lowered in embarrassment.

Crystal clear hurt danced in her voice, but he didn’t know how to console her at the moment.

"I guess I’ll go shower before the bathroom gets crowded.” Patty stood and walked over to his dresser to grab her bath caddy. Before she exited, she looked back at him, quickly; he flashed her a weak smile–all that he could scrounge up, and, once she was out of the room, let his weight fall back onto his bed.

* * *

* * *

  
Joe, Joseph Jr., Patty, and Barry, were already seated at the dining room table by the time Iris made it downstairs.  
  
“There’s my beautiful girl,” Joe said, lovingly.  
  
Iris leaned down and kissed him on the cheek before taking a seat on the other side of him.  
  
“Morning everyone,” Iris said, addressing the rest of the table.

"Good Morning, Iris,” Patty said, smiling. “You look nice today." She turned to her husband, who was looking down at this plate. "Doesn’t she look nice Barry?”  
  
“Hmm! Uhh. Yeah, I guess," he said glancing up at her. 

Iris awkwardly spread her hands down her blue, checkered wrap dress. "Thanks,’ she said, before taking a seat.

On the way down, she briefly made eye contact with Barry, but quickly averted her gaze. She couldn’t deal with whatever the breakfast-appropriate version of eye-fucking was with the man she’d cheated on her husband with. Not after witnessing how fast that innocence could fade when he was feeling emboldened. Especially not while his wife, who she had nothing against, was right next to him.

When Iris’s eyes met the spread of bacon, sausage, pancakes, biscuits, fresh fruit, and cream sitting in front of her, she smiled. Cecile really knew how to put a meal together, but more importantly, stuffing her face meant she didn’t have to talk to anyone. And she would have eaten a piping hot bowl of porridge if it meant she didn’t have to make anymore small talk with Patty Spivot.

“Dada, I am hungry!“ Joseph slammed his little fists onto the dining room table.

Joe reached over and handed the little boy a strawberry. "As soon as mama gets the quiche out of the oven, we can eat."

Eyes wide, the four-year-old readily grabbed the fruit from his father’s hand and shoved it into his mouth.  
  
A moment later, Cecile entered the room, carrying a large, glass casserole dish.

"There she is," Joe said, rubbing his hands together. "Now we can eat."

Cecile's smile fell. "Don't you dare blame the delay on me. I’ve been scrambling to keep this food warm while everyone showered shower.“  
  
Iris grimaced. "Sorry.I had to wait for the hot water to replenish.”  
  
“Not your fault,” Cecile said, taking a seat next to her husband. “Five adults and one child trying to use one bathroom is absolutely ridiculous.” Turning her attention to Joe,“ she said, "This is why we need a bigger house.”  
  
Joe chuckled, resting his clasped hands on his belly. “Yeah, well, I’ll take people fighting over hot water over none of them visiting, any day. Especially this one.”  
  
“Dad,“ Iris said, gently. "Don’t start this. Please.”  
  
“I’m just saying. None of us are getting any younger. And you’re missing out on your best years with your brother, Joseph.”  
  
“Please. Me and baby bro face time all the time. He knows I love him. Don’t you little man?”  
  
“Yes!”  
  
“See?”  
  
“Yeah, but.”  
  
“Hey, Joe. Maybe you two should talk about this later,” Cecile interjected. “I worked hard on this breakfast, and no one can eat if you’re badgering them.”  
  
“But.”  
  
“Not now, Joseph,” she said, voice stern, her gazed laser focused on his.

Iris chuckled, breaking the silence that had settled over the table.  
  
“And what exactly is funny??” Joe asked, hand on his hip.  
  
“Just never seen anyone silence you like that dad," Iris said, piling her plate high with breakfast meats. "Did I ever tell you how much I loved you, Cecile?”  
  
"Not nearly enough," the older woman said, reaching over and squeezing Iris's hand. "Now," she continued addressing the table, "Since this is everyone’s last two days in the city, and the last day of Joe and I’s vacation days, I thought it’d be fun for us to go out today. Eat a little food, do a little shopping.”  
  
“Oh!” Patty placed her fork down. “Speaking of vacation days, I really need to call in and check in on my classes.”  
  
“Oh, you’ve gone back to School?” Cecile asked.  
  
“CSI school."

"That's exciting," Cecile said, smiling.

Patty nodded, downed a swallow of orange juice, then shot up. “Yeah, and have a big exam this week; I need to check in with my professor. Excuse me, everyone.”  
  
“Of course,” Cecile said. “So Iris,” she said, turning her attention towards her stepdaughter. “There’s this new, little boutique right across from Jitters that I think you’d love.”  
  
“Aww, I’d love to, Cecile, really, I would,” Iris said, genuinely touched. “But I’m actually meeting someone today.”  
  
"Oh? Who?” Joe and Barry asked, nearly at the same time, causing them to look at each other.  
  
“Just someone I used to know,” she said, coyly.  
  
Iris had enough on her plate, without the added prying of her father. Even when she removed everything that had transpired with Barry, Scott Evans, who was two degrees away from being brought up, was the absolute last man she wanted to think about today.  
  
As expected, he’d not responded well to her petition of divorce. Granted, she’d informed him over text message but knowing the temper on that men, it was probably her best option. She’d only gotten through about 5 of the 18 expletive-filled text messages he’d sent her before she just archived them – for evidence to use against him when the inevitable court battle started in a few months. Weirdly enough, she wasn’t as heartbroken as she thought she’d be. She was more hurt over the years she’d lost married to a man that didn’t love or value her. For the friendship with Barry she’d let disintegrate. Not to mention, the fact that she was about to basically start over, with nearly nothing.

But she didn’t feel much for Scott. And hadn’t for a long time.  
  
"Well, I hope you enjoy yourself. Connecting with old friends is just important as connecting with family,” Cecile said.  
  
If Iris didn’t know for a fact that Cecile wasn’t pushy like her father, she’d assume that she was aware of the irony in her statement.

“Right,” Iris said, nearly flubbing her words. “That’s why I have to go get my car after I scarf this food down."

“Oh, right,” Barry said, ideas turning wildly in his eyes. “We’re supposed to go.”

“No!” Iris yelled.It caused the entire table—J2 included—to eye her, curiously. But to hell with that. Barry was not about to trap her in her car, and make her confront her feelings “I just mean,” she added, her voice returning to normal, “The snow stopped hours ago.”

Barry’s face fell, almost like a lost puppy dog’s but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he resumed eating his meal. Iris said a silent prayer because she doubted she would have been able to turn down him down.  
  
“But how are you gonna get there?” Cecile asked, emphatically.  
  
“Taxi,” I guess, Iris said with a shrug. "The trucks have probably salted and plowed the roads by now. I’ll be fine.”

Joe shook his head profusely. "No."

Iris laughed. "Excuse me?"  
  
“I know you’re an adult, but these roads are not safe. Either you take Barry, or you’re not going.”  
  
Iris looked to Barry, who quickly looked away; of course, he wasn’t going to help her, then she turned her sights on Cecile. The older woman’s smile dropped ever-so-slightly. “Sorry, Iris,” she said, humping her shoulders. “Joe’s right sometimes; these icy roads are no joke. In the event that you skid off the road, Barry’s speedster powers could come in handy.”  
  
Iris sighed, unable to exactly argue with that logic.

So much for a peaceful day to herself.

* * *

* * *

  
Patty returned from her phone call, worry decorating her face.

“Hey, Barry. Can I talk to you alone for a moment?” She asked, stopping just short of sitting down.  
  
“Uhh, yeah. Excuse me everyone."  
  
Back at the staircase, out of the house’s earshot, Barry asked, “Is something wrong??”  
  
“I need to get back home.”  
  
“Why?” He asked, confused.  
  
“My professor moved up my mid-term, and if I miss it, I’m probably going to fail.”  
  
“Um. Well, I guess we have to go home then.”  
  
“Actually, no.”  
  
“No?”  
  
“I want you to stay, here. I couldn’t bear to take you away from your family, Joe especially. He's missed you so much.“

“What kind of husband would I be if I let you go back by yourself?”

“What kind of wife would I denied you time with people you never get to see?”

“I appreciate this, but Joe will understand.” Barry tried to walk away, but Patty grabbed his arm.“Patty.”

She shook her head. “I know that being back here isn’t easy for you, even if you won’t completely let me in, as to why.”

Barry sighed. Not this again. “Patty, please.”

“But,” she added, cutting him off. “I have seen the little bursts of happiness you’ve expressed since we’ve been here. Seeing your father. Your little brother. Iris. And that is literally all I’ve ever wanted for you. You have sacrificed so much for me, Barry so that I wouldn’t have to be away from my family, and my hometown. Let me give you a little more time with yours.”  
  
Barry considered her offer. Honestly, Barry wasn’t ready to go home yet. Not just because of Iris, though she was definitely a huge part of it, but because he didn’t know how he was just going to resume his life in Romanville after this trip like none of this had happened. His betrayal of Patty was weighing on him heavily. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but he knew he’d have to confess, eventually. And he just wasn’t ready yet. “Okay," he said finally, "But only if you’re absolutely sure you won’t be lonely."

"Of course I'll miss you, but I think I can manage to be by myself for a couple of days."

He nodded.

"So. You’ll stay?”  
  
“Yeah,” he said, finally. “I’ll stay.”

* * *

* * *

Cecile took a seat on the couch, next to Joe. “I’m really sad to see Patty go. She’s such a lovely woman.”  
  
Barry, who’d just returned from speeding Patty back home,took a seat in the chair adjacent to the couch. “Yeah, she really hates that she had to go.” Truth be told, he was now sad that she was gone too. Even though she had tried to put on a brave face, there was an air of sadness on her face after he sat her bags down. Now that he was back, he felt bad for leaving her.

But he needed a little space to process what he was feeling.  
  
“Well, I’m just glad she talked you into staying,” Joe said, rubbing his hands together. “It’s so nice that one of my kid’s spouses places value on family.”  
  
Cecile shot Joe an intense glare that stopped him from proceeding. Barry laughed, thankful that he didn’t have to intervene to stop him from ragging on Scott. Or what would have led to that.

“Cecile, you really have to teach us how to do that.”

“I’ll send you the PowerPoint," she said a wink.  
  
“Like hell, you will,” Joe said, laughing himself.  
  
“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Iris said, her tone just as icy as the temperatures outside, as she descended the stairs, suitcase in hand.

Joe turned in her direction. “Are you going to get your car or a root canal?”

“Very funny, daddy,” Iris said, hand on her hip. “Excuse me for not being excited about all of these errands I have.”

“What kind of errands can you have in a city you don’t even live in anymore.”

She sighed. "Dad, remember that talk we had about you letting me be an adult?”

“Look, I’ve already been reprimanded by one woman in my life. Spare me, please."

“Thank you.”

“You coming back, though, right?” He said, eyeing her luggage, sat at the base of of her feet.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“My errands are going to take all day, so I’ll probably just crash in a hotel, then meet back here tomorrow.”

Iris turned quickly so that she was facing the door. Probably so that the built-in lie detectors in Joe’s retinas wouldn’t be able to detect her bluff. Barry had no idea what Iris she had planned, but she didn’t sound genuine at all.

“You ready, Barry?” She asked, a softness in her voice that she lacked before. When he hesitated, she beckoned him forwards with her hand, while Joe wasn’t looking.

Oh yeah, she was definitely lying.

* * *

* * *

  
Barry strapped himself into the passenger side of Iris’s car. She put her key into her ignition. When the engine roared, she smiled, lying her head over her steering wheel.

He laughed.

“What? I love my baby,” Iris rubbed her hands over the dashboard, forgetting momentarily the thick awkwardness between them wafting through the air.

“That much is obvious.”

She rolled her eyes playfully and smiled. Seeing Iris smile made Barry smile. Heaven knows she was gifted one crafted by God himself.

“Anyway, it’s gonna take about 20 minutes for this car to heat up, then I have to get gas, and make a few more stops. But I’ll be as quick as I can with my errands so you can get back to the house.”

“These errands wouldn’t have anything to do with Scott, or your divorce would they?”

“That obvious, huh?” She asked as she buckled her seat belt.

“Only because you told me about what happened.”

“Right, well sorry I burdened you with my problem.”

“Well, I did kind of insist on you telling me. And if you hadn’t, then,” he said before trailing off. He’d told himself that he wasn’t going to bring up their kiss. Or her admission. Iris looked over at him briefly before returning her gaze ahead of her, words on the tip of her tongue. Words she wasn’t ready to share with him. “Anyway, what’s the first stop on the itinerary?” He asked, changing the subject before she could.

“After gas, the bank. Then Target. Then-”

"Target. Oh, God.”

“What?”

“You’re the only person I know who can spend 500 dollars in Target, and not come out with a single necessity.”

“Hey!” she said, hitting him in the arm. “Don’t blame me, you know the layout and makes us want to spend money."

“No, it makes _you_ want to spend money."

Hand over mouth, she laughed. “God, I can’t believe you even remember that. We haven’t gone on a Target run together in what, six, seven, maybe eight years? Even before everything changed.” A frown swiftly followed. Like she’d said too much. “Let’s get going, shall we?” She said, recovering from her flub like it had been nothing.

Barry sighed, already tired of the awkwardness. They had too much history together. As long as they beat around the bush, innocent conversations would continue to be triggers for them both, and the the day was still young; surely, there would be more to come.

* * *

* * *

  
Iris pulled into the parking lot of the Beaumont hotel, and looked over to Barry.

Admitting to him that she’d withdrawn a few thousand dollars out of her and Scott’s account, and was moving into a suite for the next month or two, until she could find an apartment would snowball into a conversation about Scott, and their divorce. That’s how she’d gotten into this mess with Barry in the first place. And she damn sure couldn’t handle this right now. Not after the way a stupid trip to Target, and other places her and Barry places frequented growing up had somehow made it feel like no time had passed between them.

There was still the very large, very loud, pink elephant wedged in between them which, when paired, with all of the stuff she’d picked up from various grocery stores and boutiques, made her car fell very small and very crowded, but, considering everything, things had gone smoothly.  
  
“Oh, come on,” he said, mockingly. “I’m may not be Joe West, but you’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

“Barr, please.”

Barry folded his arms.“I can sit here all night long.”

“Oh my God! Barry.”

Barry pursed his lips, and pretended to clean his finger nails like he hadn’t heard her.

“Fine,” she relented. “This is where I’m gonna be living for a while.”

The playful smile he was wearing melted into a nasty scowl. "What? Why?"

"Well."

“D-did Scott put you out!?” He asked, voice raised. “Because he can’t kick you out of your shared property until a divorce settlement has been reached. Do you want me to talk to him?”

“Barr. Relax," she said grabbing his arm.

He continued to rant, with her hands wrapped around his arm. It took her way too long for her to realize she was touching him, perhaps because she was savoring the feel of his biceps through his shirt. Or because she was enjoying the way the familiarity of his erratic pulse, which would have killed a normal man, and how it pushed against her hand.Completely enraged by the thought of Scott denying her access to basic shelter, he, however, didn’t seem to notice at all. Before he could, she retracted her hand, then ran it through her own hair.

“Barr!" That snapped him back. "Scott doesn’t even know I’m doing this. Or that I took money out of our joint savings to cover my time here or all of the shit I bought today. Not yet at least,” she continued.  
  
“Keyword. Joint.That’s just as much your money as it is his.”

“I-I know, Barry; I really am okay, though,” Iris said, overcome with a sense of attraction at how riled up he was getting over her. It had been so long since she’d felt any kind of protective energy from a man. It’s not that she couldn’t take care of herself, she could, but every girl wants to feel like she can lean on someone from time to time. Iris hadn’t had that in God knows how long. And the fact that Barry, the man, she’d finally admitted to loving was providing it, overwhelmed her. Not that she wasn’t already overwhelmed.  
  
Barry turned towards her, an earnest plea in her eye if he’d ever seen one. “Are you absolutely sure?”  
  
“Yes, Barr. I’m away from Scott, away from dad, as much as I love him, and his slick comments about my marriage. And I’m not sleeping on the street tonight. Or anytime soon. Life is good, my friend.”

She smiled, hoping to introduce some levity into the car because, damn it, if he kept looking at her like that, with that genuine concern, she was going to melt into her seat.

“Okay,” he said, face softening, after a moment or two to ponder on what she’d said. “I still don’t like this. If anyone deserves to live in a hotel, it’s him. But I can’t force you.”

“No, you can’t. But what you can do help me carry my stuff up to the 8th floor, suite.”

He chuckled. “Oh, can I?”

* * *

* * *

Barry sat the remaining bundle of bags onto her floor. ““That's the last of it.And now, my back is probably broken.”

Iris, who was standing, holding the door open, grimaced. “Sorry, forgot you couldn’t use your powers cause of all the security cameras.”

Barry waved her concern away. “It wasn’t that bad, and I needed to stretch my legs. It's not often I get to go on 

  
“Well, you’re in great shape, so.” Iris said without thinking, her eyes trailing down his long, lean body. Given how amazing he looked, it was a wonder that she hadn’t slipped up sooner.

“Thank you,” he said, clearly caught off guard, blood rising to his cheeks. “You too.”

She lifted her gaze to meet his, and soon, the fact that they were alone in an expensive hotel suite, complimenting each other’s appearances, was soon very much loud and all-consuming. Iris turned back, eyes square ahead her. “Oh, um. So, I guess this goodbye, Barry.”

“It could be. But it doesn’t have to be," he said, walking towards her. The confident stride he'd presented when he cornered her in the kitchen wasn’t present, but she still stepped back, instinctively,until it she’d backed it into the door stopper. 

Barry reached out to help steady her, but she retreated further.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I could stick around for a bit. We could catch a movie or something. It’s not often we get to hang out.”

“Oh,” she said, sighing of relief. “A movie. You mean a movie.”

“A movie. Maybe some dinner. Someone had me running around the city all day, holding her bags, loading her car. And not once did she offer to feed me.”  
Iris rolled her eyes. _Damn it._  “You got me there.”

  
“Great,” he said clapping his hands like he’d won some grand debate or something. “You load up Netflix. And I’ll order room service.”  
  
“Netflix?” She asked voice pitched. The streaming service, known for aiding horny couples with background noise while they engaged in…activities.

“Yeah. Netflix. You okay?” A brief hint of a smile crept over his face, one wiped away by a slow hand across his mouth.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Fine. Totally fine.”

“Okay. So Netflix?”

“Netflix,” she said, trying to match his tone. “Just let me, uhh, find something. In one of these bags. Which may take awhile,” she added, knowing she sounded like an idiot.

“Okay," he said, slowly. "Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

* * *

Barry Allen watched Iris as she struggled to walk in a straight line, in her pursuit to find ‘something’ within the ungodly amount of shopping bags that littered her suite floor. It was amazing the way her demeanor changed with him when she had nowhere to run, and nothing to distract her from the obvious.

Why she couldn’t just be honest with him would remain a mystery him, though.  
  
They’d known each other most of their lives. If there was anyone on the planet she could talk to, it should have been him. At least he thought. Despite her inability to be forthcoming, it was obvious that he had some kind of effect on her. One that, he had to admit, he was enjoying being a witness to.  
  
He’d spent the better part of two decades, pining for Iris in secret: getting lost in her eyes when she didn’t even know he’d been watching her, being overtaken by her intoxicating scent, each and every time she walked too closely to him, spending night after night imagining what it would be like to hold her in his arms, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. It might not have been fair. And the situation may have been fucked up, but it was nice to see her on the other side for once.

* * *

* * *

  
Iris could feel Barry’s eyes burning a hole through her. She just wanted to kick herself for being this close to freedom, then allowing him to pull her back in. In the time they’d spent apart, he’d grown up in so many ways. One of the most prominent the way he approached things; she almost missed how he’d finessed her, but it was painfully obvious now. She rose from her spot on the floor and looked back at him for good measure. Sure enough, his eyes were fixated on her, and he made no excuse to hide that fact. The wry smile on his face, coupled with that little wave he gave her, only solidified that further.

“Okay!” She yelled, at her wit’s end. “You win, you win.”

“Win?”

“We can talk about the damn kiss. Alright?”

“Kiss?” He feigned innocence. “What kiss?”

“Barry Allen, don’t think I won’t slap you, okay?” She said, face breaking out in a smile that didn’t at all fit the mood in that atmosphere.

He laughed. “Okay, now was that so hard?”

"Hell yeah."

“So," he started, diving right in.

She raised a hand in protest.“Not yet. First, I need a stiff drink. Or two. Maybe three.”

“Oh, that’s fair,” he scoffed.

“What?”

“You using liquid courage, but I can’t.”

 “It’s not my fault that you can’t get drunk.”

 “But you could give us an even playing field, since you know I can’t.”

“God, you just won’t make this easy for me, will you?”

With a sigh, Barry walked towards her, this time his stride reminiscent of the way he’d approached her the other night.And again, she felt so small standing chest to face with him, his piercing green eyes, staring straight into her soul.

“I’ll make it as easy as I can.”   
  
He moved the lone tendril of hair from her face and smiled. “Iris,” he said, his hand leaving her face, to meet up with her hands,  I have been in love with you for as long as I’ve known you. I love everything about you, from your intelligence to your drive, your sense of humor and your beauty. Nothing, not our fights, or the distance, or our marriages, has affected this love. In some ways, I think, it’s only made it intensify.”  
  
Iris blinked profusely like the rapid motions would push her tears back into her ducts, but it only made them spill out stronger. Her mouth sat agape, the air invading it, and drying it out. When she realized, she closed it, pressing her lips together, which would keep her from saying, or doing something she’d regret.

“Now,” he said, releasing a heavy breath, like the weight of the world had been released from his shoulders. “Your turn.”

 Her _turn._

Like they were 12 years old again, playing monopoly at the the dinner table, waiting for Joe to get off of work.

Her _turn_ , like she was next in line to play kickball or something. Not like her life was about to be turned upside down, more than it already was.  
  
"Iris,” he said when she didn’t immediately follow up, his eyes heavy with tears. “Don’t make me do all the work. Please. Just tell me how you feel.""  
  
The lump building in her throat made it hard for her to respond. She swallowed forcefully, clearing out her airway, then turned, attempting to run from him. Where she thought she was going, she didn’t know. There was no going back, at this point.  
  
“Goddammit, Iris!” He yelled, yanking her back by her arm. “Why are you so afraid of talking about this? You had no problem that day in the bathroom.”  
  
Angrily, she snatched herself out of his grip and whipped around.  

“That was a mistake. I was in a heightened emotional state.”  
  
“But that’s how you felt, right? Cause if you didn’t mean it, just fucking tell me. And I’ll put myself out of this misery.”  
  
“Of course that’s how I felt,” Barry, she said softer this time, the trembling in his voice, too much to process.  
  
“Then why can’t you  just say that!”

“Because I am afraid! And I Didn't want to lose you! Okay? Is that what you want to hear? I didn’t want to lose my best friend in the entire world because of some crush. When I realized it was more than that, it was too late. I was engaged to Scott already, and was readying to move to Keystone. I didn’t know what to do. “

He humped his shoulders, angrily. “Well, you did lose me, Iris,” he said through gritted teeth. "You just completely abandoned and left me stuck here to pick up the pieces of Joe losing his only daughter, along with me losing my best friend.“  
  
He continued, "Do you know how hard it was to be there for Joe when my heart was in stitches?”  
  
“I know, I know,” she said, voice breaking. “And I’ve never regretted anything more in my life. God, you have no idea. I thought about you every single day for five years.”  
  
“Then why didn’t you call me? My number’s never changed. I would have been in Keystone in a heartbeat, and you know this.”  
  
“Why didn’t you call me?” She asked, instead of addressing his question, knowing that no answer would suffice. Probably because she wasn't fully comfortable admitting the true reason.  
  
“I thought that’s how you wanted things,” he said, his bottom lip quivering.

Gone was the domineering man she’d was re-familiarizing herself with. All that was left was a guy who had been through an unfair amount of pain because of her.  
  
Iris took a step forward and brought her hands to the sides of his face. She could feel his hot tears streaming onto her hands, but she didn’t care. “Losing you is the last thing I wanted. I love you so much. You have no idea.”

At her words, slowly, he raised his beautiful green eyes to meet hers.

There was so much pain underneath them, and it absolutely crushed her. They would never get back the precious time they lost, refusing to be honest with each other. Given the dangerous profession that Barry was in, and all of the metas that tried to take him out on a daily basis, it made it sting even more. She couldn’t bare to think about anything or anyone hurting a single hair on his body. And yet, she’d put the absolute worst strain on his heart. 

Fuck, she’d made such a mess of things. But unlike Barry, she wasn’t a speedster. She didn’t have the ability to right her wrongs by running back in time. But she did have the power to try to make things right at the moment–even if she knew it was wrong. So instead of trying to find the right words, which would no-doubt end up lost in translation, she kissed him. Hungrily and passionately, pouring a lifetime of repressing emotions into him.

He returned her kiss with equal fervor, one hand in her hair, the other at the small of her back, steadying her in place. Their tears swirled together, adding a salty element to kiss, with every lap of the tongue, every nip of each other’s lips. The next thing Iris knew, she felt the soft surface of her bed underneath her. She didn’t know if Barry had sped them over, if she was just so lost in him, she hadn’t realized him walking them back over to the bed.

He hovered over her, intense longing in his eyes, peppering her mouth with needy kisses, just as his hands started to roam over her body. First, over her clothes, outlining her silhouette with his hands. A firm knee was perched between her legs, parting ever so slightly, as he continued his assault on her mouth, then her neck and her collarbone, and back up again.

Iris’s hands worked ridding Barry of his dress shirt. She was a bundle of nerves from head to toe, with her hands harnessing the brunt of it. She couldn’t get a single button on his shirt undone.

She heard him laugh gently, when she let out a frustrated groan, then broke away from from her. He rose up on his knees, and undid his buttons, until his shirt was opened, showcasing his rock hard abs. Iris ran her hands down the front of his frame, before ridding him of the shirt completely. Up on her knees, she eagerly returned his mouth to hers, never again wanting to know what her lips felt like without his own pressed against them.

Barry rolled them, until Iris was on top of him. His hands rose to up her silky smooth legs, exposed as her dressed stretched to accommodate this new position. They first met her thighs, the key component of her hourglass figure. Iris moaned, as his fingertips pressed into the meaty outer part. But he was not satisfied with a little fondling. Because, soon, she could feel a cool updraft from underneath her dress, as he pushed his way, higher and higher until the black, lacey thong she was wearing was exposed. She felt the first brush of his fingertips on her ass, as his growing erection, was pressed hard against the seat of her crotch.

Quickly, when she caught his hands in hers. Not because she didn’t want to know the full depths of this man’s affection for her, she did. It just that, it had been so long since she’d had sex–six months at least, and she knew that once they crossed that line, like they both so desperately needed, any chance at going back would be lost forever...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A semi-continuation of the ending bed scene from Chapter 5, from Barry’s POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the story really picks up after this chapter. I hope you enjoy! :) 
> 
> As usual, I'd love to know what you think!

Being alone with Iris in her hotel room her was akin to lighting a fuse, but expecting no sparks to fly. Considering everything that had happened over the last few days, Barry hadn’t known whether those sparks would be angry or amorous in nature. Of course, they had been a mixture of both, which shouldn’t have surprised him, but somehow did.

The fire that had always burned within Iris had grown exponentially during her time away. Trying to pry information out her was hellishly arduous. She’d evolved into this flawed and complicated woman, who worked on his nerves like she never had before, which said a lot, considering that he lived with her during her moody, teenage phase. But there was a tradeoff, an upside to that stubborn passion, and he was experiencing it, live and in color, as she loved on him just as intensely as she’d she’d fought him just a few hours before.

Engrossed in their needy kisses, he knows he should have never come up to her hotel room, never asked to stay. Now that he was here, though, he hadn’t the willpower to leave, to stop kissing her, and definitely not to stop touching her as she sat atop him, ready to let him devour her and to do the same to him in return. He broke their kiss just to take in her beauty and the look on her face, because ten or fifteen years from now, no matter what happened after this moment, he wanted this time with her etched into his memories.

A harsh look of offense followed when he pulled away from her. Iris didn’t speak, but her eyes said every bit of, “No. Don’t ruin this. Just kiss me.” Before he could respond, verbally or otherwise, her hands were back in his hair, and her tongue was again making the plunge inside of his mouth, just as his own hands grew restless. First, they went for her thick, brown thighs, which were playing peek-a-boo underneath the blue, wrap dress she was wearing. She had always been curvy, but with age had come weight, distributed in all of the right places, that made her body absolutely sinful these days.

Despite his outward calmness, inside, Barry was still a little nervous. At 31, he was well versed in the ways of sex. It had taken him longer than most to grow out of that awkward adolescent thing that had survived well past his college years, but eventually, with time and experience, he’d grown confident in his ability to please a woman and to be vocal about what he wanted in return.

But this was Iris, the one woman in the world who had a death grip on his heart. All she had to do was squeeze it with enough pressure, and he would have dropped dead onto the floor. It was only a miracle that he’d survived her wedding, five years ago, or what she hadn’t known would be their last official time hanging out as friends, a year later. Heaven only knew if he could survive having sex with her in this emotional, morally bereft, lust driven state, but damn it, if he wasn’t going to go for it.

God knows she seemed to be more than ready by the way her hips undulated on his lap, her womanhood, pressed right against the bulge in between his legs. It took everything in him not to groan into her mouth, as their tongues continued to do a forbidden dance. His hands rose to from her thighs to her ass, first gently, then with more force, kneading at that the fullness of it. All he could think about was wanting to feel all of it it, without the barrier of her thong, and what lay underneath it.

Not wanting to take things too fast, but unable to resist, his hands slid from her ass to her front, his thumbs slipping underneath the seat of her thong. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but Iris grabbing his hands, and saying, “Barr. No,” wasn’t it.

“No?” He asked.

“No.” She shook her head. “I want you, God knows I want you,” she said, glancing down at his lust-ridden eyes, and exposed chest, “but I’m not ready for this yet,” she continued, forcing herself away from his hopeful, hypnotizing gaze. “And I don’t think you are either,” she added, alluding once again to that elephant that continued to follow them around, alluding to Patty-his wife.

He sighed, sitting up, his motion, nearly causing her to fall over out of his lap. It prompted her to grab onto his shoulders to steady herself, but she made no effort to crawl off of him completely. He couldn’t help but smile, figuring that she was becoming acquainted with touching him, and didn’t want to let him go. But she didn’t return his smile. Instead, she pouted and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Have you changed your mind about us?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I just don’t want our first time to be like this. While we’re.”

“While we’re both still married.”

“Are you mad?”

“Yes,” he said, bluntly.

She swallowed. “Well, I’m sorry.”

“Not because you’re not ready, Iris. I’d wait forever for you if I had to. I’m mad because you kept you how felt about me. But more than anything, I’m mad at myself for doing the same, and that I now have to hurt the woman I love, for the love of my life.”

Iris looked down at him with a stoic gleam in her eyes, like hearing him say the words “the woman I love” hadn’t stung, even though Barry knew they had. And he knew because they’d hurt him to say. Neither of those things changed the fact that they were the truth. He loved Patty, dearly. She’d been a beacon of light for him when he was in a dark place, trying to reconcile his feelings about Iris, and even Joe, after he and Cecile got married and started their own little family.

With each passing year, Barry felt like he was losing more and more of who he was. His life was nearly unrecognizable by the time he met Patty. WIth Iris gone, and Cisco in a serious relationship with Gypsy, Patty helped him have something–a relationship–that he could call his own. As their relationship progressed, he’d convinced himself that he could get over how he felt about Iris, and spend the rest of his life with her. But after being back around Iris, all of one day, and feeling, touching, and smelling what wholeness felt like, Barry knew that he couldn’t go back to feeling half-live.

“What?” Barry asked when he noticed Iris’s lethargic expression had transformed into worry, which she made no effort to hide. “We’ve come too far for you to hide things from me now,” he coaxed her, pushing her hair out of her beautiful face. “Talk to me.”

Iris’s bottom lip was swept up in her teeth, and he could see she was teetering on the line between continuing to be withholding and finally, completely opening up to him. She wasn’t always this difficult to read, so he figured these newly found walls she had up were a side effect of being married to Scott—that fucking bastard. “You can talk to me, Iris,” he said again. If this was going to work, she was eventually going to have to trust him. “What’s on your mind.”

“Okay,” she said, releasing a harsh breath. “I just. Patty is a great woman, who you love. I just wanna know. Are you absolutely sure this is what you want? That…I’m.“

“Yes, Iris,” he said, cutting her off before she could finish her sentence.  “I’ve never been surer of anything in the world.”

“Really, Barry? I’m not exactly the girl you grew up with anymore. I’ve changed a great deal over the past five years.”

“Tell me about it,” he said, rolling his eyes in jest. “But you’re still the love of my life.”

A wide smile spread across her face, as tears filled her eyes.

“Well then, Mr. Allen, we’re on the same accord.”

“Finally.”

“Which means we don’t have to rush into sex.”

“No…we don’t,” he said, trying to match her energy, which would have been easy if she wasn’t still sitting on his manhood, looking like a dream.

Iris laughed. “God, you’re so cute.”

“But seriously,” he said, smiling, “I don’t mind waiting.”

“Good.”

“So what now, Ms. ‘I-have-all-the-answers.”

“Now? We order that room service you wanted, you must be starving.”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding, "but not for food.”

Iris blushed, covering her face with her hands, and he smiled. And she smiled then looked away, and he kissed her again because this was all new and amazing, and they’d both been talking for way too long, about obstacles neither wanted to deal with at the moment. The past five years had been about all of the reasons they couldn’t be together. Tonight would be about why they could.

“Barry,” she said, pushing him away from her with firm hand to his chest. “Come on, babe.”

“Alright. alright. I’m sorry,” he said, unable to contain his grin. “I just can’t help myself when I’m around you.”

“Don’t be sorry, babe. Trust, me I understand,” she said, finally climbing off of his lap. She smoothed her hand down her dress, and settled on the bed next to him. “Which is why we needn’t tempt ourselves.”

Barry chuckled. “You’re right, you’re always right.”

"Aren't I,” she laughed, before letting her weight fall backward onto her bed, and pressing her eyes shut. For the first time that night, Iris seemed to feel the effects of a full day of shopping, professions of love, and lots and lots of kissing.

“I think I’m gonna take a bit of a nap before room service gets here,” she said, yawning. Barry followed her on the way down and snuggled up against her. She smiled when he felt his strong arm wrap around her waist, then rested her hand on top of his.

“Okay. And then?”

“And then, you get back to my dad’s house. Because I do not feel like explaining to him why you never came home from my hotel room.”

“Oh, right.”

“And after that,” Iris added, slowly turning over so that they were face to face. “You go back home, figure out what the next step is for you. And Patty. This isn’t an ideal situation, and I know this won’t be easy for you, Barry.”

“No, it won’t,” he said, sadly. “I don’t want to hurt her. But hurting you isn’t an option.”

“Don’t worry about me right now,” she said, smiling gently. “I want you to take your time. You’ve waited for me my entire life; it’s my turn to wait for you. Okay?

“You’d do that for me?” He asked, genuinely touched.

“I’d do absolutely anything for you, Barry Allen.  She continued, quickly, “Except have sex with you tonight," when she saw a hint of that lustful glint in his eye.

He laughed. “I got it.’

“I know, babe,” she said, swiping a thumb over his cheek.

“So, what does all of this mean for you and Scott?”

“Scott doesn't care about me.” She said, running hand through his hair. "And he hasn't for a long, long time."

"And how do--"

"You are the man that I love, Barry," Iris said, silencing him with a kiss.

Barry smiled, knowing there would come a day when he’d get used to hearing her say these words, but hoping that it didn’t come anytime soon. He wanted to bask in the newness of it all for as long as possible.

“I love you too.”

* * *

* * *

It was right after 4 Am when Barry entered the West Home. He and Iris had made good on their decision to abstain from sexual intercourse, but after they ate dinner, it was no time before they were again making out. An innocent peck on the lips had led to grazing fingers and nipping lips, then deeper, more intimate touching that eventually ignited sounds out of Iris, he’d heard only in his dreams. Forcing himself away from her had been damn near impossible, but eventually, his legs started to cooperate with the logical part of his brain that told him he needed to get the Hell away from her before they crossed another, even bigger line.

Barry gently eased the front door open, walked inside, and wiggled his key out of the lock. Patty may have been gone back to Romanville, but Joe West, prying ass detective extraordinaire, was right upstairs.

Barry was a walking, talking mess of emotions right now, and there was no way in Hell he’d be able to skirt Joe’s intrusive questions.

At the staircase, Barry started to ascend the stairs, ready to make love to his bed for the night.

“That you, Barry?”

Fuck. “Yeah,”  he said turning towards the voice of Joe, who was walking out of the kitchen with a sandwich on a plate.

“You’re getting home pretty late, there huh?”

“Yeah, well. Iris-uh, had a lot of errands to run. And it got late, so we just. Stayed in her room.”

“Together?” Joe asked, brow raised, as he walked over to where Barry was stood.

“Um, yeah,” Barry said, running a hand through his hair.

Joe let out a deep, guttural laugh. “That’s great. Really great.”

“Really? Why?”

“You two been acting so weird, it’s just nice that you were able to spend a little time together.”

“O-oh. Right,” Barry said relieved. “Well, you know. Things get weird when you spend so much time apart.”

“Indeed. Which is why both of you should come home more often.”

“Right. Well, I have a feeling that you may eventually get what you want, old man.”

“Really? Why’s that?”

“Well, you know. We had a talk about…uh-stuff. And, you know, we both agreed that we don’t come home enough,” he said.

“Hmm. Did you now?” Joe asked, voice stern. "Well, I hope you two make good on it." He placed a loving hand on Barry’s shoulder. “I really miss my kids.”

Barry smiled, weakly, happy that the lie he’d pulled out of his ass seemed to suffice. “We will try. I mean, I will try. I can’t control what Iris does," he added quickly, "but she did seem to be receptive.”

“Let’s hope,” Joe said, passing Barry to ascend the stairs. “Oh and Barry?”

“Yeah?”

"Be careful. Trouble brews at this hour of the night. Trouble, that not even a Speedster can run from,” he added, before disappearing up the stairs. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a head after Barry goes back home to break things off with Patty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I'd love to know what you think!
> 
> Also, I know this chapter is ridiculously long. Sorry!

Cisco Ramon held the shoulders of his best friend, who was hurled over attempting to catch his breath. He was two seconds away from wrinkling his tux, and having to fork over 2000 dollars to the shop he rented it from, and God knows he’d already spent enough to make this wedding absolutely everything his wife-to-be, Patty wanted. **  
**

“Calm down man.”

“Can’t,” he heaved. “Getting…getting….MARRIED.”

Cisco chuckled. “Yeah, to a beautiful woman who loves you. No reason to freak.”

A few nerves were healthy, but overall, this sheer display of fear confused Cisco. His thoughts drifted to Gypsy, who he’d been dating for the better part of three years, and how he couldn’t wait until the day when he would be able to call her his wife.

Barry hadn’t known Patty nearly as long. They’d gone from dating to engaged in eight months, and now, four months later, they were getting married. But he knew what two people in love looked like, and Barry and Patty had every bit of that goofy, star struck thing in their eyes whenever they looked at each other.

Barry should have been ecstatic, unless, of course. Cisco pursed his lips, trying to push down the thought that was making its way to the forefront of his mind, but, much to Cisco’s detriment, his mouth moved much faster than his brain.

“Is this, is this about Something else? Someone else?”

Barry rose, the implication in Cisco’s voice clear as day. He pushed out a deep breath, and took in another. But nothing he did alleviated the feeling that a giant gorilla was playing ping pongs with his lungs.

“Cisco…” He spit out, frustrated. It was a warning, however ill delivered. He brought a heavy hand to his chest, and tried to apply the breathing technique he’d learned from his therapist, Dr. Finkel. Barry pictured himself skipping over soft grass in wide open fields as the sun’s rays beat down on him, fresh air filling his lungs. He had to repeat it several times, but slowly but surely, he felt his airways open up. “Don’t,” Barry said, after he’d finally taken one clear breath. “I mean it.”

Cisco’s hands shot up in defense. He tried to think of a witty comeback, but a knock at the door of Barry’s dressing room stopped him. He flashed Barry a wry smile and walked himself backwards towards the door. No point in upsetting his best friend on his wedding day.

“Who is it?” He asked, unable to reach the peephole.

“An old friend.”

Cisco’s breath hitched, he knew that voice anywhere. In the off chance that he was wrong, he looked back to Barry, who looked like a deer caught in the headlight, but then, instincts kicking in, he immediately slapped spit covered hands through his already slicked down hair, and straightened his tux, just as he did his posture as well. A moment later, Barry was the image of confidence, no sign of the air-deprived man he’d just tried to talk off of the ledge. Cisco rolled his eyes.

Yep, it was her. It was Iris.

“Oh God,” Cisco thought to himself, a pained grimace spread out over his face, as he pivoted away from Barry, towards the door. He opened the door, and there stood his former friend —Barry’s former everything.

“Cisco,” she said, warmly with outstretched arms.

“Iris,” he said, walking into her embrace. “It’s been a long time, huh?”

She huffed, softly. “Yeah.”

“Well you haven’t aged a day.”

“God, I hope not,” she said smoothing her hand down her clothes. “It hasn’t been that long. 18 months or so, I’d guess.

“I know, but that’s what old friends in movies say when they reunite, after time has passed. I mean, we are friends, right? Cause I’ve gotten all of two texts from you in the last 12 months.”

Iris chuckled softly, and cocked her head to the side. “Of course we are, Cisco.” She pouted when he glared at her. “I’ve just been busy. I’m sorry.”

Cisco nodded, gingerly. “Okay, but if you go too long without checking in, I may just breach into your living room one of these days.”

Iris laughed. “Fine. But I’m not responsible for whatever you end up breaching in on.”

Cisco chuckled nervously, knowing that the mental images were taking over Barry’s brain. Because he didn’t need her prompting for them too.

“Anyway,” Iris said, changing the subject. “I came to visit the groom. You gonna let me in?” She looked past the dark-haired man, to Barry, who through Cisco couldn’t see, he just knew had his eyes locked in on Iris.

“Yeah.” Cisco leaned towards Iris, tone low. “But he’s two steps away from having a breakdown. So. You’ve been warned.”

“Okay.”

Cisco shot Barry one last look, then slipped past Iris, out of the room to give them a bit of privacy, and so that he wouldn't’ get caught in any crossfire.

“So, you gonna stand there, or are you gonna greet a girl?”

Iris ran her hands down her two-piece satin, floral outfit. The base of it was champagne, and it was covered in blue and pink flowers, but the star of the outfit was definitely her smile, edging out the kindness in her eyes by only a hair.

His legs started moving before his brain registered her request, which made him stagger towards him with a head that had to catch up. She covered her hand over her mouth to cover her chuckling, and he could feel the blood rising to his cheeks.

Standing face to face with her, he leaned down and pulled her into a hug. It had been almost two years since he’d seen Iris in the flesh. Four years since she’d moved to Keystone after Marrying Scott, a big shot editor. Four years since their friendship, as he’d known it for most of his life, changed forever. Four years since he’d lost the love of his life.

It was odd that his wedding to Patty Spivot was the event that had finally brought Iris back to Central City. Not even Joe West had been able to wrangle her back in to the place she’d called home for 26 years, prior to leaving.

After he and Patty became engaged, Barry had gone back and forth over whether to send Iris an invitation. In the off chance she cared, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by not inviting her—especially if Joe and Cecile were going to be there, and posting photos to their Facebook accounts, where she could see the. Eventually, he figured that she probably wouldn’t show up anyway, so sending her one would put him in the clear. When she RSVP’d a week or so later, he didn’t know what to think. And now she was standing in front of him, while he was less than an hour away of marrying Patty, the one woman he could say he’d truly loved in his lifetime—besides, her, of course.

Iris blinked away the deafening silence. “You look nice,” she offered, pointing to Barry, who was wearing a three-piece tux. It was the truth, but also, it was the least she could say after the way she’d allowed her marriage to Scott to interfere with their once envy-inducing friendship.

“Do I?” He said, in an octave that made Iris chuckle. He coughed to disguise his flub, and ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, do I?” he said, voice returned to normal.

“Yeah. Patty’s a really lucky woman, I’m so happy for you two,” she said flashing him her most genuine smile. In Barry’s jittery state, he missed the hints of sadness present, which was for the best. Iris herself, hadn’t realized what she would feel, seeing Barry prepared to marry another woman. Now that she was standing in front of him, though, feelings she’d long tried to ignore were bubbling up just underneath the surface, waiting to spill over.

“Thank you, I-Iris. I’m happy too.” There was a muted sadness in the way he responded, which Iris did indeed notice. She wasn’t sure if she should point it out or not, given she’d relinquished her right to pry into Barry’s life when she allowed their friendship to fizzle into nothingness. But she figured prying would be better than addressing the latter.

“So, I hear you’re kinda nervous,” she said gently. Barry spooked easily. He always had. And she didn’t want to induce anymore anxiety, but she was curious to dig into his mental state, prior to his wedding.

“I was. I mean, I am. But it’s not as bad as before.”

She nodded. “Well, wedding jitters are perfectly normal. I was a mess and a half right before I walked down the aisle.”

Barry just nodded and smiled. Iris’s wedding day was easily in the top five most difficult ordeals he’d been through, and he’d witnessed both of his parents murdered right in front of him. He’d pushed memories of that day, and all of the ones leading up to it, as far down into the pit of his distant memories as he could. And yet, all it took was a brief mention of it to make them explode to the surface.

* * *

Barry sighed when he returned from his kitchen with a tray of snacks to find Iris laid across his bed, staring up at the ceiling, hands rested across her chest. They were supposed to be making the most of the days leading up to her wedding by having a much-needed movie night(in those days, Barry had been naive enough to believe Iris when she said that nothing, and no one would ever come in between their friendship) but Iris was a mess of nerves about the big day.

Even though Barry was prepared to stand with Iris in her bridal party, he had been living in ignorant bliss, basically pretending that his entire life wasn’t about to be turned upside down. All he wanted was to spend as much time with Iris as he could, but it was damn near impossible since Iris was growing more apprehensive by the day, sometimes the hour. And she was not good at hiding it

.Standing over his bed, he sighed.  “What’s wrong now?”

“I’m only 26, what do I know about being a wife?” She said, not at him but at the ceiling. She rested her hand on her forehead, and chuckled. “I mean, I definitely have no desire to be a stay at home wife, but I’ll have to cook sometimes right? That’s what wives do. I only know how to cook five meals. Scott’s gonna die of starvation because of me.”

Barry laughed. “You sound ridiculous.” He sat down the tray of food on his bedside table, then took a seat next to her. She rose from her spot, and perched one leg up on the bed.

“Do I? I can’t deep clean that big ass apartment he’s just leased for us, I don’t know how to dry clean his fancy suits. These are things that adult women getting married need to know. To be quite honest, the only thing I’m confident in is my ability to please him sexually.”

“Whoa! Whoa, Whoa.” Barry threw his hands up. That was much more than he ever wanted to know about her and Scott. And God knows, he knew more than enough already.

Iris blushed, her nerves were getting the best of her. “TMI?”

“WAY too much,” Barry said. He shook it off, though, because there were more important matters at hand. Like calming Iris’s nerves. No matter how much he disliked Scott, or the thought of Iris getting married, he hated seeing her worrying herself over nothing. “That’s beside the point though. You would make any man a great wife, Iris. You’re beautiful, smart, driven. So what if you can’t coo-”

“Yeah, one day. But what if it’s not the right time. What if I just shouldn’t get married yet?”

If only Barry had known then that Iris was asking him to give her a way out, he would have confessed his feelings right then and there, but he hadn’t known. So he took her hand in his and told her that she should with glossy eyes. And when she noticed, he looked away, and pretended that the cause of the shimmering was because of a dust particle. When their eyes met again, there was still a hopeful glint in her eye, but he thought she was looking for him to encourage her further, so that’s what he did.

“That’s crazy talk, Iris. You love Scott, right?”

Iris opened her mouth, but when no words flowed, she coughed, hopeful that she could jar some loose. “Yes,” she finally said. It was throaty and garbled, and made Barry look at her, curiously. “Yes. So in love, so happy,” she added, more jubilantly than before—enough to erase any trace of doubt that Iris should wait.

“Then that’s all that matters.”

* * *

“Barr? You okay?”

Iris West waved a hand in front of his face. She didn’t know where his mind had traveled during those thirty seconds, but it was somewhere distant, somewhere that stirred up feelings of dread within him.

Was he thinking about her and the way she just tossed him aside once her life in Keystone got too hectic to accommodate a man who demanded every single second of her spare time; once her feelings for Barry became so overwhelming she had to put some distance between them; once Scott became so volatile about her Flash coverage, she had to keep Barry away from him too, to prevent being found out.

“Oh, uh,” Barry said, shaking away the awkwardness, “I guess. I was daydreaming.”

Iris wanted, so, so badly to ask him just what he’d been thinking about, and she may have, but he segued away from the awkwardness, saying, “Speaking of your wedding, how are you and Scott doing?”

“A-MAZ-ing,” she said.

To Barry, it sounded like she was overemphasizing, but between his nerves, the way she was looking in her dress, and the way her favorite perfume was invading his senses, he hadn’t the words.

“Really?” He asked, out of habit. Or because his brain enjoyed betraying him. Or, because he was hoping she’d tell him that she was miserable with Scott, not because that’s what she deserved, but because maybe, just maybe, she—”

“SO happy,” she continued, clapping.

His face fell before he could finish his thought.

She kept on, “I mean, the happiest. Scott and I? Happy, happy, happy.”

“Well, I’m glad, Iris,” he said after a moment to digest what she’d said. “You deserve that and more.”

“Thank you, Barry. So do you.”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough catching up. This man has to get married,” said, Cisco announcing his arrival in a way only he could, “in about, 15 minutes.” He’d been listening outside of the door, and Iris was one “happy” away from derailing all of the work he’d put into getting Barry in the right headspace to get married. The job of a best man was never done, but being the one to Barry Allen, it was like he’d taken on a second, full time job. If this wedding didn’t get moving soon, Cisco was going to have to play wingman to Barry during his honeymoon. He imagined that men pining over their childhood loves had a hard time getting things u with their wives. And even his loyalty had its limits.

“Of course.” Iris laughed nervously, pushing her hair behind her ears. She looked back towards Barry. A brief pause followed, but then she leaned up and kissed Barry on the cheek, leaving him with a final “good luck” before scurrying off in pursuit of her seat, out in the church.

With Iris gone, Cisco turned back towards his friend, a knowing look of judgement on his face.

“What?”

“You were doing that thing again.”

“Was I?”

“You were. I was hoping you weren’t, but the sound of her voice turned you back into a pathetic puppy dog. Then you stared at her leaving like your long, lost love just walked out of your life.” He raised a hand. “Scratch that. Sorry.”

Barry huffed, feigning offense. Suddenly the room was hot and stuffy. He pulled on his bowtie, to loosen it, concerned that he might have another panic attack at any moment.

“Remember. Wide open fields, buddy.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said lying.

Cisco glared at him, and Barry averted his gaze, but that didn’t deter the shorter man from taking a step forwards and placing two hands on Barry’s shoulders.

“I know how you feel about her.” His voice was gentle like a parent who was breaking bad news to their child, or a teacher explaining to a student why they should stay away from the troublemakers in the class. “And I get it. She’s breathtaking, Barry. And you’ve known her your entire life. But she is a married woman now. Her husband is out there, next to her, waiting for your wedding to start. And may I add, as much as I love Iris, she hasn’t been there for you the way you deserved over the last 3-4 years.”

“Cisco. Please.”

He continued, cutting Barry off, “But there’s a lovely woman, four doors down waiting to devote her life to you in front of your friends and family. She’s dreamed of this day since she was a little girl, and I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She loves you, man. She loves you the way that you love Iris. But none of that matters if your heart’s not in it. So, I need you to sit here, alone for the next 9 and a half minutes,” he said, glancing at this watch, “and make sure that this is really what you want.”

* * *

Patty was an image of beauty as she walked down the aisle, accompanied by her grandfather. She wore a strapless, white gown, with an empire waistline. Her blonde hair was swept up into a high bun, with loose tendrils framing her face. Barry knows that Patty’s father would have loved to see her wearing a smile so big, it filled the room. He couldn’t tell whether or not she was crying from that distance, and with her veil, but knowing how much she loved her father, and the talks they’d had about him, he figured she was. It caused his own eyes to well up with tears.

No woman deserved to lose her father in such a violent way. It led to thoughts about his own parents, and the fact that, if Joe West, wasn’t sat out in the pews, he would have had absolutely no one he could truly call family in attendance at his wedding. He sniffed, attempting to get a hold on his emotions. But more importantly because this was a good day, the first day of the rest of his life, that would, hopefully, not be weighed down like his first 30 years had.

Cisco was right. Iris was, and probably would always be someone he loved dearly, but he needed to move past her. She’d been married for four years. She wasn’t his best friend anymore, even though it was clear that the affection between them remained. He glanced, ever so quickly at her in the pews. Her eyes were locked in on Patty, just like all of the other guests. Hand to her heart, she looked over to Scott, and he placed a hand on her shoulder. Iris tilted her head slightly in his direction. And for the first time in Barry’s life, he was genuinely happy that Iris was happy with him.

Because, _his_ happiness, at least his chance at happiness, was walking down the aisle willing, and enthusiastically ready to proclaim her love for him, in front of 200 of their closest friends, family members, and co-workers.

* * *

Barry could have sped back to Romanville, but he needed the 10 or so hour drive in his car to formulate how he was going to break things off to Patty. He hoped that the time alone would give him some kind of clarity about the best way to tell her he wanted a divorce, but the time alone had only made things worse.

When he was with Iris, it was impossible for him to truly feel the weight of his decision to end his marriage. But alone, away from her intoxicating smile, and her warm eyes, and that body that drove him crazy, it was absolutely crushing him.

Now sat in his driveway, he was relieved that Patty had already taken her Mid-term, because he’d come up with nothing close to the right words—nothing at all to soften the blow. Maybe that was because there were no right words.

When his phone chirped, pulling him away from his thoughts, Iris’ name—a name that, before this week, he hadn’t seen on his phone in years, flashed across the front of it. Usually, he would have welcomed the brief distraction, but given the circumstances, it only made the ache in his stomach grow more intense. The ring for emergencies was loud, and piercing, so Iris wasn’t in any danger. If anything, she was probably checking in to see if he’d made it safely back home. She knew he was out of practice as a driver but she also knew the full scope of his abilities, so it’s not like it mattered. Maybe she was calling to check up on him in other ways. Regardless, now wasn’t the time. There would come a time—hopefully very, very soon –when Iris had his complete, undivided attention, but there were more than a few hurdles he had to jump over first.

* * *

At his front porch, Barry took in a deep breath, then proceeded to open enter his home. He’d hoped that maybe Patty was asleep, or upstairs studying, and he’d have an excuse to prolong this further. Much to his dismay, she was cooking for him. He could smell the blend of Italian seasonings wafting through the air. But more than that, she’d cleaned up their home from floor to ceiling, in preparation for his arrival.

Everything looked absolutely immaculate.Their 4000-dollar ivory couch, sat in the middle of their living room, had been freshly vacuumed. Their matching wall-to-wall carpets glowed from being freshly shampooed–the staunch chemical smell was almost as prevalent as the Italian spices. He hadn’t been in the kitchen or upstairs, but he could guess it was spotless, just like their bedrooms and bathrooms. Patty was a very busy woman, who loved her job at the RVPD, but deep inside, she had a bit of a homemaker spirit to her. She’d obviously taken advantage of his absence to try to spruce up their living situation.

“That better be Barry coming through my front door. Otherwise, I am a cop with a gun!’ She called out playfully from the kitchen.

“Uh, yeah. It’s me, Patty.”

“I know, I heard you pull in,” she yelled. A moment later, she emerged through the swinging doors, a large smile on her face.  She removed her apron, threw it on the couch, and made a beeline for him, pulling him into a bear hug. “I know I insisted, but I am never encouraging you to stay behind again. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” he said, eyes pressed tight, as they embraced. She always gave such amazing hugs. He pulled her further into him. He was going to miss them.

“Good. It’s only been a few days,” she said, pulling away from him, “but I have a ton to catch you up on. And I wanna hear all about the rest of your trip as well. But all of that can wait until after we eat. I made lasagna, your favorite.”

“You didn’t have to cook for me.”

“Don’t be silly; you know how much I love it. I just don’t get to as much as I liked.”

Before he could say anything, she rose up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his forehead, then one to his lips. He returned her advances with a chaste kiss, but when she came back a third time, this time, to deepen their kiss, his mind traveled to Iris.

“Wait. Patty,” he said, blocking her path to him.

“What’s wrong Barr?” She asked, noticing for the first time his bleak expression. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” She asked, bringing a hand to his forehead, looking him squarely in the eye.

Barry sighed. These were not the eyes of a woman about to have her world turned upside down. They were one of a woman, concerned about her husband. One who loved him with all of her heart.

“Patty, please sit down.”

He reached for her hand, but she pulled it back, examining his eyes for some kind of answer. “Barry, you’re scaring me. Did something happen? Are you sick? No, of course you’re not. Speedsters can’t get sick. Did something happen to Joe? Or Cecile? Or.”

“Patty!” He croaked, the lump in his throat building with every single passing minute. “Please sit down,” he said, wiping the tears that were pooling in his eyes.

Eyes wide, she did as he said, and took a seat on the couch. “Barry. Why are you crying? What’s going on?”

He sucked in a deep breath, and released it soon after.

“Patty, do you know why I didn’t go home the entire year we’ve been married, until five days ago?”

“Because you lost so much there,” she said. “Your mom and dad. Almost your life, when you were struck by the lightning.”

“Yes, Central City has taken more from me than I ever imagined it would. But also,” he said, pausing to gather his thoughts.

“But what,” she beckoned.

“Everything about my existence in Central City reminded me of Iris.”

“Iris?”

“Joe’s house. Jitters. The police department, CCPN,” he said, listing the items off on his finger. “The pretzel shop next to CPPD makes me think about every Friday during our Senior year, when we’d run there after school to spend our paychecks, eating our weight in bread and hot cheese. And I still can’t even go visit my parent’s graves without thinking about how she used to sit out there with me for hours and let me cry into her shoulder.”

Patty glowered at him, as he spoke. She knew that Barry had shared a special bond with Iris, growing up. But she didn’t know that it had been this strong. “Sounds like you two had quite the friendship,” she said, stoically. “Why are you telling me this, now, though?” In the entire time they’d been dating, and married, Patty could count on one hand the amount of times, he’d mentioned Iris. And none of them had been willingly. The crumbs of information she’d gotten out of Barry about her had come from Patty managing to sneak her into conversation, by bringing up aspects of his childhood she’d been present in. Even then, there was always this level of detachment in his voice that always piqued her interest.

“Because. You thought I wanted to keep you from my family, or from Iris, but that’s not it.”

Patty’s face softened, as relief washed over it. Of course, this was about their trip. Things had been a little rocky at first, but overall, but she felt they’d all had a pretty good time.

“The truth,” he continued, voice breaking, “is that I wanted to keep myself away from the painful memories, of losing her friendship. But then I had to save her from that blizzard, and we had a chance to talk for the first time in years. She confided in me about her husband, and told me he didn’t love her anymore. Which is crazy, because I didn’t understand how anyone couldn’t love her.”

“I-uh,” Patty said, shaking her head. “Wait. Where are you going with this Barry?”

Barry sniffed, willing the landslide of tears and snot to keep themselves inside of his head, but it was no use.

“See. The crying. The random mention of Iris, after you’ve spent entire two years skirting around her name. You’re scaring me, Barry. What are you trying to tell me?”

Barry sighed, and lowered his head in shame. “Iris was my first love. My only true love, before I met you.”

Patty gulped. This was definitely not what she was expecting to hear. “So she’s your ex? Is that why you won’t talk about her with me?”

Barry shook his head. “No. We never dated. Because I was too afraid to tell her how I felt. For the near-entirety of our friendship until…this week. I told her how I always felt about her.”

“Did you hear me?” He asked, hoping that he didn’t have to repeat those words.  Hurting her once was more than enough.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… trying to process all of this.”

“I’m so sorry, Patty. I wanted to tell you sooner.”

Again, Barry waited for Patty to break down into tears, or perhaps rage with anger, but she just sat there staring off into the distance for God knows how long.

 Oddly enough, she stood where she was sat, and turned towards him, “ “Everyone has childhood crushes Barry.” I’m just glad that you finally told me. I noticed something off about the way you two were interacting, but I didn’t want to pry. Now I know it’s because you were feeling guilty about not sharing this with me.”

“You’re not mad?”

“It’s not really what I want to hear, but the fact that you’ve been torturing yourself over this,” she laughed gently, “God, I thought that something awful had happened. You really are the sweetest man ever.”

“Wait. Patty.”

“No, Barry,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate your honesty. But honestly, I missed you so much, I just wanna skip dinner all together, and just go straight of dessert.”

She took a seat in his lap, and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I missed you so much, Barry.” She kissed that sensitive part of his neck, directly under his earlobe that made his body shudder. It caused streaks of electricity spread in every direction from the source of her kiss, current not from the source of his powers. “Patty,” he said firmly, then tried to say, because though he hated to admit it, the weight of her legs over his lap felt kind of nice and the feel of her touch on his neck, grounded the nervous ripples traveling through his body. Eventually, his “Patty no’s” melted into grumbled pleas, that wouldn’t rise up past this throat, no matter how badly he wanted them to come to the surface, and tell her that she’d misunderstood. That she’d missed the entire damn point of what he was saying.

But he’d expelled so much emotional energy during the drive over here, thinking about Iris and their respective weddings, and how easy things could have been if they’d been honest with each other, years ago. And he couldn’t scrounge up any more will to go back over it all again, and make Patty understand that she might have had a piece of his heart, but it wholly and fully belonged to Iris West, and always had.

Patty twisted her body, so that she was straddling his lap fully, his body betrayed him, reacting to the external stimuli of having a beautiful woman, who he’d been having sex with regularly since they started dating.

“Oh, you’re happy to see me, huh?” Patty asked, flirtation in her voice, before pressing her mouth against his, as her hands idly undid the buttons of his dress shirt.

* * *

The last place Barry was expecting to end up the morning after his night with Patty, was in Iris’s hotel room. Well, actually, the last place he’d expected to end up the night prior was in between Pattys’ legs.

Yes, that was the correct order of things. 

He was supposed to break things off with Patty so he could get back to Iris, back to her hotel room, back with the love of his life. If only he’d been able to keep things straight, and correct Patty’s blunder.

Now Iris had Barry pinned against the wall, with her hands fumbling with his zipper, and the only emotion he was feeling that was stronger than his guilt, was the lust he was feeling for her.

“What happened to no sex?” He said, walking her backwards back over to her bed. He hoisted her up, and gently, he placed her on her on her back, and turned his attention to her neck.

“This isn’t sex,” Iris breathed breathily. “This is…sex adjacent.

“You make that up?”

“Mhmm.” She kissed him again, slipping her tongue deep inside of his mouth. It was a possessive kiss, one probably brought on by the amount of time it had taken him to get back to her last night. He hadn’t meant to ignore her, but Patty had kept him occupied well into the night, and it’s not easy to answer text messages when you’re having sex. Of course, Iris hadn’t known that.

“I missed you too, you have no idea,” he said.

Iris pushed Barry up off of her, gazing up at him with lust-ridden eyes. “Touch me, Barry,” she said, guiding his hands to her centermost point. “Like you did the other night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she nearly moaned. “I need you, I love you.”

He still hadn’t gotten used to her saying those words. But this time, instead of them bringing him joy, they only brought him pain.

He sighed.

“What’s wrong Barr?”

Barry sat up, and ran a hand through his head. “I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“This. Not while things are so messed up.”

Iris paused. Of course, he was hurting because of Patty. It was absolutely natural, and here she was, pressuring him into messing around.“I am so sorry.” she said, rubbing a hand down his chest. “Of course. you’re not ready for this yet. Do you wanna talk about it?”

He clenched his teeth, unable to formulate an acceptable response.

“Did you hear me?”

He heard the crack in her voice, the one that gave way to the concern she was feeling.

“I didn’t tell her, Iris.”

“Wha-what?”

He turned towards her, earnestly. “I tried to tell her, God knows I did. But she took things the wrong way.”

“Wait. Wait,” Iris said, scooting to the edge of the bed. Once there, she adjusted her clothes, and stood up. “Did you or did you not tell her?”

“I told her about why I didn’t want to go home, and about being in love with you my entire life. But she thought I meant in the past.”

“Well, is that what you meant?” She asked, hand on her hip.

“Of course not, you know this, Iris. You know how much I love you.”

“So why didn’t you correct her?”

“I tried, but she was so hellbent on, on having sex,” he said, lowering his voice like it was a dirty word, “that she wasn’t hearing me. I couldn’t get a word in.”

“Oh,” she said, “I see. And did you?”

“I never wanted this to happen, Iris.”

Iris sat, eyes wide, attempting to process his admission. A beat later, she shrugged, a melancholy tone to her voice.  “No. She’s your wife. That’s what you do.” Iris followed that by walking away from him, so he wouldn’t witness the tears forming in her eyes, and took a seat at her desk, on the other side of the room. She moved the cursor on her keyboard, and jolted her laptop awake.

Mindless typing soon filled the room.

“Iris. Wait. Talk to me please.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, here. I have work to do. Rather, pitches to formulate. I can’t live out of this hotel room forever.”

Hating that he was talking to the back of her head, Barry walked over to where she was sat, and leaned his back against the wall. “You’re thinking of starting your career back up?” He asked, attempting to go along with the conversation change.

She nodded, eyes still  fixed on her computer screen.

“That’s great, you’re a talented writer.”

“So, I’ve been told,” she said curtly.

Barry sighed harshly. Of course she was angry with him. “I am going to tell her, Iris. Nothing has changed on my end. We just got carried away.”

Iris chuckled, as she continued to type. “I’ll remember that next time it happens.”

“I have to get back to work, can we please meet up tomorrow to talk about this.”

Iris tilted her head to the side, as if she was deep in thought.“Actually, this week is pretty busy for me,” she eventually answered.  I’ll call you though. If you can talk, that is.” She rose to her tip toes, and kissed him on the cheek. This thing with Iris was still new, but he immediately recognized the coldness in her kiss

“Are we okay, Iris?” He asked, looking into her eyes. “Please, talk to me.”

“You know what Barr? I have paperwork to file, a lawyer to find that won’t bankrupt me, and a job to land. This isn’t the right time.”

Barry folded his arms and scoffed.

“I’m sorry, do you have a problem?”

“It’s just, you mention the ‘right time’ and I just wonder, was telling me you loved me, while my wife was downstairs the right time?”

He wasn’t able to hide the resentment in his tone. He’d never blamed Iris for any of the choices she made, but given everything that happened, and the way she turned off her affection for him at a moment’s notice, he was more than perturbed.

She chuckled. “You mean a wife that you just had sex with? The same wife you also had sex with hours after I kissed you, which I didn’t comment on, by the way, right before you tried to make me confront my feelings in my father’s kitchen! And you have the nerve to imply I did something wrong.”

“Iris-”

“You know what,” she said cutting him off, “Maybe I am wrong. Wrong for expecting anything from you. I mean, Let’s be real, Barry. I don’t have a right to demand anything from you. We’re not in a relationship. And I know better than this. To play with this kind of fire. I’ve never messed around with a married man. But you looked at me with those fucking green eyes of yours, and I just took you at your word when you said that this is what you wanted. But it’s obviously more complicated than that.”

“What are you saying, Iris?”

“I’m saying, I want you to go home to your wife. What you decide to do, within your marriage, once you’re there is on you, but I’m taking myself out of this equation.”

“Iris. Please. If you’d just listen to me. You’ll understa–.”

Iris turned back to her laptop and, resumed what she’d been working on before he’d gotten there. “Goodbye, Barry.”

Barry could feel his stomach, again, turning in on itself. He looked back at her, looking straight ahead at her computer screen. A lone tear spilled from her eye, but she was way too prideful to let him see her wipe it. She was hurt. And it was all his fault. He couldn't’ think of a single combination of words that would make any of this any better, other than, “I’m sorry Iris.”

He gave her a final look, before turning the doorknob to leave. Where he was going he didn’t know. But his job, or his home with Patty wasn’t an option. He needed somewhere isolated where he could think. Before he could speed away, the sight on the other side of the door, stopped him in his tracks, however.

“Scott.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott Evans arrives at Iris's hotel room. And he's not happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SO appreciate all of the comments and feedback on this story. I'll try to reply to as many people I can this weekend. <3 As always, thanks for reading. And I'd love to know your thoughts! :)

"Scott.”

Barry heard Iris’s breath catch. His eyes darted over to her, and sure enough, Scott’s name had induced another atmospheric change.

Except this time, Iris didn’t look annoyed or inconvenienced.

She looked terrified.

“Allen.” Scott said, mimicking Barry’s shock. An arrogant chuckle followed. “Wow. She done already called up her old childhood friend, huh? What, you guys have a slumber party?”

_Something like that._

Scott didn’t wait for Barry to respond; he just pushed past him, into the room, his sights set on Iris. As if on cue, Iris jumped up from her desk. “I left you for a reason, Scott, get out of my room, she commanded.

Scott pushed forwards anyway. “So five years of marriage doesn’t mean shit to you, huh? And what, you thought I wouldn’t find you when you used MY credit card to book this hotel room? You’re stupider than you look.”

“Hey-“

Iris waved Barry off. This was her battle to fight—not his.  “What marriage? You don’t treat me like a wife, you treat me like a liability.”

“Because that’s what you act like! The woman I met at Picture News five years ago was hungry and passionate—driven!” he yelled, pounding his fist into his hand. “You had so much potential but you chose to waste it, writing about the damn Flash like you were in love with him or something.”

“I wasn’t nearly as obsessed with the Flash as you were jealous him!”  

“Please,” Scott retorted, inching further and further into the room. “You might as well have written him a love letter or something, and signed it ‘your biggest fan.’”

From Barry’s perspective, Scott looked like the ultimate predator, gearing up to pounce on his prey. With each step Scott took, Iris paced herself backward until eventually, she was against the wall with nowhere else to go. Fists clenched, Barry physically willed himself to stay put where he stood—at least until he absolutely had to intervene, because there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t beat this asshole into a pulp. Iris had asked him not to get involved, but he couldn’t leave her alone, especially since his presence didn’t seem to influence Scott’s display of anger. And if Scott was this bold while he was there, what would he do when he wasn’t?”

 “Oh, you have nothing to say? Where’s all of that mouth you had over those bullshit ass texts you sent me, huh? HUH!?“

Iris gulped.

He laughed. “That’s what I thought. Now, stop wasting my time, and my money, pack your shit up, and come on home so we can talk about this.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

Iris’s blatant refusal stopped Scott in his tracks. But only momentarily. When he started back towards her, there was a nastiness in his stride that set Barry’s alarms off. Scott was so engrossed in his anger, he didn’t notice the gush of wind that followed Barry rushing over to where he stood. But he did notice when Barry wedged himself between himself and Iris.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“You’re scaring her. You need to leave.”

Scott laughed, incredulously, and stepped further into Barry. “Oh, and who’s going to make me?”

Iris reached out to Barry. He was hot to the touch, a clear sign that his speed-force enhanced blood was absolutely boiling underneath the surface, which meant that lightning-struck eyes were only a few seconds away. He obviously wasn’t thinking about the ramifications, which would be fierce and long-lasting, if Scott found out who he really was — that he was The Flash.   
And she couldn’t have that. “Barry. No.”

He shrugged himself out of her grasp.

“BARRY. Please go.”

“I’m not leaving you, so stop asking me to.”

“If you’re smart bro, you’ll listen to your friend.” Scott said.

“One,” Barry said, turning back towards Scott, “I’m not your bro, and two, I’ll leave, after you’ve already gone.”

“And if I don’t?”

 “Then I’m sure Picture News would love to run a story about how their former editor-in-chief was arrested in his estranged wife’s hotel room.”

 “Oh, CSI,” Scott said, now eye to eye with Barry, “Tell me, what would the charges be?”

“Intimidation. Unlawful entry.”

He huffed, a snarky smile on his face. “This is MY wife.”

“That doesn’t mean that you own her. And since she obviously doesn’t want you here, you need to leave.”

“If you even think I came all the way to this shithole town to leave without the woman I married, you’re sorely mistaken.”

  
Barry pulled out his cell phone and held it up to Scott’s face.  
“I might not work for CCPD anymore, but Joe West—her father, you do know him right?—does and he has a ton of cop buddies who would just _love_  to intervene on the behalf of their colleague’s only daughter.”

“Oh, I just know you’re not threatening me.”

“That I am.”

Scott looked past Barry, to Iris. A beat later, he pointed an angry finger, yelling, “That’s alright, Iris. I’ll handle your ass in court. So go ahead and file your papers, baby. See if I care.” 

 

He turned and stomped towards the exist. Iris let out a deep sigh of relief; when Scott was at the door, Barry called out to him.

“WHAT?!”

“If you were smart, you’d let Iris do what she has to do in peace. I’m pretty sure that Flash guy you hate so much would love to kick your ass, too.”

Scott shot Barry one last look of derision, then slammed the door. No sooner than the door closed, Iris was on the floor, her face in her hands. Barry dropped down to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Iris. Are you okay?” Her body was trembling underneath his embrace. He squeezed her tighter, as tight as he possibly could without restricting her airway.

Snuggled right against him, she laid her head against his chest, just over his heart, which was pulsing erratically. He was still running hot with anger, but she felt safer than she ever had in his arms. When he ran a hand through her hair, she pressed her eyes shut. And a moment later when she felt the first brush of his lips against her, she obliged his needy request, savoring the softness, the tenderness. “I love you so much, Iris,” he crooned, voice barely above a whisper.

She almost allowed herself to return his declaration of love. God knows she wanted to just have one moment where she could pretend that Barry Allen would be the man to come rescue her from all of her problems—from Scott, from her bad decisions, and from herself—but then her mind was filled with images of him holding Patty in the same way, trailing his long, fingers down her body, kissing her, and proclaiming his love for her, as he looked up at her like she was the most beautiful woman ever. Then more Images of her riding him, the night before, as ecstasy spread out over his face. And suddenly, those same arms that gave her a sense of peace, felt dirty against her skin. Angrily, she tore away from him. It was rash, and abrupt, and definitely caught Barry’s attention.

“Iris. Are you okay?” He asked again, this time for a different reason.

“I’m fine.” She swiftly wiped the tears that had started to litter her face and stood.

“Okay,” he said, heedful of her mood change. “Well, what the fuck was Scott’s problem? Is he like this all of the time??”

Iris ignored his question, not in the mood to go into the logistics of their dysfunctional relationship, and walked across the room, over to her bed.

“Iris. Answer me.”

She rolled her eyes. “When he’s angry—give or take a birthday or Lunar eclipse.”

“He ever hit you?”

“No!” She said, too quickly for his liking.

He walked over to where she stood and rested his hands on her shoulders, her back still to him. “You can tell me if he has.”

Iris sighed and cocked her head to the side. “I said, no alright. He just gets really angry. Sometimes, he throws things.”

Just knowing that Iris had been living in a loveless marriage for four years was enough, but the thought of her being afraid and talked down to, sent him raging. He had to bite back the angry sobs that were forming in his throat and think about Iris, and the fact that she needed him. It was the only thing preventing him from running after Scott and bashing his face in—a secret identity be damned. “I am so sorry that you’ve had to endure this treatment. Strained friendship or not, I should have checked on you over the years. I’m so sorry, I didn’t.”

“Mhmm,” she said absently before taking a seat on the edge of her bed. Truth be told, her nerves were shot, and she needed a moment to process everything. Not just the stuff with Scott, though it had definitely racked her nerves. But the stuff with Barry too.

“Really, I mean it.”  Barry knelt down, resting one hand on her knee. He used the other to move her hair out of her face, so he could really see her. Her eyeliner was now smudged, her eyes puffed over. She made eye contact with him, the concern in his eye burning a hole through her retinas.

Iris just nodded, because if she tried to speak, surely she’d break down.

“How long has he been like this?”

She sniffed. “Since our first year of marriage.”

“God. He’s been verbally abusing you for four years!? Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter now. Won’t change the past.”

“Well, you can’t stay here, Iris. It’s not safe. He could come back.”

 “I’m not, I’m going to my dad’s. Scott’s not stupid enough to pop up there.”

“Well, let me help you pack.”

“No, I got it.”

“Fine. I can speed you back home when you’re done.”

“I just got my car back, I’m not leaving it again.”

“Well, will you call me when you make it home?”

Iris sighed, then stood, and grabbed her suitcase from the side of her bed, and started throwing everything within reach into it–no regard for the order which made the most sense.  She just needed to get her stuff as soon as she could, so she could out of his damn room, and away from Barry.

“Iris?”

“Not really in the mood to talk on the phone right now.” She turned, and Barry was blocking her phone, which was charging against the wall. She motioned for him to move, and he took a step aside.

“Okay then. I can swing by after work, then.”

Iris laughed and turned to face him. “You know, kiss or no kiss, I’m not sure what you think has changed in ten minutes.”

“Iris—“

“Look, I appreciate you for getting rid of Scott for me. Truly, I do. But if I remember correctly, you were on your way out when he showed up.”

“Only because you asked me to leave.

She zipped up her suitcase and squashed it down as far as it could go, then turned to him shrugging. “I haven’t changed my mind.”

“God, Iris, I’m just trying to be there for you. Why won’t you let me?“

“I don’t WANT you to be there for me. I don’t WANT any of this.”

“Why not?” He asked, pain evident in his voice. “Don’t you love me?”

“Yes, I love you, Barry. I love you from the depths of my soul, but I never wanted this! You were just so pushy after we kissed, and couldn’t take no for an answer. So I caved, and I allowed myself to be vulnerable—and selfish—for the first time in my life. And do you know what it got me? MORE hurt! MORE pain. I have enough of it already, and I don’t want anymore. Especially not from you. I literally cannot handle you hurting me, Barry. I can’t. I will not survive the man I’ve had on this pedestal my entire life, ripping my heart to shreds. So if you really, truly, honestly, want to help me, leave me alone.”

“I would never hurt you intentionally. You have to know how sorry I am, how much I love you.”

“And yet, I’m still hurt. So, Intent doesn’t mean a got damn thing, now does it?”

“Iris—”

“Please! Just leave me alone so I can pack. So I can move on with my life.”

“Move on? So what, this thing with us is done?”

“Pretty much.”

“What, so you can stand here and tell me that you can just forget about everything we’ve shared the past five days?”

“Can you stand here and tell me that it actually matters if I do? You are married, Barry. Not to some jackass writer, either, but to a beautiful, loving woman who idolizes you. That is more than most people get in life. Why can’t you happy with that.”

“Don’t you think I WANT to? God, I would love, for once in my fucking life, to be happy, Iris. And I should be! Patty is smart and kind, and beautiful. But she is not you. She has never been you. She will never be you!”

“Yet, you just fucked her, AFTER you assured me that this is what you wanted.”

“And I was wrong. Okay? I shouldn’t have cowered down. I should have explained to her exactly what I meant. But also, it’s like you want me to untangle a two-year relationship in a week. And it’s not that easy.”

“Only because YOU said you were ready.”

“I am ready to be with you,” he said. “But breaking things off with her isn’t as easy as I thought I would be. I don’t want to hurt her.”

“So what, I’m supposed to keep warming you up every night before you go home and have sex with another woman? Until you decide you’re ready?” She scoffed.

“You know that’s not what I want, Iris. This thing with Patty is just…complicated.”

“Then allow me to un-complicate things, Barry.”

“No.”

‘This thing between us is done.”

“No!.”

“I don’t want to kiss you. Or touch you, or see you at all. Period.”

“NO! Okay? I lost you once. I won’t do it again.”

She scoffed. “You say that like you have a choice in the matter.” Suitcase in hand, she walked past Barry, leaving him standing in the middle of her suite. “I’ll come back for the rest of my things,” she said when she made it to the door.

The next moment she was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris starts her journey towards recovery. Patty confronts Barry in his lab about the distance in their marriage.

**One Month Later**

The tulips that lined the sidewalk leading up to Dr. Morgan’s practice had finally bloomed—one of the first signs that Spring was almost in full force. There was still a rigid nippiness in the air, but soon that, too, would be edged out by warm weather and blue skies. After the way Iris’s life had unfolded over the Winter, she really needed Spring and everything it signified.

A period of rebirth, a time to become new again.

Her impending divorce to Scott Evans was weighing on her heavily. She’d finally found a somewhat affordable lawyer, but she was still going to have to borrow money from her father to pay for him. She would never get back the five years she wasted with him. And most importantly, Iris was also still nursing the very, deep, very raw wound from, once again, having to distance herself from Barry.  
When she came home nearly a month ago, she hadn’t known what her interactions with Barry would be like once she came face to face with him, but confessing her love for him had not been the plan. Nor had she intended to get wrapped up in their very-short lived extramarital affair. Now that she’d done both, everything was such a mess, and she had neither a friend or a lover.

Iris hadn’t even seen Barry since she left him in her hotel room—not for lack of him trying, but each day it was becoming easier to ignore his texts and calls.

That didn’t mean that it hurt any less.

It pained her to inflict even more pain on Barry, and she knew that’s what she was doing it every time she ignored him, every time she ignored his heartfelt apologies, that she knew he meant with every fiber of his being. None of it eased her pain, and she but she couldn’t spend one more night allowing her gut-wrenching cries to soak her pillow. She couldn’t spend one more night throwing up in a bin on the side of her bed, because her body rejected whatever she put in it. And she couldn’t spend another night being somehow both numb, and in immense physical pain, at the same time.

Those reactions were too extreme for a man that was not hers, and for something so trivial as heartbreak. No one had been maimed or murdered. And Iris could find love again one day. Couldn’t she?

But first, she had to finally heal from all of her past trauma. And this was step one.

Iris took in a deep breath, then pushed open the crystal clear glass doors, and walked inside of the large brick building. There were a few people seated in the lobby, but overall, there was a tranquil peace in the air.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, she thought as she walked over to the receptionist’s desk. A young brunette looked up from her computer and smiled. “Yes?”

“Hi, I’m Iris West. I’m Dr. Morgan’s “1 o’clock.”

A couple of computer clicks later, the woman nodded. “Great. You’re right on time.”

* * *

* * *

 

 

Iris walked into Dr. Morgan’s office. The slightly older woman flashed her a warm smile, stood and extended a hand to her. “Iris," she said warmly, "I’m so glad you decided to move forward with our sessions. I wasn't sure if you would at first.”

“Well, the consultation went better than I thought. And of the three other practices I checked around, I felt the least anxious here. Iris took a seat across from the doctor, and sat her purse on the floor.

“I am so glad to hear that,” Dr. Morgan said, taking her own seat. “You should feel comfortable with your therapist. It’s the only way you’ll be able to open up.”

 _Comfortable was a stretch._ “Yeah.”

“So, what I like to do during my patient’s first official sessions, is just allow them to talk about whatever is on their mind. It doesn’t even have to be related to your problem. We can talk about the weather, or perhaps your favorite singer. Your childhood. Anything at all.”

“Okay.”

“So, Iris, what would you like to talk about today?”

Iris tilted her head and pondered on her options. There were so many places she could start. So many things that had gone unsaid over the years A moment later, Iris answered, bluntly: “My husband, Scott. Soon to be ex-husband.”

Dr. Morgan looked surprised.

“Better to start at the easier side of things, ” Iris offered shrugging, which said a lot considering absolutely nothing about her relationship with Scott had been easy. But at least she was at the end of it, no matter how he was trying to drag this out. When it came to Barry, on the other hand—well.

“Okay,” Dr. Morgan said cheerfully. “Well, let’s talk about your husband.”

 

* * *

* * *

 

“…and he used to tell me I was the best at my level at the paper then, in the same breath, say that my writing was superfluous.” Iris was semi-reclined in Dr. Morgan’s deep, brown Lazy-boy, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Dr. Morgan nodded and scribbled something down into her binder. Looking back up over to Iris, she asked, “And how did that make you feel?”

“Well, I was confused. I mean, I might have nearly-dozed my way through Journalism school, but I knew those statements were at odds. No good writer has ever been described as superfluous. It wasn’t even an instance of him saying that I was the “best” because my colleagues didn’t measure up. Every person at that paper worked their asses off.”

“So what you're saying is that Scott was sending you mixed signals?”

“Yes. Wait, well,” Iris said, teetering on the right words, “No, maybe I should say he’d build me up, and then tear me down.”

“Interesting. ‘Tear you down’ implies malice,” said the doctor, crossing her left leg over her right. “Do you think he was trying to hurt you?”

“I know he was. Now.”

“Why do you think?”

“That I still don’t know. In the beginning, he seemed genuinely interested in helping me hone my ‘raw talent’ as he put it. And I was like a sponge—eager to soak up as much from him as I could. That’s how we initially bonded.”

“Would it be accurate to say that you were enamored by him?”

“I guess. I mean, he was this prolific writer and editor, who’d written for some of the most prestigious publications in the world. And he was only 28—Black, on top of that. And you know, the opportunities aren’t as plentiful for us.

Clearly, he was doing something right.

By the time we were married, I was at a point where I had him reading over every line of copy I wrote. I longed for his approval, and when I didn’t get it, I would feel inadequate. That was before he made me quit my job. Then—“

“Wait, you almost sailed past an important aspect, there.”

“Pardon?”

“You said he made you quit your job.”

“Oh, well he didn’t pull me away from my desk or anything. But he created an environment where I no longer felt comfortable because he didn’t like who I was writing about.”

“Care to elaborate?”

Iris sat up slowly. “Well, it’s kind of a long story,” she said, making eye contact with her therapist for the first time since she’d arrived.

Dr. Morgan closed her binder and rested it across her lap. “I have nothing but time. For the next 72 minutes that is,” she said with a smile.

Good thing I booked a double session then, Iris thought.

* * *

* * *

 

Iris was wearing a long, midnight blue evening gown. It billowed as she walked, and had a deep split over her left leg. Her long, Black wavy hair was side swept over her left shoulder, held in place by a diamond-encrusted comb — a wedding gift from Scott’s mother, that she’d finally found some use for. Her makeup had been applied with a surgeon’s precision, and she didn’t have a single hair or thread out of place.

What was out of place, however, were the dozens and dozens of note cards, files, and other odds and ends that surrounded her at her kitchen counter, which she needed to get cleaned up and put away as soon as possible. Scott would absolutely freak if he knew that her mind wasn’t solely on making him look good at the Celebration banquet for their boss, John McCormick, the current editor in chief of the Keystone Times, tonight. Mr. McCormick was leaving, and Scott was a sure-in to succeed him, but the impression he made tonight would surely influence the Paper’s decision.

This would be Iris’s second time attending a work event with Scott, but the first as his wife. And he’d made it very clear that this was an opportunity for him to show her off while he rubbed elbows with people more powerful than him to hopefully, extend his reach.

But if she was going to be spending the next four hours schmoozing it up for her husband, she was going to reap some of the benefits. The current Crime Editor was gearing up to move cross country, which means that position would soon be opened up as well. This is why she’d made a point to get dressed early so that she could have a couple of extra hours to get her own talking points straight—two birds, one stone. She hadn’t yet told Scott, but so far, he had been so incredibly supportive of her endeavors as a writer. And he was always encouraging her to take more risks, and initiative. And that’s exactly what she was going to do tonight.

When Iris heard a knock at the door, she sighed. Scott was out taking care of some last minute obligations before the banquet. His work was never done. He probably wouldn’t show up until about an hour before they had to leave. She rolled her eyes. Men had the unfair luxury of throwing on a tux in five minutes and looking like a million bucks.

Who could that possibly be?

“Who is it?” She asked, clearly irritated. She had work to do.

When the voice on the other side answered, her face softened. She unlocked the door and pulled it open. There stood Barry Allen, her best friend of 17 years. He was wearing black jeans, and a blue and grey checkered shirt, but also a look of shock, as his eyes roamed up and down her body.

“You okay, Barry?”

He shook his head. “Ye-yeah, you just look really beautiful.”

  
“Oh, yeah. Thanks.” She laughed. “I forgot for a second that I was all dolled up for this banquet tonight.”

“You also obviously forgot about Thursday being our night to hang out.”

“Oh right,” she said, frowning. Thursdays were usually short work days for her, and really, really long days for Scott. Not that most of his days weren’t long. But he often didn’t make it in until at least 10 pm on Thursdays, which made it the perfect day to squeeze in time with Barry  She felt awful for forgetting about him, but Scott had been on her so hard about this banquet. “I'm sorry, I can’t tonight.”

“Well, obviously.” His face fell. “Well, I’ll head home."

“No! Barry, the banquet isn’t for about three hours. And you know you’re always welcome in my Home,” she said, turning back towards her counter. He entered in behind her, closed the door and walked over to her kitchen. She continued, “It’s only when it becomes _Scott’s_ home that it’s a problem.”

Barry leaned over the counter. “He doesn’t like me too much does he?”

“No," she said, waving away his concern. "Scott... is just very particular about people being here when he’s not. And I know you’re Speedy Gonzalez and all, but we’ve had a couple of close calls lately. And tonight is a very important event for our job.”

“Close calls.” Barry laughed, arms folded. “Were you always this dramatic?”

Iris rolled her eyes.

Barry smiled, then walked over to her fridge and opened the door.

Iris turned, hand perched on her hip“Well, help yourself why don’t you?”.

“Thanks. Oooh, you have the new Mountain Dews. I love these.”

“Wait. Those are Scott’s.”

“So say you drank it,” He shrugged, popping the metal lid off of the soda. 

“Barry Allen, I haven’t drunk soda since I was young enough to not have to worry about how it’d affect my weight.”

He sighed. “Fine,” he said, setting it back in place.

Iris glared at him. “Barry, if you don’t go ahead and drink the soda that you already opened...”

He smiled, and brought the can to his mouth, glugging the entire thing in one go. Iris couldn’t help but laugh. It reminded her of when they were teenagers. Hell, college graduates. Okay, literally one year ago before she got married when they had no boundaries with each other. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss those times. They had been making the very best of things, but she doesn’t think that either had been prepared for how her marriage would affect their friendship.

He chuckled. “Thanks.” The next moment, he was seated in front of her, with a plate of washed strawberries, and a can of Reddi Whip. The use of his speed sent half of her research flying.

“Barry!”

  
“What, you don’t eat whipped cream either?” He mumbled mouth full, completely oblivious to the mess he’d made.

She shook her head from side to side. “Yeah. But it’s mainly when me and Scott—" She stopped abruptly, remembering she was talking to Barry, and not one of her girlfriends.

“Oh, God. I lost my appetite," he said with a scowl. Slowly, he pushed away his snack.

Iris laughed. “If it makes you feel better, that’s a brand new can.”

“And yet, I still have the mental images."

“Now who’s being dramatic?”

“I’ll own that. And I know we’re best friends, but please, spare me to the intimate details about your bedroom activities.”

“You mean like you spared me the intimate details of your first, second, AND third time with Becky Cooper when you went away to college?”

“That’s not the same thing. I only wanted to know if I was doing things right,” he said, a noticeable shade of pink, frosting his cheeks.

“Yeah, well I wanted to barf. Like I always said, Becky wasn’t the right girl for you,” she spit out, derision in her tone.

“Yet, you never would tell me who was,” he said, eyeing her in a way that made her uncomfortable. Eyeing her in a way that made her heart flutter, uncomfortably in her chest.

“Maybe you just haven’t met her yet,” she offered.

He chuckled softly to himself, and fiddled with his fingers like he had more he wanted to say. Iris still didn’t know how to define these weird moments between them when both seemed to have so many unspoken words for each other. But they’d been becoming more and more frequent since she’d gotten married.

Anyway,” he said a beat later, “if you have a banquet to go to soon, why are you sitting here, working?”

“Because if I have to spend four hours with these high brow snobs to make Scott look good I’m going to advance my own career as well,” she said, grateful for the subject change.

“Advance? How?”

“I’m going to apply for the new Crime Editor position, and I need to have a clear pitch in mind while we’re mingling.”

“That’s really great, Iris. I know you can do it. You’re an amazing writer.”

“Thank you, Barry,” she said, hand to heart. “I might not have as much experience as some of the other applicants, but I just know that I can crush that job if I get the chance. It’s a long shot, but I’m going to go for it.”

“Anything I can help you with? Or The Flash?”

“Umm. Well.”

Iris didn’t want to tell Barry that Scott, the man she loved and was married to was fiercely jealous of him. Well, of The Flash. Since Scott didn’t know who The Flash really was, she at first thought that maybe he just held a healthy amount of skepticism about a powerful masked man ‘He might be good now, but what’s going to stop him from going on a power trip one day?’ Scott, would always say. And he had a point. But when Iris realized that his feelings of contempt for the Flash only arose after she’d write a glowing report about him and the amazing things he’d done for Central City, she realized it was more than that.

“Well…”

“I just—I really appreciate your help, but I feel like I’m not working hard for the story if I don’t do it myself,” she finally said, hoping that he’d accept that answer without too much push back. She didn’t want to drive a wedge between them. “I almost feel like our friendship makes all of these exclusives a bit unethical.”

“You’re writing the words, structuring the article. I’m just the source. What’s unethical about that?”

“Nothing...it’s just that. Well, you can help me next time, Barry," she said with a smile. "I still have the notes from the last big meta situation from Central City to fall back on if I absolutely have to.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Well then. That leaves us about 2 hours until Scott gets home. What do you wanna do until then?”

* * *

* * *

 

“Wow. You look beautiful,” Scott said, upon entering their home. He sat his briefcase on the couch and walked over to where Iris was seated in her kitchen, which she and Barry had gotten cleaned up just by the skin of their teeth.

Iris smiled and kissed Scott on the cheek. When he pivoted so that his mouth was on the receiving end of her lips, she pulled away. “Babe, I did not spend two hours doing my makeup for you to ruin it before the banquet.”

“Good point.,” he said, giving her another once over. “I’ll mess it up afterward,” he said, trailing a hand down her backside.

She blushed. “Oh, I bet you will.”

“So, you ready to make me look good tonight?"

“Of course,” she said smiling.

“Good.”

  
“I also have something to tell you about this idea—”

“Can you tell me later?’ He asked, cutting her off, “I really need to jump into the shower. The banquet starts in an hour.”

 _Man privilege._ “Sure.”

* * *

* * *

 

Iris was relieved by the time that dinner was over. She’d spent the last two hours hearing dozens of Mr. McCormick’s former employees, professors, and even some of his family, gush over what an extraordinary man he was and how the Keystone Times wouldn’t be the same without him.

It was on par for these kind of events, and honestly, Mr. McCormick deserved every bit of the praise, but she was beyond ready to go home.

Now, though it was time for some face-to-face mingling. At least, It would allow her to stretch her legs, and also finally get her chance to talk herself up to Mr. McCormick and the other higher ups at the paper. Even though he was leaving the paper, he would still hold great influence. And if she could just make the right impression on him, it could her land that editor position.

Walking arm and arm with Scott, Iris approached a group of men surrounding Mr. McCormick. He smiled when he saw her.

  
“Excuse me, gentlemen,” he said, breaking away. In front of Iris, he smiled again. “Thank you for coming, Iris, Scott. You look wonderful.”

  
“You’re wel—"

“Oh you are VERY welcome,” Scott said, talking over Iris. “You’ve impacted all of our lives in ways we’ll never be able to repay. The paper will be at a disadvantage without you.”

“Nonsense,” said the older man. He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “I can’t make any promises, but I'm going to put in a good word for you to take over as the Editor-In-Chief at the Paper.”

Scott smiled widely. “Really sir?”

“Like I said, no promises. I’m not the only person making the decision, but I’m almost certain that the promotion is yours. You did an amazing job as Picture News’ EIC. We have the twice the reach they do, but I believe you have it in you to take the Keystone Times to the next level.”

“Oh, thank you, sir. That means everything to me.”

“You just make sure you and your beautiful wife,” he continued, looking over to Iris, “put your best feet forwards tonight. Lots of important people in the room.”

“Don’t I know it, sir. Thanks again.” Scott extended his hand, which Mr. McCormick eagerly accepted.

“And for you, Iris. I assume you’re aiming for the Crime editor position now that Nancy is leaving.”

“Well. I’m going to try.” She smiled bashfully. Iris hadn’t formally told anyone, other than Barry, about her plans. The fact that Mr. McCormick was receptive of the idea gave her a boost of confidence.

“Oh, don’t be modest. You’re a talented writer—albeit a little green— but you definitely have the chops for the job. I won’t lie to you though, you’re going to need a big story in order to land it. But thankfully, applications won’t open up for a few months so you have more than enough time to come up with something. Anything new? Exciting?”

“Actually, I do have something—an expose on The Malady Crime family."

“Oh,” he said, face dropping ever so slightly.

“Do you think I need something more?”

Scott cleared his throat and slid his arm back around Iris’s waist. “Iris, let’s not bother Mr. McCormick any further. This is his send-off, after all.”

She eyed Scott curiously but kept her face leveled. Turning back to her former boss, smiling, she said, “Oh, right.”

Mr. McCormick laughed. “Oh, I don’t mind Scott. Iris is one of my favorite employees. Well, soon-to-be-former employees.

“Thank you, sir,” she said, smiling brightly. “I really appreciate that.”

“Now," he continued, "there’s nothing wrong with the Malady Crime Family. But we’ve had a ton of coverage of them over the years. Only so many times they can put a hit out on someone then kill all the witnesses so the judge has declare a mistrial. For other cities, who haven’t covered them, they’re a goldmine. But for us? They’re stale.”

“Of course,” she said quickly. “I guess I’ll have to go back to the drawing board.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something. You’ve only been in Keystone for a year. It takes time to get a feel of the city, and build up your sources as you did in Central City. Like, your approach to your Flash coverage is the archetype for a young journalist going out and making contact with a credible source. I refer the students I mentor to it.”

“Really? I’m honored,” Iris said, looking smugly between Scott and Mr. McCormick.”

“Really. It was your initial reporting that brought him to you, right?”

“Yes. He, um, sought me out after he found my blog about him.”

“There are veteran writers who can’t say they’ve achieved that. Take your husband for example,” he said laughing.

“Well, thank you, sir.” Iris laughed, and she could feel the tension in Scott’s grip increase. She looked over to him, and he shot her a barely concealed look of contempt, which caught her off guard.

“More than welcome. By the way, tell me: what’s it like being up close and personal with him? Keystone has a few good metas, but not anyone one close to Flash's level of notoriety.”

Iris laughed. Barry would absolutely love to hear that. "I'll have to let him know that he's so popular."

"Tell me, what’s he like?"

“Well, he’s very kind, heroic, selfless. Um, he always puts others before himself. He has a wicked sense of humor. He’s literally one of the smartest men I’ve ever met in my life, and I’ve met some world class—"

Scott cleared his throat. “Excuse her,” Scott said, interjecting, “She’s a bit of a Flash fan girl sometimes, as you can see.”

Iris scrunched up her face in protest, forgetting for a moment to keep up her doting wife charade.

The older man laughed, heartily. “Aren’t they all? Heck, I’m almost in love with him myself.”

“Yeah, but this one is extreme," Scott pushed on. "Between me and you, I’m just lucky The Flash is a superhero, and not a pop star because I know just who his first groupie would be.”

“Scott,” she said softly, but her voice was drowned out by the laughter of a group of nearby writers and editors who she hadn’t even known was listening nearby.

Suddenly, her face burned hot with embarrassment. “Excuse me, Mr. McCormick, ” she said, as she broke away from her husband. "I need to use the lady's room."

"Of course, Iris," Mr. McCormick said, attempting to stifle his laughter. 

The further she walked away from the group, the louder the group of men chuckled. She brought a hand to her face, quickening her pace towards the bathroom before her body betrayed her, and this room full of rich assholes saw her crying in her evening gown...

* * *

 

It was two hours later when Iris walked into her father’s house, kicked off of her shoes, and flopped onto the couch.

“Iris that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me, Cecile.”

A moment later, her stepmom emerged from upstairs. She smiled. Living back at home with her, her father and her little brother were not how she envisioned her life at 31, but somehow, Cecile had been making transition period especially pleasant.

Even at 54, Cecile had a youthful quality about her that made her easy to talk to—almost like a slightly maternal girlfriend.  “So how did it go?” Cecile asked as she descended the stairs dressed in grey sweats and a burgundy tank top. When she was at the couch, she took a seat next to Iris.

“It was different, that’s for sure. I’ve never told anyone, in detail, about the things I endured with Scott. It was freeing in a sense, but also, it made me face things I had been trying to ignore. I’m still trying to process how I let this happen. How I missed the signs. How I lost myself so much.”

“Aww honey, I’m no therapist, but I’m sure Dr. Morgan would tell you not to blame yourself.”

“That’s exactly what she said.”

  
Cecile nodded. “Anyone—man, woman,—can get taken advantage of. Some men are master manipulators. Trust me, I went through a few of them before I met your father. Now, I feel like the absolute luckiest, most loved woman in the world."

“Well, my dad’s really lucky too. As am I. You’re a wonderful wife and stepmother.”

The other woman smiled.

“Anyway, I hope that I’m able to find some kind of peace from these sessions. I’ve been living this other life for so long. I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore.”

“You just take one day at a time, Iris. Healing comes in stages.”

“I know, I just want to be out of you and daddy’s hair as soon as possible.”

Cecile fervently shook her head. "What did Joe and I tell you?"

Iris playfully rolled her eyes. “Cecile.”

“Iris,” she said, narrowing her gaze.

“That I could stay here as long as I wanted."

“And we meant it. You know how much I love you. Your dad’s not happy with the reason you’re here, but he’s been beaming since you’ve been back. And J2—well, you’re the coolest woman ever to him now. And I’ll admit that stings _just_ a tad, but I’ll get over it.”

Iris laughed. “You know ‘mommy’ will always come first. He just likes that I bring him cookies from Jitters and lets him play games on my phone.”

Cecile cocked a brow. “Oh do you?”

“Hmm?! Did I say that out loud?"

“Iris Ann West, are you the reason that child has been nearly jumping all over the ceiling lately?”

Iris grimaced. “I think so.”

Cecile glared at Iris, a firm hand on her hip.

“I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, well, the next time you fill my child up with sweets, you’re going to be the one to put him down for bed.”

“Okay, deal.”

“Speaking of Jitters, how’s that going?”

Iris sighed. “Jumping back into the swing of things has been ridiculously easy. It’s almost like I never left."

“Well, that’s good, right?”

“I guess. I just, being a barista feels like a regression.”

  
“Iris—“

“And I know all honest work is honorable. I just.”

“You miss writing.”

She nodded. “But the journalism world is ‘this’ big. And Scott, he used to run Picture news. My former colleagues still respect him. If I go back to work there, they’re going to know we’re divorcing. And people will say they won’t, but definitely will, pick sides. And he’s a powerful man. He wins by default.”

“Not if they knew the truth about him.”

“It would be my word against his. And I just, I can’t deal with people whispering about me, while the divorce proceedings are still ongoing. Scott has still been skirting getting served.”

“How is that even possible?” Cecile asked in disbelief.

“Apparently, he’s been out of town on business—how convenient.”

“Oh, honey. He’ll slip up eventually.”

“Let’s hope.”

“And Picture News isn’t the only newspaper in the city, much less the world. Besides, you can start your own paper.”

Iris laughed. “Puh-lease.”

“Well, how about going back to your blog? You could get your feet wet, while you’re figuring things out.”

“You mean my blog, filled with posts and sightings about The Flash?” Iris scoffed and quickly rolled her eyes.

She could tell by the look on Cecile’s face that her reaction was a little extreme, but so be it. She was still fostering a ton of anger for Barry, even though she had no right to.

That’s how emotions worked—they weren’t rational, or logical. They didn’t care about right or wrong.

Her emotions were the reason she could curse his name underneath her breath but still want nothing more than to call him up and talk to him for hours on end. She missed the warmth in his voice and the sincerity in his tone. She also missed the way he kissed her. She missed the way his hands roamed over her body. But most importantly, she missed the way he loved her.

There’s wasn’t a single person in the world who cared for her the way Barry Allen did. There wasn’t a single person who she cared about like Barry Allen. The hole in her heart that formed when she distanced herself for the better part of four years had proved that. The way her heart had started to blossom like a flower in spring, after being back around him, touching him, kissing him, solidified that fact.

Yet, none of that mattered now. Everything was a mess.

“You two are still on the rocks, huh?”

“When are we not? That seems to be our new normal.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. You two have too much history to throw it away over…well, whatever happened.”

Iris let out a slow, deep breath, then slid into the couch. She didn’t mean to open up this can of worms.

“Well, do you know how he’s doing, at least?” Cecile asked. “He’s been so hard to get a hold of since the trip last month.”

Iris shrugged. “You know about as much as I do.”

* * *

* * *

 

 

“Damn it!” Barry growled, as his beaker hit the floor, shattering into a 1000 pieces. His reflexes had been off every since Iris left him alone in her hotel room. He'd been so close to having the one thing he wanted more than anything be realized, and he'd ruined it all in the span of five days.

And now, every iota of stress pulsing through his veins had been pooling into his appendages, making his hands and legs shake uncontrollably. He’d been making more and more mistakes out in the field as a CSI and as The Flash then eh did when he first started both respective jobs.

He sighed, and tore off his gloves, then grabbed his broom from the corner. At this rate, he was going to have to replace his entire lab’s worth of materials.

***Knock, knock***

Barry sighed before he even looked up. It was 9 pm, and everyone else at the RVDP had mostly gone home, save for a few beat cops, waiting around for a domestic dispute, or a midnight burglary to go break up.

  
But not Patty.

Her shift had ended over three hours ago. Usually, she’d be home—with him—getting ready for bed, or already in bed. But for the past few  weeks, she’d figured that she’d better wait for him in his lab, as he worked overtime, which was the last thing he wanted.

But he didn’t know how to tell her that he wanted to be alone without hurting her feelings. Just like he hadn’t known how to admit to her everything that had happened with Iris. That he was in love with her. That he’d cheated with her. That he was trying to work up the courage to leave his marriage, not just for Iris, because God knows she didn’t seem to want anything to do with him anymore. He'd poured his heart out to her, over probably 20 + text messages, but he hadn't gotten a single response. And he didn't want to pop up on her. Iris already had one man in her life who wouldn't respect her boundaries. He was not going to add more to her stress. Not any more than he already had.

This thing with Iris had just finally made him realize that he and Patty weren't compatible. Even if Iris never gave him another chance, he'd broken what had supposed to be sacred vows, and it had been ridiculously easy to do so. Patty deserved someone better than him, someone who would love her with his whole heart. That had never been him. That would never be him. And the fact that he was stuck in this limbo, unable to move forward, but unable to tell her how he felt, it was eating away at him.

He could barely stand to look her in the eye, now.

“Barry?” She called out to him. “You’ve been spending a lot of time here, lately. ”

Still focused on his cleanup, he replied. “It’s a busy time of year.”

“I know, but I’m just not used to you being gone so much,” she said, walking over to his desk. “Between your Flash stuff, and your overtime, well, we barely spend any time together anymore.”

He stood. “We work together, Patty. Most days, we eat lunch together. We sleep together every night.”

“Yeah, just sleep.” She looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was lingering nearby, then leaned towards him, voice low, “You’ve barely touched me lately.”

“I—just haven’t been in the mood,” he said gently, even though every since he'd kissed Iris, his sexual appetite had been nearly out of control. And yet, he had no way to satisfy his desires. 

“Yeah, and I know you’re stressed out, and I know it’s normal for couples to have droughts, but I didn’t expect our honeymoon period to wear off so fast. We’ve only been married for a year.”

Barry  pinched the skin that rested on the bridge of his nose in-between his thumb and his middle finger. He then pressed his eyes tightly together like he was hoping that he had some kind of latent teleportation powers that could manifest so that he could just disappear off to somewhere, far, far away. Or maybe it was because the tone Patty was speaking in, made him feel like someone was pushing a chalkboard through a cheese grater.

“I also didn’t expect you to go all screw face on me because I inquired about why your sex drive has dwindled into nothing. Don’t you care?”

“Patty—“ he started, before his phone alarm grabbed at his attention. He looked at his phone screen. “There’s a robbery at the RV National Bank. I have to go.”

He stood to leave, but she grabbed his arm. “Barry,” she said, firmly. “I think the cops can handle a plain-old robbery."

He slid out of her grasp and turned. Back to her, he said, “There’s been next to no crime all day. I need to stretch my legs.”

She quickened her pace, then positioned herself so she was in front of him. “That’s more important than talking to your wife?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then stay. Please,” she asked, grabbing him his hands in hers. "Let's forget about work tonight. Run us to Paris; we can have a 3 am dinner at some little cafe in front of the Eifel tower. Do you remember that night? It was the first date we had, after you told me you were The Flash."

He smiled weakly. "Yeah, I remember. That was a beautiful night," he said fondly.

"Right? We—well I—ate my weight in cheese and croissants. You ate 100 people's weights, and the waiters thought you were a magician or something putting on a show for the customers. Then we danced underneath the stars, even though was no music playing, and you told me how much you loved me."

He chuckled softly. "I remember."

"I would love to feel like that again Barry. But we can't get back to this place unless you open up to me like that one time. I mean, I already knew but I felt like the most special girl in the world. Not because the man I was falling in love with had powers, but because he finally let me into his world. Which is all I've ever want," she said, nearly choking up. "I just want to be in your world. Fully integrated. Just me and you."

He sighed, deeply and hung his head in shame. "I know you do."

“Then please tell me what’s wrong. Is-is it me?”

“Patty no. There’s nothing wrong with you. Okay? You’re a wonderful woman.”

“Well, wonderful isn’t keeping our marriage happy, now is it?”  
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“Am I coming on too strong?” She asked, hands clasped together underneath her chin. “Yes, that’s it.” She started to pace. And soon, her questions weren’t directed at him anymore. Rather, the room, the air, the universe. “God, do you want more drama?”

“What? No.”

“Should be more withdrawn? Do you want me to fight with you? Deny you sex? I can be less accessible. Whatever it is, just tell me, and if I can do it I will.” Her voice broke on the last sentence; the next moment, all he heard was the sound of her bawling into her hands.

“Patty, don't cry. Please,” Barry said, as he approached her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and looked down at her. “Please.”

She folded her arms, and stepped back away from him, back now against the wall next to the lab’s exit. “How can I not? I feel—I feel like I’m losing you, Barry. Have I already lost you?” She asked, looking earnestly up into his eyes. "You can tell me if I have."

He swallowed down the phlegm building in his throat, hoping that it would make the words easier. “Patty.”

“Cause I thought we were making a little progress when we went back to Central City," she said, walking past him. “You were okay after that too. Until that thing about your crush on that—that Iris.”

Barry scrunched up his face. “What?"

“And I know my husband isn't hung up on some middle school crush. I know,” she said, words more pained as she went on, “That my husband isn't cheating on me,” she continued, voice trembling. “And I know that my husband hasn't been meeting with this woman he had me, living two doors down from, as i did my DAMNDEST to befriend her. And i know that my husband, this wonderful, honorable man who spends every waking and sleeping hour making sure that our city is safe, always putting other people before himself, hasn't let me sit here, wondering if I was doing something wrong for three weeks, while he pined for some woman, 600 miles away, who doesn't even think enough of him to return his texts.”

Barry stood there, face White as a ghost, unable to formulate the right words to say. Unable to process that Patty had no already known but she was also trying to give him time to be honest with her. And that by trying to soften the blow, he’d only ended up hurting her even more. “I'm so sorry, Patty. I never wanted to hurt you,” he pleaded. “Not in a million years.”

She laughed and shook her head. “That’s the real kicker,” she said, turning back to face him, glowering at him. “You didn't hurt me, Barry, you wrecked me. This has been eating away at me for weeks! All the while, Iris,” she said again as if her name was the vilest thing she’d ever spoken, “has had the luxury of you kissing her ass, and proclaiming your undying, lifetime in the making fairy-tale ass love for her! But she doesn't deserve you. You’ve had to beg her for every crumb of affection she has given you. But me, Patty, the woman you married, has given it freely. I’ve given you every damn thing I had! Love. Understanding. Someone you could confide in. Someone you could trust! Someone who TRIED to give you time to work through this shit. But you couldn’t give me ANYTHING in return. Not your whole heart. Not your attention. Not the truth.”

“I was going to tell you! I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how to.”

“When? After our second anniversary? After our first child was born?”  
He paused. “Baby? Patty, are you pregnant?”

She folded her arms over her chest, frowning. “Would you stay with me if I was? Because the way you were waxing poetic over those damn texts, it doesn’t sound like I have a chance in Hell of keeping my husband in my home, in my city. With me. Away from Iris.”

“Patty, I’m so sorry,” he said, nearly choking over his sobs.

“I don’t want your damn sorry, okay!! Just, for once in your life, answer my question, Barry: are you or are you not leaving me?”

“How could you even want me after what you’ve found out?”

“Another question. Wow.” She laughed, and turned around and around, flailing her hands. “Wow. Wow. Wow. I guess I got my answer.”

“I do love you, Patty,” he offered, though he knew it was no consolation.

“What does it matter? It’s not the way you love Iris.

He couldn't dispute that. “I’m—"

  
She raised a hand. “Please! No more sorries.”

He tried to go to her, but she backed away from him, until her she was back at the exit. “It’s funny, I’ve been playing out this entire scenario in my head, and my exit was a lot more badass than this. But then again, until three weeks ago, I also thought I had the perfect man.

Guess I was wrong about that too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashback scene that followed Iris in the the therapist was written with the reader in mind. Iris didn't tell Dr. Morgan about who Barry really was.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I said that I would end this at 10 chapters, but I realized I couldn’t wrap up the story in that short of a time span. I’ll probably try to go to 20.

Barry pulled a few of his shirts off the racks, and stuffed them into his overnight bag. Later, he’d return for the remainder of his items but this would do for now. He just knew that he couldn’t stay with Patty like this. She was enraged, understandably so, and it’s not that he couldn't take her anger, he could. He knew that he deserved to endure her at her angriest, but the longer he stayed around, the longer it would take them both to heal — especially her.

And there was no point in prolonging the inevitable.

It was clearer than ever to Barry that he should have never entered into a relationship with, much less married, Patty unless he was absolutely sure he could live with his feelings about Iris.

Love was a complex emotion, and it wasn’t something that could be turned on and off at will. But that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t have learned to live with those feelings and eventually moved on into a healthy relationship with Patty. He did love her. The thing is, he hadn’t actually dealt with his feelings for Iris. The moment he saw her, they had sprung back up from the pit of his stomach like they’d never left. And now, to know that there was a chance that he could have the woman he’d been in love with for 20 years, he couldn’t allow anything to get in the way of that.

Not even his marriage.

It wasn’t an easy decision. Depending on who you’d asked, it wasn’t even the  _right_  decision but he had to follow his heart.  

Barry slammed the closet closed and turned. He jumped slightly when he saw Patty, who’d been sitting stone-faced on the couch after their blow up. standing behind him, arms folded.

“So you’re really leaving, huh?”

“Yeah. Patty. I’m leaving.” Barry walked across their bedroom, over to their chest. His eyes caught one of their wedding photos sat atop it. He thought for a moment if he should stuff it inside of his bag, for the memories, but figured he couldn’t bear the sting of the salt on his fresh wounds.

“So blunt. Just ‘I’m leaving’ like we’re two bros who had a fight. Not like I’m your wife,” she said, voice dipping in and out her woman scorned diatribe after every other word. It was an obvious act, probably one to keep her from breaking down entirely.

He exhaled deeply, and decided that it would be best if he didn’t respond. He proceeded with his original task, pulling out his top drawer. All khakis. He hated khakis, but khakis would be better than having to stay here any longer than necessary. When he didn’t respond, Patty laughed, forcefully, the pain reverberating through the room.

Barry sighed and turned, offering at least, “You told me you didn’t want me to apologize anymore. So what do you want?”

“I want you to fucking be honest with me! You were like a whole other man with Iris, don’t bitch out on me now.”

“Fine!” Barry flung his open bag onto the floor, the force of which caused them to spill out. He didn’t even notice, because her incessant need to make him hit her in the face with the painful truth was angering him. He charged towards Patty with her crossed arms and her wicked scowl, but when he was face to face, her stern upper lip melted into a jumbled mess on top of her lower one, trembling weakly at once. A wave of guilt washed over him, and his own anger subsided, leaving the very overwhelming urge to draw her into a tight hug. “Patty,” he said, softly.

“Come on!” Patty beckoned, fixing her face again, this time, no sign of the broken woman standing before him.

“Okay,“ he said, bringing his voice back down to a normal level. "I fell in love with someone when I was a child, and that love only grew as we both got older. When they moved away and got married, I felt like I was dying. I’m pretty sure I actually did cross over into the spiritual realm the moment she said ‘I do’ and kissed her husband, but God pushed me back onto earth because he was not about to deal with me sulking for an eternity. And when the opportunity presented itself, I got caught up, and I cheated on you with them. It was wrong. And I wish I had handled things differently.  _That_  is the truth.”

Patty rolled her eyes. “Oh great. The child’s version.”

“What are you talking about?”

“'Someone. They. Her. Them’” There wasn’t a single pronoun in those texts,” she said as she pulled her phone from her pocket.

“Wait. Wait?”

“Oh, you think I didn’t screenshot Every.Single.Message and email them to myself?” 

A harsh chuckle followed, and Barry realized that in their two years of knowing each other, he’d never truly seen Patty hurt or in pain, especially not this hysterical pain that had her acting so out of character.

He sighed heavily. “I’m not doing this.” Leaning down, he scooped his clothes back into his bag. When he stood, he looked back at Patty with pain in his eyes, “And I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

Patty scoffed. “No. If this is the only chance I get to say my peace, you’re going to listen to me!” she yelled, pushing a forceful finger into his chest, each prod more painful than the last. He tried to move past her, but she blocked him with her body. “Give me that much, you owe me that much!”

Barry resigned, shifting his weight from one side to the other. Pattu was right, he did owe her that much. When she was sure he wouldn’t flea, she opened up her Gmail app, and scrolled until she found the screenshot messages. “’ _I never knew what wholeness felt like until you told me that you loved me. It felt like the most impossible, improbable dream had come true. And when we kissed, it was as if each agonizing step I’d been taking on my journey to happiness had finally been worth it.’_ Um OUCH.”

 “Patty, why are you doing this to yourself?” He asked, shaking his head.

She raised a hand in protest, scrolling more until she arrived at her next destination. “’ _You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.’_ ” Patty chuckled. “At least that’s one thing you didn’t lie to me about. You’ve never said those words to me. Sure, I was ‘beautiful,; or 'pretty’ or 'sexy’ But ‘ _most beautiful’_  she said, using her free hand to emphasize the words with air quotes. And this one is my favorite,” she sang out in that pained drawl that he’d never be able to forget: “ _I will never forget the look on your face when I trailed my hand in between your legs, and you eagerly parted them for me. We’d been cuddling, and trying so hard to not rip each other’s clothes off after dinner_ ,” Oh, what date was this? Yes, that’s what I thought. There I was trying to find pockets of time to call you, while I was studying because I felt like I was neglecting you. But no. You were restraining yourself from fucking Iris. She continued, ‘ _But then you casually mentioned that you hadn’t had sex in over six months, and I felt it a travesty that a body as beautiful as yours, go without pleasure that long.’_ Whoops. Guess that didn’t last long. Meanwhile, I haven’t been touched in a month, but a few kisses and some heavy petting had you writing Iris an erotic novel. God, what are you 16?”

“So, would you have rather we’d had full on sex? Is that what you wanted?” He asked voice raised slightly.

“No! I wanted you to not cheat on me!” Patty yelled, accompanied by a toss that sent her phone clean across the room. “I wanted my fucking husband to honor his vows. And if by chance, he was dealing with complicated feelings, to at least talk to me before he dove into making out, and fingering some random bitch!”

“Iris isn’t a bitch, Patty.” He spit back angrily. Justified or not, Iris didn’t deserve to be called out of her name.

“Oh my bad, she’s the ‘ _love of your life. The woman who made you finally feel alive, and the person you’d been wanting your entire life_ ,’ if I remember correctly. And to that I have to say, fuck her. Because in my story, she’s the villain, the adversary, and the home-”

“Enough! It’s not Iris’s fault, it’s mine! If you want to villainize someone, villainize me. I was going to love Iris until the day I died, and probably beyond that too, whether or not she ever confessed her love to me.”

As Barry continued his candid admission, he could see Patty, as she stood there, attempting to keep her back straight as the honesty she’d had to pry out of Barry pummeled her in waves, that only grew stronger with every breath he spoke. It wasn't an easy scene to witness, but this is what she wanted, and she deserved to know the truth, however painful, so he continued: “The love I feel for Iris is apart of me. It fuels me on bad days, even when she’s partially the reason I’m in pain. I wouldn’t have survived without her all of these years. Even when she wasn’t physically here with me, she was always here, in my heart, and my dreams, and my fantasies. I knew this when I met you, on every single date we had, and even the day I married you. I just hoped that I could learn to love you the way that you deserved because you really are amazing, Patty — ”

“No,” she said cutting him off. “No. you can either hurt me or you can heal me. You cannot do both. If you’re leaving, and by now it’s pretty clear that you are, then just do that!"  Every word was accompanied by trembles from the pit of her stomach. That searing anger in her eyes that had threatened to slice through his very essence had been extinguished by pain that would settle in permanently until time, and that alone, was able to edge it out.

Barry pressed his eyes shut tight, just for a moment to shut out the sight of his wife, who was on the brink of a breakdown. When he opened them, she was still there, this time grazing her fingers soothingly over her forearms not looking at him or anything in particular — waiting for his next move, perhaps to tell her that he’d made a mistake, that he didn’t really love Iris, that she was the only person he wanted. But he couldn’t do that, so he turned and started his slow, painstaking trek towards the door.

He felt like someone had strapped weights to his ankles, but at least he knew that each step away from her would put them both one step closer to living in their truth, something that neither had been doing over the years. 

Just as Barry reached the door, he caught his reflection in the mirror by his bed, and he realized he was still wearing his wedding ring. With his back turned to Patty, he ran his finger over the White gold band, and the engraving of his and and her names, side by side. It was a beautiful ring, one now tarnished by his infidelity and the lies upon which his marriage was built. He didn’t deserve to wear it; it had no place on his finger. 

A flash of lightning later, Patty, the ring, and the rest of the items they’d picked out for what was supposed to be their life together, was left alone in the room.

## One Week Later

It was well after midnight when Iris approached the front door of her father’s home. Even though she’d just spend the last hour wiping down tables, and locking up Jitters, she was in a pretty good mood. Though not ideal, she could be doing much, much worse jobs-wise. She made a decent wage, her manager loved her, and the customers always tipped her generously. Between that, her therapy sessions, being back around her family, and seeing a few old friends — Linda Park in particular — she was beginning to feel like her old self again.

Of course, her heart still ached for Barry, but just like when she was in Keystone, the distance between them helped to numb the pain. With each passing day, it was becoming easier and easier to live with her feelings for him. One day, hopefully soon, she would be able to think about him without feeling anything at all. She just hoped she’d be able to find something healthy to fill that void he’d leave.

Once inside of the dim lit home, Iris stepped down into the living room, removed her coat, and tossed onto the couch. As she moved past it, towards the kitchen, she saw a figure stir underneath it.

“Sorry, dad, I didn’t see you there,” she said, chuckling slightly at the thought of Cecile, who barely came up to his chest, putting her father out of their bedroom — again. Iris leaned down to retrieve her item of clothing. Her breath caught when the jacket gave way, not to her father, but to pale white skin and bloodshot eyes. “Barry,” she said, shock overcoming her. “What are you doing in here?”

He looked up at her as if he was surprised to see her. Then, noticing the look of concerned curiosity on her face, tried to blink away the evidence that he’d been crying. In haste, he sat up. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me here,” he said, scrambling to put his shoes on, “I wasn’t supposed to stay this long. I just needed to talk to Joe, but I guess I lost track of the time.” He looked around for his own coat and remembered that, for once, he’d actually hung it up on the rack. As he rushed towards the door, Iris could see him patting the tears from his face.

When his hand reached the doorknob, the fact that he was really leaving hit her like a ton of bricks. She shook her head, slightly angry that the very immediate need she had to talk to him was threatening to override all of the progress she was making. Just a moment ago, she was envisioning the day when she could think about him without her heart fluttering with love, or palpitating in anger, but it pained her to see him hurting like this. When he twisted the knob, she wrung her hands, knowing that she should say something, but what could she, after spending the last five weeks ignoring every plea he made to her to talk things out, to forgive him, to love him?

When he cracked the door open, and the rush of the midnight air envelop her on all sides,  she panicked. “B-Barry,” she said, just loud of enough for him to hear. “Don’t leave.”

Barry stopped in his tracks. When he turned the glow from the streetlight emphasized, even more, the pain on his face. “What?” He asked as if he couldn’t believe her ears.

“Stay. Please.”

“Are-are you sure?” He asked, running a hand up and down his neck.

“Yes. Please. Come in,” she said, still standing in her spot behind the couch. She didn’t know what to say beyond that, partially because she could feel her heart jostling around in her chest as if it was trying to free itself from the strain it was about to endure. But she saw the relief that washed over his face. And that was worth its weight in gold. 

Barry closed the door, then slowly returned to his seat on the couch, this time sitting upright. Iris followed, taking a seat on the other side of him. Both of them kept their eyes straight ahead, almost like they knew that the moment their eyes met, all attempts to filter their emotions would be thrown out of the window.

Iris fiddled with her hands, Barry with the collar of his shirt as the deafening silence between expanded, threatening to suffocate them, and treat them to a slow, silent death.

“I’m sorry,” they eventually both blurted out, in unison.

The laughter that followed was fleeting because, when their eyes met, the levity was washed away by years and years of unspoken words, especially on Barry’s end. He looked like death and sadness, and it was absolutely gnawing at her heart.  

“Me first,” Iris offered, extending a hand to rest on his knee. It was impulsive, surprising even Barry but she couldn’t bring herself to pull it away. She’d spent many nights fantasizing about being able to touch him again, though in vastly different ways. 

He placed his hand on top of her own and gave it a squeeze, and for the first time that night, she saw that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore. She gasped softly, and looked up at him, relaying to him, with her eyes, words she wasn’t brave enough to speak.

Barry nodded gently, and flashed her a pained smile, as a single tear flowed freely from his left eye. Soon a steady stream spilled from both eyes. His hand left hers, pressing firmly against his eyes, like hands on a bleeding wound. But it did nothing to stop the flow.

“Oh, Barry,” Iris said, voice breaking. She rose up to her knees, and made her way closer to him. Lifting the hem of her shirt, she wiped his tears away. When she felt his hands wrap around her waist, she fixed her mouth in protest, but when he pulled her into him, and rested his head against her stomach, she realized the depth of his pain.

He needed her so badly, possibly more than he’d ever needed her before. If she’d gotten in ten minutes later, he would have been gone, and she never would have known. She sniffed, her own dams giving way. Resting her head on top of his as her own tears spilled into his hair, she ran a hand up and down his back. 

Barry’s sobs soon became audible, growing louder and louder, the tighter he pulled her into him.

“Barr. Barr,” Iris, whimpered. She lifted her head, and untangled herself from his grasp. “We’re going to wake up the house, baby.” Her eyes grew wide at her flub. “I mean, Barry. I, well, actually I don’t know what I mean. God. Things are so hard,” she said, before standing up. “This should be easy, why isn’t it easy?”

“Iris wait,” Barry said, grabbing her fingertips in his, just gently enough to get her attention. “Please don’t leave me, I need you,” he said, voice hoarse. “And I know I messed up, and I know I don’t deserve you, but I love you so damn much. Stay with me tonight. Please.”

Iris looked back down at him, into his beautiful green eyes, laced with hurt and pain, and sighed letting her head fall backward, averting her gaze above her. “I love you too, Barry,” she said, at the ceiling, as tears ran backward from her eyes, into her hair, and down the back of her ears. “But I have been doing so good lately. I’ve been in therapy; I’ve started a new job.” She continued, “As much as I missed you, spending the night with you is going to set me ten steps back.”

Silence fell between them. A beat later Barry nodded slowly. “Of course,” he said, shaking off her rejection. He released her hand and rose up from the couch. “I’m so sorry. I-Joe actually mentioned that. It just slipped my mind,” he said struggling to find some unidentified object. When he realized he had everything he needed, he swiftly wiped away his own tears. “Let me get out of your hair,” he added attempting to move towards the door.

“Barry. You didn’t let me finish.” It was her turn to grab his hand. “Even though I know this isn’t the best decision, there’s no place I’d rather be tonight than with you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris finally have a long-needed heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! :)

****Barry rose from the couch at Iris’s prompting. She was already headed towards the staircase. “Wait,” he said, as she lifted her leg, preparing to ascend the stairs.

Iris twisted back to see what the holdup was. The quicker they made it upstairs, the quicker they could fall asleep in each other’s arms like they used to, prolonging her eventual breakdown. At least, that’s how she hoped things would unfold.

These days, she didn’t know what to expect when it came to her interactions with Barry.

“Not here,” Barry said, shaking his head. “After the talk Joe and I had, Cecile is probably prying his ear from the wall right now.”

Iris jeered at him in jest. “You told him about...about... us?”

Rushing over to quiet the scorn in her gaze, he replied, barely above a whisper, “No. I wouldn’t without consulting you. We talked mostly about me and,” he said, trailing off. “But he knows about what happened with us, Iris. I can just feel it.”

Iris sighed, just what she needed. “Okay then. Where?”

“STAR Labs.”

* * *

Iris walked through the heavy metal doors of STAR Labs’ south entrance. Barry stepped over the threshold behind her, flipped on a light switch, then punched in some numbers on the security pad, locking them both inside.

“Wow. You’ve been keeping up this place,” Iris said, looking around what used to be the lobby. “Not one cobweb in sight.”

“Not me. Cisco. He’s weirdly attached to this place,” Barry said, walking over to Iris. “Before I moved last year, I tried to sell it, but he begged me to wait a couple of years until he could afford to buy it.”

Iris laughed. “Where’s he going to get that kind of money?”

“He’s a tech genius, he can sell a few patents. But mainly, he’s depending on a steep "friends and family" discount,” Barry added.

The closer Barry got, the more the bright, fluorescent light highlighted his visage, marked by puffy, pink eyes and a slightly sunken mouth. The walk over to STAR Labs had given his—and her—tear supply time to dry up, at least for the time being. But seeing crystal clear evidence of the pain on his face tugged on her heartstrings.

Iris forced herself to look away, otherwise, she’d act on her urge to cradle his face and tell him that she would solve all of his problems for him. It's what she'd always done when they were younger, but she didn’t know if she could be that person anymore.

For him or herself.

“So where are we going?” She asked as they walked in tandem towards the long corridor.

“Speed lab. I’ve converted it into a temporary studio apartment. It’s not perfect, but it has everything I need...almost.”

* * *

 

“Wow. This is really nice,” Iris said, as she peered around Barry’s living quarters. Outside of the freakishly high ceiling, there was zero evidence that this room used to be the speed lab.

Upon first entering, there was a fully furnished living room. Off to the corner, was a small, yet functional kitchen. Further back was a wall in the corner that probably led to his bedroom. Iris didn’t see a space for a bathroom, but it’s not like STAR labs wasn’t chock full of them.

“Thanks,” he said demurely. “It took about five days, even with my speed, but I’m proud of it.”

“You should be,” Iris said, walking over to, and letting her weight fall onto this couch. When she swept her feet up over the soft cushions she moaned softly. “God, it feels so good to finally be off of my feet.”

With the couch fully occupied, Barry took a seat in the recliner adjacent to the couch.

“Oh!” she said, shooting up. “I’m being rude. It’s just...I worked an eight-hour shift today.”

Barry smiled, waving away her concern. “It’s okay. I love this chair. Besides, I’m the reason we’re here, and not in your comfortable bed right now.”

Though innocent in nature, those words caused surging heat to rise to Iris’s cheeks. Barry took notice, apologizing at once. “You know that’s not how I meant that. I just, I mean we would have been talking, probably sitting above the covers. Not touchi—"

“Barr,” Iris said, unable to contain her laughter. “I know what you meant.”

“Good,” he said with a curt nod.

“But that still didn’t stop my mind from traveling there too,” she said candidly, if not slightly hesitant. “Given everything that’s happened, it’s natural, honestly.”

He nodded again.

“But it’s also 1:30 in the morning, and I don’t have the energy to do this every five minutes.”

“Do what?”

“This. The accidental suggestiveness, the flubbing, the awkwardness. I know we’ve both kept a few secrets over the years but this is a new level of suppression. And I don’t like it.”

“I don’t like it either,” he replied a moment later.

“Good. So let’s stop it.” Returning her head to the arm of the couch, Iris settled back into her spot. “It won’t be easy, but we need to be completely honest with each other if we’re going to have any kind of...anything,” she said, not wanting to get ahead of herself.

She couldn’t see Barry’s face, but his eyes lit up slightly, at her hinting that they had a chance to have...anything. A soft chuckle followed.

“What?”

“It’s just, I don’t know. It’s only been about five weeks, but you’re already so different. And you were already different then, after not seeing you for a few years.”

“Bad different. Or good different?”

“Now? Definitely good.”

“But before?”

“Not bad, no. Just. Hard to read, but it makes sense, given what you’ve gone through,” he said, easing past adding a negative connotation on her personality change. After seeing a bit of her dynamic with Scott up close, he knew now that the walls she had up were put there out of necessity.

Iris grew silent. Had he said too much? “Therapy must be going well,” he offered, circling back around to his original intent.

“I’ve only had two double sessions, so technically four but yeah, I’d say so.”

“If nothing else, you’ve got the pose down pact. Lying on a couch that’s not yours, staring up at the ceiling, not making eye contact with the person you’re talking to.”

“Whatever.” Rolling over onto her side, so she was facing him, she added, “Is this better?

“Anytime I can see your beautiful face is better,” he said without delay.

Again, Iris blushed, this time wishing she could hide her delight underneath her hands, or behind a superficial shrug. However, she was the one who asked for total honesty. Her and her bright ideas.

“That’s really sweet, Barr,” she eventually said, moved by his compliment.

Her face fell shortly after. A soft sigh followed before she caught her bottom lip up in her teeth.

“What?”

“I shouldn't have ignored you over the last month.”

“It’s okay," he said, dismissively. Still, Iris could see that he was still hurt over how abruptly their reunion ended, how easily she’d shut him out.

Sitting up on the couch, Iris leaned over and grabbed his hand .“No,” she said earnestly. “It’s not okay.”  I should have been more understanding of your situation with Patty. I’m not in love with Scott anymore but this divorce is hard on me — no, he hasn’t popped up on me,” she added to calm the fire that blazed when she mentioned Scott.

“He better not,” Barry said, voice just as trenchant as it had been that day Scott came to her hotel room.  

“And I can only imagine what it’s like for you being that there are still feelings involved,” Iris said, the last sentence of which grated on her tongue. But again, she couldn’t allow herself to live in blissful ignorance. The fact of the matter is that Barry loved Patty. Love, which wasn't going to fade away overnight. Iris knew that it was going to take time, and she was going to have to be patient. The thought made her throat burn with acid, but life was not a fairy tale, no matter how she wanted Barry to be her Prince Charming. “Do you want to talk about what happened, what brought you to Joe’s tonight?”

“In time,” he said slowly, knowing, or hoping at least, that they would have plenty of more time to go more in-depth. “No more secrets, right?”

“No more secrets,” Iris agreed.

The room became silent.

“I will say, though,” he added, “I know, without a doubt, that no matter what happens I know exactly who I want, and where I want to be.”

“And where is that?” Iris asked, voiced slightly pitched.

“Right here with you. Well, maybe not always  _here_. I'm hoping to get an actual apartment eventually. But you know. In your presence."

Iris smiled but only slightly, knowing if she let her smile reach her eyes,  she’d break down into tears, not just because his admission warmed her heart, but because she was back in a position where a man could potentially hurt her. And not just any man, Barry Allen, the man who’d had her heart for years.

Barry frowned. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Iris. It’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

Iris bit her lip, teetering between letting his apology, which she knew he meant, stand, and pushing for more information, under their current honesty pact

“Iris. Did you hear me?”

“Yes, Barry,” She said breathily. “I just. I know things were, hell are, complicated, but I just don’t understand how you could.” She stopped abruptly. “Never mind.”

“How we could share what we shared, and then I have sex with Patty?”

She nodded, slowly attempting to stifle the tears that were trying to resurface. Damn her attempt at openness.

Barry sighed, lowering his head. Returning his focus to her, he began slowly. “The first time  _it_ happened was the night after kissed in the bathroom. As happy as I was, I was also confused. Because your actions afterward didn’t match up with what I felt had been a genuine moment. You ran away from me and wouldn’t talk to me or look at me for the rest of the evening. So I just thought maybe you got caught up and didn’t actually mean what you said. So I didn’t really see the harm in giving in to Patty, especially since I was harboring a lot of guilt about cheating on her.”

“That’s fair,” Iris said, slowly attempting to keep her voice leveled. “But then the second time? After you assured me you wanted to pursue this with us. And after we, you know,” she pushed on, knowing she shouldn’t but unable to resist. “After what we did…”

Iris felt stupid for not being able to say the words, given the fact that she was a 31 year old woman, but it was still a sore topic for her. She'd had been overcome with so many emotions that night in her hotel room. Even though she was the one who’d curved Barry’s advances, she was eager to let him go a little further. Kissing soon morphed into her having Barry’s hands wandering all over her body. When he parted her legs, the air mixed with the moisture pooling between them and she became slightly embarrassed by the extent of her arousal. But to hell with that, she’d already accidentally confessed she hadn’t had sex in half a year. They were adults, after all, and that was the result of her being denied regular sexual contact. Rather, the result of her finally getting sense enough to stop sleeping with a man who talked to her like a piece of shit.

Besides, Barry hadn’t seemed to mind, as his lips left her mouth, his hand sliding underneath her panties, and he settled into playing with her folds, and massaging her bulbous nub at the center. In fact, he seemed to be fueled by her wetness, doing everything he could to draw out more of it. It had taken everything in her to resist the overwhelming urge to buck her hips in sync with his motions after he slid two fingers inside of her, and started to pump. But then, he added a vibrating thumb into the mix, and all attempts to keep her soul attached to her as she orgasmed, fast and hard, all over his hand, went out of the window.

“Even though it wasn’t sex, it was the most physically intimate moment we have ever shared, Barry.” He might have been the one performing the action, but she was in the more vulnerable position, as she lay there, half dressed, writhing underneath his touch as she bit down onto his shoulder. “When you told me you went home and had sex with Patty, though I knew I had no right to be mad, I just, I felt like you didn’t enjoy the experience. And that insecurity, I've realized," she added, thinking back to the conversations about this with Dr. Morgam, “was what fueled my anger.”

“Don’t you know I could never regret touching you, kissing you, loving you?”

“Then why did you do it?” Iris asked, blunter than she intended.

“I just,” he said, searching for the answer. “I felt guilty. Not because I regretted what we did, but because of when we did it, and the fact that I was going to have to hurt Patty. If anything, sharing that moment with you only solidified what I already knew: you were it for me.”

“Oh, Barr.”

“I meant it. When I went home, I was prepared to walk out of my marriage right then and there, but she just completely misconstrued everything, and started kissing me, and cowered out. It’s not an excuse, but it  _is_  the reason.”

Iris processed his words but remained silent.

“I regretted it the moment it happened,” he continued in her silence. “Neither of you deserved that. And I will forever regret adding to your pain.” He sniffed, bringing a hand to his face. Voice choked, he pleaded, “Please forgive me, Iris.”

“Oh, don’t cry anymore, Barr. My heart can’t take it. I do forgive you, okay? It still hurts, I won’t lie, but I do understand the position you were in, and  I shouldn't have just shut you out. It was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

He nodded, his eyes fixed on his lap, unable to disagree with the last part. But he also understood her position. He was just as, if not more so, wrong.

She continued, “They were beautiful messages, by the way. Even in the midst of my anger, they touched my heart.”

He glanced up with those eyes of his that absolutely melted her. “Really?”

“Yes. No one has ever spoken about me in that way before. You made me feel like the most special woman ever.”

“Well, that’s because that’s what you are to me, what you always have been.”

Iris simpered on his face for a moment, then sighed, wistfully, returning to her original spot, eyes again fixed on the ceiling.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” she said, swallowing the lump building in her throat, “You say all of the right things, all of the time. It’s just that—” Iris started, stopping when she realized Barry was standing over her. “What are you doing?” Suddenly, she felt like a speck underneath his towering stance.

“You’re so far away," he said, as he gently lifted her legs so that he could take a seat.

Iris tried to pull her legs away, but he pulled them back into his lap, grazing his fingers over the outline of her silky smooth thighs, down past her calves, resting them on her ankles.

“And I haven’t always said the right things," he continued, making no acknowledgement of the energy change in the room.

Iris wondered if he just enjoyed seeing her squirm, or maybe he thought that she would tell him to stop touching her. If only he knew that she had no desire to; that she welcomed his proximity to her. That she wanted him even closer to her. Maybe it was for the best because all of those things also terrified the shit out of her.

“But I learned the hard way,” Barry kept on.

"Huh?" Iris asked voice raised, then realizing she had zoned out.

"Were you listening?"

"Yes. Definitely," she said, telling her first lie of the night. "Continue. Please."

"Okay,” he said, eyeing her curiously. "I learned the hard way what keeping my feelings to myself does. It ruins everything. I never admitted to Patty that I was in love with someone else, and look where we’re at now. And I never told you how I felt about you, or that  Scott gave off bad vibes to me, and you married him, only for him to abuse you emotionally. Back before all of this happened, We had many nights like this, well not, like  _this_ , but you know nights spent together. I could have told you how I felt 1000 times, Iris. But—.” He trailed off. ”I was so afraid you wouldn’t feel the same way.”

Iris laughed at the irony of that statement. “I have loved you for years, Bartholomew. And I mean, ‘love’ love.” The words came out easier than she’d expected.

It was Barry’s turn to blush. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know. It never seemed like the right time. Those moments when I came close, well, I chickened out because I’d think about how great of a friend you were, and how much I wasn’t prepared to lose you if things went wrong.”

“Why did you assume things would go wrong?”

“Umm, hello? Look at how things have been up until this point, Barry. Adding romantic feelings into the mix always complicates things.”

“I don’t agree,” he said, folding his arms.

“Oh?” she asked, brow raised.

“Things between us only got so murky because of miscommunication. If you’d told me—”

“Or if you’d told me,” she said, glaring at him. "I'll shoulder some of the blame, but not all of it."

He chuckled. “If we’d told  _each other_  how we felt, we could have had the most perfectly imperfect relationship out there.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“People treasure the things that they value most. And there isn’t anyone on this planet I love more than I love you, Iris. I would have done everything in my power to make you happy, to keep us together.”

“Aww, Barr. That is the sweetest thing ever. I feel the same way about you.”

He smiled sadly, then licked his lips, attempting to seal in the words he’d been holding in since they’d reunited over a month ago.

“Wha-what is it, Barry?”

“Feelings aside, why did you abandon our friendship after you got married? I was prepared to grin and bear it if it meant we could still spend time together, but you just went ghost on me.”

Clearly caught off guard, Iris ran a hand through her hair. “Well-"

“You know what,” Barry said, quickly, cutting her off. “We have plenty of time to talk about this.”

“Are you sure?” She asked, slightly relieved.

“Yes,” he said too quickly for her liking, but she would allow him to drop it. For now. Truth be told, she didn’t think any of them were ready to reopen those wound yet. At least not tonight.

“Okay then, Barry. What now?” As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. Giving Barry the option to fill the lull in conversation wouldn’t end well for her.

“Now? You come here.” His words had a husky undertone that made her hair stand on end, which was enough, but the look he gave her, as he leaned down to pull her up by her arms was a whole other story.

“Barry.” She shook her head no. It wasn’t forceful, and it definitely wasn’t what she actually meant, which she knew that he knew.

He nodded ‘yes’ as she protested. Lazily, she allowed herself to be pulled up from the couch, and into his lap. Looking down at him, she noticed the sadness in his eyes that had drawn her back underneath his spell was gone, and had been replaced with longing, desire. “You’re so beautiful,” he crooned.

She smiled sheepishly, covering her mouth with her hand.

“What?”

“I just like when you call me beautiful I know it sounds stupid.”

“Why would that be stupid?”

“I don’t know. We’re past the butterfly stage of life, right? Scott always told me... Well, nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”

“No. Tell me what the asshole said.”

“Okay, but first I need you to stop puffing out your chest every time I mention him. He’s not worth your anger.”

“I know, I just wanna bash his face in for mistreating you.” Tenderly, he pushed her hair out of her face, behind her ears, a stark contrast to the look of offense on his face.

Iris smiled softly. “I know, Barry. But he cannot hurt me anymore. And even if he tried, I have you," said, running her hands up and down his biceps.

He exhaled deeply, savoring the feel of her hands on his body.   
“Yeah?”

“Yes,” she said, settling herself further into her lap. She brought her hands up around his neck. "If you really want me to have you."

"I want it more than anything."

She smiled. "Good."

“So what was this about butterflies, Ms. West?”

“I just. I feel like we're past that stage of life. And yet, that's all I feel when I'm around you. It makes me feel slightly immature, but I also kind of love it. I went so long holding my emotions hostage to prevent myself from being hurt by Scott, it feels good to let someone—you—in." The next moment, their lips were pressed together, their tongues engaged in a forbidden dance, in every sense of the word.

* * *

 

Iris fluttered her eyes, pushing away the sleepiness that was trying to retain its grip on her. She stirred slightly, attempting to stretch when she realized there was a man asleep behind her, who had an even tighter grip on her body. One arm was tight around her waist, the other was resting comfortably underneath her breasts in her tank top. With tight eyes, she glanced back at him. When she saw that they were both still fully clothed, she breathed a sigh of relief. Kissing must have been as far as they’d gotten last night after they'd moved to his bedroom. “Thank God,” she said to herself.

Truth be told, as much as her body longed for Barry, her heart wasn't ready for this yet. Neither was Patty's, Iris thought, though the irony of her now considering that poor woman's feelings hit her like a ton of bricks. It wasn't that she didn't care, it's just that, the years of abuse she endured at the hands of Scott, she felt like she owed it to herself to put herself first for once.

That aside, her and Barry still had much to work out before they took this next step in their...well, who knows what the fuck this was. Barry was only one week out from leaving Patty. He hadn’t filed divorce papers yet or even officially moved out. And she was still at the very beginning stages of her divorce proceedings with Scott. Unfortunately, the road to them being together, free from the baggage they’d introduced into their lives, would be long and winding. She just hoped they were strong enough to handle the journey.

Careful not to wake him, Iris gently raised his arm until she had just enough space to wiggle free from his grip. There was no resistance on his end—another small miracle. Because staying there in Barry’s bed, as he gently hummed in his sleep was a disaster waiting to happen, especially when all she wanted to do was finish what they’d started a few hours ago.

Standing up over the bed, Iris shot him a final look, then headed for the bathroom. She groaned when she saw her reflection. Her eyes, now too, were puffy and red, but she also had the added element of smeared eyeliner and eyeshadow.

“God, you look like hell,” she said to her reflection.

“No, you look perfect,” said a voice from behind. Looking up, she could see Barry’s reflection standing behind her own.

Turning to face him, Iris smiled. He actually looked better than he did when she found him on the couch. At least compromising her emotions had done him a little good. And as much as she didn't want to admit it, it had done her some too.

"Thank—"

His lips were on hers before she could complete her thought, as he hoisted her up on the sink like she was absolutely weightless. The force knocked over his toiletries sat out on the sink, but he didn't seem to mind. At first, Iris returned his hungry kisses, mussing his bed hair even more in her hands. She moaned softly, as his tongue made the plunge deep inside of her mouth. Damn was he good at this kissing thing, which wouldn’t have been such a big deal if he wasn’t also good at everything else: waxing poetic to her and making her believe that he meant every gotdamn word, looking at her like she was the sexiest woman ever, who could do and achieve anything, but who also had him in her corner if she needed anything.

The fact of the matter is, that he was everything she needed in her life, and yet this situation they were in was fucked. She didn’t have much time to ponder over it though, because his hands soon started to roam over her body, pushing her dress well up past her thighs.

“Barr,” she breathed

“Hmm?” He asked, mouth pressed against hers.

Iris pulled her head back, breaking this kiss, but that didn’t deter him. He just directed his attention to her neck, sucking and nipping at the skin underneath her ear, then down the side of her neck, then lower, towards her collarbone.

“Barrrry,” she whined, “I work tonight.”

“Okay. And?”

“You’re marking my neck up.”

He paused. “Oh right. Well, I can mark you in places nobody at your job can see," he said, lowering the straps on her dress.

He licked his lips at the sight of he breasts, free from the restraints of her dress, dropping slightly to their natural position. "Your body is perfect, Iris," he said before his mouth found her right nipple, then her left. 

 

She moaned as he spun gentle circles around and around, as he alternated between them. "Barry, babe. Don't you have to go to work?"

"Not for a few hours," he said, as his hand dipped between her legs.  
“Fuck, you’re already so wet,” he groaned before pushing his mouth back against hers.

“Bay-by,” Iris pleaded “That feels so good, but we can’t have sex yet. And I don’t think I can hold out like this.”

He kissed the skin between her breasts again. “As you said, this isn’t exactly sex.” Then once more, trailing his tongue down her stomach. “And I've missed you so much. Have you missed me, Iris?"

She nodded, mouth slightly parted. "More than anything."

When he reached the rim of her panties, he paused for a moment, waiting for her protest, but it never came. The next kiss was planted at her center, over the thin fabric of her panties.

When he reached to pull them down, she caught his hands. “No. Bed. Now,” she moaned, finally relenting. If they were going to cross this line, it would not be in a bathroom.

In a flash of lightning, Iris was laid flat on Barry’s bed, resting on her elbows, with him perched between her legs. Somewhere between the bathroom and the bedroom, he’d flung off her panties. Crawling up her body, he planted soft, wet kisses on her inner thighs, taking time to reacquaint himself with a body he'd known not nearly long enough. Not once did he look up at her, which she was semi-grateful for, knowing she couldn't handle that kind of eye contact right now. But somehow, it only increased the stakes, as he inched closer and closer to her centermost point. "Wait, Barry," she said, clenching her legs closed, sending him a clear-cut no.

She sat up and pulled down her dress, and returned her arms to her straps.

"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

"No! I think I'm just feeling really vulnerable right now, and I don't know," she answered.

"Vulnerable? How?

"I've been holding everything in for so long, but between my therapy sessions and trying to be more open, and conversation last night I suddenly feel exposed in every single way. And it's freeing, but also terrifying. I think I need time to open my body back as well. I'm sorry—"

"No," he said, sternly. "You have nothing to be sorry over. I understand." Sighing gently, he sat up on the bed. "I don't know why I thought we could just jump into this again. I'm sorry I misread you."

"Well, you didn't misread me, Barr. I do want you. I've already had you, in minor ways," she said flirtatiously. “But making this a regular part of our new—"

"Whatever this is," he said mockingly, turning his face up.

"Whatever this is," she echoed him with a laugh. "Isn’t something I’m ready for yet. I just need a little time."

"Well you, Iris West, take all of the time you need. I'll just be here, hurting, really, really, really badly," he said, trailing eyes up and down her body. "But supporting you every step of the way," he added with a  big smile.

Iris chuckled, rolling her eyes. 

“What?”

"It’s just, you're still the adorable nerd I grew up with Barr. Even if you've developed these bedroom eyes that drive me crazy, and a mouth I can't get enough of." Leaning forward, she kissed him once more, this time much more chaste than the ones that preceded them.

"And you're still the woman I've always loved," he said, once they parted. "Perfect then, and perfect now."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I'd love to know what you think! :)

Iris was pressed against the front door of The West home, cornered by Barry, who had his right hand perched above her head, and his left around her waist, arm bushing dangerously close to the swell of her behind.

Yet, somehow it was his mouth which was stealing kiss, after kiss, after kiss, that she had to watch out for. Well, not exactly stealing, as Iris was enthusiastically allowing it to happen.

At least until he turned his attention to her earlobe—one of many weak spots of hers he’d found over their last month of reconciling and light exploration. Try as they might, they’d had a couple of close calls in their efforts to abstain from sex, mostly because Barry couldn’t seem to control himself.

Not that she minded.

Usually.

“Alright. That is enough, Mr. Allen,” Iris said, with a hint of flirtation, as she broke away. “It’s late.”

“Then come home with me,” he said, with a tender smile that nearly made her melt. “We can fall asleep in each other’s arms, then I can make breakfast for us in the morning, and…you’re not buying any of this, are you?”

Iris folded her arms, intensifying the glare directed at the man towering over her. “Nuh-uh.”

“So you don’t believe me?”

“What I believe… is that If you really wanted me to ‘sleep’ with you, you would have controlled your roaming hands the couple of nights I tried to stay at your place.”

Barry lifted his hands. “Roaming hands?” He asked, aghast.

Iris rolled her eyes. “Short memory, I see.”

“I’ll be good, I promise.”

Iris laughed. “We both know you’re incapable of being completely good.”  
He pouted. “Please.”

“I wish I could but.”

“You have an early shift,” he said with a sigh.

“So do you,” Iris said, tugging Barry’s blazer back down to its rightful place. Her own hands had apparently done a little roaming of their own.His face fell. “Yeah, I do.”

Iris sighed. That was more than the acceptance of Iris’s resignation. This was about Patty, who he still had to work with until the police department found his replacement. “Things still tense?”

He nodded. “Tense is…probably not how I’d describe things. “More like,” he continued, scraping his bottom lip with his teeth, as he searched for the right word, “contemptuous. She’s pissed at me, and has completely refused to meet with me about dealing with our case. And I can’t even blame her, because of how badly I hurt her, you know? I feel absolutely awful.”

As much as Iris wanted to pry a little further, a resigned “Oh?” that was all she could scrounge up. Even as she and Barry were rebuilding their trust, and rekindling their relationship, some conversations still weren’t easy to have. Their divorces were obviously a touchy subject with them both. Iris was dealing with her own guilt regarding their situation, not to mention the bullshit Scott was putting her through.

Add in their jobs, and Barry’s heroics, it didn’t leave nearly as much time for her and Barry as she’d liked, so they’d made it a priority to focus on each other when they were together, and not worry about anything else.

Iris trusted that Barry would tell her the big stuff she needed to know regarding their proceedings, and how things were unfolding in court. Sometimes, though, the topic still bled into their conversation, like now.

Barry sighed. “And I’ve killed the mood, haven’t I?”

“Hmm! No, of course not,” Iris attempted to assure him, though it did bother her a little. “You’re human baby. You have a conscious. I’d be concerned if you didn’t care about how this was impacting her.”

“But you wish I didn’t have to care about her. That I didn’t have so much baggage?”

Iris chuckled. “Of course I do. But I have a ton of baggage of my own. And this is your life, what you’re dealing with. I want you to talk to me. And I love you, Barry so the things that affect you affect me.”

“What was that?”

“Huh?”

That you said,” he said, hand to his ear. “It wasn’t clear.”

“I want you to talk to me?”

“No, not that part. After.”

Iris smiled knowingly. “Ohh,” she said, tapping her forehead. “The things that affect you affect me.”

Barry shook his head, closing the space between him and Iris. “No, the thing before that.” he said, gently moving her hair from her face.  
Iris smiled. “Oh? I love you,” she added, scrunching up her face.

He returned his hand to her waist, and pressed his body against hers, as his hands found her hips. “Say it again.”'  
“I love you, okay?” Iris said again, sweeter this time.

“And I love you too...more than anything. So get all of these doubts about what I feel, or what I want out of your head. Because you, Iris West, are absolutely it for me. Okay?”

Iris let out a breath. Even when she held some of her cards to her chest, Barry had a way of addressing some of this pesky concerns which always found their way into her thoughts.

“Okay, Barry.”

“So are we good?”

“We’re great, Barry. I just wish that we didn’t have to deal with all of this extra stuff, my stuff especially. I mean, I understand the process that has to take place, but still.”

“And we’ll get there. As long as you don’t shut down on me every time something bothers you. Because I’m 100 percent dedicated to you and this relationship okay, as long as you’ll have me."

Iris smiled. “Okay, baby. Now, if you don’t stop looking at me like that, I won’t be getting a lick of sleep tonight.”

He tightened his embrace around her. “Well, you know-”

“GoodNIGHT, Barry,” Iris said, slipping out of his grasp. "I have work tomorrow morning, and court tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh, right. Scott," Barry said, voice dripping with resentment. "You sure you don't want me to be there? Just for extra support?"

"No, I think you're too emotionally involved. Besides, my dad will be there. And like I said before, he's not that stupid."

"For his sake, I hope not. You know I'll be there in a heartbeat if he even looks at you wrong, Iris."

"I know, babe. And that is exactly why I need you to let me handle this. You're a bit of a hot head when it comes to Scott."

"How could I not be? You're the woman I love" He said tenderly trailing a gentle hand over her cheek, while gazing down into her eyes.

Iris caught his hand in hers and kissed him softly on the lips. "And you are the man that I love."

**< ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

Barry Allen let out a deep sigh before he entered the Captain Davis’s office. It was coming up on six weeks since he’d officially left Patty, and she was growing more abrasive with him with each passing day. Though neither had officially let their coworkers in on their divorce, which was crawling forward at a snail’s pace due to Patty’s noncooperation, it was obvious that there was tension brewing between them.

So far, everyone had been respectful enough to stay out of what they assumed was your run-of-the-mill marital drama, but Barry could just feel that the office was buzzing with gossip about the once happy couple. More importantly, the once happy Patty...who just wasn’t the upbeat, bubbly woman she used to be.

Barry wasn’t heartless enough to ask Patty to pretend that they were still on, for the sake of their reputations, but he assumed that she would at least keep things professional until they decided to make a formal announcement. Of course, he’d been wrong about that too. Some days she ignored him completely, but some, she couldn’t even attempt to hide the discontent she felt for Barry.

It was human nature to lash out at someone who constantly shot jabs at you, but Barry was learning to suppress those urges, due to the fact that he was the reason she was acting so out of character.  He couldn’t bear to hurt Patty more than he already had. Because of this, he had opted to stay holed up in his lab as much as he could, so she wouldn’t even have to see his face, but that was growing old...fast.

That’s why, today, Barry was going to meet with Captain Davis to see how the search for a replacement CSI was coming along, and if possible, if the process could be sped up.  
  
“Morning Captain,” Barry said, as he entered the office.

The older man nodded. “Allen. What brings you by? Oh, yes. You’re trying to leave us. As much as it pains me to let you go, I do appreciate you staying on until we find someone on your level to take over.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Barry said, lying.

“You sure there’s nothing I can offer you to get you to stay? A raise? More vacation days?”

Given everything that was going on with Patty, and the fact that he was probably going to have a involve a lawyer--the last thing he wanted-- to get their divorce rolling along, it was foolish of him to turn down a raise, but he had to think about his peace of mind.

Hers too.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry sir. Not that I haven’t enjoyed my time here, I have but I think it’s time to move on.”

“Gonna let Spivot be the sole breadwinner, huh?” Davis said with a chuckle.

Oh right. Captain didn’t know either. “Well, no. Not-”

“Hey Baby,” Patty said, in a buoyant tone Barry hadn’t heard in ages. “I mean, CSI Allen,” Patty corrected herself,  in the direction of the captain. “Sorry sir.”

Barry turned, eyeing her curiously. She was wearing a bright smile and even brighter red dress. The same one he'd bought her for their first-anniversary date.

“Hey, no need for formalities Spivot. Especially if you could talk your husband into staying on here at the department.”

For a moment, Patty's face fell. But just as soon as it did, it was replaced by a slightly sunken smile. Barry sighed, this was not the way he wanted her to find out he was leaving, but it’s not like she’d given him a chance to be straight up with her.

“Oh right. Barry’s leaving the force,” Patty said flatly.

“You seem surprised?” Asked Davis looking back and forth between husband and wife.

“Oh no, at this point, nothing Barry does could surprise me,” she said, voice laced in concealed anger. Davis didn’t notice, but Barry definitely did.

“Patty,” he attempted to plead.

“Cause I wouldn’t hold my breath though, sir,” she continued. If I know anything about my husband, it’s that if he finds something bigger, better, shinier, he’s going to go for it. Right, Barry?”

“Uhh Sir,” Barry asked, looking back to their boss.“You’ll keep me posted about the replacement?”

“Of course, Allen."

"Thank you. Patty, a word?” Barry asked.

“Of course, baby,” she said, smiling brightly.

**< ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

“What are you doing?” Barry asked in his lab, as leveled as he could, though he clearly didn’t appreciate whatever mind games Patty was playing with him.

“Whatever do you mean?” She asked, smiling, hands clasped together.

“What I mean, is I’ve been trying to peacefully, respectfully meet so we could manage to untangle our assets, and...I’ve gotten nothing from you, other than snark, and low blows. Or dead silence, but you decide to waltz up into my meeting with Davis and pull this, this act.”

Patty spun around, hands flailing. “ _Maybe_ that's because act like you stole my lunch from the community fridge or something. You stole my LIFE from me.”

“P-”

“And I think I’ve handled things pretty well all things considered. Because I haven’t plastered your face across a billboard, with the word cheater over it. And I haven’t set your remaining clothes and other belongings in OUR home on fire yet,” she continued voice breaking. “ So excuse me, if I’ve had a few shitty days.”

Barry lowered his head, shaking it gently. This is exactly what he was trying to avoid.

“What, you don’t have anything to say? Did you want to have a conversation? Talk.”

“Oh, you meant just about our divorce, right,” she continued, spitefully. “So you could be free of me to live in sin with Iris until her divorce is official. You don’t give a single damn about how another little piece of me dies every single day you didn’t walk through those doors. How I watch all of our stupid home movies each evening before I cry myself to sleep while wearing your unwashed pajamas because they still smell like you. You don’t want to talk about any of that, do you?”

“God, I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never wanted this.”

“But not enough to come home, right? To work this out? Wait. Don’t answer that. I can literally smell her perfume on you. And do you know what else? I’ve seen you in passing, when she texts you in the middle of the day, how your eyes light up. So what do you want? Oh right. You’re leaving. That goes for Flash too? I mean, Fuck Romanville citizens right?”

“I wouldn’t withdraw Flash’s support without notice, but I will eventually transition myself and him back to Central City full time. “

“Losing Barry Allen is one thing, but I’m the leader of the Meta Human Task voice. I'm the one credited with bringing Flash here. What am I supposed to tell the Captain? That we’re just, ass out?”

“You don’t have to tell him, I’ll tell him.”

She nodded slowly.

Barry took her silence as his cue to leave.

“And my family?” She called, just as he made it to the door.

“What?” He asked, still facing away from her.

“The Flash, I suppose, that can be explained. I can’t exactly control a man with super speed, but how do I explain your absence to my family?"

“I don’t...know," Barry said, rubbing a hand up and down his neck. "I wish I could make this easier for you. Truly, I do."

“Well, then another question: How am I supposed to live without you?” She asked, voice trembling wildly. She could hear the pain in the echoes of her voice.

Barry spun around. “We can be friends," he offered, knowing that it was the only thing he had left to give her.

Patty scoffed. “Friends with my soon-to-be ex-husband, the man I'm in love with, despite the fact that he doesn't give two shits about me." She wiped the tears trailing down her face like she was angry at herself for allowing him to see her this way.

Barry took a step closer to her. “I do love-” He started, cutting off his train of thought.

Patty gasped. “No. Go on, Barry," Patty said, stepping closer to him. Finish the sentence. Iris got so much of you, I can’t have a simple ‘I still love you?’ I mean it’s six weeks and two days since you last said it. Is it not true anymore? Was our love so weak, that 45 days with Iris could wipe it out?”

“True or not, it’s best that we stay away from stuff like this.”

“Wow. She really hit the jackpot in the men department...this time,” Patty snarled.”

“Patty.”

“No really, I mean it. She’s so  powerful. She ignored you for years, but then one visit, and she has your right under her spell. I mean, I don’t even get divorce sex. You know, the really intense, you’ll definitely regret it in the morning, but you just can’t help yourself self, sex. I didn’t have you fully as my boyfriend or my husband, unbeknownst to me, might I add, and now I can’t even grieve properly because Iris needs you. Well, gotdamn Barry. Make sure you put the lid on the trashcan you threw me in. It’s cold out here, okay?”

"I'm sorry-"

"If you TELL me you're sorry one more time, I swear to you I'm going to do something stupid and irreversible. I can only take so much," she said as she clutched her stomach in a way that made his head spin wildly.

"Wait. What? Irreversible?"

Just then Barry's phone dinged.

"Of COURSE!" Patty said throwing her hands in the air. She angrily charged towards the door.

"Patty wait!" Barry said as he pulled his phone from his pocket to see Iris's face lighting up the screen.

She stopped in her tracks, arms folded, back now to him.

"Hello? Yeah, hey, Iris. Can I call you back? No, still at work, I'll be over in a just a bit, okay? Okay. Great."

"Wow. Iris made to wait a whole extra five minutes. Am I dreaming?" Patty said, in between sniffs.

Slowly, Barry walked over to Patty her where she stood.

"Patty, what were you saying just now?" He asked, unable to hide the concern in his voice.

Patty whipped around. "What do you THINK I'm saying, Barry?"


	13. Chapter 13

Iris West teetered back and forth on her heels, as she peered around Royal Isle Park, which was just a five-minute walk from her father’s house. Barry had asked her to meet him there, yet, he was already almost an hour late. She knew that he’d got caught up with something at work, but she hadn’t thought it was going to take this long.

She’d had one hell of a day with Scott in court, and was beyond mentally wiped. She’d filed, citing alienation of affection and verbal abuse. In return, he’d contested her request for alimony, considering he’d paid for all of her expenses over their marriage since she’d stopped working, and that she willingly overspent to the point where their necessities were neglected, the latter of which was news to her.

She expected nothing less from Scott, though. He’d gotten so used to pulling her puppet strings, and controlling her every move, he wasn’t going to give up that control without a fight. It was a fight she was fully willing to see through to the end, which was something she wouldn’t have been able to say this, even six months ago. 

But she’d been able to draw strength and courage to find her voice and stand up for herself from being around her family again, and through her therapy sessions. That didn’t make things any easier though. 

Facing the man she’d left her family and friends for, devoted five years of her life to, who she’d laid with, confided in, and who she tried to honor in every single way a wife was supposed to honor and respect her husband, in court would never be easy.

What had gotten her through it, besides her father’s support, was knowing that she’d end the day in Barry's arms. 

If he ever showed up, that is. 

She sighed, then pulled out her phone to check in on him again. Just as she pulled up their message thread, she heard the familiar whoosh and crackle that caused a defiant smile to curl across her lips.

“I was this close to sending you a strongly-worded text message, Barr,” she teased, as she turned to face him. Her eyes danced with delight when she saw Barry, standing there in black slacks and a white button down, in front of a full picnic spread laid out on a tablecloth in the grass.

“I don’t doubt it."

“What’s going on?” She asked smiling, as she walked towards him. The closer she got, the clearer the pain on his face was. She frowned. “Are you okay?”

“I’m...something. Better now that I’m with you. You look beautiful, by the way,” he said, eyes trailing down the spaghetti strapped white dress she was wearing.

“Thank you, Barr.” She blushed. "I just wish I’d dressed for an outdoor date,” she said, eyeing the set up to the left of him. “What is all of this?”

“Well,” he said, as he removed his jacket, “I figured that, with everything going on, heading to my makeshift place in STAR Labs, or Joe’s sofa, didn’t really seem like a viable option tonight. Like Grandma, Esther used to tell us, “When life beats you down-”

“You owe yourself extra kindness, gentleness, and nurturing,” Iris said, completing his sentence. "Wow, can't believe you remembered that."

He smiled. “So that’s what I’d like to offer you tonight if that’s okay,” he said, as he slipped his jacket onto her arms.

“Of course it’s okay, what exactly did you have in mind?” Iris said, laughing gently. “

“Well, as you can see, I thought we could have a little dinner, a little wine under the beauty of the stars, and just talk and unwind.”

“It sounds amazing, thank you so much,” she said, as her eyes grew misty. 

Barry was so good to her, and though his kindness was, once again, becoming a fixture in her life, though she felt silly for admitting it, it overwhelmed her.

For a time, she’d convinced herself that the mediocre affection Scott provided her with when they weren’t at each other’s throats was all she had to look forward to in life. It still angered her that she’d lost herself so deeply, the reasons of which she was still uncovering through her therapy sessions but what she did know is that there was no one other than Barry, whom she wanted by her side on her journey to recovery.

“You’re welcome,” he said, wiping his thumb over her cheek, as her hand found the back of his neck. Leaning up on her tiptoes, she pressed a firm kiss to his lips, then pulled him into a tight embrace.

“So what now,” Iris asked, looking lovingly up into his eyes when they parted.

“Now? We eat. And then…”

“Oh, there’s more?”

“I booked us a room in this cozy little resort a couple of states over for the weekend since we’re both off.”

“Oh, did you?” Iris asked, cocking her brows. “Taking initiative, I see,” she said a hint of scolding in her voice.  

“I’m not trying to seduce you, I promise. I just thought we could use a couple of days alone, away from all of our problems, and obligations, and just bask in each other’s company.”

“You know, that sounds perfect, Barr.”

** <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

Iris fell backward onto the picnic blanket and groaned. She’d eaten her weight in various cheeses, cold cuts, crackers, grapes, and petit fours, and was physically unable to sit upright anymore.

“I take it, you enjoyed dinner,” Barry said laughing, as he settled in behind her.

“Yes, the food was amazing, You remembered all of my favorite little indulgences.” Iris said, turning on her side to face him, “but just being with you is what made it truly special for me,” she added, as he ran his fingers through her hair. “I really needed this.”

A rush of wind enveloped them on all sides, and Iris pulled Barry’s jacket closed. Barry scooted closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and soon, liquid streams of warmth spread out in every direction of her body.

“Is that better?” Barry asked, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck.

“Every moment with you is better,” she said, as settling into his arms.

"Wow," Barry drawled feigning offense.

"What?"

“You stole my jacket, now you’re stealing my words too?”

Iris laughed. “If I recall, you gave me this jacket. Also, stolen or not, I mean it. Having you back in my life is exactly what I needed. Even if your tardiness has only gotten worse since before I moved away,” she said, jabbing him slightly in the ribs.

Barry let out a deep breath. “Sorry about that, hope you’re not too mad.”

“How could I be mad when you were planning all of this for us?”

“Well, actually, I’ve had this planned for a few days."

“Oh? Then what happened earlier?"

Silence followed. A beat later he replied, solemnly: “Patty happened.”

Iris scrunched up her fact and swiftly turned to face Barry.

“No, not like that. That was a one time mistake, Iris.” There was slight offense in his voice, that Iris’s mind would even go there, but he understood.

“Then what was it like?”

“I went to talk to the Captain about getting transferred, and we kind of had a blow-up tonight.”

“Oh? I’m sorry.”

“Do you want to hear about what happened?" He asked, knowing that, for better or worse, they'd promised to be completely honest with each other.

“Do you think I need to know?” Iris asked, slightly concerned.

“No. I mean yes. I mean, no. I mean yes.”

“Okay, you’re scaring me, Barr.”

Barry sighed, pressing his eyes shut. “Patty told me she was pregnant.

“P-pregnant?” Iris asked, unable to decide if she could trust her ears or not. Unable to decide whether or not she would even accept his words if they turned out to be true.

He nodded. “Yeah, but then, she told me she wasn’t.”

Iris breathed a deep sigh of relief, one that she couldn't have hidden if she wanted to. “Maybe lead with that next time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. So she was testing you?”

“I guess, or she just wanted to see how I’d react to the news.”

“And how did you?” Iris asked, unable to hold in her inquiry.

“Patty and I had never talked formally about having a family, but it was one of those milestones we thought we’d check off when we got there if we ever did. But I always expected it to happen one day. And when she told me she was pregnant, my mind started spinning with possibilities of what our future would look like, given this news.

“I see,” Iris said, as she sat up, unable to think of another response.

“And do you know what?” Barry asked, following her motions.

“What? No. God, never mind. That’s not my business,” Iris said, which was more about her not knowing if she could handle his response, than not wanting to pry. “We don’t have to talk about-”

“All I saw was dysfunction and pain,” he continued, cutting Iris off. “I saw her and I attempting to co-parent a child who could sense the discontent between us. And I ached for that kid, or those kids, who might grow up with both parents but would never have a true home, filled with love, to call their own. And suddenly, I felt like I was being suffocated, like the barely standing walls of my life had collapsed on top of me. And before I knew it I was on the floor, clutching my chest, attempting to draw one clear breath, the whole time watching Patty look on in horror, at the fact that the prospect of having a family with her, sent me into a full on panic attack.”

“That must have been difficult,” Iris offered. “For both of you.”

“Yeah,” Barry said shaking his head, “It was. When I finally came to, Patty told me she wasn’t actually pregnant, and she looked at me in utter disgust, like I was scum on the bottom of her shoe.

“And I deserved every bit of it," he continued. " Earlier today, she told me I stole her life from her, and that’s exactly what I did when I married her, hoping that I could learn to love her the way she deserves, but knowing deep down, it would never be enough. I won’t ever be able to make this up to her, no ever. And I have to live with this. But do you know what the absolute worst part was?”

“What?”

“The thought of having to tell you that I got her pregnant. The thought of hurting you again after I promised you I’d never do it again. The thought of you leaving me, which you would have had every right to have done. Feeling like I’d just ruined our chance to ever have a family of our own.”

“You want to have a family with me, Barr?” Iris gasped, softly. She hadn't seriously thought about having kids since her and Scott's first year of marriage. Truth be told, she hadn’t thought about kids since returning to Central City either.

“Of course I do, Iris. That’s all I’ve ever wanted since we were teenagers. I know that we have a shit ton of crap to work through, but yes, of course.”

Iris didn’t speak. Instead, she simmered on his words, allowing them to permeate through her, softening her stubborn edges. 

“I guess what I’m saying,” he kept on, placing a hand on her knee, “is that everything always comes back to you. Like I told you yesterday, and the day before that, and probably the day before that one too, you are absolutely it for me. I already knew it, and now Patty knows it without a shadow of a doubt. I don’t know what this means for our divorce, of whether or not she’s going to continue draw things out, but she knows finally where my heart is. I know it’ll take time, but I’m hoping that she’ll finally be able to heal now, because I’m 100 percent all in with you, and I have been my entire life, even before you breathed in my direction.”

“God, Barry. What am I supposed to say to say to all of this?” Iris asked, eyes heavy with tears.

“Tell me that you’re just as sure about me. Tell me that no matter what happens during these next few months, with Patty or with Scott, you won’t shut me out, that you won’t disappear on me again. Tell me that you’ll love me-”

Iris cut him off with a kiss. A world-stopping, earth-shattering kiss. 

 It was both was an admission of her undying love for him, and an apology for putting him in a position where he had to even question whether or not she was just as devoted to him, as friend or as something more. A kiss that would hopefully numb his everlasting guilt for the choice he’d made, and one that hopefully foreshadow the fact that she was finally ready to put their suite to good use tonight, because there was only so much a kiss could express.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not completely happy with this chapter. Thinking I should have kept the first version, but it is what it is. Thanks for reading! <3 :)


	14. Chapter 14

  
  
Iris looked back at Barry when she walked over the threshold to their hotel room as if she couldn’t believe her eyes. The couple’s suite that she was expecting to walk in on, was actually a single—yet sizable—room, set ablaze by what was probably dozens of candles positioned around its perimeter.

In the center of the room was one queen-sized bed, draped in a lavender comforter, with black and purple accent pillows. A vase of stunning, blue long-stemmed irises decorated her bedside table and the setup for an in-room massage for one, occupied the most Eastern corner.

“Barr, what. What is this?” Iris asked, face showing intemperate joy, wrapped up in slight befuddlement.

“Well,” Barry said, a gentle hand on her back, as he walked them further into the room, “I know you’re probably tired of being up under Joe and Cecile, and figured you might some space of your own for the weekend.”

“Well, yeah,” Iris laughed. As much as she appreciated her father giving her a place to stay, she had long outgrown the West home. And she’d had it up to here with her dad and Cecile’s uncensored PDA. Not to mention her father’s prying. “But what about you? Our romantic getaway?”

“I know we have an honesty pact, but I just told you that so you’d agree to come."

"Barr."

"An I know you want to take care of yourself, which I respect that, but I also know money is tight for you right now.”

“That it is,” Iris agreed. The money she made from Jitters was mostly going into her savings and towards her percentage of her attorney’s fees that her father wasn’t paying.

“And you deserve some time to just be with your own thoughts, in a place that no one can intrude on,” he said, in reference to Scott, and his decision to barge in on her other room.

The connection wasn’t lost on Iris, at all, and prompted tears to rise to the surface of her eyes. She tried to express how much this meant to her, but forming coherent sentences  was a lost cause, as her words got caught up in the back of her throat. Hand over mouth, she whirled around to face Barry, and laid her head into his chest, as the tears escaped with a fury.

Barry immediately drew his arm around her and pulled her into an embrace, which somehow, only intensified her sobs.

“Hey, hey,” he said, gently. “Don’t cry.”

“How could I not? You’re so good to me, Barry.” Her words came out jumbled against his chest.

“I definitely try to be, but it's because you've impacted my life on a scale so grand. A weekend getaway is but a speck of the gratitude I owe you,” he said thumbing away her tears.

“Please,” Iris derided. “I’m the woman who threw away a lifelong friendship for four years,” she said, regrettably. “I’m the person who-"

  
"Is way too fucking hard on herself. Yeah, you distanced yourself from me for your own personal reasons, and, yeah, it hurt--just ask Cisco; he had to deal with me sulking like a sad puppy dog.” There was a hint of a chuckle in his voice, but she knew that it was only to hide the pain he felt.

“Oh, Barry,” Iris said, eyes fixed on him. She grazed his cheek with the back of her hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. Really. You’re here...now. I have you..,now. We have right now, and the rest of our lives to be best friends, to be family, to be lovers. To me, that is everything.”

“That does sound nice,” Iris had to admit. A lifetime with Barry sounded better than nice, actually. It sounded like the only possible future that was worth living.

“Good. So please let me do something nice for you. It’s only a weekend, okay?”

Iris bit her trembling lip, looking back over the room. A second once-over allowed her to catch the gift-wrapped diary, fresh silk robe, and box of chocolates she'd missed the first go round. He heart swelled even more. He’d put so much thought into putting this together for her, it would be the ultimate slap in the face to turn it down. Not to mention, it would be nice to have a weekend to herself so she could clear her head, and go over her strategy to take down Scott in court.

“Soo,” he pushed gently. “What do you say?”

“You know what,” Iris exhaled, “I will stay here for the weekend, Barry, thank you.”

Barry smiled. “Good.”

“But first,” she said, reaching out to him. Though confused, he took her hand, and slowly followed her path towards the recliner in the corner. Once there, she motioned for him to take a seat. Reluctantly, he did as she asked, allowing his weight to drop into the plush cushion.

Iris followed, taking a seat into his lap. She wrapped on hand around his neck, then leaned forward, and pecked his lips “...first, you need to let me show you how much I appreciate you,” she continued, reaching down between them to palm his package.

Barry narrowed his gaze, eyes which had already been impacted by lust. “Iris,” he crooned, voice slightly lower than before, as if he was trying to hold onto his self-control. “I’m flattered. And God, I want this more than you know, but you don’t have to do this.

“I know I don't have to, but I want to. You’ve gotten to have all of the fun the last few weeks. It’s my turn to explore.”

A wry smile traveled across his face. “But,” he said, clearing his throat until it was finally leveled again, “I thought you didn’t want to rush into sex.”

“What I have in mind isn’t sex. Not exactly,” Iris said, as she pivoted so that she was facing away from him. Slowly she stood from his lap so that he ass was directly in front of him. With an unhurried shimmy, she pulled her dress, which had crept up her thighs, down to its original place.

A sharp turn later, and she was down on her knees in front of him, parked directly in between his legs. She smirked to herself when she looked up to see his hands, still lingering in the air where her ass at been, his mouth salivating wildly.

“Later, Barr,” Iris said licking her lips, as she slinked her hand up his leg, and towards his zipper.

Her eyes lit up when she felt the hefty bulge that lied underneath. Slowly, she undid his zipper and freed his manhood from his boxers. His cock already stood half at attention, and she could barely contain her excitement at the prospect of hardening him further.

“God, I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time,” she said, as she reached out to grab him in her hand.

“Oh really?” he asked, voice even deeper than before.

“On one condition.”

“And what’s that?” He answered eagerly.

“You have to tell me exactly what you want,” she said with a pop of her cherry-coated lips. “Can you do that for me, babe?” She asked, seduction thick in her voice.

He nodded, eyes fixed on her beautiful face.

“Nuh-uh. With your words,” she said, lowering her head so she was eye level with his glorious manhood, "Tell me _exactly_ how you want me to suck you, how to make you cum, Barry, and I’ll do it.”

There was a contemplating grin resting on his face, which contorted slightly as she pumped his cock in her right hand. It caused a smile to break out on her own face.

If she knew this man as she thought, he was entering that carnal, self-assured territory of his personality that time and pain had nursed to the surface in the time she’d been away.

It was that part of him that allowed him to kiss her in her father’s bathroom on her whim, corner her in the kitchen in the middle of the night and demand she stops bullshitting him about her admission of love and the one who didn’t hesitate to confront her about her feelings. It was part of him that drove her just as wild with desire, as it grated on her nerves.

The part of him that made her want to open her body up to him and tell him to shut the fuck up all in the same breath. The very same part that, as of late, had been dampened due to all of the emotional drama between them, and one that she was hoping she could bring out tonight, because God, she missed it so much.

Unhappy with his lack of verbal response, Iris removed her hand from that beautiful bulge in between his legs.

“No,” Barry said, grabbing her hand, fully cognizant that the chance of one of his greatest fantasies was slipping out of his grasp. With a direct, focused gaze, he guided her hand back towards his manhood with an accompanying, “Suck me off."”

“Ooh, someone’s eager,” Iris goaded him, looking up at him with a contented smile. "Anything for you."

For all of Iris's experience, no prior acts could prepare her for what was to come next. Slowly, she lowered her head, and placed a kiss at the tip of his cock, making Barry release a sharp, hissing breath. Though she'd come in contact with his arousal plenty of times over the past few weeks, this was their first, official proper introduction, one Iris wanted to draw out as long as possible.

A gruff, “I said suck,” on Barry’s end, which ushered him leaning forwards to gather her long hair into his hands, brought her back, and promoted a self-satisfied smirk to journey across her face. "Now, open your mouth,” he continued, clearly growing more and more comfortable with ordering her around. The tone in which he spoke to her sent a jolt of pleasure down her core, but she had no time to ponder on her own pleasure.

Barry took no time pushing himself into Iris' mouth, which she accepted eagerly. Inch by inch, he invaded her oral cavity, pushing the limits of much of him she could accept. Halfway in, a garbled groan escaped from his lips, followed by a lust- coated "look at me."  
His eyes were fixed on her face as she bobbed her head up and down, forth ways and sideways, stimulating every single glorious inch of him, as much as he could, as he struggled to maintain eye contact with her. Up and down, down and up, she sucked him, loving the way he lengthened and expanded in her mouth, loving the saltiness of his pre-cum which was mixing with her saliva, and absolutely delighting in the way he cursed underneath his breath, as he bit back the urge to cry out at full volume.

As tantalizing the former was, it was when he gave way, throwing his head back, that she finally felt like her hard work was paying off. The grip he had on the back of her head, though didn't ease at all. In fact, the closer she worked him towards orgasm, the tighter it got.

"Barr," she eventually warned, allowing him to slip from her lips. "Careful."

  
"Ohh, I'm sorry," he said, his spirit returning back into his body earth. He quickly released her hair and followed it up with a careful, thoughtful hand over the back of her head. "I'm so sorry.

"Don't be," Iris crooned in return, before rising from her spot on the floor.

Barry didn't protest, but the look on his face said that he was hoping that this wasn't the end of the night. And it wasn't by a long shot. When Iris reached out to him, this time, there was no hesitation as he took her hand in his and stood.

He would have followed her to the end of the earth if it meant that she would finish the job she’d started. "Where are we going?"

  
"To the shower. I have a feeling things are about to get a little messy,” she said with a wink.

**< ><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

"I'll see you Monday," Barry said, as he stood at Iris's hotel door, as she slinked his arms across his body.

"You really don't have to leave," Iris said, nearly begging him to stay with her. "I had a wonderful time last night."

"I know, I'm still deaf in one ear," he teased, before pressing his mouth into hers

Iris dodged his kiss and hit him playfully in the chest. "I was not that loud!"

"Sure you weren't," he said with a smirk.

"In my defense, I didn't know your tongue could vibrate too," she responded, trailing her hands down his chest."

"Yeah, well there are still a few things about me you don't know."

"I can't wait to find them out," Iris said, looping her arms back around his waist.

"And we have plenty of time to find them out," he said. "I really want you to have today and tomorrow to yourself, okay."

"If you insist," Iris whined.

"Besides, there's no guarantee I'll be able to control myself after what you did in that shower last night. And if you don't want to go all the way yet, then...

"Yeah. Go," Iris said, coming to her senses. "Before we go too far," though she knew they'd crossed that line long, long ago.

"I thought you'd see it my way," Barry said, pleased. "I'll be back first thing Monday morning when you check out and remember I'm just a phone call away if you need me."

A hopeful glint sparkled in Iris's eye. "So I can-"

"No, repeating last night doesn't fall under the category of needing me," Barry said with a laugh.

Iris sighed. "What about telling you how much I love, adore and cherish you? How much I appreciate how you put my needs first? How grateful I am for you, your friendship, your affection?" Iris asked fluttering her eyelashes, dotingly.

Barry thought for a moment, head titled slightly. "How about you ext me?" He finally said.

Iris's face dropped. "Okay, go on, get out of here before I slap you," Iris said, pushing him towards the door, nearly unable to contain her laughter.

"Wait," he said, holding onto the door frame.

"What, Barr?"

"All jokes aside, I love you, Iris."

Iris smiled, hand to heart. "Not nearly as much as I love you, Barr."

** <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

  
Scott Evans sat in his office desk chair, squeezing a stress ball in one hand, as he scrolled down Iris's Twitter feed on his laptop.

Though she'd blocked him from contacting her on her personal phone or through her email, she'd obviously forgotten to block him on there as well.

He even still had her notifications on, though she hadn't Tweeted in nearly a year, even before she'd left him and filed for divorce, and turned his world upside down.

He still couldn't believe how ungrateful she was, for all that he'd done for her.

He exhaled, squeezing the ball even tighter when, for the fifth time in an hour, an unknown number caused his cell phone to vibrate.

As a big-time editor, he was always dodging amateurs who didn't know better than to cold call him, but most got the message after he didn't answer the first couple of times.

This must have been someone else, someone who's number he'd potentially misplaced. Not wanting to miss a potential connection, he picked up the phone.

"Scott Evans, managing editor of The Keystone Times," He answered, contempt barely concealed in his tone. "Patty Spivot? Oh right, Barry Allens' wife?" he replied only slightly less annoyed. "How can I help you?"


	15. Chapter 15

Iris had been resting idly in her bed, drifting between that comfortable line where she was alert, but still tired enough that she could easily fall back asleep if she wanted. The sound of faint knocking at her door threatened to drag her clean over the line from unconscious to conscious, though, causing her to groan.

She'd had the most peaceful weekend, thanks to Barry. And she wasn’t looking forward to returning to the real world quite yet. This next week would bring more long hours at her job, and another meeting with her lawyer, where they would go over their plan to win her case, and she wasn’t ready to face any of that yet.

The knocking finally ceased, she smiled. It was only 7:30, which meant that she still had around four hours until checkout, and she was going to savor every single minute of it. Just as she snuggled back down into her cool, plush comforter, the knocking picked back up, this time accompanied by a very loud, intrusive, “Room service!”

The voice was muffled, but she could make out that it was a man, who seemed way too delighted with himself. Iris sighed, then climbed out of bed again. She scanned the room for the silk robe Barry had left her to cover her scantily clad nightgown, threw it on, and trudged towards the unwanted visitor.

“I didn’t order room service,” Iris said, voice coated in slight aggression, as she pulled the door open. Her scowl was soon replaced by a wide smile and adoring eyes. “Barr!” she yelled, nearly jumping into his arms, suddenly not too concerned with getting back to sleep anymore. “I thought you weren’t coming until later.”

“Yeah well, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all weekend. And I physically couldn’t wait five more hours to see this beautiful face,” he said, as he stroked her chin. “You sure do know how to leave an impression on a man.

He tugged at her robe. When it gave way to what she was wearing underneath, an amorous smirk followed. "You have no idea how much I missed this body," he said, eyes traveling down the peaks of her breasts, just as intently as that first night Joe’s kitchen which felt ages ago, but this time, she had no desire to cover herself. Instead, she eagerly welcomed his eyes on her body, just as much as she did his proximity.

“Then you should have come back,” she said, with a slight whine that being in his presence usually brought out of her. “Cause, even though I have reveled in the peace and isolation, having you here would have made it better.”

“Me? Or my tongue?” Barry asked, brow raised, as memories of his time with his face parked between her thick brown thighs, flooded his brain. Not that the memories had ever actually left. After the night they shared, it had taken everything in him to actually honor his decision to give Iris alone time.

“Both,” Iris replied without a second thought, as she leaned up to meet his mouth, smiling as they kissed their way through a proper greeting. The next moment, one that whipped by faster than her brain could register, Barry had closed the door and had her wedged between it, and him. Their mouths met again, but only briefly, as Iris pulled his body as close and possible and buried her head into him, peppering needy kisses across his cheeks, and the side of his neck. Down his chest, and back up again, until she felt them moving towards her bed.

“Well,” he said, finally at the bed, "as he stripped away her nightgown in one fell swoop, leaving only her panties. "You have both of us here. And we do have a few hours before it’s time for you to check out.” He leaned back down to her, trailing sloppy kisses down her neck, past her chest, over her pert nipples. Hands at the base of her breasts, he pushed the mounds together, licking and sucking the sensitive nubs, as she writhed softly underneath him.

“God,” Iris breathed, heavily, when he finally came up for air sometime later. “I don’t think I can handle a few hours of you, Barr.

Barry paused, perching one hand above her, and she delighted in the fact that she had nowhere to run. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not up for the challenge,” she said, pulling him back down onto her. "I need you."

“I thought you’d see it that way,” he said, with a throaty moan, as she attacked his neck once more.

“And I mean all of you,” she said, emphasizing her point by grabbing a handful of his ample cock.

Inside, Barry was buzzing with excitement, but “What? You’re ready?” Is what came out, shock completely overshadowing any other emotion. Barry had been hoping to have a morning reminiscent of their night in the shower, in which there wasn’t an inch of skin on each other’s bodies, the other’s mouth hadn’t savored. But sex?

“Yes, I’m ready...aren't you? She asked, less sure of herself now.

“I’ve been ready for you for years,” he assured her, reaching up to trail a gentle hand down the right side of her face. It caused her to smile, and he was sure that she’d never looked as beautiful as she looked at this very moment. “I just. I thought you wanted to wait.”

“I did. I do. I mean I did.”

“So, what’s changed?”

“Me. You. Mostly me.”

Barry smiled brightly, shaking his head. “I’m becoming well-versed in Iris-speak again, but I’m still going to need you to translate.”

Iris huffed fondly. “I know I’ve been difficult.”

“Yeah."

“And untrusting."

“Mhmm,"

“And just...hard to read,”

“Tell me about it,” he said, blowing air through his lips.

Iris playfully hit him in the chest. “Do you want me to continue or not?”

He nodded. “Yes. Please."

Reaching up to grab his face in her hands, sure to look him directly into his green eyes, she continued, “It took me longer than it should have to accept it, to act on it, or to allow myself to fully entertain the idea, but..I am completely… hopelessly in love with you, Barry Allen. And I know that the circumstances aren’t ideal, but a piece of paper couldn’t make me anymore yours than I am right now. And all I want to do right now is physically show you how deeply I mean these words."

The words caused his eyes to gloss over, as a resigned smile spread out over his face. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from you," he said, a hint of a whimper in every word.

“Oh, that I’m ready to give you some of this?” She teased, tracing her curves with her hand.

“No, that you’re mine. Because God knows I’m yours, Iris. Wholly and completely. But yes, that too,” he said, smiling wildly. “I want it...all. And then some.”

“And I want you to have it all. I-“

Barry cut her off with a kiss. Soon, they were rolling back and forth across the bed, hands roaming wildly over each other’s bodies. It was a sweet, gentle exploration as if both knew that there was absolutely no reason to rush. Seconds, minutes, maybe even an hour passed before their eyes met again.

Both were now fully naked, but the only thing Iris could focus on was Barry’s pink, swollen lips, which just looked so damn lickable. She couldn’t help but pull him back down for one more peck. “I love you so much” she said finally, breaking the sea of smooching and panting that had filled the room.

“I love you too,” he said, lovingly into her eyes.

“Now, are you ready to make love to me?” She asked, sitting up, guiding his body back down on the bed, in the place she previously lay.

“More ready than I’ll ever be."

“Wait. Do you uh, have?”

“I do now,” he said, not missing a beat. 

“Jesus. Did you even ring those up?” Iris said as she crawled on top of her freshly sheathed speedster. Barry laughed. “No, but I paid double."  
His hand immediately went to her svelte waist, rubbing up and down, as she eased herself over him.

She pressed her hands into his chest, and let her head fall back, perpendicular with her shoulders. Barry aided her, pushing himself deeper inside of her, struggling to decide whether to watch her body encapsulate him, or to watch the ecstasy spread out over her face.

He caught the moment her mouth dropped open, pausing, as she struggled to adjust to him being fully inside of her, and figured her face was the better option.

“God, that’s amazing,” Iris moaned, as she took him all of him, her voice catching on every single syllable.

Barry’s own breath caught. Having Iris pinned against the shower, her legs, resting over his shoulders, or his cock deep down her throat were definitely milestones worth celebrating, but having her ride him while doing everything she could to not come undone was new territory.

He couldn’t formulate any words except, low, guttural “fucks,” as they fought to find a rhythm that worked for them both."

Soon her slow, steady motions were replaced by frantic riding, soundtracked by her lusty moans as her body adjusted to his intrusion.

"Oh, God, Oh God, Oh, God," Iris belted, every time their bodies met.

"You okay, Iris?" Barry managed, though his voice was strained.

“Yes. I just...God, I need more,” she breathed. “Please baby, I need more.”

He smiled, thrusting upwards into her, fucking her until her legs buckled, and it was only his strength keeping her steady on top of him, until she cried out, not just from the pleasure, but from her body’s decision to give out on her. 

“No, don’t stop,” she shook her head, unremitting when she caught his concerned gaze. “I Just flip me over. I can take it.”

And take it she did, for the next hour and a half, until an orgasm so powerful ripped through her, her only option was to scream out in pleasure as her body quaked from head to toe. “Barry! Barry! Barry!” She cried out, digging claw marks into her bed sheets. "God, Barry"

Even in the midst of his own pleasure, he tried to bring her back down, for they were dangerously close to disturbing the entire floor, but it was no use. She was completely gone, in the best possible way. Only ceasing would quiet her, but he didn’t have the willpower to stop, and not just because he was in the middle of realizing his greatest fantasy, as she marveled at the arch in her back, and the fullness of her ass. He knew how badly how much she needed this, to release this pent up pleasure, pain, grief, longing and love, how their love making was the only thing that could soothe in this moment.

“Let it out,” he groaned, slamming into her, each time with more force, her moans encouraging him to fuck her harder and harder.  
“Barry,” she yelled out. “More. God! Yes…yes…” she screamed until her voice gave out. "More..."

**< ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

  
“Oooh, somebody’s been having sex!” Linda Park, CCPN’s senior sports editor screeched at a beaming Iris West, as she sashayed into her private office at CCPN. It was less accusatory than it was congratulatory, though Iris still wished her friend wasn’t so damn loud.

Iris quickly closed the woman’s door, hoping that none of her former co-workers had heard. “Um, can you hush? And no, I did not have not been having sex Iris lied, as she approached Linda.

Leave it to her to broadcast her and Barry’s activities to the entire office. Activities which were 100 percent the reason she was in a good mood, besides experiencing the first relaxing bit of isolation she’d had in nearly two months.

Not that she could tell Linda that either.

This thing between her and Barry was incredibly new and delicate. They had more than enough obstacles against them already. Letting other people in on their relationship had, so far, not been something they'd talked about yet.

“Sorry hun,” Linda said, voice slightly hushed. “But you’re glowing. Not to mention, I haven’t seen this much pep in your step in...God, I don’t even remember the last time.”

“So I can’t just be happy to be alive? To be getting on my feet? To be in the presence of my beautiful, thoughtful, albeit nosy friend?” Iris asked as she took a seat across from the other woman.

Linda thought for a moment. “You can. But.”  
  
“Oh great. A but,” Iris smirked, arms crossed over her chest.  
  
“Hey, I’m just calling it like I see it.”  
  
“Linda, I didn’t know you asked me here to talk about my love life,” Iris said, face turned down in a frown. “Not that I have one,” she continued, just as her phone dinged. “Hold on.”  
  
It was Barry, of course. Besides her father, and Linda occasionally, he was the only person she texted regularly. And oddly, Iris didn't mind it, as Barry filled multiple roles in her life. Best friend, confidant. And now...lover. She pulled up their message thread, then pressed her hand to her heart, laughing softly as she typed her response. When she looked up, Linda was smirking wildly.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You can’t even stop smiling, oh my god.”  
  
Iris fixed her face, then sat her phone down. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said stoically.

“Fine. Don’t tell me, but I know that demeanor. Some lucky man knocked every last cobweb off of you, and based on what you’ve told me about your divorce, it’s wasn't Scott.”

“Oh, God no.” Iris rolled her eyes, his name bringing her back to her complicated reality. “And please, don’t say his name. I don’t want anyone to hear, and ask me about him.”

Linda chortled. “Newsflash, Iris. He used to run this place before you two got married off, and most of his former staff still work here. You’re literally a walking breathing billboard that says “ask me about Scott Evans.”

“Which is why I didn’t want to come here. So, let’s get on with this, shall we?”

“Fine. Since you refuse to come back here, and work with me, and make the office fun again, I just wanted to see if you wanted to at least do some freelance work for the paper. I know you can use the extra money."

“I appreciate this Linda, but I don’t know.”

"Please. We really could use your reporting skills."

"But."

"And before you say 'no' again, you wouldn’t even have to step foot into the office. You could just write for the website and submit everything digitally. No one even has to know you’re back in town permanently, since you can work from anywhere.”

“But I haven’t written in a few years.”

“Please. Writing is just like riding a bike girl, just like sex. And you had no qualms about jumping back on somebody’s ride this weekend.”

“On that note, I’m gonna go, Ms. Interrogator," Iris said laughing, as she gathered her bag from the floor, and headed for the door.

“Can’t handle the heat, huh, West?”

“I’m used to your prying babe, but I really wanna go before the office fills up, and I run into people I don’t wanna see. Not to mention, I was on my way to a prior engagement before you texted me to meet you here.”

“Well, will you at least consider my offer? No one covers metas like you do, and given that Flash sightings have been cropping back up, I figured…”

Iris turned, throat dry. “Oh, they have?” She asked, attempting to keep her voice level, as she turned back to face her friend.

“Didn’t think I knew Barry was back permanently, huh?” Linda asked, brow raised.

“I-I didn’t know myself.”

“Really? Yeah, well, literally every single day for the past two months people have recorded Flash zipping in and out of the city. And I don’t have to tell you that, given everything Barry was to this city, and how abruptly he left, how big of a deal this is. We’re literally itching for someone, who can get close to him, to dig into his decision to pop back up.”

“Well, his family is here, as you know. He probably misses them. You know, I mean. Joe and Cecile. Joseph Jr."

“And yet, he only started back up right when you moved back here. You know, I’d say that was a coincidence, but I don’t believe in those.”

“Tell me, Linda. What do you believe in?”

“Fate. True love. Following your heart.” she said, hands clasped together, with a flutter of her eyelashes.

“You know, I’m starting to believe in those things too, Ms. Parks,” Iris said with a wink, before sliding out of her office.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

  
Joe West was seated at his kitchen table cleaning his gun when Barry Allen sped into the West home. For the briefest moment, he froze from fear, before annoyance spread out over his face.

“Sorry!” Barry offered. “I forgot how much you hate that.”

“You also forgot I have a gun, so I wouldn’t go around scaring me.”

Barry took a seat across from his pseudo-father. “With all due respect old man…”

Joe shot him an icy stare. “Before you finish that sentence, know that you’re not too grown to get your behind popped."

Barry laughed as he reached across the table, and took a handful of chips from the bowl sat in the center. “Alright pops.”

“So what brings you here today?”

“Iris. We’re supposed to hang out after she gets back from meeting with Linda.”

“You two been hanging out a lot lately,” Joe said, eyeing him closely.

“Yeah, well. That’s what you wanted right? For us to be close again?”

“Of course I do. I just didn’t expect you to become _so_ chummy. Especially not so soon. But it makes sense, given the special circumstances.”

Barry let out a nervous laugh. “Special circumstances.”

“Your divorces,” Joe said flatly. “I imagine it’s been easy to find common ground over that.”

Barry relaxed just a bit. “Oh, right.”

Joe sat down his project and surveyed the man in front of him. “You look good by the way. Healthy, happy.”

“Thanks, Joe.”

“It’s funny, Iris has been beaming too, lately, especially when she got in yesterday. She was nearly floating on clouds, even hours later, when she eventually left for work.

“Got in? Was she gone?”

“Yeah, she spent the weekend somewhere. Wouldn’t tell me where. She didn’t happen to tell you, did she?”

“Me?! Nope. Uh-nope. Why’d she tell me?” Barry asked, face suddenly hot.

“Because you’re friends. And you’re not her father,” Joe offered flatly. “And apparently she’s too grown to tell me things anymore.”

“Right. Well, nope.” Barry said with a fervent shake of the head. “Nope nope nope. I have no idea where Iris was this weekend.”

“No idea at all?”

"I mean. No."

"Now that I think of it, she might have went home to see Scott."

"The hell?" Barry asked, only softening his voice and face when he remembered that he, did, indeed know where Iris had been. "I mean...oh?"

"But then again, I think they're totally done now. At least I hope."

"Me too. You know...,' adding quickly, "cause she wasn't happy in that relationship,"

"Right, right,' Joe said, tentatively. "That's the only reason, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

Joe nodded. “Well then, next question. Where were _you_ this weekend?”

“Umm, home. Well, STAR Labs. Which is home, again.”

“Were you alone?”

Barry laughed, narrowing his gaze. “Why the 20 questions, Joe?”

  
“Oh, well, your neck is covered in hickeys.”

Barry pressed his hand into his neck. _Iris._

"And I figured it'd be difficult for you put them there yourself. Even with your speed," Joe chuckled.

“Right. If they were hickeys. But not they're not. These...marks...are cause of an allergic reaction to this new lotion I tried. Broke me out...in blotches.”

""Lotion, huh? Cause-”

Jingling keys caught both men’s attention. Barry breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Iris finally emerge from the other side of the door. “Is that my baby girl?" Joe yelled from the kitchen.

"Uh-huh."

“Come to talk to your old man.”

Upon entering the kitchen, Iris' face caught Barry's which was bloodshot red. Quickly, she averted her gaze, stifling the laughter in her throat. ”Hey daddy,” she said in the direction of her father.

“Hey,” both men replied simultaneously, causing them to look at each other.

Joe’s mouth dropped, eyes darting between Barry who’s face was an even darker shade of red, and Iris who, oddly enough, looked pretty calm about the entire thing. “On that note, I’m gonna go,” Joe said, hastily retrieving his gun from the table.

“Dad. Wait,” Iris said, this close to losing it.

“Iris. Later,” Joe said as if words were caught in his throat. Before she knew it, he was gone up the stairs, mumbling something underneath his breath.

“Barr!” Iris said, hitting Barry in the shoulder. “How can someone so dominating, so powerful, so seductive, be so uncool in situations like this?

Barry laughed gently. “I’m sorry, baby. But you called me that so many times yesterday, it’s stuck.”

“Yeah, well. You deserved it,” Iris said, taking a seat beside him. "I had the time of my life this weekend. And it's all because of you, baby."

"Same here. Joe definitely now knows something is going on between us, though. That’s if he didn’t already.”

Iris humped her shoulders. She had bigger problems than her father finding out her affair.

“You don’t care?”

“I didn’t say that. Obviously, I’d love for us to be able to live in our little world for as long as possible. But apparently, we’re not great at hiding things. Linda all but told me she knew about us this today”

“That I’m not surprised about. She always was intuitive.”

“We do need to be more careful though until our divorces are finalized. That means you behaving yourself."

“Yeah, well, I’ll try to. But I’m not making any promises, Ms. West.”

“You know technically, I’m still a Mrs.”

“And technically, I don’t care,” Barry said, pulling Iris into him.

“Barry,” Iris laughed. “Daddy’s still upstairs.”

“No, he’s right here,” he said, slinking a hand, up her thigh, stopping just below the hem of her panties, voice completely devoid of the nervous energy which rang our from him in her actual father's presence.

Iris gasped, looking back over her shoulder for any signs of a lingering cop. All clear, she turned back to Barry. “My God, is this what a little hotel fun does to you?” Iris laughed softly, hand over mouth.

“No. This is what a little time with the love of my life does to me,” he said, longingly into her eyes. “The hotel fun, if that’s what we’re calling it now, definitely didn’t hurt though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded this last night, but then deleted it because it was super rushed. Also, I wanted to lengthen their love scene at the beginning. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this super fluffy, angst free chapter. Life will soon get very real for these lovebirds, so I figured I'd allow them, and you, to just breathe easy for a bit. 
> 
> As always, I appreciate you for continuing to read and comment. I always look forward to reading your reviews, which are usually a highlight of my day. 
> 
> <3 and cherish all of ya! :)


	16. Chapter 16

Barry was brushing his teeth when his phone dinged. He scooped up the phone from the sink with his free hand, and smiled when he saw that it was Iris. She was outside, and needed to be let in. He tossed the phone down, then rinsed his mouth and toothbrush. One last once-over and he sped to the keypad, near the entrance of STAR Labs.

When the doors gave way, Iris was standing on the other side wearing a pink sundress that was perfect for late Spring. She’d styled her hair in long, curly waves, pushed to the side with a white flower. In her hand was a covered dish, filled with something that wasn’t nearly as interesting to him as the blinding smile on her face..

“You gonna let me in?” She urged as he stood there, awestruck. “Or should I take my homemade cinnamon rolls back to Dad’s?”

“Oh. Right. I’m sorry. You’re just...breathtaking,” he said stepping aside so she could enter the facility.

Iris suppressed the surge of roaming butterflies in her stomach. Him and his poetic waxing. She stepped over the threshold. “Thank you, baby. You’re the sweetest,” is what she said next, though they weren’t at all the right words to express how he made her feel.

“I just wish you’d told me that you were dropping by. I would have gotten dressed earlier for you," he said, as he bent down, scooping her up into his arms. A flash of lightning later, they were in the kitchen portion of his living quarters.

“Oh, please,” Iris said, as she sat down the cinnamon rolls on his kitchen table. “I love my messy bed haired baby and his wrinkly pajamas. They make you look as cozy and comfortable as being with you makes me feel.”

The words rolled off of her tongue with such ease, it made her pause.

“What?”

“I sound like a total sap.”

“Yeah, well,” Barry said, as he took a step closer to Iris. She pivoted her heels so she was facing him, the angle which allowed him to loop his arms around her waist. “I love sappy Iris.”

“Why is that?” She asked, gently swaying in his arms.

“Sappy Iris means happy Iris, and all I want for you is to be happy.”

“Really?” She asked with a subtle pout.

“Of course. I mean, if anyone deserves to be happy, it is you. That I can contribute to it is the greatest honor ever bestowed upon me.” His words were accompanied by a direct, loving gaze.

“God," Iris laughed, breaking eye contact, “You’re going to make me take you back to your bed if you don’t stop.”

Barry followed suit. “Do not tempt me, Ms. West. It’s been three whole days since you gave me some.”

Iris gasped. "It’s only been five days since our...first official time,” she said, voice dipping an octave or two, heat napalming over her body.

Those damn butterflies.

“Oh, don’t get shy on me now,” he said, closing the gap between them. She slanted him a coquettish glance that preceded a gentle peck on the lips. One which deepened into one more ravenous, sending Barry falling backward into the kitchen chair. His descent brought Iris down with him, legs draped over the side of his.

One of Iris’s arms draped daintily around his neck, while the hand of the other one found the tuft of hair at the back of his head. Barry’s own hands had PG rated plans. They found her silky smooth thighs, kneading the firm flesh there as they kissed. When Iris felt the steady rise of them, nearing the X-rated territory, however, she swatted them away.

“Hey!” he protested.

“Behave yourself then," she hit back, lips still pressed to his.

He broke the kiss with a laugh. “You’re the one who started it."

"And I intend to finish it," she said, her words both a promise and a challenge.

“Oh, really?” He asked brow cocked. “

She nodded, leaning towards him, nearly brushing his lips with her own. “This weekend.”

His face dropped, and he pressed his hand over his heart. “Um, ouch."

Iris laughed and slid from his lap into a standing position. She smoothed down her dress, then took the seat across from him at the table, setting her sights on the sweets she'd brought over.

Barry pouted. 

“Aww don't be mad,” she laughed, as she opened the lid to the warm rolls, and stuck a fingerful of icing into her mouth, “I have court tomorrow. And I gotta put my game face on, which I can’t do if I’m still recovering from our sexcapades.”

“I almost forgot you had court,” He said, as he walked over to the counter in pursuit of plates. “You’ve been in such a good mood.”

“Yeah well, that’s because I’ve had time to clear my head. My marriage has been dead for awhile, but I filed on a whim. And I wasn’t prepared. Not to mention, I was an emotional wreck. But unlike the preliminary hearing, I’ve had time to strategize.”

“Glad to hear it." Barry returned to the table with two plates.

“And I might not have worked officially for most of our marriage,” Iris kept on, “but damn it, I was a great wife to Scott. I am just as valuable to our union as he was, so I know I’m entitled to half of our money.”

“Yes! This is what I’m talking about!” Barry raised his hand, offering her high five.

Iris slowly raised her hand to meet his, a squinty smile on her face. “Wow. You’re even more excited than I am.”

Barry humped his shoulders. “Well, THIS is the Iris I remember. And I kinda love it,” he said, delight permeating throughout the room.

“Yeah, well. I lost her for a while. But I’m getting more of her back day by day. I’m still a little nervous but—“

“Don’t be. You got this, Iris. I believe in you.”

Iris simpered on his face, then reached over and grabbed his hand. “Thank you, Barr. Your support means everything to me.”

“Yeah, well. _You_ mean everything to me.”

Iris took in a stirred breath, then leaned over the table with pouty lips. Barry met her with a kiss.

“I must admit, I wish I could see you give Scott hell in court tomorrow,” he said, once parted.

Iris’s face fell. “Barr, I appreciate your—“

“I know, I know,” he said, holding his hands up. “It’s best if I stay away. I’m just saying, I’d love to see it.”

“Yeah, well. I’m more concerned with getting this over and done with, so I can be free from Scott legally. For myself and for us. Our future.”

“You will be. Soon. I believe it.”

Iris smiled solemnly. “Yeah, but.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

Barry sighed. “Patty can’t draw things out forever. I’ve been completely honest with her. She knows it’s always been you.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s ready to give you up. Not that I blame her one bit. You’re an amazing guy.”

"Oh, I have my faults, trust me.”

“In the grand scheme of things...hell yeah,” she laughed, “But you’re exactly what I need in my life. And I’m really lucky to have your affection.”

He returned her loving gaze for a second, but couldn't help but notice that past the affection at the surface, clouded worry bubbled underneath. “There’s a 'but' coming, isn’t it.”

She nodded. “ _But_   the fact that you and Patty didn’t have a clean break makes it hard to fully enjoy what we have. Especially since I’m partially responsible.”

"No."Barry shook his head. “Nonsense.”

“You don't agree?”

“No. I messed things up. Not you.”

“Yeah but.”

“No buts. Like I told Patty, I was going to love you until the day I died regardless of how you felt about me. I’m the one who used our relationship as a crutch. And I’m the one who thought we could build something lifelong from dishonesty. This is my guilt to bear. You’ve endured enough. Okay?”

Iris nodded slowly.

“Please, let me hear you say it.”

“Okay, Barry,” she said, smiling, though he could see the bubbly mood she’d arrived in was gone. “So,” she said, turning her attention towards the cinnamon rolls, “we should eat these before they get cold.”

She didn’t wait for his response or his protest. Barry watched her as she piled his plate with 8 of the 10 rolls she’d made, and passed it to him. “I added extra cinnamon to them. Like you like them.” The smile that followed didn’t reach her eyes.

“Iris. Are you-“

This time, it was her phone that dinged. “One sec,” she said, licking the icing off of her fingers before picking it up. There was a text from her attorney. She opened it up, and the already meek smile on her face dropped into a full-on frown.

“What’s wrong?”

“Scott’s filed an emergency motion to postpone our court date.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack,” she said, feeling her own pulse rising exponentially.

“Can he do that? Especially on this short of notice.”

“Apparently," she said, voice tentative.

“On what grounds?”

“I don’t know yet, Barry. Gimme a minute,” she said, fingers racing across her keypad.

“My bad,” he replied voice gruff, arms folded across his chest.

Iris’s gaze found his, one filled with hurt. “No. I’m sorry,” she said, gentler this time. “It’s just. God. I’m never going to be free of him like this.” she said, slamming her phone down.

It was no time before tears streamed down her face. She pressed her face into her hands, hoping to stifle them.

“Oh, Iris,” Barry said, standing and taking the seat closest to her. He ran a gentle hand through her hair. “Look at me, sweetie.”

Iris lamented, letting her hands reveal her tear stained face.

“You are going to be free of Scott,” he affirmed her.

“Not at this rate. I’ve already given him five years. Do I have to give him my entire life.?” Her voice collapsed on the word 'entire', and then more tears followed.

Barry pulled her into him, and this time, there was no resistance on her end. “I just want my life back,” she sobbed.

“And you will get it back. It might take a little longer than you expected it, but Scott doesn’t own you. Nobody owns you. And I know that it’s not what you want to hear, but, if you let this break you down, you’re giving him what he wants. You have to be strong.”

There was silence on her end, as she took in his words, and reveled in his comforting touch. She wanted to stay like this, in Barry’s arms forever and a day. After that too.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes,” she sniffled, “I hear you. I have to be strong,” she said, attempting to match him. "I’m just tired. I want this to be over.” Her voice returned to its original octave.

Barry pressed a kiss into her forehead, then used his other hand to stroke her tears away from her face. “It will be...eventually. And you’re already the strongest woman I know. But on those days when you’re not up to the challenge, don’t ever think that you can’t lean on me. I can be strong when you can’t be,”

“I know, babe,” she said, still crestfallen  
.  
“Alright? Don’t cry." He kissed her once more.

Iris straightened her posture and wiped her face. Barry watched as she attempted to put herself back together, but he could tell this was wearing on her. It pained him to see her like this, especially since she’d been so sure of herself when she’d arrived. No one should have had that much power over her, to change her moods so drastically.

Especially not Scott.

“Hey,” he said when he heard that sniffle, which he was sure would bring on another round of tears. “I have a bit of good news to counter yours.”

She turned to him, eyes sparkling slightly at the prospect of something positive, after having the wind knocked out of her. “Really? What?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to tell you yet because I wanted it to be a surprise, but today is my last day at the RVPD.”

“Seriously?!”

She didn’t mean to sound so excited, but honestly, she was ecstatic about having him back in Central City, free from the demands of his job. For as sure as she was about how Barry felt about her, by his own admission, Iris knew that Barry still loved Patty.

Whether or not he ever acted on those feelings again, she still held a sliver of his heart. Knowing that he wouldn’t have to work with her anymore gave her that added peace of mins she was too embarrassed to admit she needed.

Barry nodded. “Captain Davis finally found my replacement, so I’m free to leave now.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you,” she said, pulling him into a hug. “I know how difficult being there was for you.”

“That is has been. But we can put this part behind us. Finally. Would you like that?”

“Of course."

“Good.” He smiled, hoping that it would rub off on her because seeing her this way was almost too much to handle. She smiled weakly in return, tears still glistening in her eyes.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Do you want to celebrate tonight?.”

“Oh, I don’t know Barr.”

“Come on, you don’t have court anymore.

“Do not remind me,” Iris said, blowing air through her lips.

“I know it sucks, but at least this way, you’ll have plenty of time to recover from our sexcapades," he said, gently mocking her earlier phrasing.

Iris cocked her head to the side. “I love how you just assume sex will be on the table.”

“Oh, I don’t assume. I just _know_ you.”

There was something about how he said those words that made her blush. She bit her lips to keep a smile from showing on her face, but her efforts were for naught.

Barry took head of the mood change, and closed the space between them, continuing with, “And I know how you get when you’re aroused,’ he placed a kiss to the side of her neck, eliciting a throaty moan from her end,” How much you love when I-,” he said, voice cutting out, as he whispered her favorite move of his into her ear.

Iris let out a girlish giggle, and pushed Barry in the chest. “Do I have to put you in time out?”

“You can do anything you want. As long as you get happy. It looks good on you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Do you know what else looks good on me?” She continued a playful glint in her eye.

Barry bit his lip, falling easily for her act, knowing where she was going. “Oh, do tell.”

Iris smiled seductively and walked slowly her fingers down his chest. Just before she reached the ridges of his abs, she zipped her hand past him, to grab one of her cinnamon rolls. “These,” she said, amusement heavy in her voice. She broke it stuffing half of it into her mouth, then handed the rest off to him.

Mouth aghast, Barry begrudgingly took the confection, and popped it into his mouth. “Not what I hand in mind, but....these are good. Amazing actually.”

“Told you.”

He licked the excess sugar from his his fingers, then sat down the rest of the uneaten pastry. “Now. Are we good?”

“Yeah, we’re good.”

“Good enough for a romantic dinner. And a little after dinner massage?” he asked with a wink.

Iris sighed at his increasing aptness of wearing her down “Yeah, that too.”

“Good,” he said with a clap. “Now, get out of here, so I can get ready for work. You’re a distraction,” he said, feigning annoyance.

Iris’s mouth dropped, which he returned with a challenging lip smirk.

"Fine. But if I leave, so do my cinnamon rolls,” she said, snatching them out of his grasp, before he could stop her.

He shook his head. “You always did play dirty, West.”

* * *

* * *

  
  
Barry was sitting idly in his lab, when the clock struck 5 pm, signaling that that his last day at RVPD was officially over with.

The day had gone about as smoothly as someone leaving a job could hope for. That morning, some of his co-workers had led him to the break room where there had been cake and punch and a round of warm exit speeches.

He'd only been needed to collect evidence from the crime scene, but his replacement would be the one to process everything.

That, coupled with the night he had to look forward to with Iris, had Barry beaming.

He didn’t want to be insensitive to Patty, who he'd not bumped into once, or disrespectful to his colleagues, but he was more than ready to say goodbye to the place, and the city, that never should have become a second home to him.

He and Patty still had things to work out, but he was hoping that at least this part of their confrontations would be over for now. Perhaps having to be around each other every day, especially during high-stress situations, would give them both time to clear their head and approach things without as much tension.

As he neared the exit doors, he saw Captain Davis descending the stairs. His expression was leveled until he made eye contact with Barry. Clear as day, he saw his boss’s face turn downward into a frown.

“You okay, Captain?” Barry asked as he approached him. “Don’t be too sad that I’m leaving, okay?” He offered, attempting to lighten the mood.

The older man laughed softly. “Well, too late for that. You’re a great CSI. But we’ll make do.”

“I’m sure my replacement will be great.”

Silence followed on Davis’s end, concerning Barry. “Is everything okay, sir?”

“Actually, well,” he said, looking around the office space, which, though it was later, was still crawling with cops. “Can I talk to you for a minute in my office one last time?"

“Uh, yeah,” Barry said voice rigid.

* * *

* * *

  
“Please take a seat,” Davis said, as he rounded his desk.

Barry did as his boss instructed, looking waywardly around the room. The other man let out a slow breath and clasped his hands together on his desk.

“Now, you know I don’t meddle in my employee’s personal lives, but...”

Barry winced. There was only one circumstance that would call for that exact phrase. “Patty told you about our divorce," he said, knowingly.

Davis nodded.

Barry huffed and folded his arms.

“Now, don’t be upset with her. She didn’t offer up the information. I caught her in your lab the other night crying. Just bawling her eyes out.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah. She was really broken up. Asked her what was going on, and she told me about your marital problems. Didn’t go into detail, but I can tell she’s really torn up about it.”

Barry let out a constricted breath, pressing his eyes shut. “Yes, sir. Well, we.”

Davis threw his hands up. “As I said, it’s not my business. I will say, that your decision to leave makes sense now. I assumed you were happy here.”

“I was. I mean, I am. I just.”

“Again, it makes sense,” Davis cut in again. “Police work is high stakes. It’s dangerous enough without the added distraction of working with your ex. If you’re so sure that you’re not going to work out...whatever the issue is, it’s honestly best that one of you leave."

Barry nodded. "I agree.”

“That’s if...you’re 100 percent sure,” the older man added in a tone that made Barry believe that he knew more than he was letting on.

“Yeah, well—”

“Anyway, guess that all that’s left to do is thank you for your service. You’ve been an exemplary CSI for our department, and I wish you nothing but success in the future.”

“Thank you, sir,” Barry said, unable to scrounge up much more than that. He stood to leave. When he reached the door, he looked back at his soon-to-be former boss.

“Sir?”

The man, who’d already turned his attention to his computer looked back up. “Yes, Allen?”

“You said Patty was torn up?”

“Honestly, son,” he replied with a heavy sigh, “I’ve never seen anyone so grief-stricken before.”

Barry sighed, resigning his head back a few degrees. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“Oh, and sir? Is she off today or something I haven’t seen her.”

“Oh, I told her to take a couple of sick days, which, as you know she’s never done before. But she was pretty eager for the time off.”

Barry sighed again.“Again, thank you, sir.”

* * *

* * *

In the hallway, Barry let his weight fall back against the wall. He understood that heartbreak took different forms, but up until now, Patty had made sure to involve him her emotional breakdowns.

lt seemed that lashing out on him was therapeutic for her, which is why he’d done his best to bite his tongue when she was at her angriest.

The fact that he hadn’t seen her in a few days, or heard anything at all, had piqued his concern, but that was the nature of divorce. He had to admit, though, now knowing she’d apparently taken time off sent him into full on worry mode.

Their last encounter, when she’d led him to believe she was pregnant, had been less than cordial, so in a way it made sense, but this sudden silence was startling.

He exhaled, then pulled out his phone, and dialed her cell. The call went straight to voicemail. Her phone was off, but why? He then called their home phone. Still nothing.

He looked at the time. It was almost 5:30. Iris would be expecting him around six, which meant that he if left now, he had more than enough time to go check on Patty and get back to Iris.

And divorcing or not, it was the least he could do.

He thought for a moment about whether or not he should check in first with Iris, especially given how badly he’d messed things up before, but Iris had made it very clear that she wanted him to be sensitive to Patty's situation, not that he needed her to express that for him to do so.

But it was just a testament to the kind of person she was.

Surely, she would understand.

Moments later, Barry skid to a stop at the front door of the home he hadn’t been by in over two months.

He looked around to make sure no one had seen him. Just as he prepared to wiggle the knob free from the lock, he heard a door close behind him.

He glanced back over his shoulder, surprised to see Patty stepping out of a yellow taxi, a sole piece of luggage in hand.

She was dressed in a long, tan trench coat-type dress, and heels. Her blonde hair flowed over her shoulders in loose curls. She looked perfectly content, other than the look of confusion on her face as she walked up their driveway.

“Barry? What are you doing here?”

Embarrassed, he ran a hand down his neck. “I-um. Came to check on you. Davis told me you…kinda had a bad night the other night.”

Patty nodded, passing him to step up onto their porch. “I mean, my husband left me, I live in our dream house alone now,” she said, nonchalantly, as she searched into her bag for her house key. “So I think I’m allowed that.”

Unable to find her key, Patty turned, just in time to see his guilty expression melt away. She chuckled, obviously delighting at the awkward haze in the air. “You wouldn’t happen to have your copy of our house key, would you?”

“Nope. But I can go get it,” he offered.

“Oh, no, no. Knowing you, you might not come back,” she derided him. “Just do your speedster, knob swivel thing that you were about to do before I showed up.”

“Uh, yeah,” Barry said, face scrunched slightly. Even amidst spewing razor-sharp jabs, she was calmer than he’d seen her in a long time. Almost like the old Patty.

He stepped forwards, and vibrated his hand against the doorknob until the locking mechanism broke free. “I was only trying to break in because I thought you were hurt. You didn’t answer my calls.”

“Thanks,” she said, stepping into the home. “For the knob, and the welfare check, I suppose.”

Barry stepped back down into the spot she’d been standing, and started to speak, but cut off his train of thought.

She sat her luggage down onto the floor, behind the door, and removed her coat, giving way to a black high-waisted skirt, and tucked in white blouse. “Did you want to say something?” She asked as she draped her garment over her arm.

A beat passed, and Patty flexed her eyes at his continued silence.

“Oh, yeah, just that, I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me, but I am glad to see that you’re okay.”

Lips puckered, she nodded. “Okay. Now what?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve seen that I’m okay... Now what?”

“Um—“

“Oh!” Patty said, smacking herself against the forehead. "You couldn’t possibly have anything else to say to me. Forgot I’m not worthy.”

Barry’s jaw clenched tightly. By now, he knew that this was all an act, but he’d had it up to here with her combativeness. “Fuck, Patty. I’m trying to be civil, why can’t you-“

“Can you come inside?” Her voice was full of cheer, almost as if she hadn’t cut him off two seconds ago. 

“What?” He asked, befuddled.

“It might be late Spring, but there’s a nip in the air. Not everyone has lightning in their veins.”

“I can’t. I—have plans.”

“With Iris?”

“With Iris.” He breathed, jaw still clenched.

“Hmm. So let me get this straight. You came here to make sure I wasn’t dead or anything, but now that you know I’m not, you can’t give me a 10-minute conversation. Because of that woman?” She scoffed, continuing, “And you expect this divorce to go smoothly. What fucking world do you live in?”

It was then that Barry remembered that Patty still hadn’t signed their divorce papers. And though she didn’t formally threaten him, her words forewarned a lengthy, expensive court battle.

He grimaced at the thought of it.

"Nothing to say?"

“I tried to talk to you before things got this volatile, but you wouldn't have it. And you might be ready tonight, but I already have plans. And by the way,” he added, “I know you don’t like Iris, not that I expect you to, but if you knew her, and her heart, and our history, you wouldn’t feel like that. This is weighing on her just as much as it is me.”

“Oh, I know plenty about Iris,” Patty said, under her breath. Voice loud enough for Barry to hear, she continued, “Oh, I’m sure perfect Iris feels really bad about having sex with my husband.”

“God, why do you have to go there?”

“Better question: why do you feel that I have to like her?”

“I don’t. I mean.”

“Newsflash: Not everyone sees her through that weird ass lens you do.”

“What lens?”

“The ‘she’s so perfect, and can do no wrong’ lens.”

“How would you even know that? You’ve spent two minutes with her. Around her family, the people who know her best.”

Patty chuckled. _Haven't I?_ “Yeah, well considering she’s fucking my hus-“ she stopped herself mid-sentence, “I said I wasn’t going to do this," she said, shaking her head. "And I’m not. I’ve done enough of this. Contrary to what you’ve convinced yourself of, I don’t want to be the crazy ex-wife. I don’t even want to hate you. Or Iris for God’s sake! I just. I just want you to give a damn about me through this process.”

“I do give a damn about you, Patty. You just.”

“Am not your soulmate. Trust me, I got it,” she said, voice showing the first signs of trembling.”

He didn’t want to admit it, but it touched him. “But you do mean something to me. I handled this like a jackass, and I’m sorry. But it’s not a reflection of what you deserve, I promise you that. I just can't be that man for you."

He hated having to keep reinforcing the fact that there was no chance that he would ever willingly leave Iris, but he felt he had to, given the fact that every other sentence of hers was fishing for a crack in their relationship.

“I-I,” she said, wincing as the words flowed, “I know our marriage is over okay. I know you love her. A love that preceded me. But I need time. And I know speed is your thing, but I physically cannot sign those papers until I get closure.”

He stepped forwards. “How do I give you closure?”

“Well, since angry sex is off the table, I do recall that you offered me your friendship a couple of months ago. I’d like to cash in that coupon. Or has It expired?” She replied, just as snarky as before.

“You really want to be friends with me? After what I did?”

“What can I say? I don’t have many other friends. And divorce is a lonely endeavor.”

The causal hump of her shoulders pierced, even more, through the walls he had up. “I’m sorry you’ve been lonely.”

Patty pushed on. “And I know it’s unprecedented, but I think if couple…of future exes can make it work, it would be us.” She followed up her words with a jab to his ribs.

An easy playfulness, that he hadn't seen in a long time, oozed out of her gesture. It caused an unwilling chuckle to escape from Barry’s lips.

“Oh, so every aspect of me doesn’t detest you, huh?”

“You don’t detest me, Patty. And maybe my actions haven’t shone it, but I do care about you.”

“Enough not to skirt around my question?”

“O-kay,” he said, slowly. “We can be friends. But—“

“No more shit talking, Iris right?” Patty said, letting her weight fall against the door frame.

“None at all,” he said, voice stern.

“I bet you let her talk bad about me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.”

“Oh, so you take up for me?” She asked, a hopeful glint in her eye.

“No.”

Patty glowered at him.

“Iris has never given me a reason to.”

Patty nodded as if Barry’s revelation impressed her, but if it did, she didn’t express it audibly. Skipping past it, she said, “So, are you going to come inside? So we can have a proper talk?”

“Can I come by tomorrow?”

Patty yawned. “Not sure I’ll feel up to talking about this stuff tomorrow.”

Barry bit his lip, as his chance to move even a single inch closer to having this divorce finalized slipped further from his reach. “Okay, I’ll come in. But I can’t stay long,” he said, slanting a glance at the time on his phone.

Disbelief spread out over Patty’s face. Like she wasn't expecting to get this far. Gleefully, she stepped aside, allowing Barry ample room to enter the home they used to share. Though reluctant, Barry stepped through, hoping that he wasn’t making a big mistake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been awhile, but chapter 16 is finally here. A couple of things: This chapter was originally twice as long. I figured it was too much to digest in one setting, so I've split it in half. I'll upload the other half (which is now officially chapter 17) Saturday or Sunday, depending on when I have time. Oh, and get ready for Scott to make his return.
> 
> EDIT: Wow, I must say that this is the first chapter I've posted where no one has really guessed what's going to happen next. I kinda love this? I won't spoil, but I guess I will. Barry's not about to cheat on Iris or anything. In fact...it's quite the opposite.
> 
> Anyway, chapter 17 is coming tonight (and you'll find out what that is). Can't way to read your reaction to THAT.
> 
> Also, when I posted my incredibly error filled chapter (which I've tried to correct) it was like midnight. And I forgot to thank you for reading. Because as much as I enjoy writing these little stories, it wouldn't feel worth the effort if I didn't get feedback.
> 
> So, thanks for reading! :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Very interested in knowing what you think about this chapter! :)

Iris had just applied the second coat of nail polish to her toes when her phone, which was on the charger on the other side of the room, started to ring. She pushed herself up onto her feet, toes flared out like a duck’s, and with meticulous care, waddled her way to the phone.

By the time she’d made it over, she’d missed the call, which she then saw Barry had initiated. She picked up the phone to call him back, but he beat her to it.

Iris swiped the dialer screen to the right, then put him on speaker phone. “Hey, sorry I missed your call. My nails are wet.”

“Oh, you did your nails?” He asked, voice filled with dread.

 “Yeah,” Iris said, face turned up. “I also picked out a very special ‘after dinner’ outfit for the man I love,” she kept on, adoration returning to her tone. “Are you ready for our romantic evening?”

There was no immediate answer on his end, followed by a slow, churning, “Not quite.”

“What’s going on? Do you not want to spend the evening together?”

“Of course I do. I’m just going to be a little late,” he said, voice uncharacteristically low.

“Okay, well, why are you whispering?”

There was a pause in the conversation. She narrowed her gaze, overcome with unwelcome suspicion. Are you with Patty?” She barely raised her voice, but the implied accusation was deafening.

“Yes, but it’s not like that,” he said, attempting to head off this conflict.

“Then how is it?” She asked, hand perched on her hips as if he could see her.

“It’s a long story.”

“Well, I am all ears,” she said, an agonized frown marring her previously unlined face.

Barry’s heavy sigh, which only increased the agitation she already felt, preceded his recounting of events about how Captain Davis had thrown a wrench in his plans.

From her angle, his story seemed completely plausible. It didn’t make her feel better, though. Worse, the more he talked, the more she was overcome with another negative emotion: that malignant guilt that always festered in her stomach every time she met up with Barry or her told her how much he loved her. Through ever dinner, every kiss, and touch.

The guilt that came with falling for a man that was not hers.

“Please try to understand, it’s completely innocent. She just needs to talk things out,” is how he ended his explanation.

“Are you there, Iris?”

She’d zoned out somewhere in the middle. “Ye-yeah. I'm here,” she said, voice curt.

“If you want me to leave, I will. But...she told me she can’t sign the papers until she gets the closure she needs.”

_More like won't._

“Baby, please talk to me.”

Iris sighed, attempting to push down everything she was feeling. This was Barry, after all, the man she’d known for a lifetime. The man who, save for one mistake, had gone out of his way to show her how much she meant to him. The only person on the planet, besides her therapist, she’d confided in deeply about Scott, though not even he knew everything. There was no way he’d do anything to mess up their relationship.

“I’m here, Barry,” she said finally, voice tight. A beat later, she added,“I agree that you two should talk.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” she said, attempting to sound more believable. “You don’t want to deal with what Scott and I are dealing with. If you can talk things out, then you should.”

“That’s my plan. Are you mad at me?”

“I'm definitely not happy, but I understand.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I’ll be over as soon as possible, okay?

“Well.”

“Well what?”

“I also think,” she said, slowly, giving herself time enough to decide if this is what she actually meant, “is that we should postpone our romantic evening.”

“Why-why? I only need an hour. Two tops.”

Iris raised a brow, noting that he doubled his delay from one to two hours, then replied, “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Well, if that’s what you want, I won’t fight you. But, I will make this up to you, okay?"

“I know you will.”

“I love you,” he said, voice raised to its normal level. Probably his way of trying to quiet that nagging voice in her head that was trying to doubt his love or respect for her.

That he didn’t actually want to spend the night with her.

That anyone in the whole multiverse could ever compare to her.

“I love you too.”

“Now are you sure that you don’t want me to swing by later tonight?”

Iris considered the offer. Some time with Barry would be better than no time, but honestly, the mood was already ruined, given that his last day at the RVPD, the event that was supposed to bring him closer to her, and away from Patty, had someone turned into him having to split his time between them both.

“No,” she said with a sigh, “we can just start fresh tomorrow.”

Barry let out a breath, thankful that, given everything, she thought that they still had a tomorrow.

“Every tomorrow?”

The smile in his voice cut through her anger. “Every tomorrow,” she replied, her own mouth curling into a balky smile.

The effect he had on her.

“I’ll call you when I leave, okay?”

“You better,” she crooned, before hanging up the phone.

Iris directed a wistful glance over to her closet door, where she’d hung her attire for the evening. So much for their romantic date.

Once her toes were dry, Iris changed out of the bathrobe she was in, into some jeans and sneakers, then down the stairs with her laptop.

Barry might have ruined their date night, but she was not going to sit around and sulk. She still had two off days ahead of her, and she was determined to enjoy them.

One way or another.

Just as she made it to the front door, Cecile peeked her head out from the top of the stairs. “Oh, great. You’re still here!”

Iris turned towards the woman’s voice. “Yeah, Great," Iris said voice flat. “You need something?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” Cecile stepped down, revealing the blinding sequined mini-dress she was wearing. “What do you think?”

“Uh, you look A-MAZ-ing.”

“Yes!” The other woman clapped, further descending the stairs. “I’m gonna be the hottest mom/stepmom at the party.”

Iris chuckled. “What kind of party? And is my father going? Cause, he’s gonna have a heart attack if you’re looking this good without him.”

Cecile’s eyes sparkled at the compliment. “You think?” She said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.  

“Just…dead and gone.”

“Well, Mr. West doesn’t have to worry. Detective Monroe is having a big 70’s themed retirement party, and I guess he can be my date.”

 “Well, you look great. I’m sure you’ll both have a great time.”

“I hope so. Wait,” Cecile said, finally noticing Iris’s casual attire. “I thought you and Barry were…you know…hanging out tonight?"

“Not anymore. Something came up.”

“At his job?”

“No, today was his last day.”

“So it’s not case related,” Cecile said with a smile. “Or Patty related,” she said brows arched.

Iris took in a wispy breath. “I didn’t say that,” she said, aggravation rising back up.

“So, he is with Patty?”

“Yeah, but it’s not like that.”

“Please, I know that,” Cecile laughed. “That man is head over heels in love with you.”

Usually Iris would brush off those comments, but given that she was feeling a little insecure, having another person who’d observed Barry say those words felt good.

“Your love, his especially, is very loud and consuming.” Cecile continued. “I, personally, knew about you two before you to”  
ld me.”

This was news to Iris. “Really?”

Cecile nodded. “From that very first day, you two came home. Not to mention, you might have been gone for five years, but I’ve been here most of that time.. And I saw what you leaving did to Barry. He’s literally never been happier, in the time I’ve known him than he has been since you two reconnected.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. So don’t you worry. If I know Barry like I think I know him, he’s only doing what he feels he has to. They’re probably dealing with divorce stuff. It’s a long, hard process.”

“Trust me, I know.”

A sudden frown warped Cecile’s youthful features. “Oh honey. You’re going to get through this, I know it. Scott can’t—“

“Delay things forever, I know, I know.” She didn’t mean to cut Cecile off, but Scott Evans was the absolute last man she wanted to talk about right now.

“Well,” Cecile said, shifting the discussion, “Do you want to hang around here, eat dinner with us?”

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m going to head to Jitters.” Iris raised her laptop up. “Work on some pitches. Might as well do something productive.”

Cecile’s face lit up with approval. “Oh, so you are pushing forward with your writing?”

“Yeah, I think I'm finally ready.”

“That's really great. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks."

 

* * *

 

Iris West walked into Jitter’s just after 8 pm and headed straight for her favorite booth in the corner. Jitter’s stayed open until midnight, so she had plenty of time to brainstorm a few ideas before she had to head back home.

She still wasn’t quite sure that she wanted to return to Picture News, even on a freelance basis. Working with Linda again would be fun, but that place housed too many memories of her time with Scott.

With him, the good memories hurt just as much as the bad ones, for they were proof of the fact that he was capable of treating her with kindness and respect.

Despite the man he’d revealed himself to be over the years, their relationship wasn't always all bad. Scott was always a little intense, but she admired that part of him. As her boss, he encouraged her, and pushed her as a writer. And it had been through many late nights at the office that they’d formed a romantic bond, one Iris knew pushed the rules of ethics, everything considered.

But she didn’t know that man anymore. And she hadn’t for a very long time.

That aside, she knew that she did know that she wanted to write again, in some capacity.

The closest she’d gotten to it since Scott chased her away from it was, ironically, editing some of his pieces, or teaching the writing class at the Keystone Women’s Shelter.

But she needed to do more. To be more.

Thankfully, there was no shortage of things to write about. Now that she was free from his tyrannical control, she just had to find something to pique her interest.

Once seated, she opened her laptop and connected to the public wifi. One perk of working there was that she didn’t have to ask for the password, which changed bi-weekly.

She split her screen on one side, which she used to pull up her web browser, and used the other half for Microsoft Word.

Just then, the night-shift waitress approached her table. “You know, you’re the only employee who dares step foot here on her day off.”

Iris smiled. “Hey to you too, Maya. And yeah, well. Jitter’s coffee got me and my best friend,” as odd as it felt to call Barry that, because he was so much more now, “through High School and college. After that too,” she remembered fondly. “I guess it’s special to me.”

“Aww, you mean the tall, gangly dude who waits for you some nights to get off, right?”

Iris stifled a laugh. “Hey, he’s not that gangly! Anymore at least. But yeah. That’s him.”

Maya cocked her head to the side. “That’s so cool that you guys are still friends after all these years. My childhood bestie blocked me on Facebook.”

“Why?” Iris asked face scrunched.

“Hell if I know.”

“Don’t feel bad, my wife blocked me on all of her social media too,” called out a painfully familiar voice.

Eyes wide, Iris glanced past Maya, who’d also turned towards the voice. There stood Scott Evans.

Maya, who was unaware that this was Iris’s vaguely referenced ex, laughed. “Okay, you definitely win, sir.”

Scott flashed her a warm smile and extended his hand. “Scott.”

“Maya,” she said, shaking his hand in return.

Scott turned towards Iris. “Iris,” he nodded.

“Ooh, this is your friend?” Maya asked, looking from Scott to Iris. When she noticed the stoned expression on Iris’s face, she frowned. “Earth to iris.?”

“Yes,” Iris said weakly. It was the only answer she could jar loose.

The lines in Maya’s forehead told Iris she wasn’t wholly convinced, but she didn’t push any further.

Iris looked around. The café was crowded. Hoping to prevent causing a scene, Iris flashed her a buoyant smile. “Maya, do you mind taking care of another table first? I’m not quite ready to order yet.”

“No problem, Jake, that cute banker just walked in the doors,” she said, salivating over the prospect of a hefty tip, “I’ll be back shortly.”

Iris nodded meekly, angry at herself for not taking advantage of Maya’s presence. Now she was left to fend for herself, though she did take solace in the fact that they were in a public space.

Scott always did know how to play nice around others.

“Mind if I take a seat here?” Scott asked. He slanted a glance around the packed café. “There aren’t many other tables around.”

“Yes, I mind,” She said, voice scored with derision.

That didn’t deter him. Instead, he slid into the other side of the booth as if he hadn’t heard her.

A guttural scoff followed. “Still no respect for my boundaries, huh?”

“Hey, I come in peace, Iris,” he said, lifting his hands. Leaning forwards, voice low, “I never wanted any of this.”

“Peace, like when you burst into my hotel room?”

“That was purely reactionary. One day I had a wife, and the next she was gone, along with a chunk of our savings. Any man would have reacted the same way.”

“I can think of several men who wouldn’t.” Iris folded her arms across her chest.

Scott chuckled, a sinister glint migrating over the curls in his lips. It was gone just as fast. “One in particular, right?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Look. You’ve been in Central City three months, and it’s time to come home.

Iris folded her arms across her chest. “Central City is my home.”

“No, your home is with your husband in Keystone.”

“The law might recognize you as my husband, but you’re definitely not the man I thought I married. And by the way, we didn’t have a home. We had a place to live. Filled with lies and disrespect. And when I got a minute to myself, you crossed those boundaries too. Why the hell would I go back?”

Scott laughed. “It’s a shame that you stopped writing. No one can spin a story like Iris West. I’m not perfect, but you make it sound like I was about to hit you or something.”

Caution--to not let her anger consume her, to not tell Scott which corner of Hell he could go to, and most importantly, to not create a media storm slowed her response, before eventually replying:

 “I am well aware that words are your weapon of choice. Now, I am done here.”

Scott narrowed his gaze. “So this is where we’re at? I can’t get a single conversation?. You left me after one fucking argument.”

“One argument?” Her voice crescendoed with each syllable, inciting a glance from the couple at the nearest table to them. Returning to her inside voice, she continued, “You mean one argument that week? That day? That hour? Arguing is all our life had become.”

“Because you were ungrateful, and didn’t know your place. Just like now. You think you’re entitled to money that isn’t yours. And I’m letting you know right now--

“My PLACE?! Let me tell you something,” she said raising a finger.

“Ahem. Iris. Ready to order?”

Shocked, Iris turned towards Maya, who’d returned. She let her scowl melt into a weak smile. “Actually, Maya, I think I’m going to be heading out. But thank you.”

“Okay,” she said, still unsure of what she’d walked back in on. “And for you, Scott?”

“Just a cup of water will be fine, thank you.”

“Got it, coming right up.”

“Oh, water. Must need to quench your thirst?”

Scott laughed. “Wow, I’m thirsty? Me? I’m just a man trying to talk my wife, who’s trying to bleed me dry in court.”

“Me thinking I’m entitled to half of our money isn’t me—You know what, I am not doing this, you are not about to force me to talk to you,” Iris said, closing her laptop, and stuffing it into her computer bag. “Especially not in relation to our case.”

“I’m giving you a chance to drop our case!” Scott spit back in a hushed yell. “To come home, and talk to me. Hell, talk to me here. Just think about coming back. We can work through our bullshit.”

“I have no reason to drop a case that my attorney has assured me, I’d win.”

“Oh has he?”

“Mhmm,” Iris said, self-assured.

“Okay then,” he said, nodding lips pinched. “Don’t say I didn’t give you a chance to avoid this.”

“Oh, you’re threatening me again?”

“Not at all, baby girl. I just know that I have something that will persuade the judge in my favor.”

“Please,” Iris scoffed. “I was a damn good wife to you, for way longer than you deserved. So unless the judge is also a sexist asshole, I’m not worried.”

Iris slid to the edge of her booth.

“Good wives don’t have affairs,” Scott replied, slamming a large photograph unto the table.

Iris flopped back into her seat, mouth cocked open. Dhe tried to speak but was unable to make a coherent thought. Raging heat rose up to her cheeks, but not out of guilt or even embarrassment. She owed Scott absolutely nothing. It was fear and failure all wrapped up into one.

“Where did you get this?” She said, surveying the photo. This was the night that Barry had begged her to come home with him, but she’d declined. It was the dead of night, but the photo quality was crystal clear.

“I have eyes and ears everywhere. You should know that by now.”

Iris shook her head to herself. Extramarital affairs landed just under physical abuse on the list of things divorce judges didn’t tolerate. This was going to reflect negatively on her. A nervous laugh escaped from her throat. Her life really was a nightmare.

“I’m glad you think this is funny. I think it’s hilarious. I’m not even angry that you’re cheating on me. It’s been, what, almost 10 months since we had sex? And trust me, I’ve gotten my fill,” he smirked, “I’m angry that you picked this tall, skinny loser as my replacement. Like gotdamn. Where did you find him?"

Iris looked back up at Scott. Slight relief washed over her, though she didn’t express it outwardly. If Scott wasn’t naming the man by name, he might not have known it was Barry. Iris glanced back down at the photo just to be sure.

At least he wouldn’t be pulled into this mess.

“Oh, so now you’re speechless.”

Just then, Maya returned with Scott’s glass of water. “Water for one,” the young woman replied.

“Thank you so much, Maya,” he said, flashing her a charming smile. Iris was the only person in the world that new of the serpent that lived underneath.

The rock that sat in the place of his heart.

Alone again, Scott turned his attention back to Iris. “Oh, and Iris? I have plenty more photos of you and that string bean schmoozing it up, so you keep that one,” he said, tapping it with his fingers, before pulling ten dollar bill from his pocket.

Iris remained silent. What could she say? Scott had won. Again.

Satisfied that he’d achieved what he’d come here for, Scott stood from the booth. Iris knew that she shouldn’t give him the chance to shoot daggers at her, but she was not going to let the last image he saw of her this night be of some crestfallen woman. Pictures or not, she was much stronger than that. When she met his gaze, he was looking down at her, a wicked smirk on his face, as he stroked his beard.

“You know, the rule for moving on is to date up. Better than the man you had. A doctor. A lawyer. A Congressman. Hell, I wouldn’t even have been mad if you’d started thirsting after The Flash again. Deserving or not, at least he’s made a name for himself.”

He continued, “I mean, all that time writing him love letters disguised as news articles, and yet, you went for someone like…this. But then again, he would have had to want you in return. And I—“

“That is enough!” Iris said, voice elevated, drawing the attention of some of the patrons in Jitters, but she was far past the point of caring. “Take your picture, and get the fuck out of my face.”

“Oh, struck a nerve huh?” He laughed, then adjusted his jacket. “Don’t worry, I wish you’d gone that route too. That would’ve been one Flash story worth writing about.”

No sooner than he’d said those words, he was gone.

But only in body, for his parting words left a lasting impression on her. They introduced that same, nauseating uneasiness that preceded the last time she and Barry hung out as friends, four years ago.

She and Scott had been married for a year, and cracks in their relationship, which she’d been trying to ignore, were becoming painfully noticeable.

The headstrong personality that had made him a formidable editor didn’t translate well as a husband. Sure things were fine when he was happy, but when they argued, he handled her like he handled his employees. Listing off places he felt she didn’t measure up, and expecting her to comply, no questions asked.

Add in the fact that Keystone’s residents had been reporting more and more Flash sightings in the city, and things were becoming increasingly tense.  
Iris was The Flash’s main mouthpiece to the press in Central City, but she’d slowly phased out of writing about him. Which made sense, considering that Keystone was her home now. That the Flash had been popping up in Keystone so frequently, made Scott suspicious.

It was something that Iris should have anticipated, but it hadn’t crossed her mind. By that point, Barry wasn’t even visiting her as The Flash. Just as her friend. Even though Iris knew that she loved Barry as more than a friend, everything about the situation was completely innocent.

Well, everything but Scott’s motives.

She never did get proof, but she was almost 100 percent certain he’d hire someone to follow her around.

One day, she'd hoped to find proof of his communications with a PI, only to come across Scott’s browser history, which was filled with queries about The Flash. She first found searches like ‘where did The Flash come from’ and ‘who is the flash.’

Most of what he came across were articles written by her—information her and Barry agreed on printing publicly. As she searched deeper, however, she found things like ‘the flash’s weaknesses’ and ‘meta humans who’ve injured the flash.” Unfortunately, Scott returned back from lunch before she could finish scanning over the entire list. So she’d had to quickly close out of it, and pretend she hadn’t seen it.

The next time she was able to access his laptop without him being there, his history had been cleared. She never saw any queries about how to kill the flash or anything like that—and nothing she knew about Scott said he’d go that far, but she was never able to shake the dread she felt of learning the depth of his hatred of her best friend.

What followed was a weekend of her tireless editing every single possibly identifiable source of information about Barry from her articles that she could find. Anything that could possibly be pieced back to him. Some entire articles got trashed, just because her archive was too large, and she hadn’t the time.

At that time, she was still determined to make things work with Scott, though they had their problems. Flash hatred aside, he was the man she’d married. Besides, she was hoping that, over time, Scott would shed his skepticism about The Flash, so she could eventually let him in on the secret.

Until that happened, the only thing she could do to protect Barry was to put distance between them. Even after Iris got married, Barry was still a constant fixture in her life. They texted daily, talked on the phone weekly. They hung out when Iris was free, which was at least 3-4 times a month. 

Canceling on Barry, leaving him on read and dodging his phone calls had been the hardest thing she’d ever had to do. But what hurt more than anything was when Barry stopped calling in return. He’d held out way longer than she did, but eventually he gave up on trying to spend time with her. 

That Scott had hired someone to follow her again and she hadn’t had the slightest inkling, but more importantly, to know that all of that sacrifice would end up being for nothing, it made her feel sick.

It was only by a miracle that Barry hadn’t used any speed that night the PI snapped those photos. Or that his face had been mostly obstructed.God help them all if Scott ever found out that the man in the photos was not only Barry but The Flash.

“Whoever that guy was, he’s not worth your tears, girl. You already have one asshole you’re dealing with,” Maya said, returning to the table, napkin in hand.

Iris glanced back up at the other woman. Slowly, she raised her other hand and touched her tear-stained face. She’d been so deep into her thoughts, she hadn’t realized she was crying. “Thanks Maya, she sniffed,” retrieving the napkin from her hand.”

“You sure you don’t want to order anything? It’s on the house.”

“No, I’m good. Really.”

“Okay, well I’m here if you need me. She stuffed the money that Scott it into her pocket, and walked back out towards other customers.

With Maya gone, Iris saw her window to leave.

She stood, but that uncomfortable internal vibration that signaled vomiting was on the horizon, made itself known. Iris smacked a hand over her mouth and charged towards the bathroom. It was only a few feet away, but each step was absolutely agonizing. She made it into the stall only the skin of her teeth, expelling the entirety of what she’d eaten that day into the commode. When she rose, she ran a shaky hand over her mouth, and made a beeline for the sinks. 

Only a mouth full of vomit could make the hot, disgusting tap water at her disposal seem like a viable option. She rinsed her mouth until the taste of stomach acid subsided, though she knew she still had to clean herself up once she got home. Somehow, it only made her mouth taste worst.

The only thing that could make this moment any worse, was exactly what followed next: the ringing of her phone. Before she even pulled it out, she knew that it was Barry. He was probably calling her to let her know that he’d left Patty.

She shook her head in silence. Just a couple of hours ago, she was worried about him meeting up with his wife. Possibly rekindling what they'd had.

Now she had a whole new set of problems.

Not at all ready for this conversation, she resigned her gaze up towards the cheap fluorescent lights of the bathroom. She thought about not answering, hopefully, to prolong the inevitable, but that would only cause him to look for her. And given that the PI had been staked at her father’s home less than a week ago, it wasn’t safe for him to use his speed right now.

Or ever again, where she was concerned.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Barry lowered his phone from his ear. His face contorted into a frown. Iris had missed three calls in a row, which wouldn’t have worried him, but given her for talent for ignoring him when she was angry, it did.

He readied himself to dial her a fourth time, the hope that he was just assuming the worst, dwindling as he pressed each number.

Still nothing.

He stepped down off of his front porch, considering whether or not he’d do more harm by popping in on her at The West home when a text from her end came through.

“Not feeling well. Call you tomorrow-goodnight.”

Two choppy sentences, not denoted by a single emoji. Yeah, she was definitely pissed at him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. How had a day that started off nearly perfect end so badly?

His front door creaked open, cutting into his thoughts. He turned to see Patty standing in the doorway. “You’re still here?”

His eyes immediately shot to her cleavage, which was on full display in the nightgown she’d changed into. It was a stark change to the clothes that she’d worn during the duration of their talk. “Yeah,” he said voice rattled, “I was just leaving. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. This is your home.”

“Technically, yes. But-“

“Something wrong?” She cut in, brows arched.

“No.”

Patty tilted her head like she was trying to find the truth behind his eyes.

“What?”

“You don’t look like nothing’s wrong. Is this about Iris?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. It was a rather transparent lie, but his issues with Iris, real or imagined, were theirs alone to work through.

She frowned.

‘I’m really okay. About to head home now." He forced a weak smile, then prepared to speed off, but stopped when Patty spoke again.

“Wait.”

When he turned, Patty was drawing closer on the porch. It was a casual stride but given her attire, he felt it better if he put some space between them.

“Patty, it’s late,” he said, voice even as possible. The talk they’d had pushed them one single baby step forward on their path to an amicable divorce, only for their progress to set him and Iris back a number of steps he wouldn’t find out until he could talk to her.

And he wouldn’t let it be for nothing.

“I know, I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For?”

“For letting me say my peace. I still hate that it’s come to this, but it was nice to talk things out without screaming at each other. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt like I mattered to you.”

Barry lowered his head, more guilt bubbling through him. “I’m sorry,” he said, gaze returning up to her. “I never wanted you to feel like you didn’t matter. And yeah, it was nice to talk to the Patty I’ve known for two years again.”

“I know that. Now.” She followed her words with a cheerful smile, one that didn’t fit the mood in the atmosphere. It melted into one of an amorous nature. One that caught Barry off guard. Reaching up to stroke his face, she continued, “You can’t control who you fall for.”

Barry pressed his eyes shut, the frigid guilt burrowing its way deeper inside of him. Even after everything they'd been through, she still was holding out hope that he would come back to her. “No, you can’t,” he said, placing his hand over his own, before gently lowering it from his face. “But I should have been honest with you from the beginning.”

Nonchalance lived in the hump of her shoulders. “Yeah, well can’t change the past.”

“No, but I can try to do better in the future. Speaking of which, I’ll call you in a couple of days, okay?”

“Right,” Patty said, slightly crestfallen. “Got to schedule a meeting with the mediator. Get our finances and stuff order.” The attitude that he’d grown to associate with Patty returned to her voice, but not enough to set off his alarms.

“Yeah, but also…we’re friends, right?” He said, with a hint of a smile.

“Yeah...friends,” she smiled sadly.

Uncomfortable silence flowed between them. It was so hard to find that delicate balance between cordial and mortal enemies. Hopefully, things would get easier as time went on.

“Goodnight, Patty,” Barry said a beat later, before speeding off into the darkness.

“Goodnight, Bar...ry.’’

* * *

* * *

 

The next moment, Barry was laid flat in his bed, still dressed in his clothes, eyes fixed up towards the ceiling. Everything he knew about Iris—this new Iris, at least, told him that she was pissed at him.

And as much as he wanted to pop in on her, and explain just how necessary his talk with Patty had been, but also how much being away from her only made him miss their time together, he knew she wouldn’t appreciate that.

It wouldn’t matter that he had not the intentions of Scott, she would only interpret it as him overstepping the parameters she’d set for herself. And he didn’t want her to ever see him in the same light she saw Scott.

There was also the fact that he’d already betrayed her trust on a massive scale. She’d forgiven him, eventually, but not before he thought he’d almost lost her again. And he didn’t think that he was strong enough to go through that again, especially not after knowing the depth of her love for him, feeling her body on his, hearing her lustful cries.

If he wanted them to work, he had to proceed with caution.

Everything about their relationship was delicate, and not just in the sweet, romanticized way teenagers view love. Not that it wasn’t sweet or romantic, it was. But for as intense and pure as his love for Iris was, and always had been, it had never been enough to keep her with him.

It hadn’t been enough to keep her from marrying Scott, or even him from thinking he could build a life with Patty. And now, he had her, but they had real obstacles preventing them from nurturing that love into something solid. Sound. Permanent. Something he knew would be there, no matter what the future held. And as much as he wanted to say otherwise, he couldn’t say that he was yet sure of that.

God, he needed to talk to her so badly. That’s the only thing that could give him any sense of peace. He rolled over onto his side, and scooped his phone up, ready to call her up. But he stopped himself when he noticed how late it was.

She was probably already asleep.

He threw the phone back down, and returned to his spot on the bed, tears clouding his eyes. The only thing keeping him from not breaking down completely was remembering how sweetly she’d told him she loved him earlier on the phone. That they had a tomorrow together.

That was only a few hours ago. Perhaps he was overreacting. But then again, she'd canceled not only their night together, but their check-in phone call.

He sighed, accepting that the only option left was to get some sleep until sunrise. The mere thought inspired a strong yawn to overtake him. Then an even stronger one, a clear-cut signal that he was just as drained physically as he was emotionally.

Maybe sleep is what he needed.

* * *

* * *

 

It was barely two am when Barry woke a few hours later. He’d managed to quiet his conflicting emotions long enough to drift off, but his sleep hadn’t soothed him the way it would have, after a bad day out in the field.

Or some other minor problem.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, could quell the pain that festered inside of him when he and Iris weren’t on good terms. And now that he was awake, that same worry that had nearly consumed him, continued its journey throughout his body.

Needing something to distract him, he picked up his phone with the intent to pass the time on Facebook or some other mind-numbing site. But, to his surprise, a missed called from Iris, made less than 15 minutes ago, was sitting at the top of his notifications.

He shot up, his fingers racing to dial her back, only to be met with her dial tone. She’d left no corresponding text, telling him what she’d wanted, so maybe she’d fallen back asleep. Or, perhaps she hadn’t meant to call him.

None of that mattered at this moment. He was up on his feet, and outside of Iris’s bedroom before his phone even hit the surface of his bedside table.

Barry raised a gentle hand to her door and knocked so that he wouldn’t wake the rest of the floor. You could hear a pin drop in the West home this time of morning. He waited a moment, but there was no response on her end.

He thought about texting her, or calling again, but realized he’d left his phone back at STAR Labs. “Fuck,” he muttered quietly to himself, as he turned, preparing to head back to his place.

Just as her door left his line of vision, he saw the tiniest crack in it. One that widened once Iris saw that it was him. “Leaving so soon?” She asked, stood there, in fuzzy pajamas, still the image of absolute beauty.

“So you did mean to call?” He asked, a hopeful smile on his face, as he surveying the one lining her beautiful face. One that showed not the anger he was expecting.

“I did,” she nodded, in a way that suggested that wasn’t sure of her answer. Still, she stepped back, beckoning him inside.

Relief surged up through his body. He nearly tripped, as he accepted her invitation. Over the threshold, he closed the door. When he turned, the smile on her face that had given him momentary peace had cracked into one more pained. Even in the dim light of her room, he could see that she was dangerously close to crying.

He stepped towards her. “Iris, What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” She said surprise in her voice.

“You look sad.”

“Oh, I just have a lot on my mind,” she said, sniffling.

 _About us?_  “Do you want to talk about it?”

She started to speak but caught her tongue trapped the words somewhere between her teeth. A sharp head turn followed. “Nope,” she said, taking in a breath.

Barry scrunched up his face. “Are you sure?”

She nodded slowly.

“Then why’d you call me?”

“I missed you,” she said as if she wished she didn’t miss him. Like those words were in opposition with everything she felt on the inside.

If he didn’t miss her so much, he would have called her on it.

Before he could, she filled the silence with, “And I figured, you could come over and sleep with me.”

“Just sleep?” He asked, testing the energy between them.

“Yes,” she said, curt, stepping closer to him, though the way she slinked her hands inside of her jacket suggested she didn’t believe her own words.

He cocked his head, attempting to read her, but the “My father and his wife are two doors down,” as her hands worked tirelessly to remove him from his blazer caused his face to fall.

Their sex life may have been in its infancy, but now that he knew the full extent of what it meant to have her, and how unsure he’d been feeling, he craved that intimacy between them.

“What?”

“But I need you,” he said, uncaring at the sense of urgency in his voice. “I need you more than I’ve ever needed you.”

“Barr.” Her voice broke, and she tried to turn away from him.

“Please,” he said, pulling a firm hand around her waist.

* * *

* * *

 

 _Please_. Good God did that word, from this man she loved more than she knew she had the capacity to love anymore—especially after five years with Scott—slice through every single doomed version of their future she’d conjured up over the last few hours.

The one where they would never be happy, or safe. Where even when they had a private moment, she didn’t know if Scott would be on their trail or not.

Where just being in her proximity put Barry in danger.

 _Please._ So full of need, of longing, as his piercing green eyes threatened to look directly through her, into her soul. A please, accompanied by a pull that had her now pressed body to body against him. The force of which caused a sharp gasp to slip from her.

He took advantage of the part of her lips and leaned down to kiss her. Everything in her told her that she should pull away, but she just couldn't bring herself to.

How selfish, she thought, as his determined tongue pried her rigid lips further open, as he palmed the back of her head. With each lap of the tongue, her resolve to fight him weakened, and it was no time before her tongue had joined his, in a kiss too sweet to describe.

She wanted to laugh at the fact that she thought that she could spend one last night with him, but deny him physical contact. Deny herself of him, in every sense of the word. But she had not the ability to scrounge up the faintest laugh, now that Scott had popped back up in her life.

All this time in Central City, the threat of him returning to take what she had left of her life, loomed angrily in the air, but tonight’s meeting at Jitter’s confirmed to her that she would never be free of him, never safe enough to openly love Barry the way she wanted, or he needed. Which meant that he would never be free to be who he was around her.

Even then, in the earliest morning hours, as running, into danger, or anywhere that took him away from her, was the furthest thing on his mind, she could feel the rustle of electricity in his veins. It stirred quietly underneath the surface of his skin, ready for some outward stimuli to put all of that power to good use.

It was an inseparable part of him, ingrained just as much as his selflessness for those around him. It even reverberated through his vocal cords.

Like the godforsaken, “Please,” that had set her back ten steps.

She broke their kiss as if it would help give her strength she needed to walk away from him, a foolish thought if she’d ever had one. Hurting Barry in the past had tested her emotional fortitude in ways she been unprepared for, and still hadn’t recovered from.

This time would be no easier, but perhaps she thought that the strength she’d regained could be the variable in this difficult equation. But how could she be strong when the man who made her weak, in every single way, was standing in front of her, begging her to bed him, not just because his flesh ached for their union, but his heart did?

“God,” she said, tilting her head away from him. “We can’t do this here,” she drawled, as his hands slid down her body, outlining her curves. It was an excuse, a way out.

“Then come home with me,” he offered returning and open mouth to her ear, then slinking it down to her neck. “I need to be on top of you." Kiss. "Up under you…" Kiss. "Inside of you.” And it was those words which caused her legs to nearly give way.

“I need you to make love to me,” he pressed on in her silence, voice laden with pain, of which she wasn’t sure of the source. Probably her flippancy. Probably all the hurt and pain of the past, their issues in the present, and hints of an uncertain future all mixed together.

“Barry, please," she said, eyes pressed shut.

He brought a hand underneath a chin, forcing her to look at him. She bit her lip, returning his longing gaze, tears flowing freely from her eyes.

“And I need…” his voice gritted, “To know that you still love me,” he said, thumbing away the moisture from her face.

“Of, course I still love you,” she whimpered, unable to let that question float idly in the air. No matter what the future held for them, those were words that would always be true. “I love you more than anything.”

“Then why are you crying?” He asked, voice thick with concern.

“Why are you?” She said, noticing the sparkle in his own eyes, though his voice had long given away what he was feeling.

There was silence on his end, and she took it as a chance to escape. She stepped back from him, not actually expecting him to let her get away. Sure enough, he skipped past offering more pleas, instead opting to attack her mouth again, this time more ravenous than the time before.

Slow and methodically, he paced them back to her bed, her legs betraying her with each step. When she felt the side of the bed pressed against her from behind, she sighed.

There was nowhere else to go, but down.

Before she knew it, he had her on her back completely at his mercy, though the last will she had left to leave slipped away when the moonlight pouring in through her window mixed with the forest green sparkle of his eyes.

With a soft sigh, she relented, finally accepting that she needed him just as badly as he did her. “We have to be quiet,” she warned, though the look he directed at her told her that he knew those words were more for herself than him.

“I love you so much,” he said, a slight chuckle dancing in his voice. He didn’t give her time to respond, instead, pushing her shirt up past her breasts, leaving behind a trail of soft kisses up her stomach, and back down again.

She squirmed as he feasted on her flesh, the need for him to direct his kisses to a lower body part building more with each kiss. He slanted her a flirtatious glance, before tugging at the waistband of her pajamas. Her pants and panties were gone in a snap, the only thing covering her nakedness now, his ravishing tongue, lapping up and down her wet folds, sweeping up her juices with each procession.

“Oh, God,” she moaned, as she rocked her hips in sync with his motions. He’d only just started, but there was no way she’d be able to hold out like this —especially not when his own muffled moans rang out, as he licked her towards orgasm, her pleasure obviously fueling his own.

“Bar, Oh God, Bar,” she whined, but he was unrelenting. The more she cried, the stronger his suction on her clit became until she couldn’t hold out any longer, violently crossing that line of ecstasy, as the only thing that kept her in place was the firm grip he had on her thighs.

Her body shuddered from head to toe, her head still flopping wildly, as she crawled his way up her, reclaiming her mouth in his. She brought her hands up, palming the back of his head, as they kissed, immediately tasting his hard work, her juices, on his tongue, though it wasn’t nearly as prominent as the heavy bulge that rested on her thigh.

Iris slid her hand down, grazing it over his seam-popping erection, which he promptly ground into her palm. Still, she needed more. She brought her other hand down to undo his zipper, releasing his manhood from his pants at once, the tip of which was already slick with his pre-cum. She squeezed him gently, hoping to draw out more of it. His tongue slipped from her mouth, bringing an end to the sound of smacking mouths. Latched now onto her neck, forceful kisses along her collarbone muffled the groans emanating deep from within his core.

Even in his moment of need, his self-control was miles ahead of her own, as he thrust small circles into her open palm, keeping steady with her rhythm, but not exceeding it. “Need you,” he drawled, though, sometime later, like he was on the cusp of orgasming right into her hand.

“To?” She asked, knowing damn well what he needed, but absolutely loving the desperation, and longing in his voice.

“Fuck me,” he growled, louder this time.

She smiled, the urgency in his voice, cutting through her even more than the ‘please’ sometime earlier. She released him at once, for at this moment, she would be whatever he needed. His best friend, his lover, his everything.

If only she could be that for the rest of his life.

She pushed down her gloomy thoughts, and focused on them, this moment and his need. He looked down at her like he could see the brief shadow cast over her face before she refocused herself, but he didn’t say anything, for there was a more dire objective at hand. He rid himself of the rest of his clothes, and Iris took the moment to settle down back underneath him, parting her legs from him, a seductive smile replacing the look of uncertainty before. She smiled even larger when he returned to her, his strong hands pushing her thighs apart, wider, as wide as they could possibly go, then, dragged her body down further onto the bed.

Iris let out a squeal, not prepared for the forcefulness, but absolutely loving the way he handled her. Still, she couldn’t resist that “We have to be qu-,” that slipped only partially from her lips, before he slipped inside of her, no lead up.

She gasped, her body eagerly swallowing up every single inch of him, until he bottomed out. “Fuck,” she spit out, into the crook of his neck. In all of the years, she’d had to fantasize about fucking Barry she’d never anticipated him filling her up the way he did. And even now, the third time their bodies merged into one, she was still getting used to it.

“Hush,” he grunted, as he propped himself up above her, relishing at being inside of her again.

Iris pursed her lips but didn’t fight it, knowing she’d better save her energy for the task at hand, letting her lover fuck her until his heart ached no more until hers didn’t either. Slowly, he pulled himself out of her, the sensation of her ironclad grip on his cock, superseding his desire to chide her.

He pressed his eyes shut, just as tightly as his hands dug themselves into her thighs. She was so wet, wetter than he’d ever experienced before, and she’d absolutely soaked him the first time they’d made love.

“Gotdamn, Iris,” he moaned, as bucking his hips downward back into her. “So good, so good. So good.” Each one brought on a quicker thrust, that brought him closer and closer to the edge. One that threatened to make her lose every single ounce of control she had left.

“Yes, baby, fuck me, fuck” she moaned, into his shoulder, trying her best to keep from screaming his name at the top of her lungs. Not that it mattered, as creaks of her bed springs, trying to absorb the impact of their dalliance, had surely given them away.

“Barr-,” she moaned halfway out of her mind, but still cognitive of the fact they were in her father’s house.

“So close. So…got-damn…clooseeee,” he groaned knowingly, increasing the pace of his thrust until his body stalled inside of her, intense vibrations ricocheting from the base of his cock, pinging every single nerve in the region.

Iris caught up in her own pleasure, pulled him close to her, cradling him as he overflowed her cunt with his hot seed. And when his thrusts became just as erratic as his whimpers, she grazed her fingernails over the muscles in his back, hoping that this moment between them would create wonderful memories for him—and her—no matter what morning brought.

* * *

* * *

 

Iris’s 8:30 alarm clock jolted Barry awake. He leaned over, and hit the snooze button. He turned back towards where Iris was supposed to be, but frowned when he was met with an empty bed. He was halfway out the door before he remembered that this was not his home, and that he was half naked, memories from their passionate night flooding his brain.

He peeked out of the door, trying to gauge whether or not the bathroom would be clear, especially of Joe West. Having an affair with daughter of the man who’d raised him was one thing, but having sex with her in the room she grew up, while he slept two doors down, was a new level of bold.

He knew they'd crossed a line, but there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that could have kept him from Iris last night.

Barry smiled when he remembered that Joe and Cecile had an early call time at CCPN, which meant they'd probably just missed them. A short trip in and out of the bedroom preceded him, before dressing himself. When he made it to the kitchen, Iris was already downstairs, pouring herself a glass of OJ.

She was fully dressed, in athleisure—a black tank, and pink leggings which put the curves that drove him wild on full display. He crept up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. For a moment, her body was as malleable as hot putty, against his. He tightened his grip and kissed the side of her neck. “You know I could get used to this?”

“What?” She asked, adoration inflected in her tone.

“Our life together, once we have our own house. A nice passionate night, a private breakfast together?”

Iris sighed, causing Barry to frown.

"What?"

“It’s a little soon to be thinking about our own house, isn’t it?” she asked, easing herself out of his grasp. Once free, she headed around the counter to the toaster and removed two perfectly browned pieces of toast and sat them each on a plate.

“Not to me. I mean, you’re not allowed to make big purchases until after your divorce is finalized, but, yeah. After the wedding, of course.”

“Oh, did you propose or something?” Iris asked, digging around in the utility drawer for a butter knife.” Cause I missed that part.”

“Well, no, not yet. But I figured we’ve already done everything out of order. We could at least wait until after the divorces were finalized,” he said with a laugh.

She responded with a half-hearted chuckle.

“So, what are you plans for today?” He changed subjects, realizing she was clearly not amused.

“Well, I have some errands.”

“Great," he clapped. "I’ll join you. With my speed, we should be done early enough to—"

“No!” She screeched.

“Why?” He asked brows narrowed.

“I...don’t...know, actually.”

“Don’t you want to spend time together?” He asked, leaning over the counter.

She leaned back away from him, continuing to butter her bread.

“Don’t you?”

Iris sighed. “We spent plenty of time together last night.”

“And it was amazing." He said, tugging gently at her shirt. She smirked to herself, but refused to make eye contact.  "But I do value you outside of the bedroom, you know?” He stood up straight, then went to her, around the counter. "We could go to the movies, out to eat. We could go sit in the park for 10 hours, and I’d be content. Don’t you want to do that?”

Barry returned his hand to Iris’s waist, but she moved it.

He scoffed. “What is going on with you?”

She shifted, so she was facing him. “Why must something be going on with me? Just because I don’t want to drag you along to the bank and the dry cleaners?”

“Well, for starters, it's my first day back in Central City, full time, and you don’t seem to care.”

She sighed, then turned her attention to the half-peeled banana on the counter. “What do you want me to do? Throw you a party?” She asked as she started to chop it into little bite-sized pieces.

Confusion marred his face. “No, I just….you were pretty excited the other day.”

“Yeah, well.”

“Okay, what about tomorrow?” He offered.

“I kinda have somewhere to be.”

“Where? You have like a four-hour shift and you don’t have court this week.”

“Or at all.”

“Come again?”

“I’m dropping my case,” she said, voice muted.

“Why would you drop your case? Especially when you were so pumped?”

She humped her shoulders, conveniently pivoting away from him, as she answered, “Doesn’t really matter. I’ve already made my decision.”

“Yes it does,” he said, flashing to the spot in front of her.

“Must you use you speed even in the house?" she yelled, finger raised.

He scrunched up his face. "Wow, now my speed is bothering you? You really are pissed at me."

The look on his face softened the scowl on hers. "Barry, I'm sorry. I'm just really stressed out."

He simpered on her face for a moment, before replying, "Want to talk about it?"

“No, it doesn’t matter.”

“How can it not matter?” He asked, attempting to step into her. To comfort her through whatever was going on.

She sighed, cocking her head to the side.

“Answer me, Iris.”

“God, can you chill out for once in your life?”

“Chill out?!” He yelled, offense reverberating through every single syllable. “Maybe I could if you stopped playing ping pong with my heart.”

Iris let her weight fall back against the counter, arms folded across her chest. He couldn't tell whether she was angry, sad, or a little bit of both, but it infuriated him. She didn’t have to deal with whatever this was alone. She didn’t have to shut him out.

“You ignored my calls," he continued, "then sent me a two-sentence text. Then you called me hours later, and we had the most passionate sex we’ve had thus far--"

"Oh wow," Cecile said, making a u-turn out of the kitchen, horrified at what she'd walked in on.

Barry palmed his forehead in his hand. He hadn't even heard her come through the door.

"Cecile, wait," Iris called to her. Not exactly that distraction she needed to get out of this conversation, but dammit she would take what she could get.

"No, it's fine. I'll eat the lunch I forgot for dinner. I'll grab donuts or something for breakfast!" she yelled back, already half-way out of the door.

Iris sighed, lowering her head. "Barry, I have to go." She attempted to turn to leave, But stopped her.

"Not until you tell me what's going on with you. I barely keep up with your moods."

Iris rolled her eyes. “Excuse me for not having the same mood 24/7. It changes, just like everything else. I mean, look at you and Patty. You couldn’t talk civilly for months, but last night you did. And I assume it went well?”

Barry scoffed, incredulously. “So this  _is_ about my meeting with Patty?”

Since she clearly wasn’t about to leave without an unwanted fight, Iris turned back towards the counter and resumed working on their breakfast. It was all she could do to keep everything she was feeling inside, safe, where her problems with Scott didn't become his.

The silence between them was drowned out only by her frantic chopping.

“Iris, I had to talk to her,” he pushed on. “It’s the only way we’re ever going to be able to move forward with our divorce. And honestly, with how abruptly I left her, she deserved an evening to get her feelings out.”

“I know Barry, okay?” She said, though it had bothered her at the time. “That’s not what this is about.”

“Well then, why would you bring that up if you aren’t mad?”

“Because you don’t know how to let anything go! I know you love me, but I don’t want to talk through every single bad mood. Sometimes, I need space.”

“Space?” The word came out light a feather, like he was afraid putting weight to it, would make it real. “You need space from me? After what we shared?”

He was on the verge of tears, and she was glad that her back was to him.

“I need space…to think,” she said, as gently as she could. “You were right about me needing time to myself,” she added, hoping that would ease the blow.

“Bullshit.”

Iris grimaced.

“I had to beg you to take that weekend,” he started off, slow. “Two mornings ago, you were all over me. And Last night, you cannot tell me,” he said, voice breaking, "that what we shared wasn’t real.”

“It was definitely real,” she whined, “But… I have a lot going on right now.”

“And you think you can’t share it with me?” He asked, pressing his body against hers. His hands went to her waist, and his head rested on the back of her shoulder. “You can talk to me about anything.”

A harsh cry escaped Iris’s lips, as she stood there. Realizing her hands were shaking, she dropped the knife onto the cutting board, dropping her head right along with it.

“Baby, what is going on with you?” He asked, rubbing up and down the sides of her arms, before guiding her body around to his.

Eye to eye, he frowned when he saw the tears on her face glistening underneath the kitchen lights. “Talk to me, Iris.”

“I-I,” she said, attempting to think up an excuse. But all she came up with was, “I can’t.”

"Iris, please don’t do this. We’ve come so far,” he said, exasperated.  “And I don’t know if I can go- God, never mind. “Barry shook his head to himself, a nervous laugh dancing on his lips. He stepped back away from her, anger in his stance. “I shouldn’t have to tap into some deep emotional wounds or relive the hell you put me through for four fucking years, to get you to understand that your actions affect me. “

“Oh, Barr-“

“Don’t Barr me, right now,” he said, voice tight.

Iris choked back her sobs, which rippled out from her, over and over until she finally managed a thin, scraggly, “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want an apology! I want you to share with me whatever the hell has changed your attitude towards me in 12 hours. I just want to be close to you, Iris. ”

When she didn’t answer, he lowered his head, fiddling nervously with his fingers. “But it’s clear that you don’t want that,” he closed out, voice etched in pain.

 He gave her one final chance to open up to him, but her continued silence was the loudest answer she could have given him. He sighed, continuing to move backwards, further and further away from her, until she was left alone in the kitchen, and soon the house as well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy. Also, just because I listened to this song all day while writing this chapter, you should totally go listen to Fire on Fire by Sam Smith. His pipes are god-touched.
> 
> Edit: I know that most people read fanfic for sex scenes, but the more I write them, the more tiring I find them to construct, so I skip over them where I can. 
> 
> Edit number 2: I'm totally gonna fill in the sex scene because I enjoy torturing myself.


	19. Chapter 19

Barry trudged his way into Jitters around 10:00 am. He’d just missed the rush of the morning commuters, and it would be at least an hour before the lunch crowd started to congregate.

Usually, the prospect of wait-free caffeine and carbs would have excited him, but running, far and wide, hadn’t worked to ease his anxiety about his future with Iris, and he doubted this would either.

That didn’t change the fact that he still needed a quick caloric reboot. There were only a few patrons at various tables, so he walked right up to the counter to order his food directly. When he reached the counter, he offered his most disingenuous smile at the blonde barista

“Hi…Amanda,” he said, reading her name tag, “Can I get eight ham, egg and cheese croissants, a dozen oatmeal muffins and, uh,” he kept on, glancing up at the options on the wall, but not seeing anything that caught his eye, “whatever the largest, most sugary beverage on your secret menu is?”

Amanda blinked rapidly. “Ordering for your office?”

“Hmm? Why do you think that?”

“That’s a pretty large order.”

“Oh! Yeah. Definitely,” he said lying. “I do it so much, I forget…I guess.”

“How sweet. And your name?” The woman, asked as she leaned underneath the counter to retrieve a clear 46 oz cup.

“Barry Allen.”

Amanda had half-way written his name out on the cup before she looked back up at Barry. “Oh, you’re Iris’s friend’, right?” She said, fond recognition dancing in the air.

A harsh _depends on the hour_  whipped through his mind. “Yeah,” he answered outwardly,” lips pinched.

Even hearing her name out loud hurt right now.

Amanda smiled. “So nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh? Good things I hope.”

“Please, Iris gushes about you,” she said, as she input the rest of his order into the system.

A large, eye-reaching smile swept across his face. “Really?”

“Yeah. Almost like you walk on water or something.” Amanda playfully rolled her eyes.

Barry leaned over the counter, finally able to relax ever. At least a little. It was nice to know that Iris did indeed think highly of him. He pushed air from his lips. “Between us, if anyone is divine in nature, it’s her.”

“Wow. Cute and good with words. You should snag Iris up before one of her regulars do.”

Barry chuckled at first but then slanted her a concerned glance when her words fully registered. “Her regulars?” he asked, voice thin.

“Oh yeah. Iris has a lot of fans. She gets hit on left and right.”

Barry scoffed. Of course she did. “Doesn’t surprise me. She’s gorgeous,” he said, pulling his phone out.

Not a single text or phone call.

Amanda quirked her eyebrows like she was surprised by his candidness. “Yeah, but she never bites. It’s a shame…most of them are cute.”

Barry sighed, relieved. “Iris has always been more of a relationship type of girl.”  _I hope she still is._

“I get that vibe from her too. When Maya told me about that dude that met her here last night, I was hoping that would turn into something, but—

“Wait,” Barry said, correcting his posture. “Guy? Last night? She was here with someone last night?”

“Yeah,” Amanda said slowly, “Apparently, Iris came here to do some work on her laptop, and some guy showed up, got her all upset, and then left.”

Jaw clenched, Barry narrowed his eyes. So that’s what he was missing. “You wouldn’t happen to know his name would you?”

Amanda humped her shoulders. “Sorry, I don’t remember.” Turning away from Barry, she started to prep the croissant portion of his order. “Maya did mention that he was handsome, and dressed really, really nicely nice though. Had a perfectly manicured beard--” she continued, before turning back to the ghostly silence that flowed between them now.

Low and behold, the man was gone. Amanda leaned over the counter, looking around the nearly empty coffee shop to see where Barry had got off to, but he was nowhere in sight. She frowned until she looked down to see a hundred dollar bill sitting alone on the counter.

“Hmm, not the weirdest encounter I’ve had since I’ve started working here,” she said, before stuffing the money into the register.

** <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

Barry’s feet dug into the pavement as he zipped around cars of all makes and models, dodged civilians at crosswalks, and even teens who’d ditched school on bikes.

With each step, raging anger surged up through him.

Most of it was for Scott Evans, who would have been the absolute only man that Iris would hide meeting from him, and the only one who could upset her and impact their relationship to this degree. All things considered, he thought he’d been pretty cool about Scott up until this point, but this was the last straw. There was only so much he could tolerate where that man was concerned.

He didn’t know what their meeting had entailed, but he was now sure that it was the reason Iris had done a 180 on him. He also didn’t care. For there was nothing that Scott should have said to her, or done to her, that she should have felt she had to keep from him.

Their relationship, as rickety as it was, should have been stronger than that. They’d been through so much together, experienced so many new firsts together, but none of it seemed to be enough to grant him full access into her heart. That uncertainty is the reason why the rest of the anger that was coursing through him was reserved for Iris, as much as he didn’t want to feel that for her.

Barry skid to a stop on the front porch of the West home. He started to open the door, but his heart was racing, even for his standards. He took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, hoping to calm it.

Angry or not, his ultimate objective was to get her to open up to him, not have her push him further away, so he needed to compose himself before he confronted her, assuming she was even still home.

With each breath, he felt his bubbling anger subside ever so slightly. Just as he felt calm enough to enter the home, his phone vibrated. He whipped it out, hoping that maybe Iris had come around, but cringed when he saw Joe West’s name across the screen.

“Swing by the lab. Need to ask you something in person," read the text message displayed across his screen. Barry rolled his eyes. Joe’s timing couldn’t have been any worse if he tried.

He looked back at the door, wistful. He wondered whether or not he should make him wait, but figured it probably wouldn’t bode well for him. Slowly, he turned away from the door, and in the direction of the police station.

His talk with Iris could wait.

** <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

Barry walked through the doors of CCPD and made his way towards the lab he occupied for five years before he left for Romanville a year ago. As he walked through the building, he came across his old colleagues, who met him with warm smiles and small talk.

It was nice seeing old friends, but each consecutive conversation extended a two-minute walk, at regular speed, into a 20-minute reunion.

He was grateful by the time he made it to the stairs. If he could just make it up there, and down the hall, he could get to Joe, see what he wanted, then get back to Iris.

Just as he reached the top of the stairs, Captain Singh appeared. It took everything in him not to let out a loud, raging “fuck!” in the face of his old boss, which was probably for the best considering that he was wearing a nasty scowl.

“Who the hell let this civilian walk through my police department, unescorted?” Singh yelled when he laid eyes on Barry.

“Sir. I-”

Singh smiled. “Hey, you know I’m joking. It’s nice to see you back here, Allen.”

“Joking... right. Cause, you do that a lot,” Barry deadpanned. “Anyway, yeah, Joe asked me to stop by.”

“I figured that much. So, how’s married life treating you?”

Brief silence followed. “Well, actually, we’re getting divorced.”

“Ouch,” Singh sighed. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s unfortunate, but it’s for the best.”

Singh nodded. “Aye, it happens. Not everything is meant to last forever. Hang in there okay?”

“Will do,” Barry replied, voice muted.

“By the way, if you ever need a new job, we always have room for you on the force here,” he said, as he extended a hand to Barry.

“Thank you, sir,” Barry said, in return, as Singh passed him to descend the stairs.

Barry let out a deep breath, before approaching his old lab. Hopefully, Joe wasn't in a chatty mood, cause he sure as hell wasn’t.

When he pushed open the door, Joe was set at a desk in the corner, eating Big Belly Burger. Aggravation aside, the sight brought back fond memories of his time on the force.

“You still sneak away to eat lunch in my lab, huh?”

Joe humped his shoulders. “Not your lab anymore. It’s Julian's...when he’s here at least. But yeah, basically.” Joe wiped a napkin over his mouth, then gestured for Barry to take a seat.

“Everything okay?”

“With me? Everything’s great,” he said, as he took another bite of his hamburger.

“Oh? Well then. Why’d you ask me here?” Barry asked, trying to conceal the fact that he had no desire to be here right now.

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about possibly integrating The Flash’s support back into the department since you’re back. The tech that Cisco armed us with after you got married, has helped to curve the meta uprising in your absence, but...it hasn’t been as effective as your presence here. And the longer we drift away from your departure, the more crime is rising up again.”

Barry sighed, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

“Or have you decided to hang up your suit for good?” Joe asked, in his silence. “I mean, you’re not 25 anymore,” he chided.

“I’m 31, not 61, Joe,” Barry said, voice flat, inspiring a laugh from Joe’s end. He continued, “And I do plan to lend my help again,  but I can’t come back full time until I’ve phased out of the RVPD.”

Joe narrowed his gaze. “But I thought.”

“I  _am_  done there. As a CSI. But I promised Patty that I wouldn’t leave them high and dry until I, well Flash, spoke to Captain Davis.”

Joe nodded as he took a long sip from his drink.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s not a perfect solution, but.”

Joe waved away Barry’s apology. “Nothing in life will ever be perfect.

 _Tell me about it._  
  
"You’re just supposed to strive to do the best you can.”

“Mhmm. Well, I’ll keep you posted. On Flash and myself. I met Singh in the hall, and he offered me a position here. If I wanted it.”

“Oh, so you don’t have plans to bum it out here in STAR labs, forever?”

“You got jokes, old man,” Barry said with a wag of the finger. “But no, I just was trying to take things slowly, instead of diving into a new job so quickly from my old one.”

Lips pinched, Joe crumpled up his now empty sandwich wrapper, stuffed it into his fry container, and cleaned his hands on his unused napkin.

Barry sighed.

“What?”

“I know that look. But I have savings, and STAR labs is worth at least a couple of.”

Joe raised his hands. “Relax, Barr. I was joking about the bum thing. What I was actually wondering is if you used that rule for everything.”

Barry scrunched up his face. He really needed to get going, and this conversation was going absolutely nowhere.

“Rule?”

“Not leaving one situation, then jumping into another one. Is that just for your profession, or do you also apply that to your relationships?”

“What do you mean?" Barry asked, feigning obliviousness, though the way he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks probably gave him away.

Three months with Iris, and he’d mostly managed to skirt around directly talking about their relationship. Considering how careless he and Iris had been, he knew that Joe knew but both men had mostly preferred to let things go unspoken, unlike Iris and Cecile, who he knew talked deeply about their relationship.

It made things less awkward, which Barry had been grateful for. Guess that was over now.

Joe leaned forwards. “No, I’m done with the tiptoeing, and the secondhand info from my wife. I know about you and Iris. And I know that you know that I know, alright?”

“Okaayyy?" Barry said, curious as to where Joe was going with this.

“Now," Joe said hands clasped, "!hat are your intentions for my daughter?”

Barry laughed. “My intentions?”

“Yes, you think because I raised you that you’re not going to get grilled like any of her other suitors?” His voice was light, but Barry could tell that Joe meant every single word. Continuing, “I know what kind of man you are, but I also know that your situations aren’t cut and dry.”

Barry grimaced. “Joe.”

The older man raised a hand. “Emotions are running high right now for both of you. And I just want to make sure that you two, Iris especially, are sure about what you’re getting into before you end up too deep into this, and one of you get hurt.”

Barry slowly nodded.

"So?"

Barry did not have time for this right now. "Joe, look, I understand your concerns, but honestly, I think I'm just a little bit past the age of having to get my girlfriend's father's permission to date her.”

“Girlfriend,” Joe echoed him, before letting out an incredulous laugh. “You know, if you didn’t have a wife back at home, I might be inclined to agree,” he said voice now stern.

“A wife I’m divorcing. A wife I should have never married. A wife I left for Iris, the woman I’ve loved for twenty years. Is that what you want to hear?”

“I only want the truth, Barry. And for my daughter to have someone who loves and cherishes her. If you’re sure that’s you, then I’m all on board.”

“Well, I am sure, Joe,” Barry assured him. “If only she was.” He cut himself off. “Never mind.”

“No, tell me.”

“All due respect, this is awkward as hell already. I don't feel comfortable going deeper."

“Oh, so now you’re awkward? You were man enough to be real ‘grown’ in my house with my daughter last night,” Joe continued, as if the words burned on his tongue, “Now be man enough to talk to me before you mess things up.”

The embarrassment and slight fear of retaliation rising up in Barry faded away at that last phrase. He was doing everything he could not to fold underneath this interrogation, but “ Iris is the one who," slipped out before he could catch himself.

“The one what?” Joe asked, concerned. More silence followed on Barry’s end. Joe sighed. “Look, son, relationships aren’t easy when it’s just two people involved. And you and Iris have two extra people involved in your situation. I’ve been around a long time. I might have some advice for whatever caused your argument this morning.”

“Wait. this morning? How do you know that? Oh, Right. Cecile,” Barry said with a roll of the eyes. And there Barry thought that Cecile was the least-prying of the two.

“Yeah, told me she walked in on a pretty heated argument.”

“Yeah, she did. And we didn’t mean to be rude, but we didn’t know she’d come back.”

“She wasn’t mad or anything. She was concerned. She wants you two to work out. As do I.”

“I know you do. And I want the same thing. I just...don't know if Iris wants that..”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, she’s fought me every step of the way. And I get it, this situation is less than ideal, but I’ve done everything I can to show her how much she means to me, how no one else compares to her. And we finally got to a good place, at least I thought, but then this morning, she totally flipped the script on me. And now, she’s lying to me too.”

“About?”

“Scott.”

“Scott?” Joe’s bottom lip quirked.

“I thought she was upset because I had to meet with Patty about our divorce, but now I’m thinking it’s because of their secret meeting.”

“Wait, she met up with that asshole after all he’s put her through?”

“Yeah, one of her co-workers told me when went to go get breakfast. Apparently, he said something to upset her. Not that she told me what. She didn’t even mention that meeting at all.”

Joe shook his head, feeling his face growing hotter by the second. Maybe Barry should have kept this to himself. “Joe. You alright?”

“Hell no, I’m not alright! I know this," he said wagging his finger, "that that expensive suit wearing asshole better not ever let me see him again. Cause I’m going to beat his ass,” Joe said, considerably more angry than before.

“Trust me, I know the feeling,” Barry huffed. “She won’t let me get involved though. Cause I’d-”

“Well, I agree about that.”

“What? You agree?”

“You won’t be able to control yourself if you confront him. Not to mention, your powers put him at a disadvantage. It’s not even fair.”

“Well, I didn’t kill Reverse Flash," Barry argued. "And I’ve come face to face with him countless times.”

“All due respect,’ Joe said softly. “That was your mother. And as much as you loved her, Barry, it’s a different energy when it’s about a woman you’re  _involved_  with, one you love and want to protect. And if you love Iris like you say, and I believe, then you don’t need to be confronting Scott, unless he steps further out of line.”

“Great. So, I’m supposed to keep letting him get inside her head?”

“Hell no. She hasn’t even shared with me everything that went on. But-”

“Nor has she me,” Barry said, slightly salty. Not everything.

“But I know he’s caused her more than enough harm. If he comes back, I’ll deal with him myself.”

Barry ruminated over Joe’s words. Perhaps going after Scott wasn’t the best idea, considering the derision he felt for him. “Fine,” he finally said a beat later. “I’ll let you handle Scott.”

“Good.”

“But that still doesn’t help me and Iris. I don’t know how to move forward if she keeps shutting me out every other week.”

Barry was hoping for more reassurance, but it didn’t come. Instead, worried contemplating painted Joe's face.

“What?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t fight it. As long as she’s not in danger, let her deal with her emotions in her own time. She’ll eventually come around.”

“So I’m supposed to just let her push me away?”

Joe shook his head. “You’re supposed to not force her into something she’s not ready for yet. If that’s deeper emotional intimacy, then that’s what it is. Whether or not you let her need for space actually push you away or not is up to you,” he said, as he stood. “Now, my lunch break is over. I’ll see you later.”

Alone in the lab, Barry repeated Joe’s advice over and over and over inside of his mind. Each recounting made Barry’s throat burn with acid. He’d already been away from Iris for four years. Four. Long. Agonizing. Years. How would be survive being away from her after everything that had transpired between them romantically?

But then again, what choice did he have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said no more updates until the new year, but since I'm publishing this at 11:55 in my time zone, I guess I was wrong! This chapter doesn't push the story much farther, but I just wanted to leave the people who enjoy this story with one more chapter in 2018. Not to mention, I was reading back over my recent chapters, and I missed Joe's presence. So here we are. And It might 'just be fanfiction' but the support you've shown me means more than you know. I cherish each supportive or helpful comment or critique. Hope you enjoy, and have a happy New Year!


	20. Chapter 20

“I want our car.”

“Done.”

“And half of the joint savings accumulated during our marriage, which comes out to-” Patty said, inputting numbers into her calculator.

“9,981 dollars," Barry said. 

“Right.

"Done.”

“I want our house.”

“Done.”

“I also want half of the remainder of my CSI school loans paid off.”

“Done,” Barry said, making notes of Patty’s demands. “Anything else?”

“Yes.” Patty looked up from her notepad, hands clasped together. “I want half of STAR Labs’ net worth, which is sitting at around 3.4 million dollars. And that’s just for the frame of a building, and the land it’s sitting on. When I factor in the stocks and—“

“No.”

“No?”

“I can’t part with STAR Labs.”

Patty laughed. “What, you plan to live there forever?”

“No. I need it so I can resume my Flash duties in Central City.”

Patty glowered at her husband.

“AFTER, I transition out of the MVPD, course.”

Patty's face straightened. "You were The Flash here for over a year, without STAR Labs, or a team or any of that high-faluting nonsense, and you did just fine .”

"Only because it would have taken too much out of Cisco to breach here every time something happened. And I honestly can't tell you where the hell Caitlin is these days, but even if I could, world-class science facilities don't just fall into one's lap every day.

“The point is that you made it work.”

“But it was hell. On top of being in a new city, with unfamiliar metas, with unfamiliar powers, I had to usually run in blind. And how many close calls did I have?”

She paused, thinking back to their many, many dangerous days out in the field. “More than I like to think about.”

“That’s why I need my team back. The comms, the satellites, the—“

“Fine," she said, hand raised. "Get your team back. But find a buyer and sell your meeting space. Then use your half of the money, to find a new work station.

“I can’t, Patty.”

“Why?”

“I promised Cisco I’d let him buy it.”

“Great,” she said, eyes wide. “Let him. Then we’ll split the money.”

“But he won’t be able to afford it for a while.”

“And awhile is what…two-three months?”

“Years. Two to three years. Maybe more.”

“So I’m supposed to wait three plus years to get my half?”

Barry sighed.

“Well?”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not willing to part with STAR Labs yet without force.”

“You mean without a court order.”

Barry sighed. “A court order is the absolute last thing I want.”

“Well, someone has to compromise. And I’m not willing to bend on this, Barry.

“Patty—

“I need that money to rebuild my life. Fund a few frivolous vacations to go clear my head, and figure out how to move forward.”

Again, there was that guilt that loved to pop up during the most inopportune times. He sighed. “I understand that. And I want you to have that. You deserve that.”

“Thank you.”

“So, if money is what you want, then, I can give you money. You want all of our savings? Our investments? Our vacation home? Done.”

“All of that together isn’t even worth half of what my half of STAR Labs would be worth. Not to mention, maybe I don’t want to sell every single thing that links me to you.”

“But you want to sell STAR Labs to someone who’s gonna turn it into a parking lot or a stadium.”

“STAR Labs has no emotional value.”

“To you.”

“And it does to you?”

“STAR Labs changed my life. Good, bad and tragic. I’ll never be the same because of it, but it also made me who I am. If I’m going to sell it, I want it to be to Cisco. He lived through the same ordeal I did. He grew there, just like I did.”

“I get, and I am not trying to be insensitive, but I just don’t see another way. You said you wanted to do right by me.”

“And I do.”

“But you want to withhold a large percentage of our assets for three years.”

“That’s not what I want. But I need STAR Labs.”

Patty pursed her lip and slanted her gaze at the coffee table. She was obviously not going to be swayed like this.

“Maybe we do need a mediator," he said, running a hand through his hair. A beat later he stood. "I'll see if I can reschedule."

“Wait. Don't leave.” She placed her hand on top of his. “Let’s just take a break and cool off, okay? We knew this wasn’t going to be easy, right?”

“Yeah, but.”

Patty stood. “Please, I insist. I’ll make us some coffee, we can make small talk and clear our heads. Alright?”

Barry sighed. “Okay," he said, returning to his seat.

"Great," Patty said, jumping up from the table.

10 minutes later, Patty sat a piping hot cup of coffee down in front of Barry, in the big red mug that she’d gotten him during their first Christmas together as a couple.

He felt it odd that she’d serve him coffee in such a sentimental item, given everything that had happened between them, and even their spat a few minutes ago, but thought it best not to bring it up

She then took a seat adjacent to him at their kitchen table.

He smiled weakly, scooped the cup up to his mouth, and took a long, slow sip. He was hoping that the warmth of the liquid would sooth all that ailed him, if only for a moment, but his face turned up into a frown, as the ungodly amounts of sugar registered on his taste buds.

Patty frowned. “Something wrong??”

“Oh, no, um...I'm fine,” he said, attempting to not hurt her feelings, but this coffee honestly tasted like one part boiled mud, and three parts sugar. “New recipe?” He asked, keeping his voice as level as possible.

“Coconut sugar. It's healthier. You don’t like it?”

“No! It's...great."

Patty rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, you’ve lied to me enough, haven’t you?”

Barry looked up, awkward silence flowing between them, before Patty laughed, tongue caught between her teeth. “I’m just kidding.”

Barry let out a harsh chuckle. “Right.”

“Seriously, Barry.” She reached across and placed her hand on his. “Just a little divorce humor. Thought it’d be a good way to break the ice before we get back into the thick of the money talk.”

“Speaking of,” Barry said, pushing his cup down, and gently retracting his other hand. “I appreciate you for seeing me on such short notice.”

He still didn’t know what was going on with Iris, though he knew that if Scott was involved, it was nothing good.

But talking to Joe had given him a bit of perspective.

He could either let this phase she was going through negatively impact how he felt about her, or he could give her a little space until she was ready to open up to him. And given how many hurdles they’d jumped over to get this far, he was not going to let his emotions ruin things between them.

No matter how much his heart ached for her to just be honest with him, once and for all.  
  
In the meantime, he and Patty still had a divorce to settle. He didn’t know how long she’d be willing to cooperate, but he figured that getting it resolved as soon would up the chances of things getting wrapped up amicably, which would be best for all involved.

“It’s no problem,” Patty said. “I didn’t work today. And I’d rather we didn't waste money on a mediator if we didn’t have to.”

“Agreed.”

"Not to mention, it's nice to have you back in the house. Even if it's only an hour."

Barry nodded meekly.

“So, let’s get back into it. I know your schedule is probably packed.”

“Actually no—.” He stopped himself, abrupt. Patty was not the person to discuss his relationship problems with Iris, with. “I mean, yeah, you're right,” he said, correcting his bluff.

But Patty’s interest was already piqued.

“You know, you can talk to me if something is bothering you. We may be divorcing, and we may have hurt each other—though one of us more than the other—but I still love you, Barry.”

“Patty, please.”

She humped her shoulders. “It’s true. And no matter what has happened I just want you to know I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. That’s what friends are for.”

Barry swallowed the lump building in his throat. “Well, I appreciate that, thank you.”

Patty waited for him to reply, but nothing came. "Between us," she continued, poking the bear, "Somehow I feel like you need an ear to lean on more than I do. Which is saying a lot, considering…well,” she said, pushing her hair behind her ears. “Is everything okay with you?”

“Yeah. Just a little under the weather I think.”

“A speedster with a cold?” Patty smirked arms folded over her chest.

“Not a cold…no. Just.”

“It’s Iris, isn’t it," she blurted. "You’re already having trouble?”

“No. Why’d you think that?”

“Can’t help but notice you look like hell.”

“Well, thanks for that.”

“I’m sorry. You do. Like a toddler, who’s had every hope and dream dangled in front of him, just for it to be snatched away at the last second by a bully who doesn’t care about you, or value you…”

Abrupt, Barry scooted his chair back, lips pinched, and stood.

“Where are you going?” Patty asked.

“Home.” He said, back still turned.

“Why?”

“Why?" Barry asked, whipping back around. "Maybe because I came here today, a week earlier than our scheduled session, and without our mediator in tow, because I thought we could civilly untangle our assets. But all you wanna do is take pot shots at Iris.”

“That’s funny, I didn’t mention Iris. So—“

“Oh, Cut the bullshit! You can talk about me all day long, about how I’m a liar and a cheater. Or whatever. But I will not now, nor will I ever, tolerate you disrespecting her. She has been through enough." 

“So what, you really want to walk out on me, while we're dealing with our money?"

"I don't want to do anything. But I am not in the right headspace to deal with this right now. I thought I was, but I'm not."

"And you just expect me to fall in line once you are?"

"I don't expect anything. If this life of mine has taught me anything, it's that I should never expect any damn thing. And not just from you. From anyone." His words came out razor sharp, but he couldn't be bothered to care in his moment.

His entire life was a mess, and he was tired of having to suppress his emotions for the sake of others. And given that Patty had long stopped giving a damn about how her words hurt him, then, she was fair game.

"Fine then. Go. Ruin things all this progress we made."

“I've taken ownership of everything I did to you, Patty. Every lie, every secret. All of it. But this moment right here? I didn't ruin it. You did.”

With that, he was gone. And it was no sooner than she heard the slam of her front door that she tossed his now cold cup of coffee clean across the room. It hit the side of her fridge and shattered into a million pieces, but it wasn't nearly as loud as the raging, “FUCK!” that shot from her mouth.

No matter what she did, all Barry saw or thought about was Iris. Iris, Iris, Iris. That fucking bitch. "Why did I push him to go back home? I should have known he had feelings for her. God, it's so clear now, why he never spoke about her."

She sighed, looking around her empty home. This was not how this evening was supposed to go. They were supposed to talk through their problems, then maybe have a little dinner. And maybe, after she got him relaxed, she could get his guard down, and make him remember how great of a wife she was to him.

God knows she hadn't had a chance for him to remember since that woman had dug her claws into him.

"All that work for nothing," she said, eyeing her phone with disgust. She thought for a moment, then snatched it up, and dialed a number she knew she shouldn't.

There was no immediate answer. Angry, she slammed it down on her table, only for it to ring a moment later.

 “Didn’t I tell you not to call me anymore on my personal phone?" Said the deep voice on the other end. “I am in the middle of a court battle. "If my phone records get subpoenaed—“

Patty cut in, “I am a cop, who's well aware of the law, Scott. But we need to talk."

“I am busy right now.”

“Yeah, busy being ineffective.”

“Excuse me?”

“You were supposed to distract Iris so she withdrew from Barry, and we could get our relationships back on track."

"Is she not distracted?”

"How the hell am I supposed to know that? Barry cuts me off anytime I bring her up. And it's not like I can drop in on her in Central City. I don't have super—"Patty stopped herself, narrowly escaping revealing too much.

As angry as she was with Barry, she knew his secret identity was something that needed to be kept private. When she'd visited Scott in Keystone the week she was on sick leave, she'd soon realized that he wasn't aware of who Barry was.

And though she'd had no reason to not trust Scott, she wouldn't betray her husband's trust like that. Even if he'd betrayed her's.

"Super mind-reading capabilities," she corrected herself, "like some of these meta humans, So I don't know where her head is at."

"I haven't had any more contact with her. But all I I know is she was pretty shaken up when I left her."

“Well, a lot of good that's doing us. Whatever's going on has only made Barry gravitate more to her. He’s more up her ass than ever.”

"So, let me get this straight. Your inability to keep your husband around, even when they're at odds, is my fault?"

Patty chuckled. "You know, you're pretty arrogant for a man, whose wife hasn't been home in three months. At least I can get my husband to come by from time to time."

"Look," he sighed. "I do not have time for this. I gave her the photos of your husband, eating her face off on their front porch. Photos I paid for myself and didn’t ask you to contribute to. And she knows I won't hesitate to use them in court, effectively ruining her reputation, if she pushes through with her financial demands. _That_ is my only MO, right now. I'll worry about a damn relationship later."

"Yeah, well I AM worried about my relationship. Despite what he thinks, that's actually all I care about."

"And I'm supposed to do what about that? What the fuck else do you want from me?”

Patty sighed, letting out a slow, self-soothing breath. Finally replying,“Nothing at all, Mr. Evans. I’ll fix this myself.”

Scott chuckled. “If you think you can do better, By all means, Ms. Spivot.”

“That’s Spivot- _Allen_ ,” she spit back.

“And I don’t think I can do better," she said after the call was ended. "I know I can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, no Westallen. Please, nobody stone me. This is not the chapter I envisioned when I started this process, but it's the one needed to push my story forward, and start to tie up loose ends. I hope you enjoy. Chapter 21 will not take three weeks to be posted. I have it plotted out down to the T. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

  
Iris kicked off her heels by the door, and waddled over to the couch, wincing every time her swollen feet made contact with the hardwood floors. She sat her Rite Aid bag on the side table, then collapsed in the middle of the sofa. Finally, off of her feet, she moaned in delight.  
  
“I guess asking how your day went would be pretty pointless, huh?” Cecile, who was sat in the recliner near the stairs, asked, sarcastically.  
  
Iris raised up. “Hey, I didn’t think anyone was home.”

It was barely 2:30, though with the way her day had dragged on and on, it could have easily been midnight, and she wouldn’t have been surprised.  
  
“I got off early,” Cecile said, as she stood and walked over towards the couch. “And Joe’s gonna pick up little Joseph from daycare in about an hour and a half.”  
  
“Oh, okay.” Iris nodded, slinking over to one side of the couch, so that her step-mom could join her, even though she wasn’t in the mood for company, no matter how pleasant.  
  
But what choice did she have? Iris’s own home was in another city, with a man who cared for her even less than she’d thought. She couldn’t afford her own place yet, and after the papers, she filed today with her lawyer, God knows when she’d be able to.  
  
And Barry’s place, well, nothing good could come from giving in to her desires and going to him for comfort. They hadn’t spoken since he’d run out of her father’s kitchen yesterday morning. And she already missed him, craved him.

Neither fact changed that he didn’t need to be mixed up in her mess with Scott.

And until she dealt with him, if he could be dealt with at all, she needed to step off of their merry-go-round.  
  
“Now back to my original question,” Cecile said as she took a seat in the place Iris had been.  
  
Silence lingered between them until finally, Iris huffed. There was no getting out of this.

Sitting up, she turned towards Cecile.  
  
“For starters,” she said, starting at the easier end, “My lawyer thinks I’m an idiot.”  
  
Given that her divorce to Scott, and all of the complications it brought, all of the memories of him directing her every move, directly and indirectly, had induced a panic in her so fierce, she’d given up on her future, as a free woman, as a loved woman, it was foolish to label that as easy.  
  
But life was all about perspective.  
  
And compared to the can of worms her ill-timed admission to Barry had induced, Scott’s drama was easier. In the same way, a broken leg was easier to deal with than a spinal injury.  
  
Both hurt. Both would take time to heal. But one had the potential the break her permanently.

“Why?”  
  
Iris humped her shoulders. “Because I’m dropping my alimony request.”  
  
“Scott makes almost seven figures. You’ll be giving up nearly—“  
  
“5,000 dollars… a month.”  
  
Cecile swallowed. “Whoa."  
  
“Annnnd you think I’m stupid too.”  
  
Cecile shook her head. “I just want women to get what they’re owed, but there is nothing more important than your peace of mind. And I’m guessing that’s why you’re declining?”  
  
“Yeah.” It was at least partially true.  
  
“Then I support you.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Besides,” Cecile offered, “The lump sum you’ll get from your half of the savings incurred during your marriage should be more than enough to get you back on your feet.”  
  
Iris lowered her gaze, fiddling with her fingernails.  
  
Cecile pressed her eyes tight. “Please tell me you’re not leaving your savings on the table as well.” She asked, eyes still closed  
  
When no answered followed, Cecile opened her eyes and looked over to Iris, who refused to make eye contact.  
  
“I just want to be free of Scott,” she said to the air.  
  
“I get that, but you spent five years of your life with this man. You should come out of the marriage with something.”  
  
Iris pushed air through her lips, clearly done with this conversation.  
  
“Okay, okay,” Cecile said, hands up. “I’ll respect your decision, even though I don’t agree with it.”  
  
“And you’ll keep my decision between us?”  
  
“Of course, honey.” The older woman reached across and placed a hand on Iris’s knee.  
  
Iris tilted her head, unconvinced.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Dad too?”  
  
Cecile pursed her lips.  
  
“Thin walls,” Iris said, voice smug, knowing that she’d been the topic of many of her and her dad’s conversations.  
  
Cecile placed a hand on her hips “Speaking of thin walls if you truly want to keep your father out of your business, you and Barry need to be more discreet.“

Iris narrowed her gaze. "Discreet."

"Well, I should say, Quiet."  
  
“Oh God,” Iris bemoaned. “You heard us? Dad heard us?!”  
  
She nodded, teeth gritted. “Afraid so.”  
  
“Ugh. Now I have to find somewhere else to go.”  
  
“Don’t be silly.”  
  
“You don’t understand. Knowing about us is one thing, but hearing us? I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again.”  
  
“Iris, you’re adults. Your father might not like this development, but he understands love.”  
  
“Yeah. Doesn’t help at all."

"Trust me, your father isn't concerned about you and Barry's sex life. He'd definitely rather not get a play by play, but he only wants you to be happy."  
  
"Still not helping," Iris said, completely squicked out. “There goes our family dinners.”

“Well, he’s not here. And even if the thin walls hadn’t given you away, I did walk into a pretty heated argument the other day.”  
  
Iris pressed her hands on her forehead.  
  
“Barry seemed pretty upset.”  
  
“Mhmm.”  
  
“Want to talk about it?”  
  
“Nuh-uh.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Yes,” Iris said, though she wasn’t. Cecile filled that much-needed maternal role in her life. But if she couldn’t keep the mundane details of her affair completely from her father, there was no way she’d be able to keep this mess with Scott to herself.  
  
A moment passed before either spoke again.

“Well, I’ll just encourage you two to be safe,” Cecile said, scooting back on the couch. Before Iris could answer, her elbow knocked Iris’ bag onto the floor, causing the items to tumble out.  
  
And that’s when Iris remembered. “Uh.” Eyes wide Iris attempted to reach for the bag, but Cecile blocked her.  
  
“I got it.”  
  
Cecile scooped up the fallen items, which included a couple of bottles of ibuprofen, nail polish, cotton balls, and lastly, a single dose of Plan B.  
  
Cecile eyes naturally scanned the box, surprise decorating her face, before placing it back inside of the bag and handing it to Iris. Iris took the bag, then leaned back against the couch, hand over her face. She waited for Cecile to scold her, like a teenage girl who’d fallen in love for the first time and was making risky decisions.  
  
And what could have been riskier than sleeping with Barry, without any protection, just hours before she’d planned to break up with him? A breakup that she hadn’t even been able to go through with, but that still needed to happen because her life was a mess, and she wasn’t going to let her bad decisions affect him.  
  
Cecile didn’t push forward, though, which Iris desperately appreciated. Not that it mattered. The silence between them only increased the awkwardness she felt.  
  
“When I’m with him,” Iris started, voice low and unsteady, “He makes me feel safe and loved, and like nothing matters but us.”  
  
“People wait all their lives for a love like that, honey. It’s beautiful.”  
  
“Maybe so, but I am’ this’ close to losing control of every bit of my life. I don’t have room to be reckless like this, and I definitely can’t have a baby like this, Cecile. Barry is married. I am married.” Her voice collapsed under the weight of her admission.  
  
“I know, honey.” Cecile opened her arms. Iris immediately fell to them, savoring her comforting touch, as her step-mom stroked her hair.

“How did things get this bad?”  
  
“Love clouds your judgment.”  
  
Iris rolled her eyes. It makes you make stupid decisions. Ones that date back five years. Even stupider decisions that date back 36 hours.  
  
“Have you talked to Barry?”  
  
“Not since yesterday.”  
  
“Well, you should. Don’t bear this responsibility alone. I understand following your heart, but if you’re going to sleep with him, he needs to use protection.”  
  
Iris rose up, heat flooding her cheeks. “Oh, you mean that kind of talk.”  
  
“Of course you should talk out whatever problems you have, but I’m just talking about being safe. All the love in the world doesn’t change the fact that, though I know you’d be a great mother, this is not the time for you to get pregnant.”

"Trust me, I know."  
  
Each word Cecile spoke came out harsher than before. Iris got lost in her mild scolding, which was more directed at Barry, than her.  
  
“Cecile,” Iris said, finally. “It’s not Barry’s fault. Condoms didn’t even come up. We were both so emotional. And he was really deadest on…reconnecting.”  
  
Cecile chuckled. “Yeah, well, emotional or not, I’m going to need Mr. Flash to slow things down a little.”  
  
Iris couldn’t help but laugh. “Not you too.”  
  
“I love Barry. He knows that. And I love Barry for you—if that’s what you want—but he’s not my stepdaughter,” Cecile said, sweetly with a smile. “Though,” she continued, “I do hope one day he becomes my son-in-law. Then he can make all the babies he wants.”  
  
“Well.”  
  
“You don’t want kids?”  
  
“I—of course I do, if we make it that far. But..."  
  
“You’re trying to make it through the present.”  
  
“Literally one hour to the next,” Iris said, voice thin.

Cecile paused. “And you will," she said giving her a squeeze. "You may feel like you wasted five years, but what you actually did was survive five years. And you’re going to come out of this divorce stronger than you went in."

Iris teared up in response to Cecile's words of encouragement.  
  
“Now,” Cecile said, thumbing away her tears, “You said you haven’t talked to Barry since yesterday, right?”

“Yeah." Iris sat up.

“That’s, about 36 hours," she said counting her fingers. "Give or take. And you have to take this within 72 hours for this to work.”  
  
“Ugh, you’re right.”  
  
“So you get to that, and I'll find me a babysitter for tonight.”  
  
“Baby sitter?”  
  
“Yeah, Detective Monroe's retirement party is in a few hours, and I’m not wasting my sequined dress, or missing out on being the sexist mom at the party.”  
  
"I completely forgot I was supposed to babysit tonight.”  
  
“You have a lot going on. It’s okay.”  
  
“I can still do it.”  
  
“It’s okay. Plan B—not that I’ve ever needed it,” Cecile said, jabbing Iris slightly in the ribs, “can make you a little drowsy and a lotta nauseous. I don’t want to burden you with J2.”  
  
“He could never be a burden. I love him.”  
  
“I know, but I have a trusted sitter who watched him for me while you were in Keystone. I’ll call them, you can take care of your situation. And rest up, okay?”  
  
Iris let out a breath. “Thank you so much."

She couldn't have asked for a better step-mother.

  
  
*******************************************************************

Cecile ushered the man on her front porch inside of her home with a warm smile. “Thanks so much for coming on such notice.

“Well, I didn’t have any plans,” Barry said, regrettably, as he stepped through the threshold.

She recognized the implication and frowned. She hoped that Iris had taken her advice and at least texted him.

“Besides,” he kept on, “I haven’t spent much time with Joseph Jr. since I’ve been back. He was so young when I moved away and got married, he barely remembers me now.”

Cecile smiled warmly. “I’m sure he’ll like that,” she said, as she closed the door. Turning to face Barry, she said, “He already ate, so he really only needs a play buddy for a couple of hours before bed.”

“Gotcha.”

“Right now, he’s in our bedroom watching cartoons. I’m gonna go finish getting ready, and pry Joe out of the bathroom, then I’ll send him down, okay?”

“Sounds fine.” Barry took a seat on the couch.

Cecile shot him a thumbs up, then approached the stairs.

“Hey?”

“Yes, Barry?”

“Any reason you didn’t ask Iris?” He asked, attempting to get some insight on her whereabouts.

It had taken every bit of his willpower to not blow up the phone after their little tift the other morning—even after his talk with Joe, and his fight with Patty. Especially after his fight with Patty, and her revelation about wanting to sell and obtain half of STAR Labs Net Worth.

Iris was his comfort. Even when she added to his unrest. But if he wasn’t that for her, as much as that hurt him to consider, he had to put what she needed first.

And if that was space, then…

“Has she not spoken to you? At all?” Cecile asked, hopeful that she could maybe be the bridge that put them on the right track. But that was hard to do without all of the facts.

He shook his head. “Not since our fight, which you walked in on.”

Cecile grimaced, walking back over to Barry. “I only heard a little.”

“Has she talked to you?”

“A little bit. But you know Iris. She’s—“

“Withholding.”

Cecile nodded.

Barry sighed.

“She’s here,” Cecile said, voice low.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Upstairs. Asleep.”

“Why? Is she sick?”.

“No. She’s just tired. Dealing with woman things, you know.”

Barry nodded. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

“Well—” Cecile stopped herself. Iris’s trust was important to her. “No,” she said, adding quickly, “But I think it’ll mean more if you ask her yourself.”

Barry sighed. Cecile was right. She could have known every detail about what was going on with Iris, and it wouldn’t mean anything if she couldn’t tell him herself.

Their entire relationship had been marked with miscommunication. So many things gone unspoken. And as nice as it had been to hear Amanda tell him how Iris gushed about him at work, he needed to know that they were okay, from her mouth.

But more urgently, he needed to know just what was going on with her and Scott. The suspense was nearly killing him. He had more than enough power to protect Iris from whatever was going on with her husband, but with Iris, and now Joe too, encouraging him to not get involved, he felt completely powerless to help her.

And that was not an easy feeling to live with.

“Okay,” he said, clearly defeated.

“Oh, honey.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure things will be fine. You’re both going through a lot.”

Barry nodded. “Trust me, I know.”

“Speaking of, how are you doing?”

“I’ve had better days. Weeks, and months.”

“Patty?”

“Patty.”

“Oh.”

“She’s so hurt. I don’t even recognize who she is anymore.”

Cecile started to speak, but paused to gather the most delicate combination of her words.

"You can say what's on your mind," Barry beckoned.

Cecile nodded. “Is it possible that you never really knew her? You guys got engaged after eight months. And just like she never thought you were capable of cheating, maybe you never knew her long enough to really see how she wore grief.”

Barry thought for a moment. “Maybe," he said with a shrug. "And for the record...about the cheating..."

Cecile laughed. “I know, I know. Only with Iris. Cause...Iris...and heart eyes, and childhood, and and long, lingering gazes.”

Barry laughed . “Wow, are we that intense?”

“You two all are all up in my house. Couldn’t miss it if I wanted to," Cecile said, lightly. "As far as you and Patty, things will get better?"

“Maybe for her. But I made this mess..." 

“Maybe so, but no one deserves to suffer forever, Barry. Especially if they’ve done all they can to make things right.”

Barry smiled timidly.

“Anyway, Joe and I never get to go out, so we’ll be out until morning,” Cecile, said stealthily, as she headed back to the stairs, hoping Barry understood her implication.

He shot Cecile a look that told her he did indeed understand, and that he was grateful, then settled back onto the couch, wondering if some alone time would actually do them any good.

  
*******************************************************************

  
Iris stirred in her bed, slightly groggy, but feeling mostly well-rested. Thankfully, she'd only experienced some extreme drowsiness; nausea had bypassed her.

Her room was pitch black, aside from the streetlight pouring in through the window she’d forgotten to close before her nap.

That was a few hours ago.

She snapped up her phone, and looked at the time. “God,” she said aloud. “It’s 8. Pm.” She’d slept for almost six hours. It probably was due, in part, to the Plan-B, but Iris suspected it had something to do with the long list of unfinished business she had to take care of.

Scott’s threat might have curbed her request for alimony, but their divorce was still pushing forward, no matter how he was trying to stall. Their re-scheduled court date was in a couple of weeks. And given that she didn’t know what other tricks he had up his sleeve, or the next time he might pop in on her, she still needed to prepare for the unexpected.

Her stomach gurgled, and she placed a hand on it, realizing she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. Iris didn’t feel particularly hungry but felt it better to get some food in her system anyway since she had to work in the morning.

Especially since she needed her meager paycheck more than ever. Besides, she figured, as she rolled out of bed, pulled her sleep shirt down over her behind, and slipped into her slippers, she could take the time to check in on who Cecile had gotten to watch her little brother.

At the bottom of the stairs, Iris was met with the sight of her little Joseph sitting on the couch, watching cartoons. She smiled before it clicked that he was in the room, unattended.

“Where’s your sitter?” She asked, looking around the otherwise empty room.

The little boy pried his eyes away from the TV just long enough to point towards the kitchen.

Iris thought for a moment if she should pop in on them, but figured it would be best if she didn’t. Cecile said this was a trusted sitter, and she’d surely told them that Iris would probably stay upstairs most of the evening.

She didn’t want to startle them.

But then again, she did need to eat. She plopped a quick kiss on J2’s head, then stood and headed for the kitchen. She gasped when she saw Barry, fridge open, his cell phone pressed against his ear.

Her shock faded just as fast. Iris rolled her eyes. Of course, she should have known that Barry was the trusted sitter that Cecile had in tow.

Cecile wasn’t absolutely perfect for her father, for nothing.

Iris fiddled with her fingers, as she stood there, knowing she should high tail it across the living room, and back up the stairs, but she stopped herself. She’d never make it in time. He'd see her sneaking back upstairs, and he’d know that she’d come downstairs, saw him, and instantly retreated. Besides, though she hated to admit, the tone in his voice, which was low, and anguished, intrigued her.

“I’m sorry too,” he said, voice gruff, as he removed a pizza box from the fridge. He walked towards the corner, and Iris quickly backed away so he didn’t see her. “I don’t want to argue with you either…I do want you to be happy…But that doesn’t mean that I can part with STAR Labs. How many talks are we going to have to have before you sign the papers?”

_Oh. Patty._

Just the thought of that woman’s name inspired an uneasiness in Iris she still didn’t want to admit. It was guilt for contributing to the degeneration of her marriage, and envy that there was even a marriage between them to interfere with. And, even more regrettably, annoyance that she wouldn’t just let Barry go. But also sympathy, because she knew, infidelity or not, how hard giving him up must be. And lastly, irony—over the fact that she all that she was feeling could have been prevented if she’d been honest, so many years ago. Oh, and whatever word meant ‘has the man, but is pushing him away. ”Whatever word encompassed that, however, was directed at herself.

“Hello?” Barry continued, as he reached up into the cabinet for the paper plates, and piled it high with leftover pizza… Because you never answer my questions…” His voice dropped out, and he leaned over the counter, hand pressed against his forehead. “Because this is stressing me out! I am tired of going through this with you…and…never mind.” Barry stood up straight. “I have to go. Because this is a waste of time…and I’m babysitting....what baby? The baby you made up?!... God, I’m sorry...I know....Excuse me?... Well, then fine…whatever.”

With a harsh sigh, he lobbed his phone onto the counter as if it disgusted him.

It caused Iris to jump, slightly. She’d heard about how volatile his relationship with Patty had become, but she’d never seen in, live and in color.

Especially not from Barry’s end.

Though he told her everything she needed to know—like about him urging Patty to sign their divorce papers, and her declining—he tried to shield her from his drama, because she had so much of her own, as well as their shared drama, that hadn’t even reached its apex, thanks to her.

That had mostly worked for them, but Iris would be lying if she said she didn’t sometimes wonder about what they talked about, these days.

And though she knew she shouldn’t invade his privacy, she couldn’t pull herself away from him.

Not to mention, two days ago, she would have run over to comfort him, tell him how much she loved him, and that one day, they would be free from the demands of their previous relationships.

Two days ago, that would have been the truth.

Because Iris didn’t know if they—her especially—would ever be free from their marriages.

From the sound of their conversation, Patty was still stalling. And Iris, well, she was all too familiar with her own problems.

None of that stopped her legs from overriding her brain and moving towards him, slow and steady. She cursed herself, but it did nothing to halt her motion. As if he could sense her, Barry turned around before she reached him. He softened the scowl on his face when their eyes met.

“Iris.” It was mostly a greeting, partially a question. _How long had she been there? How much of that did she hear? Where did they go from here?_

Because giving her space was only possible when there was actually space between them. But now, with her standing feet away from him, looking effortlessly beautiful in just a T-shirt, and messy, bedtime hair, all of the things he wanted to say to her, the questions he needed to ask, were dangerously close to spilling from his lips.

“I just came to get some dinner,” she said before he could break. It felt silly justifying why she was in her own kitchen, in her own childhood home, but given everything, she felt she should offer him an explanation.

“Oh, of course,” he said. He stepped aside, giving her ample room to approach the fridge, without bumping into him.

Iris smiled weakly, and pushed her hair behind her ears, before walking further into the kitchen. She kept her eyes laser-focused on her destination, but she could feel Barry’s eyes burning a hole through her.

Iris opened the fridge in spite of that. The door blocked his gaze, and she sighed, relieved. Only to then feel his hands on her body resting innocently on her shoulders. She hadn’t seen the flash of lightning, nor had she felt the gush of wind, that had become synonymous with him but his speed was the only way he could have gotten to her this fast.

Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe she was so wrapped up on what her next move would be after she found her food that she hadn’t noticed the time passing.

Either way, he was here now. And she only had two options. Ask him to back away, or give in to what he—and she—needed.

This contact, this time together, wherever it led.

She glanced back over her shoulder at him, waiting for him to speak, but he didn’t. With each passing second, the tension in her shoulders melted away. And he took that tiny bit of leeway as his in, slowly lowering his hands to her hips, pivoting her body towards his.

She looked up at him. There was a storm brewing in his eyes. Holding his gaze was nearly impossible.

She couldn’t tell whether he was going to yell, cry, or scream.

He deserved to succumb to every emotion, and then some.

His eyes dipped from hers, and he brought his hand up to her neck, testing her response. Iris could feel her heartbeat quicken, but only for a moment, for little Joseph soon called out to him from the living room.

Jaw clenched, but voice light and friendly, he responded, “Yeah, buddy?”

“Cartoon gone. Bed time now!”

“Oh, right,” Barry said, turning away from her. “I’ll be right there in a sec, okay?”

“K!”

Turning back towards Iris, Barry’s feet remained planted in front of hers. She’d gathered her hands behind her back and was rocking back and forth on heels like a schoolgirl, waiting for her crush to kiss her, or tell her she was pretty.

“Come help me put little Joseph to bed.”

Iris blinked as if she wasn’t expecting those to be the words out of his mouth.

“Can’t you manage? Cecile said you babysat him before you moved.”

“I did. And I can,” he said, turning on the balls of his feet. “I just want you to come with me.” There was a flutter of flirtatiousness in his voice.

And that’s when Iris realized he was extending an olive branch.

This was a peace offering, a way to sail past the awkwardness lingering between them.

No need for tearful apologies, or exchanging more potentially hurtful words.

Just putting her brother to bed because, they were here now, in this space. Iris’s problems and their communication issues didn’t erase the three months they’d spent together, or the love they felt for each other.

It also didn’t erase their connection to little Joseph.

Putting him to bed should have been an easy, natural activity between them.

Iris would have been an idiot to turn it down. And maybe she was because she fixed her mouth to say no, but Barry’s lips were quicker, and on hers, before she could. It was a soft kiss, giving her time to object to it. She wanted to object, knew that she needed to, but his lips were just so soft against hers, and he smelled delightful, just like the pomegranate body wash she’d left in his bathroom at STAR Labs.

His lips left her mouth, and dipped down to her neck, freeing her up to ask for confirmation. “Mhmm,” is all he said, in between plopping kisses on her neck. “I missed you,” he offered once they parted, looking into her eyes in that way that melted her. She tilted her head, resisting the urge to let out the very loud, very piercing “aww” that wanted to escape her mouth, instead, bringing her hand to her heart.

“Gosh, you’re beautiful” he said, voice light and airy, like just looking upon her face knocked the wind out of him. It was absolutely impossible for her not to smile. It would have taken more willpower than she currently possessed. Probably just as much as it would have to deny him a second kiss, one that had his tongue plunging deep into her mouth, and his hands digging themselves underneath her thighs, lifting her up against the fridge.

The impact made a huge thud and rattled the cereal boxes that rested on top. Her legs wrapped around him, like his waist was their rightful resting place, just as her hands found his hair. Every part of him fit so well with every part of her, “Barr,” she breathed when she felt his hands dip underneath her ass, “J2.”

“Right.” A flash of lightning later, Iris was settled back on her feet. Before she could even process what happened, she was back in Barry’s arms, with him steadily attacking her neck, as he walked him towards the couch, as she held onto his neck for dear life.

She felt absolutely weightless with him, physically and emotionally. Like none of their problems existed with their bodies pressed together. But even as every logical part of her brain shut down underneath his kisses, she was still in control enough to chide him for speeding her brother up the stairs.

“He’s fine,” he said, dropping them both onto the couch. “He loves when I speed him around.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s Cecile who always nearly has a heart attack. But she’s not here, which is beneficial for more reasons than one,” he said, giving her ass a firm squeeze.

“Since when?” She asked, each syllable riding over the moan in her throat.

Barry sighed. She was just determined to interrupt what could be a great moment between them. “Used to do it all the time before I moved,” he said quickly, before pressing his lips back against hers. He’d learned the hard way that nothing good could from Iris overthinking. And whether it was Scott, his issues with Patty, or even her uncertainty about them, he was not about to let her ruin this moment between them.

When she enthusiastically returned his kiss, he couldn’t help but smile against her mouth. It didn’t matter to him that his life was falling apart, day by day, or that she held more power over him than was healthy. If he had her, he could get through anything. And right now, he had her in his lap, moaning ever so slightly, just from the friction his erection was creating against the seat of her panties.

Barry brought one hand up towards her center, thumbing her clit over the thin fabric. Iris groaned at the contact, but guided his hand away, slinking her way down his body. They’d already crossed the line of no return, and she couldn’t have turned him down now if she wanted to. And she definitely didn’t want to.

She wanted to make him feel good, to make him forget his problems. Sex was out of the question, but there was something she could do for him that didn’t involve her body. Just her mouth. He caught the glint in her eye, as she settled in between his knees, but he pulled her back up towards him.

“But,” she said, as her body rigidly allowed him to pull her back into his lap.

He silenced her with a kiss. He broke it only to release a commanding “ride me, babe.” Because much as he loved having her mouth wrapped around his length,riding him, for as long as her body would hold up, while he looked into her beautiful brown eyes, as she crossed that line of ecstasy, is what he needed.

He pressed his mouth against hers again. His kiss contained so much need, it made Iris dizzy. She hated what it took to get Barry to this point, but gotdamn did it have its benefits. With each lap of the tongue, she got lost deeper and deeper into his moment with him, losing the will to say no, moving further and further away from all of their problems with each passing second.

She wished they could stay like this. It would eventually wear on her body, but at least her heart could get a break. When he reached up to pull her panties down, she raised herself over him so he could slide them down her legs. With a toss, they were across the living room. With her luck, they’d landed indiscreetly on the lampshade, or on top of their family photos. Iris looked over Barry, attempting to locate them, but the vibrating hand, pressed against her lady parts made it hard to concentrate.

“You’re already so ready,” he said, voice husky, and layered with lust, dipping one finger inside of her. “Fuck, this pussy. It’s...Fuck.” He shook his head to himself, marveling over her body.

Barry’s words lacked the romantic sentiment she’d grown to associate with him, but, absurd as it may have been, Iris couldn’t help but run her hand through his hair, and simper on his face. There was blazing love in his eyes, mixed with a carnality that lit Iris on fire, from head to toe. It was that moment that she decided that, again, she was going to give him what he needed, and stop fooling herself, by saying this was all for him.

Slowly, she lowered her body over his, and returned her lips to his. Underneath her, she could feel Barry’s erection expanding against her, her need for him growing every second. She was growing antsy. It was now or never. When he reached for jeans, the loud zipping sound that accompanied the undoing of them, brought her back to the land of reason.

Iris broke the kiss. Barry attempted to fill in the gap. Iris leaned back, pushing a hand against his chest. “Wait. I can’t. I mean, we can’t do this. Not now.”

Iris said, climbing out of his lap. She pulled her shirt down to her knees and slid to the far end of the couch away from him.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s not a good time.”

Barry shook his head to himself, processing the rapid change in the atmosphere. “Okay," he said, slowly. His voice was much more leveled than his actual emotions.

Iris was sending him so many different signals, it made his head hurt, but he wasn’t strong enough to deny any bit of leeway she gave him, so unless she figured out what the hell she actually wanted, this was a headache he’d have for some time. “Cecile did mention that you were dealing with woman stuff.”

Iris scoffed. “I’ve got to stop talking to her,” she said, though she didn’t mean it in the slightest.

"She just cares."

"I know."

“So, is that’s what’s wrong?

Iris scoffed underneath her breath. “Something like that."

He relaxed ever so slightly. He’d rather deal with Iris’s woman things, over her flip-flopping emotions. “I didn’t...see any...umm...so, what kind of woman things?”

She ran an annoyed hand through her hair. “Preventing a pregnancy. Those types. Even though, we were two seconds away from ruining all of that effort.”

“Oh,” Barry said flatly, before the realization of what she meant brought out a deeper, drawn-out “Ohhhh. Wait. You mean?”

She shrugged, lips pinched. “Five years married, and not a single pregnancy scare. Three months with you, and I’m spending the little money I have on Plan B. I’m just the poster child for being a responsible adult, aren’t I?”

“We didn’t use a condom yesterday?”

“No condom, no pulling out. Basically everything two people our position can't afford to do.”

"Oh, I'm sorry baby."

"It''s not your fault. 

"Do you wanna be reimbursed?"

She shook her head. "50 dollars won't make or break me."

"I know, but I feel responsible." He hung his head in shame. "That's a lot of pressure to have on you."

"Really, it's fine." She flashed him a comforting smile. "And, I had a wonderful time."

He didn't return her smile, still fixated on the fact that she'd been worried about an unplanned pregnancy, on top of everything else she was dealing with.

"What's wrong?"

“God, I don’t even remember.”

“Good to know I’m forgettable,” Iris said, shooting him a cold glance.

He rolled his eyes in jest. “Please. The sex was life-changing. I couldn’t forget you if I wanted to. And God knows, sometimes I wish I cou—.” He stopped, abrupt, just short of the full of his statement, but the damage had been done. Iris had been joking before, but he heard the gasp, from her end of the couch, and his eyes landed on her face, just in time to see the offense that now decorated it. A sniff followed, which meant that tears were just under the surface.

“Babe, that’s not what I meant,” he said, scooting over to her. Before he reached her, she pushed herself up off the couch.

“Iris. Please. I didn’t—Well, Like, not about the sex.“

“Of course you didn’t mean about the sex! That's the only part of this relationship that works. It's the only time when we're not hurting each other, or talking about things that make us uncomfortable!? But we can’t even get that right, without being irresponsible. _You_ meant about _me._ You wanted to forget I ever existed.”

"Honey." He reached for her again. 

"And do you know what, Barry? I don't blame you one bit."

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo-hoo! WA are together again! Well, kind of? This is actually half of a chapter with an ungodly amount of words. Instead of struggling to revise the back half, and putting off my upload until Saturday, I decided to post half, and stop at a cliffhanger. More to come. Thanks for reading, lovelies! :)


	22. Chapter 22

 

Iris's hand barely made contact with the banister of the stairs before she felt Barry's hand scoop around her waist.  
  
Still trying to explain to her what he meant, Barry tried to guide her body towards his. She tensed, knowing she had even less willpower to resist his sad, puppy dog eyes, and wiggled herself free.

The force caused her to tumble. She grabbed the banister and scrambled to regain her balance. Iris actually made it up all of the stairs, without him tugging her back down.  
  
No sooner than her brain formed the thought, she was back in his arms. Him and his damn speed.  
  
“Barr, please," she pleaded, completely exasperated. “I cannot do this tonight.”  
  
“Then  _don’t_  do this.”  
  
With a loud huff, she turned to face him of her own volition.  Frown lines marred her beautiful face. And though he couldn’t’ see her heart, he knew it weighed a ton.  
  
She was dealing with so much of her own shit—which he’d just contributed to—and he didn’t want to make things worse, but how could they ever have anything if he was never able to insist she be real with him?  
  
But then again, she looked utterly exhausted. Like the weight of all of her problems, those he was aware of, and those he wasn’t, wasn't going to consume her.

He let out a resigned sigh.  
  
"Never mind," he said, unable to add to her load. "We'll talk about it in the morning.”

He took a step away from her.  
  
She looked like she wanted to speak, but didn’t.  
  
“Okay?”  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why?" he asked, annoyed.  
  
"I have a morning shift."  
  
"Okay, then after." He turned to leave.  
  
"No."  
  
"Then WHEN!?" He yelled a level of power in his voice he instantly regretted.  
  
She flinched, fear he'd never seen from her decorating her face, and took a step back, further down the second floor hallway. He attempted to walk into her, but she backed up even further.  
  
“Iris. I’m sorry—“  
  
"Shhhh!” Iris spit back as she took a peek into her little Joseph’s bedroom. When she saw that he was sound asleep, completely unaffected by the noise, she closed the door, and turned back to Barry. “And I don't want an apology. Not for this, or for what you said downstairs. I just want to go back to bed.”  
  
“And we  _can_  go to bed after you let me explain.”  
  
Iris scrunched up her face but didn’t have the energy to scold him for inviting himself into her bedroom. It was more than clear now that it was impossible for her to resist him, and she didn’t even yet know if her Plan B would get them out of the woods yet. Testing fate again so soon would be beyond stupid.  
  
“I’m not trying to have sex,” he said, noticing her hesitation. “I just want to hold you, alright. Make sure we’re good.”  
  
“I said it's fine,” she said, voice thin.  
  
“If it was fine, you wouldn’t have run away from me. If it was fine, we’d still be downstairs, probably watching some dumb movie together, while you pretended you haven't missed me as much as I've missed you."  
  
She glanced at him, but wouldn’t allow her rightful response to meet the air. Still, he saw the brief crack in her apathy and pulled her stiff body into his. Though reluctant, she allowed the proximity because everything absolutely was not fine. And because risky or not, his hands on her body always made her feel better.  
  
Slowly, Iris raised her arms around him and hugged him in return, her head against his chest.

He pressed his eyes shut, savoring a moment of peace. Before he knew it, he was rocking them in the place where they stood. "I love you, so so much," he croaked.  
  
“I love you too,” she said, without hesitation, face buried against in his chest.  
  
“And I’d never hurt your feelings on purpose.”  
  
Iris slanted a glance up to meet his eyes, which were red and glossy.  
  
“I know," she said voice barely above a whisper.  
  
“Then please,” Barry pleaded. “Let me explain. I don’t know where your head is at with us. I don’t know if you want me long term anymore.”  
  
_It’s not about wanting you._  
  
“But we were at least on our way to having a night without arguing. Please, can we have that?”  
  
“That’s the thing. I don’t ever want to argue with you,” she said still gazing up into his eyes. He looked so earnest, she knew that he’d never hurt her purposefully.  
  
“Then what do you want?” He slid his hand behind her head, at the base of her skull. “Other than sex, of course." He snuck the last part in with a flirty smirk.  
  
Tongue in between her teeth, she released a breath. He was so damn attractive when he was sure of himself. A beat later, slightly more composed. she continued, “I just want—.”T _o love you. To stop hurting you._ ” She stopped herself short and whipped away from him.  
  
“What?” He lurched forward. “What do you want? If it’s something I can give you, I will,” he said, voice serious.  
  
_For this to not be so hard. For you to understand. To be able to share with you what I’m going through._  
  
“Iris.”  
  
The need in his voice pulled her back towards him.  
  
“As long as it doesn’t involve me going back downstairs,” Barry replied before she could protest.  
  
Iris rolled her eyes, as a defiant smile swept over her face. She was such a lost cause with him.  
  
“Fine,” she said defeated. "You don’t have to go downstairs.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
She shook her head. “I’ll go.”  
  
His face dropped. “Iris please.”  
  
“—and get some snacks, then return to my room.”  
  
He paused, like he was unsure if she was messing with him, or not. He didn’t think she’d—purposefully—play with his emotions, but he was standing in the home he grew up in, having a lover’s spat with the love of his life.  
  
Any thing was possible.  
  
“And I’ll be where?”  
  
“Hopefully? In my bed.” She said, accepting that she would never be able to let this painfully persistent man go. No matter how much she needed to for her peace of mind.

“And when I’m there?” He pressed on.  
  
“You’ll eat…the snacks I bring back,” she said, patting him on the shoulder.  
  
When she tried to walk past him, he pulled her back into him. “Wait.”  
  
Iris tried and failed, to wiggle from his grasp.  
  
“No. Stay with me,” he whispered, pulling her closer.  
  
Iris laughed. “You just won’t leave well enough alone, will you?”  
  
Barry shook his head from side to side, before planting a soft kiss on her lips. “Can’t,” he said, breaking away. “You’re too beautiful.”  
  
Iris rolled her eyes around her head.  
  
“What? Oh wait, Beautiful is probably the wrong word,” he said, pushing a single tendril of hair out of her eyes. “I meant you’re too. Radiant. Gorgeous. Exquis—”  
  
Iris’s mouth was on his soon.

It was supposed to be a sweet, gentle kiss. One to shut him up. Or perhaps she was lying, to even herself.

Because things always went further than they should with Barry. It was just the nature of their relationship. This kiss, however chaste it started, morphed into one of a ravenous nature, that led to him walking her backward towards her bedroom.

  
  
*******************************************************************************

  
  
By the time they made it to the bed, with him going down first, every stitch of clothing between them was gone.  
  
Iris wasted no time taking hold of his manhood, and placing a sloppy kiss at the tip. He’d denied her right to pleasure him when they were downstairs, but she wouldn’t be told ‘no’ twice. Given the look in his eye, he had no desire to be a gentleman this time around anyway.

Between her bullshit, and whatever the hell Patty was doing to induce that kind of response she'd seen from him in the kitchen, he deserved a little attention. And she knew that he knew it.  
  
Propped himself up on his elbows, he watched intently as she slowly slinked his hardened member inside of her mouth, With a deep guttural groan, he threw his head back, when his cock hit the back of her throat, overtaken with pleasure, but also impressed by her ability to take him without gagging.

For the next half hour, she bobbed her head up and down. Down and up. Over and over, until he was ready to pop. She raised her head just in the knick of time to watch his face contort in pleasure, as he came furiously, in her hand, though if they'd been in the shower, she'd consider letting him release somewhere else.  
  
“Fu-fuck! God!” His hips thrust upwards, as Iris continued to pump him, through his orgasm. His movements became more uneven by the minute, his hot seed, sputtering out with decreasing urgency.

When he went quiet, she pressed a kiss to his midsection, then rose and walked over to the bathroom. Usually, she'd save cleanup for the end of their night, but given how fucked up everything was, this  _was_ the end. No matter how much she wanted to climb on top of him, and ride him until her body collapsed.  
  
She returned, all clean, a moment later, all of their discarded clothes in hand. Barry was sitting up now, discarding of the towel he’d used to clean himself with on the side of the bed. She threw her clothes his way, and he caught them but noticed he wasn’t in any hurry to put them on.  
  
And as much as Iris preferred to sleep naked, when Barry was around, tonight wasn’t a good time to have his manhood pressed in the crack of her ass while she slept, tempting her to throw caution to the wind. She slipped into her sleep shirt, hoping he’d take the hint that they were done for the night, then placed a leg on the bed, attempting to get in beside him, but he pulled her into him, digging his hands into her ass.  
  
“Barr,” she whined. “I only have so much willpower, you know,"  
  
He laughed, then sliding his hands up and down her sides, said, “I know we can't. But that doesn’t mean _I_ can’t.” There was a naughty glint in his eye that signaled what was to come next.  
  
With seamless fluidity, Barry guided her body up, up, up, until she was sitting in his chest. He trailed his hands up her outer thighs, and then higher, to push her shirt up over. He returned his hands to that ass he loved so much, and pushed her forwards until her pussy was in perfect alignment with the hungry, open mouth underneath her…

 

*******************************************************************************

  
  
Iris sighed of relief when she managed to wiggle from underneath Barry’s hold on her and scoot to the edge of the bed without waking him.  
  
They—well he’d— been asleep for hours, recovering from their deeds the night prior, which thankfully, hadn’t included any potentially baby-making activities.  
  
Iris, on the other hand, had dozed only briefly before her worries stopped infiltrating her nightmares, and bubbled over into her consciousness again. And once she was awake, getting back to sleep had been impossible.  
  
Her mind was consumed with how out of control her life had become. Not even being Barry’s arms could quiet her demons, which were growing louder and louder by the day. It also didn’t help that, though Barry seemed to be in a deep sleep, he had fought her unrelenting attempts to wiggle free from him.  
  
Every inch she managed to gain, he’d pulled back until finally, she’d gained her freedom. If she could only get out of bed, and across the room to her bath stuff, she could get up and get her day started.  
  
“Where you going?” Barry asked, in that groggy morning voice she loved so much. He extended a lazy arm in her direction.  
  
“Bathroom. I need to get ready for the day.”  
  
“Hmm. What time is it?”  
  
“4:38.”  
  
“And your shift starts when?”  
  
“6:30.”  
  
“So you can spare me more cuddle time.”  
  
“I could but.”  
  
“Come on,” he drawled, attempting to pull her body not just closer, but completely on top on his.  
  
She made no efforts to fight back, instead, mounting him willingly, as she let out an unconvincing, “baby no.”  
  
He laughed. “Oh, so I’m your baby again?” He asked, just as she settled on top of him.  
  
Iris let her head fall, attempting to hide the sheepish smile on her face.  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Despite my better judgment, yeah.”  
  
Barry let out a shifty laugh. “Damn.”  
  
“What?”

“You sure do know how to make a man feel special.”  
  
He’d spoken in jest, but Iris knew there was some level of truth to his words. Despite Barry taking up such a large part of her heart, she’d done a piss poor job of showing him just how important he was to her. Worse, she’d hurt him, and left him in this weird gray area, where he didn't know whether he was coming or going with her.  
  
More than once.  
  
Iris brought a hand to his face, cradling it in her half-lit room. “I'm sorry ” she said, sweetly, “I never wanted things to be like this. My life is just complicated.”  
  
He laughed incredulously.  
  
“Glad that you think it’s funny,” Iris said.

He couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but it didn't matter.  
  
“Sorry, but,” He said with a scoff as he pulled his up his body, still with her in his lap, so it was against the back of the headboard, “You’re ridiculous, do you know that?”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Aside from the fact that I’ve known you most of your life, and you’re literally on top of me right now,” he said, rubbing his hands up and down her legs, “as I explain what I shouldn’t have to, but will because your difficult ass is worth the effort, it’s that, my picture is next to the word complicated in the dictionary.”  
  
“Barr.”  
  
He cut her off. “So, if I won’t understand what you’re going through, then literally no one ever will. And I don’t mean that in the creepy, possessive way dickhead men tell women no one will ever love them if they leave them. Because you’re absolutely flawless, even with all of your gotdamn flaws. And you could have anyone you wanted."  
  
“Barry.”  
  
He pushed on. “I mean it in the way that you mean something when it’s true.”  
  
“Barry. I know tha—”  
  
The blare of his phone alarm overshadowed her voice. Someone, somewhere was in danger. Of fucking course they were. Anytime he and Iris made the smallest bit of progress, something always came up.

Knowing all too well what that sound meant, Iris climbed off of Barry.

Neither commented on the former line of conversation because there was nothing to say other than ‘I love you’ and ‘be careful out there.’  
  
Barry was gone in a flash, and Iris was left alone in her bed, but she would not ponder over everything that had transpired over the past two days. Hell, even the last two minutes. She'd become good at compartmentalizing her shit and now was not the time.  
  
She was, once again, a part of the working class, holding a job that paid only a small percentage of what she could be earning as a writer, but one she was incredibly grateful for. So she needed to redirect her energy so she could prepare for the next eight hours. After gathering her toiletries, Iris headed for the bathroom. Thankfully, she still had enough time to sneak in an hour-long soak before work.  
  
After the tub was filled with her favorite vanilla bubble bath, Iris lowered her body inside of the suds, and let out a soft sigh, savoring the way the bubbles coated her skin. The water temperature was just perfect, warm enough to wake her up, and create a lovely haze of warmth in the bathroom.  
  
Iris leaned her head back against the back of the tub, and pressed her eyes shut. Only once the serenity of her environment started to settle over her did she realize Barry had been gone for over ten minutes, which was a lifetime for one of his rescue missions.  
  
Her eyes popped open at once. Just as she pushed herself up out of the water, to go retrieve her phone and call him, she heard footprints approaching the door. Hoping that it was Barry, so her mind could rest, for literally five minutes, she called out to him. There was no answer. Worry overtook her when she remembered her little brother was three doors down, sound sleep. And if this was an intruder, they'd get to him first. She started to push herself out of the water, but as she did, Barry walked through the door.  
  
Iris let out a heavy sight, letting herself drop back into her bath. Her sudden movement displaced some of her water, but she couldn’t be bothered.  
  
“Nice to see you too,” Barry said, voice light, as he closed the door behind him.  
  
“Sorry, but you didn't answer me. I didn't know who was out there."  
  
“Sorry. Was just trying to be more mindful of the sleeping child on the floor.”  
  
Iris settled back further into her spot. “Well, I appreciate that,” she said closing her eyes again. “I definitely don’t need my brother telling mommy and daddy how Iris and uncle Barry were fighting all night.”  
  
Barry laughed. “Is that not the truth?”  
  
“Partially,” Iris said, eyes still closed, unable to contain the smile that spread across her face, cause they’d done much, much more than that.  
  
“I can see you, you know?”  
  
“Yeah, well everyone has problems,” Iris chided him.  
  
Barry sucked in a breath, clasping his hands together.

"What now?" Iris asked, knowing that he had more to say. He always did.

Barry cocked is head, even though she couldn't see him. “I’m just wondering, if you’re gonna invite me in or what?”  
  
With a sigh, Iris opened her eyes again. “Why waste my breath, you’re going to find your way in here anyway,” she laughed softly.  
  
Barry returned her smile, as he walked over to the tub. “Only if you’d said yes.”  
  
“Mhmm, Romeo,” she said, not in the mood to fight with him.  
  
In a flash of light, he’d stripped himself naked. After easing himself behind her, Iris finally, let her weight fall back against him. He wrapped his arms around her body at once.  
  
Their conversation didn’t immediately resume.  
  
There were still so many words unsaid between them. There was still and uncertainty in the air, regarding their future together, if they would ever even have one. And yet, nothing in the world felt more right than this position they were currently in.  
  
Barry perched behind Iris, her head resting on his chest, while his fingertips roamed lightly over her body. She couldn’t tell if his gestures were erotic in nature, or if these moments with him were just still so new, but his presence had definitely changed the mood in the atmosphere.

Her mind traveled back over the past couple of months. All of the sexual adventures they'd gone on in such a short time. All the ways Barry made her scream in pleasure. All the ways his body ached for hers.

“I’m sorry I was so reckless,” Barry said, breaking the silence.  
  
Iris turned her head, snapped completely away from her moment of fantasizing. “Reckless?”  
  
“Urging you to have sex, but not being diligent about protection.”  
  
“Oh. It’s.”  
  
“It’s not fine,” he said, voice stern. “I don’t ever want to be insensitive about your reproductive health. Especially right now. I couldn’t live with myself if I put you through something like that while we’re going through divorces.”  
  
Iris turned and reached her water-soaked hand up to his face. “I appreciate you for caring." He pressed his head deeper into her palm, for a moment; Iris kissed his cheek before releasing him. Turning back to her previous position, Iris laid her head back against his chest, turned more inward than before.  
  
“Can I ask you something?” Barry asked, grazing his fingers over her arms.  
  
“Mhmm,” Iris replied, absently.  
  
“If you hadn’t gotten the Plan B, and—”  
  
“No.” Her voice was sharp.  
  
“No?”  
  
“Never. I could never.”  
  
Barry didn’t push forward, but Iris, very clearly heard the sigh of relief he released. Knowing how delicate of a topic this was, considering their own broken families, Iris changed the subject once he had the peace of mind he needed.  
  
“I have a question."  
  
“Shoot.”  
  
“Do you regret leaving your wife?”  
  
Barry’s breath caught. This was definitely not the direction he thought Iris was going to take the conversation in.  
  
“It’s okay if you do,” Iris said, filling his silence. “I-  
  
‘I don’t,” he cut in.

"Not at all?"

He sighed. “I hate I let things go on as long as they did. I regret lying to and leading her on. I even regret cheating. But no, I don’t regret leaving. Even if me and you don’t work out, my marriage with Patty was based on half-hearted love and lies. It's better if it ends now.”  
  
Iris nodded, taking in Barry’s soothing words.  
  
“Why do you ask?”  
  
“Because the little glimpse I saw of you two, you seemed so happy.”  
  
“We were happy. Mostly.”  
  
“That’s what I thought.”  
  
“But it’s because we were living a life based on half-truths. If we’d just had one, real conversation, we would have never made it past a few dates. I was so eager to have someone to love me, I rushed our engagement. And Patty, she was so eager to have this fairytale life she didn’t have growing up, she ignored all of the warning signs, of which I’m sure there were many.”  
  
He continued, “Even though things hurt right now, it will be better once we’re officially divorced. Then she can focus on her future, and finding someone who loves her as she deserves.”  
  
When Barry didn’t follow up with what he would focus on, in turn, Iris wanted to pry further. It wasn’t a coincidence that he didn’t offer her his vision, but if he was purposefully being withholding, maybe he was trying to protect her.

As if he could sense the words dancing on her tongue, he slid her hair over to one side of her shoulder and placed a kiss on her neck.  
  
“I don’t want to live like that ever again,” he continued, attempting to gently break the ice. His relationship with Patty, even as it was ending, was weighing on him, and probably would for some time. He couldn’t continue this ordeal with Iris if her heart wasn’t completely in it. It would kill him, but he would somehow find the strength to walk away from her if it meant she would be happy.  
  
“I understand, Barry. And you shouldn’t. You deserve better than that.”  
  
He scoffed. “I don’t know what I deserve anymore. But I do know what I want, and that’s you." He paused. "But only if you want me in return.”

She turned to him in the tub, so they were face to face. Barry could see that Iris was about to dodge his question, so he brought a finger up to her lips to quiet her. It made Iris catch her bottom lip up in her teeth, as the longing in his eyes threatened to break her.  
  
“Do you want me?" He asked. "And by that I mean, you and me together, completely honest, no secrets,” he added, thinking back to the fact that he knew she’d met with Scott in secret, at least once.  
  
Iris tensed up. He knew she wasn’t ready for this but this suspense was absolutely killing him. Knowing what he knew about her now, he expected her to storm away from him, or find an excuse to leave. Instead, her eyes promptly watered, which she tried to hide, by lowering her head.  
  
“I can’t give everything.” He pushed on in her silence. "I’ll meet you over halfway. 60, 70, even 80 percent. But you have to give me something. Anything. I’ll work with it.”  
  
Iris breathed deeply, overcome with anxiety. “I don’t want for you to give everything. I also don’t want to hurt you anymore.”  
  
“You don’t have to. All you have to do is talk to me. Why can’t you do that?”

She attempted to start up again, but the words wouldn’t come out. He pressed a loving hand on her shoulder. “You are safe with me.”  
  
“I know. I've never felt safer. I’m just… so used to holding things in,” she sobbed. “Being completely open scares the fuck out of me. I couldn't be open in my marriage."

The words weighed a ton, but they felt good to release.   
  
“I know, honey. I know. But I am not him, okay?  
  
“I know, but. God, I can’t”  
  
“No, don’t run, please.” She retreated even further from him, but he pulled her back, sloshing what was left of their water, and held her close. “I know healing is uncomfortable, but you will be better for it.”  
  
Her continued silence brought tears to his eyes. Clutching her body close to his, as close as physically possible, he held her as she sobbed into his chest, from the depth of her gut. And it was in that moment that he realized how much deeper this ran than just him and their relationship.

Something was just eating her up inside. Something she felt she had to face alone. It killed him to see her like this.  
  
“You know, I haven’t been completely honest either," he said, stroking the back of her head. Maybe he if started things off, she'd feel more comfortable.  
  
“I don’t blame you. I don’t deserve full disclosure," she whined.  
  
“You deserve the fucking world, Iris,” he replied voice croaked. “But there is something I need to get off my chest. Can I do that?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"And after that, you’ll talk to me?" He asked. “Alright?” He continued, voice raised slightly. She had to give him something.  
  
“Okay," she said slowly, hoping she'd be able to actually honor that.

“What I said last night," he began, treading lightly, "About wanting to forget you, I meant it.”

Continuing, he added, quickly, “But I only meant that not having you in my life, made life not worth living for me."  
  
“Oh, Barry,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorr—.”  
  
“Please let me finish. I need to say this.” Barry reached down to her hand.  
  
"Okay,” Iris said, voice pained, allowing his fingers to interlock with hers.  
  
“I tried my best to adjust to our new dynamic when you moved away with Scott. As hard as it was, I tried to not make what I thought was unrequited love your problem. But then things changed. Lunch dates got pushed back. Movie nights were canceled. And when you started dodging my calls altogether, I just figured that didn’t matter to you as I thought.”  
  
“There isn’t anyone I’ve ever known that has ever mattered to me as much as you," Iris replied, voice choked.  
  
"Do you really mean that?"  
  
She nodded, tears trickling down her face.  
  
“Well, at the time it didn’t feel that way. I said otherwise but honestly, I was angry with you for a long time. More than angry, actually. I was pissed off because I thought that I’d been a great friend to you in return."  
  
“Barr, you were the best friend ever.”  
  
“Granted,” he kept on, because he’d been holding this in for the years, and with everything going on in his life, if he didn’t release something, he’d explode, “My perception was colored by the fact that I had been hopelessly in love with you since we were kids. And Even though I didn’t know you had romantic feelings back then, I thought our friendship was ironclad”

“Did you know that even when we were kids?”  
  
“Hell yeah. When I was getting bullied, you made life tolerable. I still remember how you used to dare boys nearly two feet taller than you to even look at me wrong. Do you remember those days?”  
  
“Of course I do,” Iris said a fond smile creeping across her face.  
  
“I bet they do too. You were barely four feet tall, but so damn feisty. Not unlike now. Being with you,” he continued, “was like having my own personal security.”  
  
Iris scoffed at the irony. “If only they could see you now.”

“What? Pouring my heart out in a bubble bath?”

“No. This big, strong, powerful hero you are. They’d shit their pants.”  
  
Barry chuckled. "I’ve seen them. Even rescued some of them. And I’d be lying if it didn’t feel like the biggest payback by the universe.”  
  
“Well, you deserve it. The universe has been pretty cruel to all of us, but you especially,” she said, easing more and more into this conversation.  
  
“Tell me about it," he said, voice incredibly thin. Iris tilted her head just in time to see the tremble across Barry’s lips.  
  
"My heart," he said, voice wobbly, "was completely shattered after my mom died. I wanted to die."  
  
"I remember."  
  
"But I didn't...because of you. You helped me breathe, from hour to hour. On my darkest days, my solace was your shoulder, or your bedroom floor, when I couldn’t sleep alone. Or the notes you snuck me in class when you’d see me staring off into space."  
  
Iris reached over and thumbed his tears away from his face. He brought his hand up, placing it over her own.  
  
“Do you know I still have one of those notes?”  
  
Iris pursed her lips. “You lie.”  
  
“It was the day of our eight’s grade graduation. Mrs. Nelson was going on and on about our future, and how important this next step with us would be. And I was so deep inside of my own head, thinking about how I wouldn't have either of my parents to watch me walk across the stage. And I'm sure she just thought that I was nervous about leaving our little safety nest. But, you all the way from the other side of the class, knew what I was feeling. Do you remember what the note said?"

"I think so."  
  
"Look up tonight, instead of out, when they call your name…

“That’s where your mom will be." Iris completed his sentence.  
  
He nodded his head.

"I'm not sure if I have that emotional depth today at 31, but you were only 13 years old. I'm sure Patty thought I was just being dramatic when I said I wouldn't have survived without you, but every word of it was true."  
  
She pressed her hand to her heart, before the latter part of his statement registered.

“You've talked about me with Patty?"  
  
"Now? Yeah. More than she'd like,” he said rolling his eyes. “But not enough when it counted. Before we got married. If I had, there never would have been a marriage at all."  
  
Iris grew silent. There was so much about him and Patty that intrigued her, but so much she was afraid to find out.

“Now,” Barry said, gently nudging her up from his chest. “Are you ready to talk to me?”

“No.”

“Iris.”

“You asked for honesty,” she said, pushing her body up out of the tub. Barry reached for her out of impulse but retracted his hand when he saw she her take a seat onto the side of it. “And I’m not. “ She grabbed a towel to cover he nakedness. In doing so she caught Barry’s gaze below her.

If looks could kill, she would have died on the spot. And it’s not because of the anger in his eyes, but because of the pain.

“But after what you just shared with me…I always knew that I hurt you…but…God…I’ve thought all this time that it was worth it. But obviously…I’ve been doing more harm than good…I’ve messed everything up.”

Barry rose to his knees, took Iris’s hands in his. “What? What’s wrong? What’s this about?” He asked.

“Sc—Scott.” Her voice came out loud and piercing. With all of the weight of a deeply guarded secret, shrouded with years and years of pain. She swallowed hard, in order to push down every bit of fear and uncertainty their marriage had instilled in her. “It’s all about Scot

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to hold this until the weekend, but I figured Valentines day was a good time to publish this chapter. As always, thanks for reading! Can't wait to read your thoughts!
> 
> Edit: I don't usually delete comments, even critical ones. But if the ONLY time you comment is to offer negativity, I'm going to delete them. Thanks. :)


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